Jaspers POV
The woman had brushed past me as if the very wings of hell were upon her and I wondered what made her do so? Not that I didn't understand war was hell, I certainly did. Still, it struck me as an odd happenstance that she was running by at that very moment as quick to escape as I was to enter. The way she looked through me instead of at me caused unease and intrigue. Shaking the interaction from my mind, I had to focus. Finding Jerad was my only course.
Walking through the makeshift hallways urgently attempting to find him on my own, I ran straight into the Doctor I had left him with. The man, still covered head to toe in massive amount of blood, wore a weary look upon him. Once he saw me, that weary turned to pity and I knew that my worst nightmares had come to pass.
"Sir, I did all I could, I fought to save him but his wounds proved to be more than I could repair. I am truly sorry, he will take his last breath today." With whatever honor I still had I shook his hand and thanked him for all that he had done, fighting back the rising lump in my throat as he patted my shoulder and pointed me towards a far corner of the enclosure.
I intended to slip in quietly to pay my final respects to my ailing friend. A man I had fought side by side with since I was a boy and now that the day's victory belonged to me, he lay taking his last breaths while I stood solemn. I passed many looking eyes, each glancing up then down as if they were trying to tell me something I already knew. He would not make it through the night, of this I was certain and even a callused heart such as mine could feel their sorrow. I did not want their pity.
Pulling the sheets away from the doorway, I looked in on Jerad with fear in my heart. His chest rose tersely, each breath getting shorter and more labored. I noticed a Nurse placed wet cloths resting above his brow to cool a fever, his face dew with sweat and skin the palest white I had ever seen, I leaned down to take a seat next to his bed. Bowing my head in fear, loss and shame, I had no more words. God had abandoned me in my time of need, letting a good man die and for what? I closed my eyes, face in my hands and wished nothing more than to be in the bed instead of him.
"Care to speak your mind Jas?" I didn't know how to look my friend in the eyes.
"Looks like I finally lost one huh?" He tried to laugh but instead spit up blood on my sleeve. Handing him my kerchief I kept my eyes to the floor as I attempted to conjure the right words.
"This loss is mine" I tried to steady my voice, "Jerad, please… I will find you the best physicians. There cannot be nothing done to save you. I cannot let this lay in peace, you cannot die. It was not your time, it was mine….Let me fetch a Nurse to your aid." I turned to yell but he stopped me with a tap.
"Stop. Stop fighting this…. It is time Major. My life is at an end and I need you to hear me out. Circumstance brought us here and now it calls me home, not because it is expedient but because it is right. Plus this isn't the worst thing that could happen. I'm glad to get some time off, you ran us ragged for far too long, Major." Smiling at me, he waved off my next words so he could speak. "You have been there for me when I needed friendship the most; I want you to be rid of this war once and for all. Do you hear me? Don't let this change you, everything for a reason right? Isn't that what you always told me?" I nodded. "Good, now, let me die in peace. Say goodbye and don't look back. Please… Major Jasper Whitlock, if you ever considered me your friend please leave now. I will go to our Father head held high. I go in peace, so should you." He drew in another raspy breath, fighting harder but continuing to what would be his last words to me.
"Whitlock, you are relieved of your duty, sir." He grinned at the idea of giving me an order and I couldn't take away the little pride he had left. I owed him more than that.
"I will see you again soon, Captain." I stood at the fullest attention I could muster, saluted him and walked back out of the room. I listened outside the curtains for his last breath and whispered Goodbye. Running my unsteady hands through pieces of tangled hair, I hung my head in shame for a fleeting moment and then realized I had a group of men sitting outside the pavilion who were going to look to me alone for guidance. Knowing full well I had no honor or pride left, I did know that if I let another man down in this life it would be the end of me. They would never see the fear in my eyes, not ever. Pushing through the envelopment, I marched in step past my men and felt all eyes on me for reassurance. The uniform I wore had endured more than a day like today with honor, I would do no more shame to my good name or rank and stood before them, speaking in a heavy tone.
"We have lost another brave soul today, a good friend. Many of you have lost friends, family and loved ones through this journey. We will take the night to rest and will press on in the morning. Eat, drink and take in the spoils of war gentleman, for these are the few comforts that are given a military man. To Winchester and the Captain!" Pausing for only a moment, gazing upon their faces filled with honor and trust, each man raised his hand to a salute and stood without movement. One of the proudest moments of my young life.
"Fall out"
Once they dispersed, I found myself walking towards my quarters to sit and think, as I often did after a weary battle. A controlled, forcible push ahead was what we needed to get us to our next objective; a strategic maneuver lay ahead and I now had no trusted council to turn to in my greatest time of need. Sinister were my thoughts, ferocity waved over me as I sat alone in the pitch blackness with only a solitary candle light to breech. Many a nights I had cleaned my sword and rifle this way, tonight it brought me no solace. I paced back and forth inside my quarters and felt fury for my loss. Cursing God on my knees, my head in my hands holding back the deafening defeat, I turned thinking I heard something come from the woods directly behind me. I listened intently, not even motioning to breathe… Could it be?