This is the chapter you all have been waiting for! Well, sort of. But anyways, it's the chapter of the surgery, so everyone buckle up and try not to hurt anyone around you. Here we go! But seriously, though. No iron clubs, or two-by-fours, or anything like that, okay?
oOo
It was all over too fast. Before we knew it, it was 8:15 and Katniss was having a mental breakdown. She wouldn't stay still; pacing the room, sitting down, a minute later standing up and pacing some more. Though she denied it at all, I knew she would pop soon.
"I'm fine, Peeta. It's just…nerves." She would say, and go back to pacing.
Five minutes later, though, I stood up from the bed where I was watching her. "We should go, now."
Katniss halted her footsteps, and blinked at me, visible dread in her wide gray eyes. "I—" She swallowed. "Alright." But she made no move towards the door.
When I saw her trembling, I went over and enfolded her small body in my arms. "You're going to be alright, Katniss. I promise. Please don't cry, love. It's all going to turn out in the end."
Her tears didn't subside, but she tried to speak through them. "Y-You don't know th-that. I can't…"
With a finger, I tilted her chin up and forced her to look me in the eyes. "Whatever happened to 'let's pretend I won't lose my memory'?"
She returned my gaze with her own, upset one. "I d-don't know…"
Shaking my head slightly, I took her shoulders and spun her around, so her back was towards me. "It'll be okay. I'll be with you until you fall asleep." And, like I'd done so many times before, I parted her hair into three and began to braid it away from her face.
"What about when I wake up?" She sulked, which wasn't like her.
We've been through this argument several times, but I didn't mind defending my side more than once. I snapped the band in place at the end of her braid and turned her back around. "If you didn't lose your memory, I'll be there, like always. If you did, then it wouldn't matter, would it? You wouldn't remember there was a Peeta to mourn." I had to admit my voice broke in that last sentence, but I didn't give in and cry like my body was telling me to.
Katniss noticeably winced away from me, and she stared at me reproachfully. "That's awful, Peeta." She whispered.
I didn't say anything.
She didn't either for a while, just stared at the floor. After a minute or two, she looked back up and took a deep breath. "We had better get going."
I didn't know if my words inspired her or something, but I just opened the door and offered Katniss my hand. She wrapped it in hers and we left her room, without as much as a glance behind.
We walked slowly at first, almost as if we procrastinated long enough, the doctor would be like "oh, you took too long, you can't do the surgery now". But we both knew in our hearts there was no chance of that happening.
When the front desk was in sight, Katniss stopped dead, uncertainty and apprehension painting her unusually-pale face. "I'm suddenly unsure about the surgery, Peeta." Her small hand tightened around mine and she made no further move towards the front desk.
Even though we were going to be late in approximately two-and-a-half minutes, I stopped with her and pulled her into a comforting hug. "I know." I whispered into her hair.
"Why do you always say that?" She pulled back and looked away from me, going back to the Katniss I knew. "You couldn't possibly know, Peeta. In just an hour or so I will be going into surgery, not knowing if I will come back out the same as I am now. You say that it wouldn't matter we would be apart because I wouldn't even know you. But that only makes it worse. Knowing is better than not knowing, every time. You couldn't possibly understand how I am feeling."
I was silent for a few seconds, wanting to wrap my arms around her and hold her to my chest. I didn't. "You're right, Katniss." I gave her that much, but I didn't stop trying to catch her gaze. "I don't quite know what you're feeling. This whole ordeal, the stress it's putting on you. But while you are feeling something different, I have my own torture I'm putting up with." Finally, her grey eyes locked onto mine, scared. "But while we're feeling, perhaps, two different pains, I want you to know I'm still there with you. No matter how unalike we are."
A minutes passed (though it felt like hours), when Katniss leaned forwards and wrapped her arms around me, as though it were me needing the comfort. I buried my face in her hair and held her as tight as she would allow, without squeezing the life out of her. Katniss' hands were locked together against my back, and I could feel them trembling through my shirt.
Katniss loosened her grip on me and her hands slid around me and onto my chest, though we stayed close. "Promise me, Peeta, that if I do lose my memory, you'll do everything in your power to make me…back to normal, I guess. I don't want you to give up on me just because I don't remember. I want you to be a part of my life. Peeta, don't give up on me."
The sorrow in her voice nearly made me break down as well. Reaching up, my fingers gently trailed across her jawbone. "Never," I murmured, swallowing past the lump in my throat. "I'll never give up on you."
If I was hoping she would break down crying, and bury her face in my chest again, I was disappointed. Katniss took a deep breath and drew away. "Good." But she said nothing else.
"Are you ready?" I tried to form an encouraging smile on my face, but I felt it twist up my features. Instead, I leaned over and gave her a small kiss on the tip of her nose.
"As I'll ever be." Katniss reached down and once again laced her fingers with mine.
Thankfully, it was a different person at the front desk than our usual crabby secretary. It was a thin, pretty lady who looked in her early twenties. Her skin was a very dark, rich brown, which stood out against her tidy white shirt.
She blinked her wide black eyes at us. "Are you the 8:30 surgery with Dr. Tyrwhitt?"
Katniss' hand slipped reluctantly out of mine as she stepped forward. "Katniss Everdeen. Sorry if I'm late." She added as an afterthought, though it sounded like she didn't put much heart into it.
"It's not a problem." The secretary turned her gaze to her computer and typed something in. "Nurse Baron will escort you to your room."
The name sounded vaguely familiar to me, but I pushed the stray thought away. It didn't matter, anyway.
A nurse appeared at our side and beckoned to us without saying anything. After taking Katniss' hand again, we followed him through the halls.
My eyes dully followed the signs hanging from the ceiling, reading them as we went. The last sign I read was "Day Surgery Check-In", and we went through the door.
The waiting room we found ourselves in was small. On one wall was a desk, with a glass top where we checked in, a tall wooden door next to it. After that, Katniss and I sat down on one of the only couches in the room, facing a tiny TV. We didn't watch it, though. Tension was running high; Katniss' body didn't relax, even when I pulled her head onto my shoulder.
Thankfully, we didn't have to sit for very long before Dr. Tyrwhitt appeared in the doorway.
Both Katniss' and my heads snapped up to look at him when he rapped on the door to get our attention.
"Mrs. Mellark, are you ready?" Dr. Tyrwhitt asked politely as we stood up.
Katniss' blew out a gusty sigh. "No, but I don't really have any choice, do I?"
I tightened my hand around hers reassuringly. She returned the pressure gratefully.
The room Dr. Tyrwhitt led us to was small, but cozy. It had a large wheelie-bed in the middle, equipped with all sorts of fancy-looking buttons on the rail. Like most all rooms in the hospital, metal instruments of all kind were scattered all along the walls and ceiling, but most of them were out of the way.
On one wall, next to several delicate-looking metal wands, was a hook driven deep into the paint. Slung onto the hook was a human-sized, black bag that was unzipped and empty.
The doctor took a pale gray hospital gown from one of the cupboards. After handing it to Katniss, he motioned to the unzipped bag. "You are to remove everything on yourself and put this gown on. All personal belongings, clothes, and shoes go into the bag." And he ducked back out the door, closing it behind him.
I was about to follow the doctor out to let Katniss get dressed, but her hand on my arm stopped me. I turned to see her with a look on I was accustom.
"Um, you can… You can stay if you want. Just, um… close your eyes." She took my shoulders and spun me around so my back was to her.
Blinking, I said nothing, just waited with my hands in my pockets as Katniss changed into her gown. I knew when she was done because I felt her hand wrap in mine, and tugged me over to the bed, where she crawled under the thin white blankets.
Ironically enough, as soon as I sat down in the chair next to the bed, the door opened again and Dr. Tyrwhitt strolled in. I didn't even want to know how he knew Katniss was done dressing.
"Okay." The doctor rubbed his papery hands together and looked at us. "Katniss, you will remain in this room while your paperwork is being filled out, and the operation room is being prepared. I will come get you when we're ready." He started towards the door again, but paused and turned back around briefly. "Do you two need anything? Food? Extra blankets?"
I glanced at Katniss, who shook her head,
Dr. Tyrwhitt nodded. "Okay, then. See you in a little bit." And he left.
When the door shut behind him, and I made sure no one else was nearby, I turned back to Katniss. She has a sad, cloudy look to her eyes that told me she was back in her own little world, thinking about other things besides the present.
I subconsciously rubbed her hand in between mine with my thumbs, just staring at her trance-like face. But when I put her hand to my lips, she seemed to snap out of it.
Katniss blinked twice and shook her head, as if startled. Her shining gray eyes locked onto mine. "Are you okay, Peeta? You're taking this almost too well. You make me seem like a baby compared to your semi-calmness."
I was honest with her. "No, I'm not exactly okay, but I'm trying to be strong, for you if not for myself."
For a second I watched as she bit her lip, then Katniss drew her other hand out from under the blanket and put it on mine. But she didn't say anything.
The silence was welcome, though it made me think of depressing things.
I set our intertwined hands down on Katniss' stomach and leaned on the bed railing. Some people might have thought it weird that all we were doing was staring into one another's eyes, but for me, it was different. Maybe, I was trying to find something in the dark gray flacks of Katniss' irises. Maybe, once I found what I was looking for I would finally be at ease. But as I sat there, never breaking our gaze, I wondered myself what it was I was looking for. No answer came.
"Hey, Peeta?" Katniss whispered.
Suddenly aware of my eyes glazing over, I shook my head and smiled sadly at her. "Hm?"
She bit her slightly-chapped lip and looked up at me uncertainly. "I'm sorry. And…And I love you."
Is it possible for your heart to actually melt? Because I think mine just did. And it hurt really, really badly. I swallowed hard and untangled one of my hands to cup the side of her face. I wanted to tell her I loved her back, but that doesn't mean anything. I wished she could just pop into my mind really quick and know what I am feeling, because words don't work in this case. I've worn them out.
Instead of saying anything back, I drew my hand away and instead, reached into my pocket. Yesterday, when I had drugged her, I had two goals. One was to get the picnic ready, and the other was sitting, cold and unmoving in my pocket. I curled my fingers around it and pulled it out.
Katniss, still a little teary-eyed, frowned. When I held my hand out to her, she opened hers under it.
This was it… I gulped and let the item slide out of my fingers and into Katniss' tan palm.
She held it close to her nose, examining it. The item was no larger than her pinky nail, gleaming white, smooth, and round. The recognition in Katniss' eyes nearly made me laugh. Or cry like a baby, I wasn't sure which.
"Is this…?" Katniss bit back tears and looked at me with shining eyes.
"The very same."
It was the peal I had given her in the Quarter Quell. I had popped it out of an oyster and given it to her. We joked about it, then, but I noticed she carried it with her everywhere, tucked safely in her belt. It meant something to both of us. So maybe, it could speak the words I couldn't to Katniss.
"Peeta…" Tears slid down her cheekbones, and she reached up towards me.
I knew what was going to happen before it happened. But it was no use trying to prepare for it when she twined her arms around my neck and pulled me down on top of her.
My heart beat furiously, but the kiss only lasted about five minutes. It was rudely cut off by a rapping at the door.
Dr. Tyrwhitt strode in, and seeing our embrace, flushed. "Sorry if-if I'm interrupting anything…" He mumbled, avoiding our gazes, pretending to be immersed the paperwork in his hands.
Katniss, trying to hide her panting, cleared her throat. "Er, no it's okay."
The doctor looked up from his papers. "Well, we are ready for you. So, if you please…" He walked over behind the bed and kicked a lever.
I wasn't ready, though! It was only 10:30! I thought maybe we could have until 11, but nooo.
My heart didn't seem to slow down as I stood up, preparing to stop the doctor in his tracks, when Katniss grabbed my hand. I looked down to see her staring into my eyes. She shook her head.
The words that had nearly came spilling out before, choked my throat and clogged my lungs again. With a finger, I stroked the line of her bottom lip. "Love you, Katniss."
"Love you, too." She whispered, and I watched as the doctor wheeled her bed away.
And lingering on my lips was the remainder of what might have well have been my last kiss with Katniss Everdeen.
oOo
I had that last sentence planned out for AGES. I'm expecting tons of reviews, so don't disappoint me, now! I love all of you people out there right now reading this chapter. So, have a great whatever-the-holiday-is, and don't forget to kiss babies and…finish your homework…and…such…