Again SO SORRY for the long wait! I just finished chapter 34. I SWEAR to post up like, 3 new chapters all at once as soon as I finshed writting the whole fic! Pease have mercy!! T^T
Disclaimer: Me no owning Bleach, raaah! Ever. Songfic song by Evanescense.
Chapter 20. My Immortal
Hinamori was barely aware of what was happening.
All she knew was that there was an intense pain and Aizen had caused it. As she hit the floor, her mind went blank.
Suddenly, Hinamori opened her eyes; she was in her old Academy uniform, at her old home, with a white-haired boy. It was a holiday, and Hinamori had promised to come visit on these days and she did. Their grandmother was still alive, and she waved to Hinamori before disappearing into the house. "Okay then, I'm going, Shiro-chan." She beamed, placing a hand on top of his head and ruffling his spiky hair. His eyebrow twitched.
"Quit calling me Shiro-chan! And don't pat my head!" He growled, hitting her hand away.
"When you can enroll in the same place as me, then I'll call you by your name." She teased. Rather it was, 'when he wanted to enroll'.
"Forget that." He mumbled, annoyed. "As if I'd wanna go to Shinigami school." He pretended to sound uninterested, yet he was curious and he really did miss her. She promised again that she would come back to visit on holidays and then ran off down the path, waving. "Don't come back, Bed-Wetter Momo." He called after her.
Then suddenly, she was running through a crowd, pushing her way through and asking to be excused and apologizing for bumping into others. She used her small size to her advantage and snaked her way through the maze of gathered students. She strained to see through the small openings, hopping on her tiptoes.
"Ano, what is everyone looking at?" She asked out loud, partially to herself and partially to anyone that happened to be listening.
"Oh, one of the Gotei 13's Squad taichous is coming to inspect the academy." A tall boy that stood beside her answered.
"Nani? A taichou?!" She gaped, her chestnut eyes wide. Suddenly, she was swept away along with the tide of other students and was pushed along with them. She got a few rough shoves from behind. "H-Hey!" She protested. Seconds afterwards, she was pushed right into the nice, open aisle that the students had cleared for the captain. She blinked a few times before quickly moving back in line.
Now, she had a front-row view of the captain and his lieutenant as they went by. She was instantly stunned at how noble they looked. "That's…a taichou?" She murmured, her eyes doubled. She could not help but to think that there was something captivating about the man with the white haori and brown hair.
Then, Hinamori was suddenly back at her house, eating watermelon with her best friend and explaining about seeing the captain. Hitsugaya was uninterested with the event she thought to be so exciting.
She told him that one day she would join the captain's team, Aizen Taichou's Squad 5.
He just nodded to her sarcastically.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause you presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
Then, she was just standing in a dark abyss for a time period she did not keep track of.
It was dark, she was alone; that was it.
Nothing else was there and the only one of her five senses that was functioning was sight. This place had nothing to touch, nothing to hear, nothing to taste, and nothing to smell. She thought that it would only be a few moments that she would be here, but it felt like eternity. No white light came to guide her out, the person she wanted to see the most did not suddenly appear in front of her to offer her help.
Nothing.
Just one thing came to her mind, a horrible memory of seeing her captain dead. It was as if that image were a drug and she was addicted. It would not go away, she would not let it go away.
Her mind seemed to cling to it for dear life, never letting her forget as she screamed out his name and fell to her knees.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just so much that time cannot erase
After the images of her 'deceased' captain had finally stopped, Hinamori found herself standing outside of his quarters.
She had asked if she could come in and of course he had told her yes. She said she needed to speak to him about some things, which was true, but mostly, she had just wanted to be with him. She consulted him for many things she did not know the answers to and she found safety in that place. With him there, she was always safe. She asked him many things that night, and he answered all of them with the responses she wanted to hear the most, even if they were not true.
He had to keep her as happy as possible now so that when his 'death' happened, she would become extremely upset and work along quite nicely with his plans.
She did his work for him, but it was just so easy for him to make her do it, it was almost laughable.
It was a simple thing, to get pawns, especially if you were a king.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still had all of me
Now, Hinamori was back in her Academy uniform.
She was standing with Renji on her right, Kira to her left, and behind her was Hisagi. All four had their swords drawn, but it did not seem as though that would do them any good in this situation. They were surrounded on all sides by huge Hollow of every shape and form. Izuru was panicking, doubting that they would make it out of this alive, on the verge of tears. Renji was cursing under his breath and mumbling that he could probably kill some, but not nearly enough to matter. Even her Sensei, Shuuhei was in denial, with his companions dead and backup coming far to slowly.
Hinamori was far worse than any of them. Kira's fright and Renji's doubt combined and multiplied were not nearly enough to match hers. Her whole body was shivering and her eyes refused to blink as she stared up at the monsters. She could not even speak, she was hardly even breathing. Frozen with fear, as they all were, Hinamori knew that, unless, by some miracle some insanely powerful backup came in the next 30 seconds, they were all dead.
Then, as a Hollow prepared to attack, Kira let out one last shout of terror. But then, the attacking beast fell dead. Hinamori gasped as she turned around to see the captain of Squad 5, Aizen Sosuke, and his lieutenant, Ichimaru Gin. He apologized for making them wait. Then, he patted the frightened girl on her head and told her that she had done well and that everything was all right now, and to leave it to him. His hand left her head, and she stared after him.
He was…entrancing. She could only watch in amazement as they took down the enormous Hollow as if it were child's play and they could do it with their eyes closed and hands tied. The captain even stopped one murderous attack by simply using his hand. Then, he turned around and their eyes happened to meet, and he smiled.
For Hinamori, that moment was out of the frying pan, and into the fire.
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
Hinamori now found herself following Ichimaru.
Somehow she knew what was going to happen, something very bad and very painful, but she could not remember what it was. Then, the silver haired captain instructed her to look behind her. So, slowly, she turned around and her chestnut eyes locked with his dark honey ones. The memories up until recent ones had been clear; she had remembered the exact words that everyone had said and how and why they said them. But as they got more recent, she found it harder and harder to remember the words and who said them to whom. She believed that it was because the past memories were happy, ones she enjoyed, so she wanted to remember them. But the fresher ones…
Now, she did not even remember what she had said at this point in time. Hinamori just knew that somehow, she had been watching herself in her past memories and sometimes she had lived them. But now, with the strong feeling of tragedy ahead, she watched herself as she and her captain spoke to one another. She began sobbing as he pulled her closer and apologized. His voice was so spellbinding; as if it could make her do anything he wanted her to. She somehow felt the urge to obey him as he spoke, and her loyal heart would always do as he wished.
Then something odd happened.
He told her goodbye.
And then, at that instant, Hinamori remembered what had happened, what she was reliving and what was about to happen. She wanted to shout out to her past self to run, but no words came out. Then suddenly, the two Hinamori's were merged again, and the current one felt what the past one did. Blood splashed to the ground, pain surged through her and it was as if the whole scene were real and not just a memory, and was happening again 100 times over with triple the amount of pain.
She saw the smile on his face, and that was the last thing she had seen before her eyes had closed.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these year
But you still had all of me
Again, Hinamori found herself in the black abyss.
As soon as her eyes had closed she was back here. She learned by now that when she was in the black abyss, she would have to re-watch horrible memories flash before her and they never stopped even if she closed her eyes. This dark place meant watching the memories, but when she was not here, she was reliving them.
It was one or the other, and she did not even get to choose.
She saw herself sitting in her prison cell, thinking of Aizen, trying to tell herself that he was not coming back. In some ways, he was dead right then and there, even though he was not. But in other ways, he had died to her when the sword had run through her.
During her final seconds, she had realized the painful truth; she was alone.
She had no friends in this world, or in any world. No companions that would stay by her side without manipulating her. She was always being used to someone else's advantages. And now he was dead. The old Aizen she had come to know and love was dead, and now some imposter was walking around using his name and face. He was gone, yet he was still there as well, but not tangibly.
So Hinamori was completely alone and she always had been.
I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Then, for the first and last time, Hinamori was allowed to see some of her better memories for a brief instant.
They were of her and a white haired boy. She knew he was very close to her, all the time they had spent together was flashing right before her eyes. But I can't remember his name. She thought. What's his name? I know it! What is it? She raked her thoughts for an answer but all that came out was her voice calling out. "Aizen taichou…Aizen taichou…"
But then it suddenly changed. "Aizen taich…o…To…Toshiro…Toshiro…Toshiro!"
Something snapped in the back of her mind. Toshiro. That was his name. She finally remembered.
Then, she saw all of the times they had spent together all at once. First were their younger days together, then when they were older and had been in the Academy together, and then it was very recent occurrences with him. In every memory, she called out his name. "Shiro-chan!…Toshiro!…Hitsugaya-kun!" It changed as they did, and as they got older.
Suddenly, she realized what her thoughts were trying to tell her.
She was not alone.
And she was not to forget that.
She sighed as she finally comprehended the message, and then, all of the good memories faded away into black.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have, all of me…
A/N: SO SORRY! That chapter took so long to get up and it wasn't even good! DX Nothing happened! I'm sorry if it was confusing and boring! Spare me! I'll try to write ch35 soon so I can post 21!
Next chapter, I'll Attack:
"…just promise you'll be right behind me all of the way."
"I promise."
Back then, it was merely a small promise, but now it was something much more. In those two words, he had vowed to always be there for her, no matter what, and he had failed.
Please review? ....Please?