A/N Ok I'm back in the game and i am so sorry, had alot on my plate, and one of my best friends is leaving and I'm in a pretty down mood. Anyway I had nothing else to do and i decided to sit up late into the morning to finish this, i hope you like it and the next chapter shouldn't take too long, already got part of it done now.
Olivia was sitting at a table with her friends, Casey, Melinda and Abbie, there were talking and laughing, but she kept glancing at her watch, wondering where Ilsa was, she hadn't seen her since she left the squad room with her son, and that had been a few hours ago.
"Maybe she isn't coming" Said Melinda across from Olivia
Olivia let out a soft sigh "maybe we should just order"
"Gee you couldn't even wait a few minutes for me, thanks mate"
Olivia turned to see Ilsa standing with a smile on her face, she moved to take a seat next to Olivia
"Your late" Said Casey in a flat tone, she wasn't to happy to be talking to Ilsa
Ilsa smiled at her "Yeah well I got caught up at the doctors"
Olivia quickly looked at her friend "Doctors?"
Ilsa nodded "yeah I had to wait a little longer"
"A lot of people?" Asked Abbie
"Nah" Ilsa said shaking her head "I wanted a female Doctor"
"So what did they say?" Asked Melinda
"Nothing is broken, I'm lucky, same old same old"
"What happened?" Asked Casey, taking a sip from a glass of water
"Nothing serious, just got hit by a car"
Casey had to try hard not to choke on the water "Nothing serious?" she asked
"Yeah I'm fine, nothing is broken so it's all good" Ilsa said with a grin
No one said anything, just looking at each other, this was she second time they had all been out like this, Casey was doing everything she could to avoid Ilsa. A waiter came around to take their orders and returned a few minutes later with their took a drink of wine and smiled "So how ya been Tex?" she asked Abbie
Abbie smiled "Good, won my case today"
Ilsa beamed a smile "That's great news"
"Yeah and all Ilsa did today was get hit by a car, let some embarrassing secrets out and get no where on her case" Olivia said
Ilsa looked shock as her mouth dropped open; she gave Olivia a playful shove
"Secrets?" Asked Abbie "Oh do tell"
Ilsa was quick and pointed at Olivia "You tell and no one will ever find your body"
Olivia laughed "Well…" she started and saw Ilsa close her eyes "I guess I'll keep my mouth shut"
"Aw come on Benson" Said Abbie leaning closer "You can't just start like that and not finish, spill"
Olivia smiled, Ilsa tried not to but it wasn't working, the grin was forming.
"It's all right Ilsa I wont tell, this just means they'll try fine out another way" Olivia receiving a playful smack from Ilsa.
"Oh come on" Abbie whined
"Hey you" a voice called from behind them, stopping any further probing as to what the secret was.
Ilsa looked around then lent back in the chair and tilted her head seeing the familiar silver hair of her brother behind her "Oh hey" she said before shifting in her seat, he walked closer and kissed the top of her head "I saw you over here and thought I'd come say hello"
Ilsa snorted "Damn right you'd better come over" Lewis let out a soft chuckle
"And I have to thank you" he said placing a hand on Ilsa's shoulder, the others just looked on
"Again damn right…thank me for what?" she asked looking confused
Lewis laughed at his younger sister "Thank you for telling me to come out tonight"
Ilsa smiled "No thanks needed, you'd have thought of something if I didn't suggest it"
"True but tonight is a night of celebration" he said
"Oh my god" Ilsa face lit up with a bright smile "You got the job?"
Lewis nodded and puffed out his chest "You are looking at the newest member of the FDNY" he stated proudly Ilsa jumped out of her chair and wrapped her arms around him "I'm so happy for you" she said with a big smile
"Congratulations" Said Liv from her seat, Lewis nodded at her and smiled
"How's she taking it?" Ilsa asked as she sat down again
Lewis shrugged "She's doing ok"
"So tonight is about celebrating you new job and your happy family"
Lewis smiled and nodded again "And there may be more celebrating later on…" he murmured quietly.
No one but Ilsa heard and her eyes widened "Oh really? Maybe I should go over and say hello" she scanned the room for Lewis's wife, she caught her, looking lovely as she waited for her husband to come back over so the could continue their evening, Ilsa waved and was happy she got a wave back.
"No" Lewis said quickly "It was nice of you to suggest I take her out but you are not messing this night up for me"
"You?" she asked
"Us" he said quickly
Ilsa laughed "So kids are out?" she asked knowing the answer
Lewis went a little pink in the face at his sister's questions "Yes as a matter of fact they are"
"You know maybe I should go say hey, I could always spoil the mood"
"You wouldn't" he said knowing full well Ilsa would do it
"Hey" she said with a big grin "It is my privilege nay, my duty to make sure you don't get any" she took a drink and continues "I admit I have failed in the past as you have three wonderful to children to show for it"
Lewis shook his head "Come on I'm trying to thank you"
Ilsa smiled "I just don't know why you came to me and asked what you should do for your wife" Ilsa pointed to herself "Me: The woman who can't keep a relationship"
"Because you know woman better than I do"
Ilsa smiled and nodded "true true, glad to know you admit it"
"Anyway I think introductions are in order" he said realising he didn't know the other woman at the table apart from nodded at her "Olivia always a pleasure"
"Ok this lovely woman" Ilsa said point to the ME "Is the fantastic Dr Melinda Warner"
Lewis walked up and shook her hand "Pleasure to meet you" he said "So Ilsa comes to see you when she need a doctor?" he asked
Ilsa and Melinda laughed "She's the ME honey, I hope I don't have her look at me anytime soon" Ilsa joked before continuing "This" she said pointing to Casey and smiling "Is the great Casey Novak and over here" a point to Abbie "Is Abbie Carmichael, there both ADA's"
Lewis blinked between the two women and put his hand to his chest "Well be still my beating heart" he said with a straight face "Were is the fire from the sky and the horsemen" he said looking around the room
Ilsa shook her head "Shut up you tool" she said hiding her smile
Abbie and Casey shot a nervous look at the man "I never thought I'd see the day my sister could have a civilised meal with lawyers" he said moving to shake their hands
"And this…'charming' man is my older brother Lewis"
Casey smiled "Nice to meet you, Ilsa didn't do you justice when she described you" 'he seems nice' she thought
Abbie did the same "Your sister is a freak" she said with a cheeky smile
Lewis nodded his agreement "You got it lucky, I had to live with her"
Everyone laughed except Ilsa, who just bit her bottom lip to keep quiet and pouted
"And I don't hate lawyers" she stated to her brother
He raised an eyebrow and gave her a 'come on' look "You always said you hate them, had so many colourful names for them"
Ilsa shook her head "I strongly disliked them once but I have changed" she said
"Yeah I'd change my mind to if I met two beautiful woman like you" he said with a nod in Casey and Abby's direction making the two women blush slightly.
"What?" asked Ilsa
"Only you would be lucky enough to be surrounded by four beautiful women and not give a damn"
Ilsa laughed and watched as each woman smiled
"Oh I've noticed" She said and gave a wink "I'm just smart enough to keep it in my pants" a sly smiled spread across her face "For now" she stated nonchalantly
Lewis laughed and gave her one last kiss on the top of her head "I'll see you later ok" he said before walking off
"You've noticed?" Asked Melinda with raised eyebrow, Ilsa smiled "Yes I have, and I won't deny that I think you are all very beautiful women"
"At least she's honest" Abbie quipped
"Honesty is important and if you don't take my word for it, look around you" Ilsa said rolling her eyes "Half the men in here can't keep there eyes of you, heck some of the women two"
"And your one of them?" Casey asked in a flat tone, if Ilsa were bothered by it she didn't let on, she just smiled her same crooked smile "I'm a fan of beauty in all it's forms" Ilsa stated.
Their Meals came and went, Melinda looked at Ilsa with a smile "So did any of that food touch your tongue or did it just slide down your throat?"
Ilsa laughed and shook her head "Nope i'm like a crocodile i don't need to chew"
"Anyone for dessert?" Olivia offered
Melinda, Casey and Abbie smiled and nodded, all muttering yes, or something along those lines. Ilsa shook her head "No thanks i'm good"
Olivia raised an eyebrow
"Contrary to your beliefs that i am a stomach with legs and never get full, there are times, though few and far between when i don't need to eat anything" Ilsa said wiping her face with a napkin "You ladies enjoy though"
"Your brother seems really nice" Melinda said after a mouth full of cake
Ilsa smiled "Yeah he is a very sweet, sweet man"
"If he's anything like you i doubt it" Casey shot from her seat
Ilsa head the tone of voice, and knew that she had meant what she said rather then show that the comment hurt Ilsa put on a smile and chuckled "No he's not like me, i'm fun" she joked
"Yeah fun..." Casey snorted, The awkwardness of the situation rose and everyone could feel it though no one said anything
"No he's apparently every woman's dream man"
"How so?" Melinda asked pushing her empty plate to the middle of the table
"Well..." Ilsa stared into space rubbing her chin, pretending to think "He listens and isn't afraid to show how he feels, he loves his kids and didn't freak out when he got told he was going to be a daddy, he does girly things like shopping, he doesn't like it he just does it because he wants to make his girl happy and he would do anything for anyone, kind and funny are just a few of his qualities"
"Not to mention he's cute" Abbie added "Even for a guy with grey hair"
Ilsa laughed "He's only 36 he just started going grey early, he likes it and doesn't bother dying it and for him being cute I just don't see it"
"Oh but he is, he's a fire-fighter right?" she asked looking across the room at Lewis
Ilsa bit her bottom lip to stop laughing "So you uh...want to have a play with his hose and hope he can put out your fire?"
Olivia coughed on her drink trying not to choke and Melinda couldn't stop the laugh, Abbie turned her head to Ilsa and saw her big grin, Casey remained quiet
Abbie was trying hard not to smile "That was not funny" she deadpanned
Ilsa just nodded and smiled "You know it was sweetie, but if you like i can ask him to autograph a calendar"
"Will he be shirtless?" Abbie smirked
Ilsa pulled a face "Ew you nasty!"
After sharing a laugh, the women decided to call it a night. Leaving the restaurant Ilsa waited for Olivia and Abbie to catch a cab, Melinda's husband came to get her, so that just left 'Casey' Ilsa thought with a sigh 'The girl hates me'
Casey put her jacket on and grabbed her umbrella, she hoped it wouldn't rain but the sky above was heavy and dark and when the thunder rolled you could feel it beat in your chest.
"You need a ride?" Ilsa asked almost shyly, not looking up into Casey's face
"No" Casey responded, her tone flat and she started to walk in the direction of her apartment
Ilsa ran to catch up to her "Come on at least let me give you a ride home"
Casey kept looking forward
"I'll pay for a taxi" Ilsa practically whined as she tried to keep up with the ADA's steps
"I'm fine Ilsa just leave me alone"
"You know as well as i do walking home alone at night isn't safe"
Casey stayed silent and just kept moving 'Why wont she just go home'
Ilsa slowly fell into stride with the taller woman, shoving her hands into her pockets to keep them warm 'Fine! if she won't take my offer then I'll walk her home anyway'
"Look just go back to your car" Casey said as she waited for a car to pass before crossing the road.
"IF you won't let me drive you home the I'll walk you"
"How gentlemanly of you" she snapped
Ilsa just hung her head and followed Casey on her way home.
There were a few men walking around, as soon as Ilsa saw them she took a step closer to Casey ad just glared as they passed, The look alone was enough to tell them 'Try anything and you'll be the ones needing a doctor'
Casey smiled, but quickly got rid of it, she was meant to be mad at Ilsa, but she couldn't help but smile when she noticed Ilsa step closer the second she thought someone might hurt her.
The walk was long but hardly quiet, although neither woman said anything the sky clapped with thunder, another deep roll before Ilsa felt the first droplets of water
'hm a light shower' she thought, those thought were not long lived as the rain started to pour down heavily. Within seconds she was soaked to the bone, but she still kept moving, not to close to Casey, she knew she was pissed and was trying everything she could not to make it worse, even if she had to get a little wet.
Finally they arrived to Casey's apartment, Ilsa hugged herself as she waited for Casey to get inside.
Casey slid her key into the door and looked at Ilsa, she could see the woman shaking, she sighed, she couldn't just let her walk back out into the rain."Your soaked" Casey stated
Ilsa smiled "A little water never hurt anyone" she said as she turned to leave
"Come inside" Casey called after her "You'll freeze to death if you don't"
Ilsa wanted to say 'no' that she would be fine, but she couldn't, she just nodded and followed Casey inside
"Take your clothes off"
"What?" Ilsa's voice cracked as she turned to look at the ADA who was blushing slightly
"I-I mean get out of your wet clothes, you can take a shower and I'll give you something to wear"
Ilsa smiled "Casey you don't-"
"I'm not letting you go back out while it's still raining, you can stay till it lets up, and i will not have you tracking water all though my place so just do it" She said in her 'lawyer' tone
Ilsa nodded and Casey showed her to the bathroom, she left her some clothes to wear and left Ilsa alone.
Casey sighed as she changed 'what am I doing?' putting on some lose pants and an old shirt 'as if things aren't awkward enough between us' Casey threw a pillow over her face and groaned, then an idea struck, if Ilsa was stuck here until the rain passed maybe she could get some answers from the strange woman.
Casey poured herself a glass of wine and sat on the couch, she heard the water stop running and took a long drink.
Ilsa walked out, her hair still damp from the shower, but she felt much better, didn't feel like her bones were frozen. She left her clothes in a pile in the bathroom, not knowing what else to do, she was wearing some grey yoga pants Casey had left for her, and a short sleeved pink shirt.
Casey looked up and saw Ilsa, some of her damp hair hanging in front of her face"whoa" she muttered as she noticed the swirling black ink of Ilsa's arm.
Ilsa rubbed it self-consciously and looked away biting her lip, people seeing it and walking away muttering under their breaths she could handle, someone staring at it because they either liked it or just wanted better look, not so much. The thought of someone looking so intently at her scared Ilsa
"I...uh didn't know you hand another one" Casey said
Ilsa smiled "Kind of hard to see if when I have my shirt on"
"Is that why you were long sleeves?" Casey asked, trying to make some sort of convocation, if she slowly approached the topic maybe Ilsa wouldn't freak out.
"It's for everyone elses protection believe me" Ilsa chuckled nervously as she sat down on the far end of Casey's couch, trying to take up as little room as possible. She hung her head as she sat, not looking at Casey.
"Would you like a drink?" Casey offered, she was expecting a response but what she got was not the one she was expecting, at least not right now.
"Casey I'm sorry!" Ilsa blurted out, closing her eyes.
She blinked, wondering if the woman on the other end of her couch had just said that or if she was hearing things
"What?" she asked
"I-I said i'm sorry" Ilsa murmured "About everything" her throat was tight as she tried to speak
Casey couldn't say anything, she hadn't expected the young Australian woman to apologise so easily.
"I-I really didn't mean anything by it, it was inappropriate and I hope I didn't ruin everything" Ilsa was trying not to get to emotional, but the guilt was piling up, she had ruined a good friendship because of the way she had acted and she couldn't live with herself if she didn't attempt to reconcile.
"Ilsa...why did you act the way you did? Why didn't you just say stop?" Casey asked, desperately wanting an answer
Ilsa chuckled mirthlessly "That's a long answer" she sated "For one I'm not used to people wanting to uh...'be' with me, and having a beautiful woman push you against a door in a drunken haze of passion is something that never happens to me"
Casey wanted to say something, but decided to wait until Ilsa was done."I shouldn't have flirted with you all night, I was just being funny, I honestly didn't mean anything by it"
"What do you mean 'you didn't mean anything'?"
"Casey" Ilsa mumbled softly turning to look at her "I can't flirt with people, if I'm joking or being playful yes, but I cant really do it, I get tongue if I try to really flirt with a woman"
"A-and I don't know if just go out of hand! And the next thing I know you've got me against the door, and I know we shouldn't b-but I-it"
"It what?"
"I don't know, I just didn't want to stop it, and next thing I'm on your bed and your pulling at my clothes and you whispered to me...do you remember what you said?"
Casey shook her head
"You said it'll be our little secret, and I have so many and a lot of those just came rushing back and it was overwhelming and you were drunk and I knew it was wrong" Ilsa's chest felt like it was tightening, as she spoke she realised what she had done, it was her fault the whole thing say Casey was confused would be an understatement."I'm sorry, and I really hope we can still be friends…but if you don't want to I understand"
"What did you mean when you said you had to keep secrets? And since when do you accept 'I was drunk' as an excuse for anything?" Casey asked
Ilsa tensed 'here it comes' she thought sadly 'maybe I wont have to tell her everything'
She cleared her throat, which had long since gone dry "M-My father hurt me and my mother…"
Casey's jaw dropped and she couldn't think of a single word to say, all her linguistic skills had gone out the window
"I know the only reason you kissed me that night and tried to fu-…have sex with me was because you were drunk, there is no other explanation"
'Did she ever think that maybe I am attracted to her? I mean I'm not gay but she's a nice enough woman….at least…I don't think I'm gay'
"My father used to drink, and he" Ilsa cringed as she remembered the terrible things done to her, the beating weren't even the worst, she could live with those, it was what happened when no one else was in the room…
"He'd hurt me, and later he'd apologise saying things like 'you know I love you' or 'I was drunk I didn't mean it' it wasn't always bad sometimes he was to drunk to do anything, other times it made him angrier and it hurt more" There was a long pause as Casey sat quietly taking it all in, and Ilsa tried to muster any remaining courage to finish most of her story.
"I started thinking, if he knew he'd get like that if he drank why did he drink so much? why didn't he have a few, or just stop all together. Not like it would have made a difference" Ilsa spat and Casey could see the hate in her eyes "The bastard would do it sober too, I think the alcohol just made a better excuse then 'I just felt like beating my wife and kid', and after he was done he'd tell me I" Ilsa paused and took a deep breath
Casey leaned closer and put a hand softly on her shoulder "What did he say?" she asked softly
"He'd tell me it had to be our little secret, everything he did had to be a secret" Ilsa closed her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears falling
"I realised after you had me against the door that 'I'm drunk' can be an excuse, but it doesn't excuse everything"
Casey sat wide eyed and had tears of her own after hearing her friends heartfelt confession, she really didn't have any idea that this was the reason Ilsa had flipped out on her."Ilsa I am so sorry" Casey said softly
Ilsa just shook her head "It's not your fault, you had a little to much to drink and weren't thinking right, I figured it was the only reason a beautiful woman would have me against her door and I didn't mean to freak you out or piss you off, when you said we could keep it a secret…I just got scared, nothing good ever followed those words"
Ilsa turned and looked at Casey who looked shocked, the silence was deafening 'Just say something' Ilsa thought 'Anything! say you hate me! say you never want to see me again just please don't be quiet' Ilsa shook her head 'idiot she cant hear you if you don't say it out loud'
"Casey…please say something…"
A/N Ok next chapter underway, and if you can take the time to read it please review, i promise not to leave again wihtout giving word :)