Once more thank you all so much for your patience!! Please enjoy!!
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach :( Songfic song by Lifehouse.
Chapter 23. Hanging By A Moment
Hitsugaya was vaguely aware of a throbbing sensation pulsing through his body.
His stomach ached, but the pain that he had felt before was almost completely gone.
He blinked his eyes open and found himself staring up at a white ceiling. The air smelt of calming medicine, rather than sickening blood.
Confusion came over him as he tried to recall what had happened, and why he was here. But suddenly, the entire battle came back to him and his eyes widened. What had happened between Unohana and the two other captains? Where were Aizen and Ichimaru now?
But more importantly…
Hitsugaya ceased thinking about anything else as he remembered kneeling down next to Hinamori's lifeless body. A strange, melancholy emotion filled his chest as he thought about his best friend. Was the funeral already held? He thought with agonizingly miserable sadness.
A new hatred of pure loathing and detestation for the former 5th Squad captain overcame him, and he pushed himself into a sitting position. There was a small, uncomfortable feeling in his body as he did so, but he ignored it.
He slid from under the white sheets and made his way across the small hospital room. Judging from the sunlight that came in through the windows, it was probably about noontime. He pushed the door open and looked down the deserted hallway. But then, he felt the reiatsu of just the person he wanted to speak to.
Unohana was walking calmly down the hall, and when she spotted him, her eyes widened, but then she became grave. "Hitsugaya taichou." She spoke as soon as she had reached him. "I am glad to see that you are awake and well, but there are some very important issues I must discuss with you."
"I also have a few things I would like to speak to you about." Hitsugaya nodded.
He was going to find out the truth, about everything.
And now that he recalled the memories, he found that he was missing Hinamori more and more with each and every second that passed.
I'm desperate for changing
I'm starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
In chasing after you
Once the captains of Squad 10 and 4 had finished speaking, the sun was already scudding across the sky and hung in the West.
Hitsugaya thanked Unohana for all that she had done for him, and returned to his room. He sat down on the mattress and thought about all he had learned. He had been asleep for two days after Aizen had cut him down. Afterwards, Aizen and Ichimaru had gone to Soukyoku Hill while Unohana and Isane had healed him.
Unohana had not mentioned Hinamori, and Hitsugaya had not asked.
Aizen had wounded Ichigo Kurosaki, Renji Abarai and many others to get his hands on Rukia Kuchiki's precious soul. He had injured her when he had obtained the Soukyoku and then, he Gin, and Kaname Tosen had retreated to Hueco Mundo.
Hitsugaya could not believe that he had let the treacherous people slid right past him. He was to stay in the 4th division's buildings for several more days, for although he had healed for the most part, he was still weak and aching. He finally crawled back under the covers and pulled the sheets up over his shoulders. That night, he had dreams about the past, and about Hinamori.
Well rather, they were nightmares.
The next morning, Hitsugaya had breakfast brought to him, and after he had thanked the Shinigami know as Hanatarou, the dark haired boy spoke.
"A-A-Ano, H-Hitsugaya taichou." He stammered, bashfully since he was in the presence of such a mighty captain. "Unohana taichou says that you may leave the 4th Squad barracks today if you wish. Y-Your injuries healed quickly and you should be fine to go about your normal duties now." He spoke in a hurry.
Hitsugaya did not speak for a moment, but the looked up.
"Alright. Tell her that I'll be getting back to my division today. And tell her thanks again." He spoke quietly.
"H-Hai!" Hanatarou squeaked. "I-Is there anything else you need, sir?"
"No, thank you." The white haired captain did not look up as he replied. With a nod and a deep bow, Hanatarou closed the door behind him as he left the room.
Hitsugaya sat in the bed for a long while, his mind blank as though he were sleeping with his eyes open. Then, he stood up and left the room, making his way towards the 10th division's building. Every step he took sent a pang through him, and not from his injury.
He found it odd that you never really realized just how much you loved someone until it was too late, and they were gone.
When he finally reached his building, he went straight to his quarters. The sun was shining dully above Seireitei, and for once, there were almost no souls wandering the streets. Everyone seemed to be mourning, even the boy prodigy. He got to his own room without meeting up with anyone from his Squad. He sighed as he sat down on his bed, and before he knew it, dusk was upon them.
As he slept that night, the memories came back and taunted him.
Every time he remembered Hinamori and himself together, time seemed to freeze for a minute and let him cherish the precious parts in time.
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
The next day, all the miserable atmosphere seemed to disappear.
He could hear many voices all around, people shouting orders and laughing. It seemed that no one cared about the loss they had suffered.
As Hitsugaya walked to his office, he tried to become his old self, not only because it was for his own good to forget the past, but because he did not want to worry his subordinates. He was surprised to see Izuru wandering the hallway ahead of him. Seeing the 3rd Squad lieutenant reminded Hitsugaya of his treasonous captain and one thing led to another. The aqua-eyed boy quickly pushed the thoughts away and walked up to the blonde boy.
"Kira? What are you doing here?" He asked
"Hitsugaya taichou." Izuru bowed. "I have come to speak with Matsumoto fukuutaichou, if I may." He sounded sad. "And I have brought a message for you from Unohana taichou. She would like to see you as soon as possible. She said to tell you that it was about…about Hinamori fukuutaichou…" His voice wavered and he glanced away.
At the mention of her name, Hitsugaya's eyes widened and his head snapped up. This had been the first time since the battle that anyone had mentioned her. He automatically felt the urge to ask Kira many questions, but then again, he was not sure if he wanted to hear the answers, so he held his tongue.
"Very well. I'll get you to Matsumoto first." He turned around and headed to his office, Izuru following more slowly behind him.
Grief washed over the captain like a swelling river. It was like simply saying his old friend's name tore him apart from the inside out. When she had left this world, she had taken his soul with her.
What walked through the halls of the 10th division now was nothing but an empty shell.
She was gone now, so he might as well be too.
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me
Once Hitsugaya had gotten Izuru to Matsumoto, he had ignored the looks of sympathy his lieutenant had shot him, and the captain headed straight for the 4th division.
The sun was shining pale and thick white clouds dotted the skies. When he reached the 4th Squad barracks, he almost immediately found Unohana. She nodded a small greeting to him.
"Now, please follow me." She said grimly, turning and leading him down a long hallway. They passed a few of the 4th Squad's members, who, when they saw the captain who was not theirs, had exchanged anxious glances with one another.
Unohana stopped in front of a closed door, but did not enter. Instead, she turned to face her guest. "Hitsugaya taichou, were you told anything about what happened to Hinamori fukuutaichou after the battle?" He flinched slightly at the name, but he was not sure if she saw it.
"No." He answered honestly, wondering what she was getting at.
"Well," She said, a tiny smile forming on her face. "It seems that you have been under the impression that she had departed from this world."
Hitsugaya tipped his head to one side, confused and hurt at the same time.
"Yes. I assume that she's dead." He forced the words out.
Unohana's small smile grew a bit.
"Well then, I am pleased to be the one to tell you that she is still with us," Hitsugaya froze, not believing what he was hearing.
But the next three words she spoke crushed his hope.
"But just barely."
Her smile faded now as she opened the door to the room and walked inside. Hitsugaya stayed where he was, until she summoned him to follow. He stepped inside.
Unohana stood on the far side of a white bed, her expression distressed now.
Suddenly, anger filled him. He was mad that Hinamori had made him believe that she was dead. He desperately tried to push the anger away, but for some reason, it just kept coming back and he could not shake it off.
He leaned against the wall and glared at the girl lying in the bed. He felt no relief that she was alive, and he fought inwardly to find out why. Perhaps it was because he had been so worried over nothing, as cruel as that seemed. He decided that it was because he simply could not believe the news; he needed time by himself to let it all sink in.
His feet turned him around to leave against his will, but he needed to be alone.
Unohana's voice called softly from behind him. "Some words?" She asked quietly. Hitsugaya stopped, but did not turn around. "Couldn't you say some words to her?" She seemed to be pleading. "She is…waiting to be called by someone who needs her." She insisted sadly.
There was a moment of silence.
"The way I am now…" he could not stop himself. "I have no words I can say to her." His mouth moved on its own.
" 'Now'?" Unohana repeated.
"If you'll excuse me."
He exited the room and turned the corner, but went no farther. What… what am I doing?! He shouted inwardly. He wanted to dash back into the room and beg her to wake up, but his feet were frozen.
"I see." Unohana did not look up at him as she left the room. "Hitsugaya taichou, this room will always be open to you, unless you are told otherwise. So, if you ever want to visit her…" She trailed off, letting him understand for himself. He said nothing as she walked past him and disappeared down the empty hall.
Tearing his feet from the ground, furious at himself, he spun around instantly and ran back to the door. Now that Unohana was gone, he was free to do what he pleased.
He stared into the room, and saw the things he had not seen before. The devices and machines were the only things besides the bed, wires hung from each one. As he stared at the bed, he saw the form of the strong-hearted, determined, and loyal Shinigami he had come to know.
Now, she was nothing more than a fragile girl, like a porcelain doll or a glass statue; unmoving, and ready to break and shatter at any moment.
Again he realized that losing her had only made him love her more. So, she won't get better unless I speak to her? 'Someone who needs her'… I need her. She won't move until I talk to her?
But something inside of him, deep, deep down told him that he might be too late now.
He did not speak to her at first, did that mean she would think he did not need her?
And did that mean that she would never wake up?
"Hinamori…"
Now, I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
Just hanging by a moment here with you
He walked over to the bed and stared down at his best friend.
She was dressed in a white hospital robe that was too big for her. Her neck and collarbones were wrapped tightly in bandages, and he guessed that most of her body was too. There was a small mask covering her mouth that would cloud briefly and then become clear again and repeat. Judging from how the mask clouded, he could tell that her breathing was deep and even, but very, very slow. The sheets rose and fell along with her chest, but aside from the slight movement of her breathing, she was still. There was one wire that was attached to a different machine that slid under the sheets. Hitsugaya guessed that it was secured to her wrist, for the machine beeped every few seconds, and a squiggled line appeared, measuring her heartbeat.
Once again, he saw the fragile, porcelain, girl who could shatter at a simple touch.
He stood unmoving as he gazed down at her. Every now and then, her eyebrows would furrow and her body would jerk suddenly, sending waves of panic and alarm shooting through him. But then she would become still again, and he soon came to realize that she was probably having nightmares. About Aizen? He almost hoped so. He wanted her to know what that bastard had done to her, and to everyone else. He wanted her to realize that she had been used, tricked, and lied to all along.
But the harsh thoughts were pushed away as her body shivered and her breathing quickened. Hitsugaya leaned over her anxiously, his eyes desperately screaming for her to be all right. Through the mask, he could see that her mouth was gaping widely, trying to take in more air than what was offered to her. Her back arched as a huge gasp escaped her jaws. The IV machine began to speed up, and the beeping increased as her heart rate skyrocketed. Sweat covered her forehead and the sheets ruffled as her body jerked violently again.
Terror froze Hitsugaya completely as he witnessed the scene, but he tore his feet from the floor and raced to the door. He was about to call out to someone, anyone, when he heard the beeping of the IV slow. He whipped around to see Hinamori gasping; her tense body went limp again. The covers over her body moved with her unnaturally fast breathing.
He slowly returned back to her bedside, the panic gradually ebbing away. Her heart rate dropped back down to usual, and although her gasps were shaky and uneven, they too returned to normal.
Something snapped into place inside of the aqua-eyed boy at that moment.
She needed him.
He was the only thing that could possibly get her to wake up again.
He needed to live on, for if he did not, than she would lose the will to live.
But he had no idea what had happened just then. He did not know if it would happen again, or what he should do about it. He detested seeing her suffering like that with nothing he could do. But he did know one thing; that he wanted to stop her suffering at all costs. He would quit his work if it meant helping her, saving her. He would visit every day if he must; there was nothing else more important than her. Aizen would be dealt with someday, Hitsugaya had nothing to lose except Hinamori.
At that moment, Hitsugaya vowed that he would put an end to all her torment and agony. No matter what. Hinamori, I promise that I will help you. I know that I've broken promises before, like when I promised that I would never let anything bad happen to you. But this time, I swear on my life, that I will save you.
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running but not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else…
There is nothing else…
There is nothing else…
The mask over her mouth began to cloud slower and slower, and her eyebrows were trembling.
Hitsugaya wanted to check and make sure that she would be all right while he went to fetch Unohana. He waited for several minutes and watched her, making sure that she was breathing well and that her heart was beating at a normal rate.
He was about to leave the room and seek the 4th Squad captain, when the black haired woman stepped through the door. There was shock on her face for a moment, but then a knowing look crossed over it.
"Hitsugaya taichou. I am glad to see that you have decided to come and visit her." She sounded both miserable and pleased. The white haired boy opened his mouth to explain about what had just happened, but there was no need. Before he spoke, the beeping of the IV sped up again and Hinamori's breathing turned to gasps once more. Worry sparked in the aqua eyes as they flashed towards her and then back to the other captain. She too seemed concerned when she noticed, but she stayed where she was, staring sadly at her patient. But this time it was over faster than the first, and soon there was no noise in the room except the ragged breathing.
"What was that?" Hitsugaya finally asked, flicking his gaze from his unconscious friend to Unohana.
She sighed. "I am afraid I do not quite know." She answered. "She has been like that for the past few nights, but nothing seems to have changed. I believe that it is a side effect of the coma she is in, I fear that she is experiencing unpleasant thoughts and nightmares." She lowered her eyes.
"Can't we stop it?" Hitsugaya's voice caught in his throat, pained at seeing Hinamori in such a state. "Isn't there any way…?" A strong wave of emotion swept over him, and he too lowered his gaze.
There was a moment of silence as the muffled breathing continued.
"Hitsugaya taichou," Unohana finally looked up at him and he lifted his gaze. "I believe that you are the only one who can help her now…"
"I will spend as much time as I can by her side if it will help." He burst out.
"I think that will be very helpful." She nodded. "But I warn you that Hinamori fukuutaichou may continue to experience such violent tremors. Just as you saw, her heart rate will increase and then decrease again. I believe that, if you are here with her, she will recover faster, and that you are the one person that she would truly want to have by her side during this time. She is getting feverish, so I would like you to inform me right away if it gets out of hand." She held his gaze; seriousness hardened her eyes, but also the trust to rely on him. Hitsugaya nodded gravely as she turned around and began to walk out the door.
"Unohana." He called after her. "Would you please inform my fukuutaichou what is going on?"
"Of course." And with that, she left and closed the door behind her.
Hitsugaya turned to see that the sun was beginning to creep away towards the West again. He was going to stay as late as possible, and only planned on spending that night away from her. He wanted to stay with her every night until she woke up after that.
He watched the form of the sleeping girl, the pure, innocent lieutenant whom everyone loved, and wanted to know why Aizen had done this. Why her? Why? : It was the simplest question of all that never seemed to be answered.
He wanted to know when she would wake up, and he wanted to know what he could possibly do to help, and why he had not revealed his true feelings to her earlier.
Now more than ever, he wanted to tell her how he felt, but she could no longer hear him, and he was too late.
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I've started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Hitsugaya sat down on the bed near her stomach.
When she had convulsed earlier, the sheets had slid down from her shoulders to her waist. The aqua-eyed boy curled his fingers around the white covers, and moved his hands up to place them back over her body. His fingers lightly touched her white robe and gently brushed against her stomach. Automatically, her body shuddered under his touch and she gasped, flinching with pain. Hitsugaya pulled back immediately and dropped the sheets where they were.
He had felt what the skin was like under her robes. It was raw and hot and the flesh felt like it was about to start bleeding at any moment. Hinamori whimpered in her deep sleep, and her jaws parted as she wheezed multiple times before she was still again.
Hitsugaya gritted his teeth, cursing himself again and again for hurting her. I should have known! He growled in his mind.
He picked up the sheets again, being sure to avoid touching her petite, frail body. Suddenly, she seemed much smaller and thinner than ever, her slim waist and small shoulders looked dangerously breakable. He draped the blankets over her shoulders, but the material felt too heavy for her small body, so he lowered the covers to under her collarbones, letting her bandaged neck get oxygen and making it easier to breathe.
It seemed that only a moment had passed since he had arrived, when in actuality, the yellow sun was hanging low in the West now. He decided to stay for about another hour, and then he would leave.
He was not quite sure what he could do for her, but he was going to do everything in his power to make her well again.
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
The 10th division's captain reached down and gently brushed a lock of chocolate brown hair away from the girl's beautiful face.
She looked like a fallen angel, lying there; all dressed in white, gorgeous, and delicate. It was as if she had descended from a silver cloud from above and landed to grace this world with her pure soul.
But her elegant, chestnut brown eyes were closed and would not be opening for some time to come.
Hitsugaya noticed a thin, cold sweat beginning to bead around her face. He placed his palm on her forehead to find that her skin was hot and sticky. Instantly, he gathered the moisture in the oxygen and collected it around his hand, letting a cold flow of air lap at the sweat. He felt her body temperature gradually cool and finally removed his hand. Then, he began to wonder if leaving her that night was a good idea at all. But he had to tell the rest of his subordinates where he would be and what they should do if they needed to see him, and there were not enough Hell Butterflies to go around.
Hitsugaya moved his fingers tenderly around the bed and finally found one of her hands. Through the blanket, he could feel her bony fingers, curled up slightly. He stroked her hand as if he were petting a small kitten. But all of a sudden, the steady beeping sped up again as the squiggles on the IV machine rose higher and stretched farther. Unconsciously, Hitsugaya's grasp tightened as panic gripped him once again.
"Hinamori…" He spoke her name pleadingly.
As if at the sound of his voice, the beeping began to slow, and her small gasps became steady breaths.
Then he understood; his voice must calm her. If she could somehow hear his voice, then perhaps…perhaps she would know that he needed her, and perhaps she would wake up.
After the sun had disappeared, he brushed her forehead one last time.
And after one last sentence, he was gone.
"Oyasuminasai, Momo-chan."
Just hanging by a moment…
(Here with you)
Just hanging by a moment…
(Here with you)
Just hanging by a moment…
(Here with you)
Just hanging by a moment here with you…
A/N: Please let me know what you thought! I'm sorry, the next few chapters will have the action die down :( but plenty of cute flashbacks!
Next chapter, Cat And Mouse :
"...You should know that, Shiro-chan. I'd die for you any time."
The one sentence kept finding its way back into his mind and slithered around, bouncing back on itself in an endless echo.
Hitsugaya cursed himself for not making her promise to live for him.
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