Chapter Twenty Four

I had been home two weeks and every single time I fell asleep Jackson would start crying. Because he was still a newborn apparently he had to sleep in a basinet in mine and Edward's room. I didn't see the point in this why not just hook up the baby monitor, but because he was in our room every time he cried it was piercing loud.

Tonight was no different I was woken by the piercing cry of my baby. I rolled over looking at the clock on my bed side table noticing that it was 3 in the morning. I rolled onto my back bringing my pillow over my head so I could drown out some of the noise.

I still haven't held my baby I couldn't bring myself to do it. Every time I look at him I'm reminded of that day and now his crying every night was just pushing me further away. It would be fine if it was a normal baby cry but he had this screeching cry that made your ears hurt.

I elbowed Edward in the back trying to wake him up so he could take care of the baby. Normally he was pretty good and woke up straight away but I think me not being able to do anything for the baby made it harder on him because it meant he had to feed and change him several times a night.

Edward sighed but sat up none the less.

"You're not going to get him are you?" I lifted the pillow off my head to see Edward looking down at me.

"No" I answered simply. He pushed himself off the bed more forcefully then necessary and walked over to the basinet picking up Jackson trying to sooth him.

"You're going to have to soon Bella I can't keep doing this. I'm already getting behind on my assignments and I'm getting tired when I'm at the hospital for the practical side of it. I'm basically a single father right now because you don't want anything to do with our son." He spat. I pulled the pillow back over my head ignoring Edward. I would hold our son when I felt ready to not when he wanted me to. I heard the bedroom door slam shut telling me that Edward had left to go get Jackson his bottle.

Ignoring Edward's little outburst I rolled over and went back to sleep. I woke up later that morning to the sound of Jackson whimpering it wasn't a full cry yet but I was sure it would start any minute. I blindly reached over to Edwards's side to get him up but I found it empty. Sitting up quickly I noticed the room empty besides me and Jackson.

"Edward." I called out thinking that he might just be in the bathroom. At the sound of my voice Jackson started crying loudly. I got out of bed walking out of the bedroom.

"Edward" I called louder once again there was no answer besides the cry of my baby. I walked over to my dad and Sue's room knocking to see if they were there. They didn't answer so I opened the door to find their room empty. I was starting to panic it seemed that no one was home. I raced downstairs with Jackson's cries becoming louder. Looking in the kitchen I noticed a note on the bench.

Bella,

Me and Sue have gone over to Billy's for the day their having a big BBQ. We'll see you late this afternoon.

Love

Dad and Sue

I searched downstairs for any signs of Edward but I couldn't find him anywhere. Jackson's cries were becoming hysterical and some part of me felt horrible for that. I went back upstairs not entirely sure what I was going to do. When I went back into our bedroom I noticed the note on his pillow.

Bella,

I'm sorry for last night, I'm just tried. I have my practical at the hospital today I'll see you when I get home.

Love

Edward.

If I was panicking before it was nothing compared to now, I was really by myself with a screaming baby who I couldn't do anything for. I walked over to the crib not exactly sure what I could do for Jackson. When I looked at him his face was all red from screaming and he was thrashing about. My heart broke but I couldn't do it, I couldn't pick up my own baby.

"Shh Jackson it's alright." I knew it wouldn't work but I had to try, his screams were getting louder.

"Jackson please stop. Please Edward will be home soon." My baby kept crying and as much as I didn't like what he reminded me of I needed to do something. I looked around the room helplessly trying to work out what I could do for him, I knew there was nothing in the room to help me. I turned back to my son biting my lip not entirely sure what I should do. I couldn't smell anything so I didn't think he had a dirty diaper I decided my best bet was that he was hungry. I ran back down stairs and into the kitchen where I found some formula bottles made up in the kitchen.

I quickly grabbed one and put it into the microwave to heat up, I was hoping this would work. I took the bottle out of the microwave and went back up stairs to Jackson who was still crying. When I put the bottle into his mouth he was quite for a second before he started screaming louder than before.

"Shit" I hissed as I put the contents of the bottle on my wrist no wonder he's screaming this would have burnt his mouth. I can't even feed my own baby what kind of mother am I?

"Jackson what do you want me to do? I can't do anything right." I was starting to panic even more now. What do I do no one's home? I thought of taking him over to Esme and Carlisle's house but that meant picking him up and I wasn't ready to do that. But what choice did I have? He was hungry, I couldn't let a baby starve and I had just burnt his mouth to I don't know what extent.

"Damn it!" I exclaimed as I picked up Jackson holding him as far away from me as possible. I raced back downstairs and to my car where luckily the doors were unlocked. I placed Jackson in his car seat that Edward had installed before he was actually born. I was thankful that the seat belt wasn't that confusing and that I could put it around him. I ran back inside grabbing my keys and jumped in the driver's seat and drove towards the Cullen's house with Jackson crying in the back hoping to God that someone would be home.