Whew another chapter done, sorry i took so long, been sick and dealing wiht some stuff anywho I am a very happy Panda right now and i am really enjoying writing this story. as all ways i will start the next chapter soon (it's 5am right now and i need some sleep) When i get up I'll get started, Until then i hope you enjoy! (If i have made any big mistakes let me know and I'll fix them) :)
It was a long and quiet drive back to the station, Ilsa sat with her head against the glass, staring into space while Olivia drove, she hadn't said a word since they left 'Underground' as Ilsa always did when she got like this, she retreated into herself and shut the world off, she kept her feelings bottled up afraid that if she talked to anyone they'd leave, she would rather suffer alone then risk dragging someone down with her.
Olivia glanced at Ilsa while they stopped at a set of lights, this is what Ilsa was like when they first met…minus about 19 years.
They had met when Ilsa was little more then ten years old, she wanted to meet with a lawyer, the lawyer she met with was one that specialised in kids and was also a friend to Olivia.
Maybe it was fate but on the day Ilsa went to find the lawyer Olivia had been there and she had seen this same look in her eyes, Olivia knew the look well she had had it once or twice when she was a kid, Olivia decided she had to help and they soon became friends, Olivia could see the look slowly changing in the little girl and Ilsa had found a friend to share her story with, to help her, though she didn't say it a lot she looked up to Olivia. To Ilsa, Olivia was one of the most amazing women she had ever had the pleasure of knowing and she hated herself for keeping so much from her.
But for some reason Ilsa called of everything she had been working for, she had come to see them covered in bruises and all she would tell them was "It wasn't worth it anymore"
Not long after that she had been hospitalised for a suicide attempt, Olivia wouldn't forget what she saw that day. It seemed like Ilsa had had the fight taken out of her, the life, her eyes looked empty. The same look she was giving now.
"You ok?" Olivia Asked not knowing whether Ilsa would answer with the truth, a lie or just not answer at all.
She let out a deep sigh but didn't look away from the window "Do you hate me?" she asked tentatively.
"What?' Olivia asked surprised at the question "Of course I don't, I just didn't think you were into…that…"
Ilsa let out a sad scoff "You say it like it's a bad thing Olivia" she rolled her head to look at her friend "it's not what you think"
"Then what is it?"
Ilsa shook her head "Judging by the way you described it, definitely not what you think, I don't get off on tying people up forcing them to do degrading things and making them my bitches"
Olivia let out a soft chuckle
"And I definitely don't get off having people warp me up in leather, put a collar on me and stick ball gag in my mouth"
Olivia laughed "Something told me that might be a bit extreme even for you"
"Trust me Liv those rubber balls taste disgusting!" she exclaimed
Ilsa smiled for the first time since they left "I go for a reason completely my own and for no one else"
"And Gayle?"
"Gayle is a woman I've known for years and yes she is into bondage, but she respects peoples limits in what they will and will not do" she paused and took a deep breath "Gods know she's been more then patient with me over the years"
"So you've been coming here a lot then?" Olivia asked raising and eyebrow and smiling
Ilsa laughed "Kind of, but I knew Gayle before she opened the club…she's been a good friend"
They settled into another silence after that.
"Are you going to tell anyone?" Ilsa asked
Olivia shook her head but didn't take her eyes off the road "No one needs to know about your personal preferences, it's your life"
"So what was that code you and Gayle were using?"
"It wasn't really a 'code' just a way to get what we needed without really breaking the rules" Ilsa said as they pulled into the parking spot at the station
"So what's TB?" Olivia asked as they stepped out of the car
"Tuberculosis?"
"Haha" Said Olivia dryly "You know what I mean"
"Yeah it stands for 'Top and Bottom' I think you can fill in the rest" Ilsa said as they got into the elevator, pushing the button for their floor
"Oh, I know what that is, so why didn't you just say that in the first place?"
Ilsa scoffed "Hello!" she said "We were speaking in code"
"Riiiight, you just didn't want us to know which one you are" Olivia said nudging Ilsa in the ribs
"Can you guess which I am?" Ilsa asked as she left the elevator.
"Do I want to know?" Olivia teased
"Oh believe me honey I know things that would 'blow your mind'" Ilsa said putting extra emphasis on her last three words, causing Olivia to start laughing at her friend.
"Hey do you want to go out tonight, a few of us are going to dinner" Olivia offered a smile still across her face
Ilsa couldn't stop the smile even if she wanted too "That would be great, I'll be there" she said bumping into Olivia and giving her a playful push.
Elliot came around the corner as they did
"Hey Elliot" Said Olivia
Ilsa smiled but looked at the ground; she opened her mouth to say something but was cut off
"I don't want to know" Elliot said in a stern voice "Whatever you get up to is your own business I don't need to know"
Ilsa smiled "So you wont tell anyone?" she asked hesitantly
Elliot smile and shrugged his shoulders
"E-Elliot" Ilsa said "What does that mean?"
"Just means I have something over you now" he said smugly not even trying to hide his grin
"Blackmail!" Ilsa gasped cover her heart with her hand "Such an act is unbecoming of an officer" Ilsa said in a snooty voice
"Some would say what you do is very 'unbecoming'" Elliot said as they made there way to the squad room. Ilsa couldn't really keep the smile from her face, knowing that Elliot wasn't going to say anything put her slightly at ease. Though she doubted he liked the idea of it.
"So what know?" Olivia asked as they entered the squad room seeing Fin and Munch working at there desks
"Samantha still here?" Ilsa called out
Fin nodded
"Good just give me a second"
Samantha had been waiting and waiting for the detective to come back, she was running out of patience for the woman. She heard the door open slowly; her face broke out in a big smile as she saw Ilsa walked in with a little bundle in her arms.
"I always keep my promises" Ilsa said quietly as she walked over and placed the baby gently in Sam's arms
As soon as she left her arms she started to cry, a high pitched wail
"Oh it's ok sweetie" Samantha cooed the little girl in her arms "what's wrong?" she asked, gently she rocked the baby, hoping the little girl would calm down, but to no avail.
"I think I have an idea" Ilsa said as she walked out of the room and grabbed her jacket before quickly running back in.
"What's this?" Sam asked eye the coat suspiciously
Ilsa chuckled "I've heard that cry a thousand times and no matter which baby it's coming from its universal"
Sam looked a little confused
"It's the 'mum I'm hungry' cry" Ilsa said with a smile, as she placed her coast over the young woman's shoulder "I think it's best to have some decorum while doing this"
Samantha smiled 'maybe this woman wasn't so bad' she thought as she got ready to feed her baby, grateful for the jacket that hid her.
Samantha took off her jacket and shirt and was grateful for the coat Ilsa had given her, it would have been embarrassing to do this in front of the detective and whoever else was watching through the window.
"What's her name?" Asked Ilsa, she lent up against the wall, crossing her arms over her chest and smiled
"Rose" Sam said with a smile "Hey…how did you know she was hungry?"
Ilsa chuckled "I have a kid, plus where I work" she said motioning around the room "I deal with a lot of kids, plus I have one nephew and two nieces"
"Wow…" Sam said "You must like kids a lot…"
"Yeah I do" Ilsa said with a smile "trust me after having one of your own and helping your brother with his kids you get used to the crying" Ilsa joked.
"You have one?"
Ilsa nodded
"How old?"
Ilsa slowly blew out her breath "He's turning twelve soon"
"You're kidding right?" Samantha asked
Ilsa looked around confused "uh…" she mumbled
"You can be old enough to have a twelve year old"
"I'm 28 honey" Ilsa said "Had him when I was young"
Samantha nodded, she knew what it was like to be a young mother after all she was only 19.
Ilsa pushed herself off the wall and paced around the room at a slowly pace, not looking at the mother and her child, simply walking
"So…" Ilsa said letting the word hang in the air
Samantha watched the detective pacing, it was making her uncomfortable, she didn't know what else she could tell her, or what else she wanted to tell her.
"How long?" Ilsa asked with a raised eyebrow
"How long what?" Sam asked confused
"How long have you and Emily been a couple?" Ilsa asked stopping in front of her on the other side of the table.
Samantha's face went pale and she scoffed "A couple? You mean a couple of misfits?" she asked he voice breaking a little and her heart started to beat faster, she let out a nervous laugh.
"No I mean a couple as in 'girlfriends'"
Sam smiled, maybe she could get out of it "Yeah we're girlfriends we do everything together"
Ilsa chuckled "Your gooooood" she said smiling "Let me rephrase, how long have you two been lovers?"
Samantha scoffed "w-were not lovers" she said as her eyes darted around the room and a blush creeped up her cheeks
"Don't lie to me Sam it's better if you tell me the truth"
"That i-is the truth"
Ilsa shook her head "I know you two are in love"
Sam's face went red and she looked down, holding her baby a little tighter "H-how did you figure it out, we were always careful about who knew"
"Well the first thing" Ilsa said as she took a seat "Would be the look you get when you talk about her" Ilsa's voice was soft, kind and understanding "And we happen to have a mutual friend"
Sam looked at her as if she was crazy "mutual friend?"
Ilsa cleared her throat "Gayle Welch…"
Samantha froze in her seat and slowly raised her head to look at the detective, her eyes wide "W-what do you mean?"
Ilsa sighed "I know her and I know you and Emily go to her club sometimes"
Sam shook her head "I don't know what you're talking about"
"Yeah you do, why did you go away?"
Sam didn't make eye contact, kept looking around the room, at her baby anywhere but at the detective "I just did ok"
Ilsa groaned "come on" she said with a stern look on her face "You have got to give me more then that"
Sam raised an eyebrow
"I can't help anyone if you don't help me, it could have been your brother or you who attacked her"
Sam glared "How dare you!" she hissed through gritted teeth
Ilsa threw her hands in the air "Well then tell me the truth" calming herself down she said in a soft tone "I can't help if I don't know the truth"
Sam sighed and looked down at her baby who had since fallen asleep
"E-Emily asked me to leave for a few days, said she had to do something and it was better if I wasn't around…" Sam sounded truly hurt as she spoke
Ilsa took a deep breath "Did she tell you what she had to do?"
Sam shook her head "didn't say anything to me about what it was, just wanted me to leave"
"Is it possible that what she had to do, has something to do with why she was attacked" Ilsa asked hesitantly
Sam didn't say anything, just stared at the table in front of her and shrugged, the look on her face broke Ilsa's heart.
"If you didn't hurt her and you're damn sure your brothers didn't, who could it have been"
Again Sam shrugged "I don't know, as far as I know only a few people knew about us"
Ilsa smiled "So you two are in a relationship"
Sam shook her heads but let out a small laugh "Yes ok we are…we just had to keep it quiet…"
"Why?" Asked Ilsa
"Hello!" Sam said loudly "Look at the world we live in not a lot of people accept gay people…especially a lot of religious ones…"
Ilsa smiled and nodded "Yeah I know what you mean, so you kept it a secret…because you were scared of being judged?"
"Among other things" Sam said look away
Liiike?" Ilsa asked with a raised eyebrow
"Like her family finding out" Sam sighed "I wasn't happy about keeping it a secret but if it meant I got her I would do anything she asked" Ilsa saw Sam's lower lip quiver slightly
"She was scared that if she told anyone…they'd all abandon her"
"Who would abandon her?"
Sam scoffed "Have you met her parents?" she asked sarcastically "They were all nice to me until I got pregnant, then word spread around the church that I practised an 'alternate life style' and I was told never to come back, everyone in my family was because they didn't leave me"
Ilsa remained silent, listening intently to the girl
"Emily is so scared about what will happen if her family find out she's gay she'd do just about anything to keep her secret"
"Was anyone sweet on Emily besides you?" Ilsa asked
"Sweet on her?"
Ilsa smiled "Did anyone want her" she clarified
"Oh…yeah a lot of guys did, hell a lot of girls to have you met Emily? She's absolutely gorgeous"
"Care to name a few?"
A scowl crossed Samantha's face "only one guy really sticks out to me…" she said with a hint of venom to her words
"Who?" asked Ilsa reached into a pocket to pull out a pen
"Asael Garcia" she spat and Ilsa's eyes opened wide
"Really?" she asked
"Let me guess you saw him and thought he was a sweetheart...a…a gentlemen, well he's not…he's not a good person even if he looks like one I don't like him" Sam said with fire in her eyes.
"Has he ever done anything?" Ilsa asked
"He was cruel to me…after everyone found out I was pregnant, he was even worse after someone told him I was gay"
"Ok so he doesn't like gay people, doesn't mean he hurt Emily"
Sam looked at Ilsa, and Ilsa could see the anger and pain in them "Someone must have told him about us…Emily wasn't ready to come out"
Ilsa nodded slowly and felt for the young woman in front of her, Ilsa let out a soft sigh "Did anyone know about you and Emily?"
Samantha nodded slowly "My family knew, they said they were happy I found someone…"
Ilsa looked at Sam with kind eyes "Could they have told someone?"
Sam shook her head "They wouldn't, they love her like she's already part of the family, and none of them would have said anything"
Ilsa sighed softly again and rubbing her eyes "So you think it was Asael who did it?"
Sam looked down but nodded slowly "Yes…please…" she stopped and looked up with tears in her eyes "Don't let him hurt anyone else…or hurt her anymore"
Ilsa didn't say anything, just contemplated what she had been told, at first it pointed to Samantha's brother Carl, the pipe in the alley said it was most likely him, But that Asael had done it now that was something to think about, he had seemed like a nice young man, a little strange Ilsa admitted to herself, but it was worth looking into, look at it from every angle.
Olivia was going through some folders when she saw a familiar young boy walked through the doors, a sullen look on his face. He looked around the room quickly before his eyes fell on Olivia and he smiled.
"Hi Olivia" he said as he walked over to her
"Hi Josh" Olivia said smiling back, putting her pen down she looked at her watch "What are you doing here?" she asked
Josh shrugged "Looking for mum"
Elliot looked up and smiled at Olivia "Josh" Olivia said with a smile "This is my partner detective Stabler"
"Hi" Elliot said holding out a hand to the young boy
Josh didn't move, he glanced up at Olivia and she smiled at him again, he raised an eyebrow to her 'just like his mother' she thought, she nodded and he smiled before reaching out to take Elliot's hand
"Hello Mister Stabler" he said
Elliot smiled "You can call me Elliot" he said "So Ilsa is your mom?" he asked
Josh's grin got bigger and he nodded his head "Yup"
"So what's it like having her as a mom?" he asked
"She's the best mum ever" he said and Elliot and Olivia laughed
"Really?" Elliot asked
Olivia shook her head as she realised what Elliot was doing, trying to find out what Ilsa was like through her kid.
"Well…" Josh said turning his gaze from the man in front of him to his feet
"What?" Asked Elliot leaning closer
"She makes me eat all my vegetables even though I don't wanna and go to bed early"
Olivia snickered at the young boy
"She never does anything mean?" he asked
Josh shook his head "Nope, she sometimes say's silly things and does even sillier things but she's still the best mum"
"Well that's good to know" Elliot said with a smile
"She and my dad sometimes fight…" Josh said softly
Olivia leaned down "About what?" she asked looking at Elliot
Josh shrugged "I don't know, I've only heard em a couple of times but I never hear what they say…"
"What usually happens?" Elliot asked
Josh shrugged again "I don't know what they say, but sometimes mum's crying, she never tells me why, when I asked she said I was to young to know"
Elliot gave his partner a quizzical look "Do they hit you"
Josh look mortified at being asked things "No!" he said loudly "Nothing like that, they just say things, sometimes yell at each other but never at me…Mum always say's sorry when they finish" he paused and smiled "I asked her once why they did it and she said that it was about something that happened before I was born and I shouldn't worry because they still love me"
"Do they argue a lot?" Asked Olivia
Josh shrugged "I've only seen em do it twice like that"
"Like that? what do you mean?"
"They argue about a lot of things, it's funny sometimes, about food, stuff on TV, books, they have different views on stuff"
"Why is it funny?" Asked Elliot
"Cause they don't mean it, it's not a real fight and they always make up after" Josh said, confused as to why this man was asking so many questions
"Can I go now, I need to get Rose home" the young woman said softly, seeing that Ilsa was deep in thought
Ilsa shook her head brining herself back to the real world "Uh…Yeah, I'll call if I can think of anything else" she said with her soft smile.
Ilsa rose from her seat and walked to Samantha holding out a hand and helping up from the chair, taking her jacket back she threw it on and walked the other woman to the door and opened it.
Samantha chuckled as she walked into the squad room.
"What's so funny?" Ilsa asked with a raised eyebrow
'you" She said bluntly "And people say chivalry is dead" she said with a smirk
Ilsa smiled and shook her head
"You're are such gentleman" Sam teased the detective
"Yeah yeah" Ilsa said still smiling "Get out of here before I change my mind" she winked as she watched a Samantha walk away with her baby, thoughts of her, her brother and Asael clouded her thoughts, her mind was wondering over the new things she had been told, Ilsa knew she would have to talk to Sam again.
Ilsa spotted the familiar figure of her son talking to her friends
"Hey you" she said with a big grin and Josh turned and ran into her, Ilsa laughed and wrapped her arms around him.
"What are you doing here? She asked running a hand through his short light brown hair
Josh shrugged "Dad dropped me off" he said wondering over to her desk and plopping in her chair, he spun around a few times before Ilsa stopped him
"Why did your dad drop you off here?" she asked, hands on her hips, and a look on her face that lets Josh know he better answer with the truth.
Elliot looked as Olivia and smiled; they got back to work but continued to listen to their friend.
Josh sat fidgeting with his hands, looking everywhere but at his mother "So how was your day mum" he asked without looking up
Ilsa scoffed playfully "Oh no" she said in her trademark Aussie accent "Your not going to get out of this tell me why you're here"
He looked down, a sad look across his face "Dad said you'd want to talk to me…" he said softly, hoping she didn't hear and would leave him alone.
"Talk to you about what honey?" she asked in a kind and calm voice
Josh looked up "i…" he paused and considered how to tell his mother "I got in trouble at school…"
"That's it?" Ilsa asked, she was thinking something big might have happened "What did you do?" she asked
"Why do you assume it's something I did?" he asked, a look of mock shock on his face which made Ilsa chuckle. She got down on her knees, it hurt but she didn't let it show
"Come on" She said with a smile and kind eyes "Tell me what happened"
"I got into a fight with a boy today…"
Ilsa bit her lips to keep herself from laughing "And your dad thinks you should be punished right?" she asked
Josh nodded "he's so unfair like that" he pouted
"What makes you think I feel any different?" Ilsa asked with a grin
Josh's mouth dropped open "b-bu-but you cant!" he said loudly, Elliot and Olivia turned their attention to the scene at Ilsa's desk
"Well why not honey?" Ilsa asked "IF you fight with someone you should be punished"
Josh crossed his arms and scowled
"Unless…" Ilsa said rubbing her hand along her chin "You had a reason to do it"
Ilsa noticed her son cheeks go slightly pink at what she said and knew there was more then he was telling her.
"A girl" he said "He was picking on a girl"
Ilsa smiled and stood up "So you decided you had to defend her honour!" she said loudly with mirth in her voice.
"Yes!" Josh said "You're not supposed to pick on girls"
Ilsa smiled 'I've raised him well' she mused "So you were defending" Ilsa couldn't stop herself from stirring her son a little "I'm sorry, this girl…is she your girlfriend?"
Josh went bright pink and his eyes widened "No!" he said quickly "She's j-just a friend"
Ilsa took a deep breath "So you beat up a boy…because he was picking on a girl, who is your friend" Ilsa summarised "I think…" she said
Josh looked up happily hoping his mother was going to say he wouldn't be punished
"You s should still be punished"
His jaw dropped "You're kidding right?" he asked but knew by the look on his mothers face she was dead serious.
"I get why you did it Josh I do" she said kneeling in front of him again "But it's still wrong to beat people up" she sighed "If I were you I would have done the same thing"
"I know that's why I did it I thought 'what would mum do'" he said with a cheeky smile
Ilsa tried to hide her smiled but failed and let out a soft laugh
"Can I come home with you tonight?" he asked
"Are you just asking so your dad won't punish you?"
Josh nodded "yes" he muttered sheepishly
"It's your dad's night with you, don't you want to go and do…guy stuff" Ilsa asked
Josh sighed
"Honey" Ilsa said putting her hand on his head "You're going to be punished no matter where you are tonight"
A look of utter defeat crossed his face
"Ok I'll go to dads" he said with a sad smile
"You know Sam might just send you to your room…" Ilsa said with a smile "To think about what you've done and what not…" Ilsa walked over to the small locker in the squad room and grabbed something out of it, Josh looked at his mum like she was crazy, which if anyone asked he would say she was.
Elliot and Olivia followed her too, wondering what she was doing.
Ilsa came back with a brown bag "But if you slip this in your bag... he probably won't check there and it wouldnt be so bad being stuck in your room..."
She handed him the bag and he opened it, eyes instantly brighter "Coool!" he exclaimed loudly
"I was wondering when to give em to you and then I kind of forgot" she said with a smile, Josh jumped from the chair and hugged her
"Thanks mum!" he said going through the bag and pulling out a comic book
Ilsa chuckled "And I'll talk to Sam, see if I can get him to forgo punishment for this"
Josh looked much happier now
"But you can't go around beating people up ok" Ilsa warned and Josh nodded quickly
"Ok" she sighed "give me a minute and I'll take you home" Ilsa left and walked into the Captains office.
Olivia chuckled at the way Ilsa handled the situation, her son beats up someone and she gives him comic books, then again she couldn't say what she would do if it were her kid. Josh looked at Olivia and held up the comic in his hands. Olivia smiled at him, he really was a nice young boy, every time she saw him she couldn't stop thinking about how much like his mother he looked, acted heck even reacted, from what she had heard she could see Ilsa beating someone up to 'defend their honour' and she chuckled at the thought.
Josh went back to looking through his bag and pulled a face, Olivia and Elliot watched him
"What's this?" he asked no one in particular as he pulled out a smaller book.
Ilsa walked out of the door and saw her son, moving quickly before he looked at the pages
"That's mine" Ilsa said and quickly pulled it from his grasp "Not for young eyes" she said with a raised brow and Josh took this as a sigh he should never touch the book, not matter what.
Ilsa grabbed her keys and smiled "I'll take you home know honey" she said and Josh threw the brown paper bag into his school bag and rushed up to her.
John and Fin walked back in after having talked to Carl and finding out absolutely nothing and getting some much needed food, and saw the pair
"Who's this?" asked Fin
Ilsa put on a smile and sighed "Josh, this is Odafin Tutuola and John Munch" she said motioning to the men, Josh waved shyly
"Fin, Munch" Ilsa said taking a deep breath "This is my son Josh"
Fin and Munch didn't say anything just started at the young boy
"And I'd love to stay and chat and tell you the whole story" she said ushering Josh through the door "But I gotta take him home and make very important stop"
"She just got more interesting" Said Munch as soon as he was sure Ilsa was gone
"You're telling me" Said Fin shaking his head
Like i said it's late but there we go, It might seem a bit long but i actually had a whole another part i was going to put it but it would have made it too long :P hope you still enjoy it, next chapter coming soon, i hope everyone reading likes this, cause i got more coming. Please Read and Review, Until next time, BYE!