9.

The years passed slowly for me.

When I looked in the mirror now, I saw no more red eyes. They had turned the same beautiful gold color as everyone else's.

Alice was becoming a great dancer, asking me to teach her everything I knew, and I was also helping Renesme with piano. We wrote many songs together with Edward, which everyone insisted we record and put on a CD. I used my gift regularly each day and was becoming used the different sensations of hearing thoughts or feelings emotions. Esme and I became as close as sisters, sharing everything with each other.

One day, I had gathered up enough courage to ask her what she had meant that first day when she said she had lost her baby too. I didn't want to hurt her by having her dredge up old memories.

But she seemed pleased that I had asked. She patted the empty spot next to her on the couch and I sat.

"It's been so long ago, and I've tried to put most of it behind me, though certain things still haunt me, especially having to watch my child die in my arms."

I felt her pain, even without Jasper's help, because it was the same as my own. "I'm so sorry," I whispered to her.

She looked away, recalling what had happened to her. "I was born in 1895 in Columbus, Ohio. This is where I first met Carlisle. At the age of 16, he treated me after I broke my leg when climbing a tree."

"Did you know what he was?"

She shook her head. "No, he was much older than me, so I never thought twice about him. Though I did think he was very handsome," she said with a wink.

She grew silent. "I married a man named Charles Evenson." Her voice broke softly as she said quietly, "I was abused by him."

My heart began to ache for her. There was a pause as Esme collected herself, pulling away from the painful memories. "After finding out I was pregnant, I ran away from him and gave birth to a son." Again she paused and I squeezed her hand comfortingly. "He died a few days later. I was so grief-stricken by his death, I attempted to kill myself by jumping off a cliff.

"I was presumed dead when they found me, so I was taken to a morgue. Carlisle remembered me, of course, from treating me all those years before. He was able to sense my heartbeat and transformed me into a vampire." She looked at me, a smile warming her face. "I fell in love with him and we were married soon after.

"I've never regretted him saving my life, because I finally found the true family I've always wanted. I love my adoptive children as much as I did my own son."

"But don't you wish you could have your own?"

She looked at me and nodded slowly. "Yes. I still grieve the fact that I am unable to bear children. But like I said, my family now has been a great blessing to me, more than I could have ever asked for, in fact. I wouldn't give it up for the world." And she smiled fully at me.

"Thank you for letting me into your family," I whispered, overwhelmed by how much it meant that they had adopted me into their closely-knit group.

"Of course. You mean the world to me, as well. You're like the sister I never had but always wanted. I will always be grateful to Edward for seeing what he saw in you and insisting you be saved." She hugged me tightly.
Everyone else seemed just pleased to have me around as well. I had heard everyone's stories now, from each person individually, and had become accustomed to all the differences between being human and a vampire.
And slowly the Cullens were letting me come into closer contact with humans, taking me out for a drive every now and then. They decided to all take turns, Alice begging to go first, of course, and Esme took me second. Bella asked me if she could go third.
"Sure, Bella," I smiled at her. I hadn't had that much chance to get to talk to her alone, besides the day when she told me her story. She was often out visiting her father or Jacob with Renesme, or alone with Edward.

I knew she had her own car, but she led me to Edward's Volvo. When I asked her why, she replied with a shrug. "Mine is too… obnoxious for a small town like this. And I like the Volvo better anyways, more roomy." I saw something in her eyes as she glanced at me.

"You don't really like nice cars, do you," I said with a small laugh. Bella made a face of disgust and I giggled into my hand.

We climbed into the car without a sound and she pulled carefully out of the garage and rode down the long, winding driveway in silence. I had been excited about this trip, but now I seemed at a loss as to what to say. But she spoke up first.

"I'm sorry I never participated in your dance lessons," she glanced at me with an apologetic smile. "It's just that I'm not really the most balanced person, even for a vampire."

I had to smile now. "Edward told me about a lot of your accidents."

Bella laughed. "Edward was always so worried about me, always telling me to be careful and reminding me I was fragile."

There was silence for a few minutes, before I thought of something I'd always wanted to ask her. "So, can you tell me about this gift of yours? I've felt it, of course, but I still don't really understand how it works. Alice and Edward both tried to explain it me, but I think you could tell me best how it works."

Bella nodded, thinking. "Well, I suppose it's sort of like a force field for my mind. It's why Edward can't read my thoughts. As I played with it and practiced, I could push it out and protect people around me, but you know that."

I nodded. "And you can push it away from your mind, too?"

"Yes, Edward was extremely excited about that part. He gets extremely frustrated when he can't see what people are thinking and I had him stumped for three years."

"Do you do it a lot?"

Bella looked at me, a playful smile on her lips. "Every now and then when I want to please him," she said with a wink. "He's gotten very good at catching me without knowing now, through you. Whenever he sees that I'm touching you in any way, even if I'm just sitting next to you, he'll come over and sit on the other side of you."

I laughed. "I've noticed."

We continued talking about different things until we were about halfway to Seattle. We were stopped at a red light and I was in the middle of a sentence when I cut-off and snapped my head to look out the side-window. I could feel Bella watching the back of my head, but she didn't say anything.

Didn't I recognize that car? It was the same color and the same make as the one John had owned since I'd met him. The driver had his head turned away, but he had the same color hair as John, though this man's hair was cut shorter. I waited impatiently for the man to turn his head, practically jumping out of my seat. And then finally the man turned his head to look at me and my heart sunk to the bottom of my chest. I shook my head sadly and turned to look at my hands while the man in the car was staring at me.

And that wasn't the only time it happened. It seemed every time I went out in those first few weeks of liberation, I saw John everywhere. Every time, my heart fell as the man turned to look at me and I realized it was not my precious John. But the hope inside me could not be diminished, and so I continued to search everywhere, looking for that one face in a million.

For the celebration of my third year, Alice wanted to take me shopping in Port Angeles. Carlisle assured me there was no harm in this. I had maintained a lot of self-control over the past three years. But first, they insisted on me opening my presents. I had made it very clear that I didn't want anything, though I had told Esme that the only thing I really wanted was to see my husband.

But of course, no one had listened to my insistence upon no presents. Apparently, they had been through this before with Bella, who had always despised the celebration of her birthday and any sign of presents. Everyone had bought me something, even Carlisle and Esme. Alice's gift was the shopping spree, so I looked around at everyone else and asked whose I should open first. Renesme stepped forward and placed a wrapped package in my hand, her fingers touching my palm slightly, and I saw her in my mind, thanking me.

When I opened it, I nearly cried. Inside was a stack of music books, all from my favorite artists. I thanked her enthusiastically. "It's perfect. How did you know these were my favorite?"

She smiled knowingly. "I've been listening to what you play a lot. Plus, I sneaked into your room when you were gone one day and looked through your CD collection." She looked around, suddenly nervous. "Please don't be mad."

"Of course not!" I said with a laugh. "Thank you!"

She nodded, smiling, and stepped back. Bella came forward and placed a small package in my hand. "This is from Edward and I. We hope you like it."

I opened the small box and lifted the top of the little jewelry box. Inside was a necklace with a heart-shaped charm and locket fixed to it. I fingered it slowly and read the inscription on the metal charm. 'John and Lily Anne' it read in beautiful, cursive writing. Inside the locket was a smaller version of the only two pictures I had of them, the one of John and I and then one Carlisle had given me of Lily. I took the necklace out of the box slowly and put it on, fingering the beautiful design on the locket. "Thank you so much," I whispered, my voice filling with emotion.

"We know they mean a lot to you," Edward said. All I could do was nod.

Hoping to lighten the mood, Esme stepped forward and took my hand. "What Carlisle and I got for you is outside. Although I suppose it's also from Edward since he helped us know what to pick. You apparently thought about it a lot," she said with a smile.

Everyone followed as Esme led me outside. We headed for the garage and I became puzzled. Outside the door, Alice flitted up beside me and places her hand over my eyes. "No peaking!" she warned. An image of me dancing flashed before my eyes and I realized that she was concentrating on that particular vision so that I wouldn't be able to see what was inside the garage waiting for me. Carefully, I stepped into the interior of the garage. We walked a little bit deeper into it when finally Esme told me to stop and Alice took her hand from my eyes. I looked around, puzzled as to what I should be looking for. All around me stood the Cullens cars, Edward's Volvo and Alice and Rosalie's convertibles. Then I spotted something new. Well, new is maybe not the right word, but it was new to this garage. Parked in between all the impeccably sleek cars was an old, cherry red Volkswagen Beetle. "Oh!" I gasped. There was a giant bow wrapped around the top of the car. "Oh, is this for me?" I felt overwhelmed. "Where did you find this?"

"An old gentleman had it for sale in Seattle. There was a lot wrong with it, but Jacob fixed it up very nicely for you, with a new paint job."

"It's so beautiful," I chirped.

I ran my hand along the hood. There was still a hint of new paint smell that clung to the car. I pulled open the driver side door and slid easily into the new, black leather seats. I muttered happily to myself as I looked over the whole interior. There was a new stereo that had been installed, plus a new A/C and heating system. Everything was polished and shining. I jumped out of the car and hugged everyone. "Oh, thank you!"

"The stereo is from Emmett and I," said Rosalie. I thanked them both.

Everyone slowly dispersed, leaving Alice and I behind. "So, do you wanna take your new car to town tonight?"

I nodded. "Yes, please. If you don't mind," I added, looking at her hopefully.

"Of course not, silly, it's your birthday!"

Alice ran inside to grab our purses and was back in a few seconds, holding out the Chanel bag she had bought for me last year. She slipped into the passenger seat beside me. As I started the car, she said, hinting, "Jacob put in a new engine, so don't be afraid to drive fast." I was very aware of the fact that none of them ever drove bellow the speed limit, so I stepped on the gas pedal once we hit the road. She directed me on where to go, and we reached Port Angeles in just under 45 minutes.

Stepping out of the car, Alice said, "Not bad for a first time speeder, although our record for this trip is 23 minutes. Emmett got pulled over by a cop when he tried to break it," she winked.

I just laughed and shouldered my bag. Alice led me around to all the best shops, letting me carefully go through all of them. She helped me find things with her visions, and when we were done, both of us were carrying enough bags of clothes to clothe an entire army. After depositing all the bags into the backseat and trunk of my car, Alice suggested we go see a movie. I agreed that it would be fun. I hadn't been to the movies in almost 4 years now, because John and I hadn't gone since I became pregnant. We looked over the selection and chose a romantic comedy that had come out a few days ago.

When the movie was done, we walked out of the theatre slowly, chatting happily about certain parts that we had found hilarious. We were almost to my car when I spotted a man walking along the other side of the street. I stopped in mid-sentence and turned to stare after the man.

Alice was asking me what was wrong, but I couldn't respond. The man had turned a corner, and I followed hastily after him, ignoring the honking cars I ran in front of. Alice followed me, still asking me what I was doing and if I was crazy. I quickly told her not to worry.

"I think I saw someone…" I didn't bother finishing. We turned the corner where the man had disappeared and came to a dead stop when we saw it was a dead end. But the man I had seen was standing in the middle of the alley, watching us.

"Did you follow me?" he called out in a loud voice. I could almost feel his fear rolling off of him in waves.

I shook my head, disappointed when I saw his face. He didn't look anything like John from the front.

"No," I said sadly. "I just thought I recognized you."

"We're sorry to have bothered you, sir," Alice said loudly. Then she grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards the car. When we were far enough away so he couldn't hear us, Alice whispered fervently, "What were you thinking?"

We stopped outside of my car. I was still looking towards the alley, not entirely focused on her but more on the pain that had washed over me when I realized it wasn't my beloved John. I finally snapped my head to look at Alice. She had grown quiet, watching my face intently.

"I'm sorry, Alice."

"You thought he was John, didn't you?" There was no accusation in her voice, only pity.

I simply nodded. Pulling open my car door, I slipped silently into the car, Alice beside me in a split second. She put her cold hand over mine and whispered, "I'm so sorry. We'll find him soon."

We rode home in silence, and this time I didn't try to appease her by going as fast as before, though I did go about 10 over the limit most of the time. I wanted to be back in the comfort of the home I had grown to love over these three years. And I wanted to beg Carlisle and Esme to find John for me, as soon as possible. The experience tonight had renewed my want to see his face again.