I am overwhelmed at the response to this story, especially to the talk between Castle and Montgomery. I can only hope that this final conversation, between Castle and Beckett, is as engaging as the two previous ones seem to be. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Castle stood nervously at the door to Kate's apartment. It had been a week since his conversation with Montgomery about the whole situation between himself and Kate. In that time he'd definitely made the decision to be honest with her, assuming the timing were right for such a conversation. He'd been surprised this morning when she had called him and asked him to come over that afternoon. Curious as always, he'd said he'd be there after he had lunch with Alexis. Raising his hand he knocked sharply on the door and waited. Within moments the door opened revealing the object of his constant musings, and his frequent night time fantasies. Damn she looked incredible in a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt with her hair pulled up in a simple pony tail. She'd obviously been doing some house cleaning.
"Castle," Kate said with a smile. She was pleased he was here, and she would be able to have a conversation with him uninterrupted. She'd been doing a lot of thinking in the past week since her talk with Esposito and had reached some serious decisions. "Come on in."
"Thanks," Castle grinned. He was always happy to see her with a smile. It didn't surface too often when at work, but in a more casual setting it lit up the room in his opinion.
Kate came into the front room with a beer for each of them, and sat down close, but in an easy chair near the couch. She regarded him closely as he took a sip of his beer. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but at the same time she knew that he was nervous. The slightly stiffer posture, the darting of his eyes, and the light, almost imperceptible tapping of his foot on the floor. Good. He was as nervous as she was. She only hoped it was for the same reason.
"How's your hand?' she asked, noticing that he still had it wrapped, though not as fully as the other day.
Castle shrugged. "It's a bit sore, but it's better than it was," he told her. "I'm very sorry we didn't find out who was at the head of all this."
Beckett tried to hold her emotions at bay on that issue. She'd been very torn up the night it all went down, and even more so when that bastard who'd almost killed Ryan and Esposito just sat there and didn't say a fucking word! She took a deep, steadying breath. While she wasn't averse to cursing, she was rarely that vehement, even in her own mind.
"We will someday," she said firmly. "We're closer now than we ever were, and he has to be scared given what we've found so far."
"You said we," Castle commented, a smile on his face.
That observation brought it all back to Beckett about why she had called him over to talk. She went back to regarding him once more. Truth be told, she could observe him for hours and not get bored. That was another piece to the puzzle. Castle was intriguing, fascinating, and any number of adjectives that prompted continuing interest. Josh was good looking, and was smart, but lacked that certain something that could keep her attention unreservedly. And while Josh was fun, Castle made life itself fun, even her job which dealt with some of the worst in the world.
"I'm breaking up with Josh," she told him. She said it without prefacing it, or preparing Castle for it. She wanted to see his honest reaction. What she saw, was what she was hoping. There was that brief flash in his eyes of hope, and happiness. Then his eyes went back to his normal caring countenance.
"I'm sorry," he told her. He hated saying that, but in his own way he was telling the truth. Regardless of what was happening, what was really important to him was that she be happy.
"Don't be," she told him. "I was using him to distract me from..." she trailed off. The realization of what she had done to two nice guys made her feel a bit ashamed. She wasn't one to avoid having some fun, and Tom and Josh were fun to be with, but she didn't like the idea that she had essentially been stringing someone along in the process. Maybe she hadn't consciously thought of it like that at the time, but she couldn't deny the truth of it any longer.
"From what?" Castle pressed.
Beckett sighed. "From you, and how I made such a mess of things between us. First with Tom, and then by not telling you soon enough that I wanted to go to the Hamptons with you," she admitted. "Frankly, Tom was a distraction, too."
"I wasn't a saint in all this, either," Castle pointed out.
"Deep Fried Twinkie," Beckett said with a raised brow, reminding him of one of his less than stellar moments.
"Not one of my better moments, to be sure," Castle grimaced. He still got some grief over that from the guys. He could tell that Beckett was still a bit piqued over that particular episode.
"Why did you invite me to the Hamptons?" she asked, wanting an answer to a question she'd been wondering about for some time now, even before she had been rethinking things the last few weeks as her professional relationship with Castle got back to the comfortable level it had been before he left for the Hampton's, indeed before she had started seeing Demming the previous Spring.
"Because I needed to get away, and seeing you with Demming was driving me crazy," he said honestly. "I wanted to bring you with me, first to give you a break from all that you do, but also because I wanted to see if maybe we could make a relationship work."
Beckett cursed herself as he confirmed everything that Esposito had told her back then, and also just the other day. Shaw had definitely been right, and Kate was feeling such a fool for not having listened to her. Looking back on it all the signs had been right there in front of her about how Castle really felt about her.
"Why did you kiss me the other night?" she asked. Ever the detective she was trying to find more pieces to the puzzle. The image was becoming more and more clear, and was matching her conclusions, and the decision she had made, perfectly. She kept her eyes focused on his.
Castle was still skittish about admitting all this to her, but she had just told him some very revealing, and painful truths. "Because I knew there was a good chance that one or both of us may not come out of it alive and just once I wanted to be honest with you about how I feel," he told her, with complete, serious honesty shining through.
"And how do you feel?" she asked, wanting to hear the words. This was too important to simply rely on inference, even if it was so powerful from the words spoken.
"I love you," Castle revealed. He had been building himself up to say that ever since Montgomery had come to see him, and now he was saying it. "Actually I'm in love with you," he elaborated. "Have been for a long time, but I was too much of a coward to say it."
Once more the range of emotions played through her mind. Anger that all this past year or more could have been avoided if each of them had been willing to be honest with the other, relief that it was now out in the open, fear of what it could mean to their friendship which each of them valued so highly, and chagrin that it had taken so many missteps and a near tragedy to wrench the truth from them.
"I'm in love with you, too, Rick," she told him, using his first name to underscore the depth of what she was saying. "I just hate the fact that in the process of getting the courage to say that I'll have hurt two really nice guys."
Castle didn't have anything to say to that, and he was not about to make some smart ass remark in the face of all this, so he kept quiet. He knew she was struggling with this, as he was, but at least they had opened their eyes to the truth.
"I won't break up with Josh until he gets back from Africa and I can explain it to him face to face, Castle," she told him, continuing with the decision she'd made after Esposito's visit. "Which means I won't date you until he has come back and I let him know what's going on. I refuse to hurt him when he's away like that, and I won't cheat on someone, either."
"I wouldn't expect you to," Castle assured her. "Could we at least get back to the way things were before you started seeing Demming? You know. Some movie nights, takeout, just visiting and being friends?" he asked. He needed something. Some connection to let him know that this was real and actually happening.
Beckett smiled. She'd missed those times, and she knew that she needed to make some effort to show him that this was serious. She was also sure that Rick Castle was her one and done. The perspective she'd gained from Esposito, and the serious thinking she'd done about the last couple of years had shown her that. But first she needed to work on rebuilding the foundation of their unique friendship. Not dating, no romance, but simply two very good friends spending time together.
"Yeah, I'd like that Castle," she told him, a smile firmly in place, and showing in her eyes. "But first, how about a walk in the park? We've still got a lot to talk about."
"We do, don't we," he chuckled wryly. "A walk in the park sounds very nice. You do realize we will be in for a lot of I told you so comments from my Mother. She's been on me to open my eyes and see what was right in front of me from almost the first time we met."
"Let me go change and then we can head out," Beckett told him, leaving him in the living room. As she opened her closet she smiled. For the first time in a long time, despite the fun she'd had with Tom and then Josh, she felt like things were finally right.
As for Castle, he sat there waiting for her and making a promise to himself. He promised that when it came to Kate Beckett, honesty was going to be how he lived his life. Forget all the superficial smart ass, except in those fun moments when it was harmless flirting and joking around. When it was serious, he was going to make sure that she knew from the very start how he felt, and how damn lucky he was to have her in his life.
"Ready to go Plucky Sidekick?" she asked, a gleam of excitement in her eyes.
"Always," he told her as they left the apartment.
A/N: I know some may want to shoot me for them not fully getting together, but I wanted to make sure that the personal integrity that I feel Beckett has carried through. I just can't see her effectively sending a Dear John letter, e-mail, or Dear John phone call to end things with Josh. I also don't see Castle wanting her to hurt someone like that, either. I also can't see them putting off this conversation for long since too much has happened because of a lack of communication and both know it. I hope you enjoyed this three chapter story. I hope to write more Castle stories soon. Gregg.