Disclaimer: I don't own the Hulk or any of these characters or anything else you recognize. The Hulk belongs to Marvel and everything else belongs to J.K. Rowling.

...And in the Eighth Hour…

Lily and James got their, er—'business' done in the bathroom as quickly as they could so the others wouldn't get suspicious. This wasn't a difficult task, as they had gone for thirteen hours without touching each other and slowly it had driven them crazy.

So crazy that they immediately and hurriedly ripped each others clothes off and did their, er—'business' on the bathroom floor.

It took all of seven minutes before both of them were completely satisfied, which left James feeling mighty proud of himself.

"We should start fighting so they don't get the wrong—or the right idea." Lily told him quietly as she pulled her shirt back on. She hoped that biting James' shoulder to muffle any sound she made during their, er—'business' wasn't all in vain. It wouldn't do for the others to figure out what had happened.

James nodded. "Right…Or we could you know…shag again." He leaned towards her and blew into her ear.

Her resolve momentarily crumbling, Lily bit her lip. "Oh…ok."

She flung her arms around his neck and kissed him.

And then her sense came back. "No!" She hissed, wiggling away from him and standing up. "We don't have time. You PERVERTED SCUMBAG!" She yelled the last part loudly as she jerked her jeans back over her hips and went to work on getting her shoes back on.

James sighed and stood up, working on getting his own clothes on. "Ok…I love you." He said quietly. "YOU HORRIBLE TEASE!" He yelled.

Lily smiled. "I love you too. I AM NOT A TEASE JAMES POTTER YOU SON OF A-"

"DON'T YOU INSULT MY MOTHER!" James screamed as he checked himself in the mirror to make sure that he hadn't missed any buttons.

Lily gave what she secretly called his 'cute little booty' a pinch and kissed the back of his neck. "UP YOURS POTTER!"

James turned to her and kissed her back. "YOU'D LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU EVANS?"

SMACK.

"Ow…" James rubbed his cheek where Lily had just slapped him. "EVANS WHAT THE HELL?" He bent towards her and held his other cheek out to her. "Do it again!" He whispered.

Lily lifted an eyebrow at this but did as she was told anyway.

Two minutes earlier, out in the dorm room, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were whispering amongst themselves. It was mostly about Sirius's plan—but then it turned into an argument over which flavor of Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans were better.

Remus ended this weird argument by nodding towards the bathroom door. "What do you think they're doing in there? They've been in there for ten minutes."

Sirius shrugged, looking like he didn't really care. "He's probably trying to calm her down…She is violent! I'm telling you, it's that red hair."

"Since when is James able to calm Lily down?" Peter asked. "And since when are they on good terms with each other?"

The other two boys stared at him.

"Uh, Peter," Remus said, "Don't you remember like a week ago when they decided they weren't going to fight anymore?"

Peter shrugged. "Not really. Why did they decide on that?"

"They said it was messing up their head boy and girl duties," Remus said as he continued to stare at the bathroom door.

He had to wonder…what exactly were James and Lily up to in there? Peter had a point. Even though he didn't try to make a point, he had one. Since when was James able to calm Lily down?

Remus had noticed that the two of them had shared a little less friction than they usually had, but he had brushed it off, thinking that they were finally just growing up and burying the hatchet. But he had to wonder if there was something going on between them that they hadn't told anyone about.

But no…that didn't match James's personality. For years he had pined away for Lily Evans, and Remus was sure that if he had really gotten her at last, SURELY he would have said something. SURELY he would have been too happy to keep it in.

Just as this thought went through his mind, a scream from the bathroom brought the boy's silent conversation to an end as they all listened.

"YOU PERVERTED SCUMBAG!"

So Lily was screaming at James…That sounded normal. That just made the world right again. At least it did in Remus's mind.

"YOU HORRIBLE TEASE!"

And James was yelling at Lily. Yes, he must have just thought all of that crazy stuff up in his head.

"I AM NOT A TEASE JAMES POTTER YOU SON OF-"

"DON'T YOU INSULT MY MOTHER!"

Remus glanced over at Sirius and Peter, who were also watching the door. "We're still going through with the plan?" He whispered.

"UP YOURS POTTER!"

Sirius nodded. "Of course. We have to find out what he's up to."

"YOU'D LIKE THAT WOULDN'T YOU, EVANS?"

SMACK.

Peter, Remus, and Sirius all winced and let out an "Oh!" in unison. And they all winced again when they heard a second smack. They had to wonder what James had done to so severely upset Lily. But really, as Sirius had discovered many times that day, it didn't take much.

The door to the bathroom swung open and James, with angry red blotches covering each cheek, was shoved into the bedroom before the door slammed shut behind him again.

They all stared at each for a few moments before James shuffled over to one of the beds and sank down onto it.

"So what did you do this time?" Sirius asked as he walked over to stand in front of him.

James glared up at him. "All I did was try to calm her down."

Coming over to stand next to Sirius, Peter lifted an eyebrow at James. "You tried to make a move on her didn't you?"

"She came on to me first!" James argued as he continued to glower at them. "She let me hug her-"

"Prongs, just because a girl hugs you doesn't mean she is coming on to you." Remus told him matter-of-factly.

James muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, 'Does if you're a tease'.

Remus, Sirius, and Peter looked at each other in silent agreement. Just because James was in a foul mood didn't mean that they weren't going to go on with their diabolical plan. Or really it was Sirius's plan, but it was still diabolical.

In the bathroom, Lily was bored. She missed James. She missed her crackers that she had hidden under her pillow. And most importantly of all, she missed the bottle of rum that she had stashed in her trunk.

Sighing in boredom, she decided on painting her toenails. At least it was something to do. James had told her that if she stayed in here for a few moments, it would seem more realistic. That was fine, but…she was bored.

She couldn't find any polish in the first drawer, so she went for the bottom one.

Wait…what was that? There was something white and green and cloth in here. Which was weird because it didn't look like anything she recognized. Picking up—whatever it was—in between her index and thumb, Lily held up what turned out to be a pair of boy's boxers.

"EEE!" She dropped them in disgust.

What was that green stuff on there? She pulled the boxers back towards her with the tip of her shoe and looked at it closer. It was…The Incredible Hulk? The Hulk was menacingly baring his teeth at her, though he looked silly doing such a thing when he was across the butt of someone's underwear.

Who did these belong to? Did they belong to one of the girls she shared the dorm with? Or…Lily didn't want to think it. NO. Sirius had come in here earlier to shower.

She was just about to think that SURELY Sirius wouldn't shove his undies in her drawer, but then she remembered who she was thinking about. And also she remembered that it was Sirius that had been walking around with the Incredible Hulk on his butt.

Out in the bedroom, Sirius coughed awkwardly.

"James."

James looked up at him. "What?"

Sirius looked over at Remus and Peter in feigned nervousness. Then he looked back at James. "We know." He told him simply.

James paled as he stared at them. No…they couldn't know. He and Lily had been so careful. They had to be pulling his leg to see if he would let anything slip. He had known his friends too long for them to be able to lie to him. James knew that as soon as they found out about him and Lily, they would be in shock, SHOCK!

"You…know?" he asked carefully.

"Yes." Sirius responded and he mentally patted himself on the back. YES, James had no idea about his plan. He REALLY thought they knew; Sirius could tell that much from James's paling features. This was just too easy.

James fought the urge to roll his eyes. Sirius was so sure of himself. "You know what?"

"Your secret." Sirius said, "We know all about it."

James looked to Remus and Peter who were nodding in agreement.

"You all know?" James asked as he looked between all of them. So they were all in on it. That must mean that they had all noticed that he was hiding something. That wasn't good. He was going to have to be more careful.

They nodded again.

Well…just because he really was hiding something, didn't mean that James couldn't mess with their heads. Sighing, he dropped his head and placed his face in his hands. "You're not mad?" He asked them without looking up.

There was silence as Sirius looked over at the other two boys. "Of course not," he said finally, "But you didn't have to keep it a secret…"

James looked back up at them from in-between his fingers. "I didn't?"

Sirius shook his head. "No…we just…want to hear you say it out loud. Let it all out, man."

Remus narrowed his eyes at James. Surely Sirius didn't think he was actually buying this. Sirius's plan of pretending that they knew the secret had been good enough, but his performance was weak. James was obviously playing him, but Sirius didn't seem to notice.

James sighed dramatically, causing the corner of Remus's mouth to lift.

"Alright!" James said and Sirius unconsciously leaned forward eagerly. "I…I am dating…A Slytherin."

Sirius's mouth dropped open, Remus snorted, Peter's eyes grew round as saucers, and James looked to be fighting to keep a strait face.

"WHAT?" Sirius screeched.

The bathroom door flung open and Lily walked out, holding up a pair of boxers for everyone to see.

"Everybody look!" She said cheerily, "Sirius wears Hulk undies!"

…