Thanks everyone for your amazing support and flip-outs! Hehehe This chapter is dedicated to..PureAtHeart for being the first to review the last chapter! :D Enjoy this one.
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The second I made it out of the hospital walls, I lost it. My head felt like it was about to burst into a thousand tiny pieces. Without even bothering watching where I was going, I sprinted down the halls, frustrated tears threatening to pour down my face. Several times I ran into something, banging my elbows, or sometimes knees on things I didn't see approaching. Most of the times it was open door or walls, but the occasional person was victim to my stampede.
When I opened my eyes next, I was in a secluded hallway I knew only too much. Though I hadn't been there in quite a while, I recognized the metal door in front of me. The last time I had seen it, it was mostly clean, but this time, a thin layer of dust coated it. With a shaky hand, I gripped the doorknob and pushed.
A waft of fresh air swept over me, nearly making me double over.
The room I was in was the nursery Katniss and I made back when she was pregnant with Alexis. The last time I had been in it was when stress was running high, and me along with a group of other adults, ran after Katniss when she decided to chase down the Capitol spies, who nearly killed Prim.
But the room seemed like no one had touched it since. The pure glass ceiling was still smashed to bits, spider web fissures decorating what was left of the glass. Outside, it was black. Brilliant stars winked down at me. I nearly cursed. They shouldn't be that happy and beautiful at a time like this.
Looking down, I saw the remnants of Katniss' life with Alexis; Scattered cloth diapers, a box of overturned baby clothes, a teensy pink blanket. But when my gaze landed on the perfect little crib, it felt as though something erupted in my chest. A rush of fury hit me so hard, it hurt.
I was grabbing things, throwing them against the wall, angry tears pouring down my face. Wooden splinters cascaded all around me as I grabbed another item from the floor. I was blind, vision blurred to the point of loss of sight. I didn't know what my hands were gripping, throwing on the hard concrete of the nursery wall.
Frustrated yells echoed in the small room, accompanied by the crashes of items breaking against one another.
My fingers tightened around another wooden object and I was about to smash it against the ground in rage, when my vision just happened to clear up and I was staring down at it. The cradle. Holding back another sob, my memory cast back to the day Katniss found it.
She couldn't stop smiling, grey eyes lit up when I asked what she got. I had wanted to show her how I transformed the beat-up astronomy lab, but she seemed like she was about to pass out on her own two feet. Of course, once we got back to her room, she was fine. Typical Katniss. She took it out of the wardrobe and showed it to me. The lady she had gotten it from…Willow, I think was her name. All of her kids had used this crib and she had sold it to Katniss in hopes it would continue to be loved. Katniss couldn't stop smiling.
I fell down onto my knees, and the wooden cradle slipped from my hands, and thudded onto the blanket. Horrified sobs ripped from my chest, and I couldn't stop them.
Normally, I would refrain from crying at all, but no one was here to watch me be a baby. I could cry all I wanted know. There wasn't anyone here. No one to put their arm around me and tell me things were going to be okay. No Katniss.
I cursed out loud to myself. I was sounding juvenile and pathetic, even to my own head. I was going to have to deal with my loss like a man. A man who wanted nothing more to fall asleep with Katniss' head on his shoulder and never wake up.
Sniffing slightly, I looked up and surveyed the damage I did to the room. The big bookcase I had dragged in from one of the other abandoned rooms was completely obliterated. I could hardly tell it was a bookcase any more. The things that use to reside on its dusty shelves were now strewn all over the messy floor, some torn to bits. The little oil lamps I had hung up with such care were ripped from the hooks and shattered along the floor.
How could I do this?
Self-loathing bubbled up in my throat, except this time (instead of wrecking everything around me), I stood up. This would not do. I was Peeta Mellark, who survived the Hunger Games and the Quarter Quell, and I had just thrown a major fit. I needed to deal with the facts and be realistic. Okay, Katniss might not come back. But the probability of that actually happening was so small. And if she really did lose her memory, it would give her a second chance. A second chance to live a normal life without me constantly being in her way.
Another memory popped into my mind.
We were in the Games, and I was healing from the thigh wound Cato had given me. Katniss didn't want to leave me alone, so she brought me with her to hunt. For her it didn't seem like such a big deal. But after years of practically stalking Katniss Everdeen, I had come to realize hunting with her was a big deal. Gale was the only one she's ever been with, out hunting in the woods, and they were really close. To be with the huntress during the hunt was an honor, though she treated it like a necessity.
But I wasn't use to being silent, so not to scare away the woodland creatures. Katniss looked back at me and told me that I was being loud. Right then was probably when I should have gotten the clue that we weren't meant to be. Great couples push and pull each other's existence. Not get in the way.
Katniss was the hunter, lean and slick, with an eye like a hawk. Okay, maybe she had slight issues with trust, but she was so utterly independent and determined. She didn't need anyone to live.
Me, on the other hand… I was the baker, meant to live in the life of kneading bread. But when I look at Katniss, all I can think is that she's changed me so much. In a good way, I mean. She's taught me that it's not a bad thing to want to be my own person, and want more than what I have. Not like "I have two ponies and I want three", but things can always get better. Things can always be improved, and you're in charge of that improvement. You want something to happen, make it happen. She's taught me to be flexible, but to be my own person.
But there is a chance she won't be coming back, so I'll have to fend for myself, living off of what she taught me. I know I had promised her that I wouldn't give up. She wanted me to teach her how to love me again. I know I promised, but it wasn't the same the second time. It never would be. If she lost her memory, I had a feeling the closest we would ever get would be friends. But me, being selfish and all, wanted more.
I swallowed and stood up from my place on the floor. It was a mess in here, yes. I had made it and it was my job to clean it up.
I worked for an hour, sweeping up the bits of wood and glass I had scattered. The salvageable stuff went into a miraculously not-ruined box on the floor. When all the trash was disposed of and the rescued stuff was packed into the corner, I took a good look at the room, feeling somewhat proud.
The floor and walls were, once again, spotless—if not empty. The ceiling needed something done about it, though. Making up my mind, I grabbed a half-used plastic bag.
Around the edges of the ceiling were broken bits of glass, some the approximate size of Prim. Squaring my shoulders, I got to work snapping off the glass. It was tedious work, and sometimes painful when I cut myself, but I pursued.
At last, I had filled one-and-a-half bags full of broken glass, and the ceiling was finally rid of it. The whole top of the room was completely open to the night, letting the autumns' breeze engulf me. Now this room was the perfect room to defy District 13. Not like they are all against us, but our freedom was limited while we're here. No one was allowed outside except for the adult men, who are only allowed to go out for benefit of 13 itself.
As long as no one finds this room, we would be able to go in and out as we please. Except… My eyes trailed upwards and I wondered how the heck we were supposed to get in and out. Katniss and the Capitol spies were running off pure adrenaline when they used the bookcase as a ladder and vaulted the spare five to the outside.
Shrugging lightly, I vowed that eventually I'll find a ladder or something. There wasn't really any rush now that Katniss might not come back. Even though thinking of that topic hurt me, I felt better, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It's not like I'm relieved that Katniss might not come back, but that everything she taught me finally kicked in. I am now living on my own two feet and taking initiative of that by taking care of my own problems.
Right, well, now that that was taken care of, I needed a shower. Badly. I took one last look at the bare room before heading off towards my own.
In my room, I scrubbed myself clean. When I was picking the glass off the ceiling, shards had sliced my skin. So along with all the sweat and splinters, I also had to wash blood off my hands. The coppery scent filled my senses and I shuddered.
Being able to use the shower in Katniss' room was easy and convenient, but I had to admit nothing could beat normal showers. I stood under the warm spray for 45 minutes, luxuriating in the fact that I didn't only have two minutes of hot water.
When I stepped out onto the bathmat, the scent of lemon soap still hung in the air. I toweled off as good as I could and dressed in normal trousers and a T-shirt. After that I examined myself in the mirror.
It turns out Katniss was right; I did need a haircut. Sighing to myself, I turned my gaze away from the mirror.
Up until then, I hadn't realized how boring it was without Katniss. I couldn't pick up some cookies for her at the kitchens, I didn't need to run a small errand for her, and I didn't to take a second shower.
I let my feet wander where they wanted to, nothing in particular coloring my mind. The next time I looked up, however, I was standing in front of Katniss' old room door. I looked disapprovingly down at my feet; they didn't have permission to take me here. My feet said nothing in defense.
A second later, I was standing inside Katniss' room.
It was just like we had left it, I guess. Her bedside stand had a half-drank glass of water, along with an empty money satchel. The wardrobe hung open, the clothes inside airing out. As if on impulse, I walked over to the closet and ran my fingers along the colored material that hung.
My gaze wandered from the garments to her bed, where the covers were still tossed aside, as if waiting for someone to come back again. Out of curiosity more than anything, I went over to it and picked up the pillow. It still smelled like her.
After remaking the blankets up, I lay down on her bed and just stared up at the ceiling, mind drifting aimlessly. Until, of course, a few minutes later when I heard someone clear their throat at the doorway. I sat straight up, abruptly cursing myself for not closing the door.
Primrose was standing there, her face neutral, waiting for me to realize she was there.
"Er…" I hastily stood up and replaced the pillow back to the head of the bed. I cleared my throat. "Sorry. Did you…um… Did you go see Katniss before she left?"
"Yes, actually." Prim invited herself in and after closing the door behind her, sat at the end of the bed. I sat, too. "Mother and I made it right before she was wheeled into the operation room. We only had a few minutes to talk, but Katniss wanted me to give you this." She held out her hand.
For a second my heart skipped a beat and I thought it was something really important, like a note, but when I opened my hand to receive whatever "it" was, I was disappointed. The small, shiny pearl tumbled into my fingers and for a second I just sat staring down at it.
"The doctors wouldn't let her have it in the operation room because it was unsanitary." Prim explained. "So Katniss gave it to me and told me to tell you that she wants it back as soon as she's done."
I nodded, understanding but a little deflated. "Thanks." But I couldn't say anything other than that simple word; the lump in my throat came back. No matter how much I enjoyed those few minutes of not being depressed, it came back, this time nearly as bad.
Primrose smiled sympathetically at me. "I'm sorry, you know. About Katniss needing the surgery. I wish she didn't need it."
Swallowing down my unhappiness, I tried to return her smile. "Yeah, me too." Then I frowned. "I wish—"
"Primrose?" A voice came from outside the door. "Are you in there?"
The wooden door opened noiselessly and Ms. Everdeen peered inside with an inquisitive look on. When her wrinkled blue eyes fell upon me and her sitting on the bed together, she ducked her head. "Sorry if I'm butting in, but Primrose, it's late. You should come to bed."
Prim sighed and looked at me apologetically before turning back to Ms. Everdeen. "Yes, Mother."
"'Night, Prim." I made no move to get up when she did, only raised my hand in a half-hearted wave. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"'Night, Peeta." For a second she looked as though she wanted to say something else to me, but her eyes flicked over to her mother standing in the doorway, and thought better of it.
"Goodnight." Ms. Everdeen smiled supportively at me and led her daughter back to their own rooms.
Those few minutes seemed to lift my heart a little bit. Primrose and her mother would still be there, even if Katniss wasn't all the way. They would help us.
I peeled back the newly-done covers and slipped my feet into them. Though it felt wrong without Katniss at my side, I wrapped my arms around the fluffy white pillow and pressed my face into it. And slowly, with Katniss' woodsy aroma all around me, I managed to drift off to an uneasy sleep.
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Okay, I know how you guys are always telling me "no, your chapters don't suck. They're always so great" I can literally prove you wrong. This chapter was so shoddy, I felt bad even posting it at all. I feel like I'm letting you down. Peeta was so utterly out of character it made me want to retch. I really should switch back to Katniss' POV and fast, or else there are more sucky chapters to come. But anyways, please review, whatever your opinions are. Love each and every one of you!