Again, thank you to all my loyal readers and reviewers and sorry for the wait!
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Songfic song by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
Chapter 24. Cat And Mouse
Rain pattered down onto all of Soul Society as Hitsugaya made his way slowly towards the infirmary.
Last night, he had slept in his own quarters, but from now on, he was going to try and spend his nights in the 4th Squad barracks for as long as he had to until Hinamori woke up.
The rain seemed to drag down everyone's spirits, making everyone miserable and smearing everything. The windows were warped by the perpetual waves of rippling water, the sky was gray and gloomy, and the whole of Seireitei was silent except for the dripping and pounding sounds of the rain.
Hitsugaya was grateful for the roof above his head as he entered the 4th division's building. He headed straight for Hinamori's room, not bothering to wait for an escort. Everyone knew where he would be, and everyone knew to leave him alone.
As he entered the dark, shadowed room, Hitsugaya was greeted by rasping breaths and frequent beeping. He staggered over to the girl's bedside to find that there was an empty, wooden chair with cushions waiting for him. He slumped down into the chair and closed his eyes with an exhausted sigh, like that of an elderly person who was deeply disappointed.
Hitsugaya hated the rain. It took all of his self-control to keep the memories of the time his grandmother died at bay. It only meant bad things and miserable feelings; and today was no different. With the pouring rain the only noise he could hear was from the beeping in the background, and the white haired boy could not stop himself from thinking unhappy things.
He tried to push away the dreary thoughts by lifting his head, opening his aqua eyes and blinking down at Hinamori. Her angelic, pale face was serene today, not pained or twisted. It was as if the rain had relaxed her, but also filled her with sad emotions.
Hinamori…He thought, wishing that she could hear him. I…I can't wait till you wake up. Please…get better soon… But as the silence dragged on, the rain became louder and louder, filling him with the depressing truth of the possibility that she would never wake up again. No. He shoved it away. Hinamori's going to wake up…she has to…
He stared down at her face, the mask clouding and clearing and then clouding again. Suddenly, the rain picked up and heavily began to pound the buildings, even worse at his thoughts. An ominous feeling of foreboding crept up Hitsugaya's spine and made him shiver; and he never shivered.
At the same instant, the sheets quivered as Hinamori shook as well. Hitsugaya hoped that she was not experiencing something unpleasant and that she was just cold. He reached down and pulled up the blankets up to her shoulders. He could not stop an image of the hyper, cheery little girl he used to know from flashing into his mind. She used to smile, and that would make him smile, and simply remembering her happy face, Hitsugaya's mouth unconsciously twitched upwards at the corners, and his aqua eyes turned warm with affection.
He had told her that he would always be there for her, but he had failed, therefore he had lied to her, and for that, he hated himself. He would never be pleased with himself again until he had put Aizen in his place and taken his revenge.
Right now, he was the farthest thing in the world from content, and he blamed himself for everything that had happened.
One way or another, he was going to fix it.
I promise I'll make things right again.
Softly we tremble tonight
Picture-perfect fading smiles are all that's left in sight
I said I'd never leave, you'll never change
I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life
As the steady pounding of the rain continued, it seemed to match up with the beeping of the IV.
There were 2 full seconds of rain in between each beep of the machine. Hitsugaya could not believe that his friend's heart was beating so slowly; it was unnatural and it worried him.
As time went by, the rain did not slow its pace nor speed up; everything was slow and the noises began to fade away into the background, making it silent.
Aqua eyes closed as the captain of Squad 10 drifted off into a light sleep. When he opened his eyes again, Hitsugaya found himself staring at a young Hinamori, dressed in her red, Academy clothes.
"Well?" She was prompting him. Hitsugaya looked up at her in confusion. He had always looked up at her, but now somehow he felt even smaller.
"W-What?" He took a step back. He found out that his voice was not his own to control. Finally, he looked down and found out that he was also a younger version of himself, wearing the gray kimono he had liked so much. The younger boy spoke, but the older Hitsugaya saw from his point of view.
"Ugh!" Hinamori threw her arms up in the air. "Shiro-chan! Have you even been listening this whole time?" She glared down at him with a pout. "I asked you when you're deciding on joining the Academy?" Apparently, she was repeating herself. The younger boy had been ignoring her.
"Shut up! I'm not gonna join, like I told you a million times before!" He growled. The two of them were sitting in the old room they had used to share; their grandmother was still alive and was preparing an early dinner in the kitchen.
"But you have to sometime!" Hinamori protested. Then she gasped, as if in realization. "Y-You're not scared are you? I mean, it can be intimidating at first, but I fought real Hollow and I'm fine! You shouldn't-"
"I'm not scared!" He spat out the word with scorn. "I just don't get it! Why would you wanna become a Shinigami and risk your life for other souls. And humans." He added. "A lot of Shinigami die fighting. It's stupid to throw your life away for people you don't even know!" Truthfully, he did not want her to fight because he was selfish and did not want to loose her. He just wanted her to be happy and safe.
"That's not true, Shiro-chan!" She protested. "I think it's an honor to protect others and-" Then she stopped, knowing that she could never convince him this way. "Fine." She sighed. After a moment of thinking, she spoke again. "Then why don't you think of it as protecting the people you care about, like Obaa-san and your friends." She smiled at him and he looked away, avoiding her gaze. "Well I'll fight to protect Obaa-san and all my friends like Kuchiki-san and Abarai-kun and Kira-kun…" She left him out on purpose. When she saw Hitsugaya stiffed since she did not mention him, she added. "But above all others, I'll fight to protect you."
She moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on top of his spiky, white hair.
"But you should know that, Shiro-chan. I'd die for you any time."
Am I supposed to be happy?
When all I ever wanted it comes with a price
Am I supposed to be happy?
When all I ever wanted I comes with a price
You said, you said that you would die for me…
Hitsugaya awoke to find himself back in the infirmary, sitting in the chair next to his injured friend.
The dream had ended abruptly after Hinamori had uttered those words. Hitsugaya had wanted to object, and tell her that she was just being foolish, but it was not his time to speak; the younger him controlled what to say and what not to say, so he had said nothing.
The light in the room had faded even more and the room was very dark. This told him that night was not far off and that right now, Seireitei was in a rainy, dusky twilight hour.
Since Aizen's betrayal had left Seireitei in chaos and destruction, there was little work to be done at the time. Hitsugaya hoped that he would be able to relive his past with Hinamori in his dreams. So willingly, he allowed the pitter-patter of the rain to lull him back to sleep.
This time, Hitsugaya opened his eyes to find himself young again, with the same, Academy-dressed Hinamori sitting beside him on the steps of their old home. The fresh, cool scent of watermelons hit his nose and brought back feelings of fun and happy times.
"…That's right." Hinamori must have just been finishing a sentence. "Well be together forever, no matter what." She laid her arm around his shoulders. Hitsugaya felt a wave of emotion overcome him. He prodded his memories to try and remember this conversation, what they had said, or what he was supposed to say now. But the younger boy had it under control as he replied.
"Yeah, yeah." A slight blush crossed his cheeks, but then a prickle of irritation set off in short temper like a fuse to a firework. "Now get off, Bed-Wetter." He mumbled, shrugging her arm away.
She pouted, but said nothing, pulling her arm away and folding her hand back in her lap.
"Well I just can't wait to become Aizen taichou's subordinate."
"Oh jeez, not again." Hitsugaya grumbled sourly, rolling his eyes.
"What do you-?"
"Every. Single. Time. Each time you come over you just say the same stuff. 'Aizen taichou this' and 'Aizen taichou that'. Why would you even want to be a part of the Gotei 13? I heard that once, a long, long time ago, one person betrayed them, one person, and almost every single taichou and fukuutaichou got banished because of something he did. What if that happens again? What if just one person does something, and you all wind up dead? I don't want you to die, Momo-chan." He looked away and lowered his voice.
Hinamori's chestnut eyes softened. "I'll be fine, Toshiro-kun, you'll see. Aizen taichou would never do anything bad, and he would never let anyone else betray the 13 Squads." She said as reassuringly as she could.
Hitsugaya could not believe that this conversation had actually happened between them once, and he wished that they could just start their lives over so he could prevent everything. But the younger white haired boy felt relived to hear her say that, but he had no idea how Aizen would be using them as his pawns in the future.
The captain of Squad 10 guessed that saving Hinamori, Hisagi and their group when the Hollow had attacked had all been a part of Aizen's plan as well.
The older boy shook inwardly in knowing just how long Aizen had been plotting for. Hitsugaya and Hinamori had been his toys from the very beginning, and he was putting them on a wild goose chase in faking his death and writing Hinamori the false letter. They were like pawns to the king; they were somewhat useful, but had little meaning. It was all like a child's game to Aizen, and he was the ruler and had them all in the palm of his hand.
The older Hitsugaya wondered if these dreams were actually memories that he was reliving. How could they not see that Aizen was a traitor? Now that he knew everything that was bound to happen, Hitsugaya could not believe that he had been the same, foolish little boy he saw now. Were these really the people they used to be before Aizen's plot unfolded?
Just then, the scent of watermelon disappeared, all sounds were deafened, and his surroundings and his best friend faded away into cold, unforgiving darkness.
We made plans to grow old
Believe me there was truth in all those stories that I told
Lost in a simple game Cat And Mouse, are we the same
People as before this came to light?
The silence of his ending dream was quickly replaced by the drumming of the rain as Hitsugaya awoke again.
There was no moon in the sky that night, nor was there any light struggling to break free past the thick black clouds.
His eyes were unfocused and his eyelids were heavy, but Hitsugaya soon found that he was no longer tired. He had slept away most of the day and now most of the night, and even though the rain was still droning on drearily, he felt awake.
He straightened up, small prickles piercing him as he moved, pushing away the numbness. The only lights in the room were from several small buttons coming from the machine, some blinking red, some green, and others yellow. He watched as the red squiggled zigzagged across the screen with the beeping, indicting that her heart rate was normal.
Feeling a bit relieved, the white haired boy turned back to the girl lying in bed, almost motionless. As he strained to see through the darkness, he could just make out the petite outline of her body against the sheets. She seemed even smaller than when he had seen her prior that day.
Hitsugaya wondered desperately when or if, she would wake up, as he often did every time he looked at her. It was like a pattern. He would look at her, ask himself when she would wake up, then think about Aizen, remember all the treacherous man had done to tear them apart, recall all the good times they had shared together in Rukongai and then long to see her smile again and look down at her. It was a continuous cycle, like a pool of water that could only flow in one direction.
Now, he found himself remembering his first dream that night.
"…You should know that, Shiro-chan. I'd die for you any time."
The one sentence kept finding its way back into his mind and slithered around, bouncing back on itself in an endless echo.
Hitsugaya cursed himself for not making her promise to live for him.
The only thing he had ever wanted was to live in peace with his grandmother and his best friend forever. But after his grandmother was killed, that hope was automatically shattered. So he wanted to make sure that he and Hinamori would live peaceful lives no matter what.
But he could not even make this wish a reality. It seemed that what he had learned long ago was true; that nothing in life was free. Everything, everything, came with a price to pay, no matter how small or how big. There was always something. Sometimes it was more like a sacrifice.
And Hinamori had wanted to keep her dream alive. In wanting to protect Hitsugaya, she had perhaps made the ultimate sacrifice, but she had fulfilled her wish; she had protected him.
But in return, she had to pay.
Hitsugaya deeply wished that it had been the other way around, and that he had been the one to fulfill his promise, even at the cost of his life. As long as Hinamori was safe…but it was too late now.
Besides, he thought, pushing his ideas away. Hinamori would be the same as I am right now if we had switched rolls. And I know that she would be wishing to switch places too. I guess she was just a better friend. She kept her promises. And I didn't…
Hitsugaya blinked and decided that he would have to say what he had not said long ago.
"Hinamori." His voice sounded odd, alien to him. He had not spoke much in the past few days, and hearing his voice now, even though it was a whisper, it sounded like a shout in that silent room.
"I don't know if you can hear me, I don't think you can, but if by some chance you can, please, hear me out."
He stared down at her, half expecting her to respond in some way, but she was still.
"A long time ago, you promised me that…that you would die for me."
Just talking about the happy memory hurt, but he pressed on.
"Well, now I'm asking you to promise me, that you'll live for me too."
Am I supposed to be happy?
When all I ever wanted it comes with a price
Am I supposed to be happy?
When all I ever wanted it comes with a price
You said, you said that you would die for me…
You must live for me too…
For me too…
He watched as her eyebrows furrowed and pulled together.
A moment later, she began gasping, and the alarm shot through him again, just as it always did when this happened. The red lines flashed faster across the screen of the IV. He hovered over her, watching as her breathing became more and more labored.
Then, something happened that made Hitsugaya freeze.
Hinamori made a small noise. It was barely audible, but his ears managed to pick it up. When she exhaled, a small, shaky sound escaped her lips. It was not a word, but instead it was a soft 'ah'. It was the noise one would make if they wanted to stay something and started to speak, but then had decided against it and closed their mouth.
The simple little sound had a certain element about it that made it hers. It was her voice, even if it was just a soft noise.
It was her, and that was enough.
Hitsugaya was overcome by feelings he could not fully explain. It seemed eons since he had last heard her voice and he only realized now that he had greatly missed it. He had been incomplete all this time without her. Just hearing her small voice filled him with hope and joy. Perhaps she would wake up after all…
Hitsugaya gently placed a hand on her delicate shoulder, feeling her body heave with effort to breathe. He kept repeating her name in a low whisper, remembering that his voice somehow calmed her. Sure enough, gradually, her panting became even and her heart rate dropped. Finally, Hitsugaya sat back and sighed, listening to the silence again aside from the rasping.
Then, he realized that the pounding of the rain had finally ceased and he turned to look through the white curtains. He could see faint moonlight bathing Soul Society in ghostly blue light, only a few droplets of rain dripped from the buildings and trees now.
He turned back around to the bed. No. He thought bitterly. Nothing is free. Everything has a price. And after working herself to the bone to become a Shinigami, and to fight for peace and honor, and to keep others safe, Hinamori had to pay an unfair debt. Where's the justice in that? He wondered. How is that fair? How is it reasonable that she had to pay more than she gave? Why are the innocent always punished for things they didn't do? Why must they take the responsibilities for others? It just doesn't make any sense. Why should Hinamori have to pay for what Aizen did?
He wanted to meet the person who knew the answers. But then he came up with one of his own. Oh that's right. He thought angrily. Its because life isn't fair. And just because Hinamori wanted to be a good person, she got taken advantage of and she was used, just because she wanted to help. I guess that's just how things are.
His anger was boiling furiously now, his hatred for Aizen and his followers rising yet again.
But when his eyes focused again on the girl lying before him, he could not help but to let his rage ebb away as he stared down at her pale face.
Said that you would die for me…
Am I supposed to be happy?
When all I ever wanted it comes with a price
Am I supposed to be happy?
When all I ever wanted it comes with a price
You said, you said that you would die for me…
Hitsugaya found himself sitting in silence, waiting for dawn.
It seemed like forever until the pale, golden light of the sun's rays came filtering through the windows.
Noises soon arouse that told the captain that others were beginning to wake up too.
Hitsugaya waited and almost expected Hinamori to wake up, but she never did.
The white haired boy heard several voices, some commanding orders, and others happily greeting friends.
Hitsugaya planned on getting back to his division during the day, completing some work and then coming back later that evening. He had already told Unohana to inform him if anything changed in Hinamori's condition, good or bad.
He remembered the words she had spoken in his first dream that night. He reached down and felt her forehead. Her skin was hot again, and he dosed her with a cool sensation that should keep her body temperature normal until one of the nurses came to check on her later on. He made sure her breathing and heartbeat were regular before he reached under the sheets and gently twined his fingers with hers.
"Remember, Hinamori. You promised." He whispered. "You have to live for me."
With that, he let his fingers slide away from hers and he stood to leave the room.
You said that you would die for me…
You said that you would die for me…
You said that you would die for me…
A/N: Like I warned, mellowing-out chapters for the time being, but we will get back on track soon enough!
Next chapter, Slipped Away:
All of her senses were in effect except for seeing, and she was getting accustomed to the blackness, but she longed to see colors and sunshine and her friends for real, and not just in memories. She wanted to wake up almost as much as Hitsugaya wanted her to. She felt utterly lost without her friend, even though he was there she needed to see him. After all this time they had spent together, he just seemed to slip away so quickly.
I'll try to update more quickly!
Please review!