12.

They were gone when I went downstairs the next day. I didn't say much and everyone let me be, probably glad I was more solemn today. The hours dragged by slowly as I wandered around, trying to find things to do, anything to keep me from having to think. I finished a trilogy of novels Edward had recommended to me in one sitting and watched an 80's chic-flick marathon on TV. I tried to compose a symphony and spent countless hours in the dance studio, dancing away everything I felt with blaringly loud music and closed eyes.

Bella found me in the studio on the first day. She startled me out of my trance when she turned off my music. I whirled around.

She smiled at me softly. "I'm sorry about all of this. It must be hard being so close to your husband but yet still so far away."

"Did someone one pay you to come talk to me," I eyed him suspectingly.

She seemed shocked. "No! Just wanted to talk to you, make sure you're all right. I consider you a friend by now, you know."

I was embarrassed that I had thought it could be anything more than that: friend-to-friend. "Sorry," I muttered.

She laughed. "It's alright. I'm very suspicious looking, they tell me." I smiled in return.

I walked over towards her. "My feelings are confusing me at the moment, more than ever before. I want to see him so badly but a part of me thinks maybe it would be better if I let him be, not drag him into this new…world."

She folded her arms and nodded.

"What was it like when you found out what Edward was?"

"Surprisingly easy. I loved him, and he was so perfect to me that I was willing to risk my own life, my sanity, to be with him."

I sighed. "I can only hope my husband still loves me."

She took my hand and squeezed it gently. "Once you find someone to love, it's hard to fall out of love with them."

I looked away, my voice catching as I confessed, "I'm so scared he won't accept me. That he'll be repulsed by what I've become."

"True love is blind, Lisa."

I looked back at her. "Yes, I suppose it can be. But is it blind enough to look past the fact that my nature begs me to suck blood?"

"I looked past it with Edward. But maybe you don't have to tell him everything. Maybe if he figures it out himself, it will be easier to believe. I don't think I would have believed Edward if he'd told me right from the start, and I probably wouldn't have fallen in love with him."

I nodded, "Maybe you're right. I just don't what to tell him. He's believed for three years that I'm dead and gone, and one day I show up… looking like this?"

Bella shook her head. "Maybe you looking like an angel will distract him from everything else." She winked at me, hoping to lighten my darkening mood.

I laughed. "Maybe," I added hopefully. We walked out of the studio together, moving silently towards the house. Bella stopped halfway there and I turned back to look at her, wondering what she was thinking. I chuckled to myself when I though of how useful Edward's gift would be, though it wouldn't work on Bella. She held her hand out for me to take and said, "I have someplace I want to show you. Run with me?"

We ran for about thirty minutes when we reached the road. We crossed it and resumed our run through the woods and finally we came to clearing. There were wildflowers growing amongst the tall, light green grass, a gentle breeze flowing through. The sun shone in through the opening in the trees and made the whole meadow seem to sparkle. Bella stepped into the sun and immediately, her skin became like the faces of millions of diamonds. She was radiant. I stepped into the sun beside her, feeling the sun kiss my skin softly. I closed my eyes for a moment, letting the feeling of warmth on my skin soothe me.

"This is Edward and I's meadow. This is where we first kissed, where he first showed me his true self. This is where we started the relationship that has carried me through thick and thin."

She had been looking around the meadow, lost inside memories, letting the grass blades caress her open hands. She looked at me, smiling at the sweetness of what she was remembering. Then she walked over to me and took my hand. "Maybe it will help if you find your own meadow, for you and John. A place where you can be open with him, someplace you both can share."

She was watching the sky now, the sun reflecting off her skin. I held my hands in front of me and watched the light move with the motion of my hands. It was like I was a disco ball, reflecting every light around me. Then I crossed my arms over my chest and hugged myself tightly.

"Am I beautiful, Bella?"

She seemed surprised by the question. She turned her face to watch me inquisitively. Finally she nodded, a small smile lighting across her lips. "You're very beautiful, in fact. If I wasn't absolutely sure Edward is in love with me like he is, I might be jealous," she added with a wink.

I laughed lightly. "Maybe that will be enough to convince John to stay with me."

Again she took my hand. "Although you are a vampire, I still say the odds against you are very slight." The smile was still on her lips. "A man would be crazy not to stay with someone like you, especially if you love him."

"And I do," I said under my breath. I took a deep breath and nodded. "Thank you, Bella. This was what I needed."

I hugged her close. "This whole family has been far too kind to me."

She simply laughed. "Whatever you say."

And with that we were headed back to the house, racing with each other, feeling giddy, unaware of the looming storm cloud hanging over our heads.

Every day, at least one of them called, usually all three so they could talk to their significant others, to update us on what was happening.

They had followed his scent the first day all through our hometown, and then down to my parents' home. They went on down further into Olympia on the second day, and tracked back up to Seattle, which was the last we had heard from them. It was now day four, and everyone was waiting anxiously for them to call.

And the phone rang at exactly the same time it had every day for the past three days. It was Jasper who answered. He spoke in a hushed tone to whoever it was on the other end, at one point even leaning away from me. I didn't let it bother me, because it meant they had news, whether good or bad I could not say. Jasper hung up after a few minutes and asked to speak to Esme and Alice upstairs. Alice eyed me apologetically, and I sent her a mental message to let her know I was feeling okay.

I sat on the couch, my feet tucked under me, until they came back downstairs.

"Lisa," Jasper looked at me for the first time since the call. "They've found him."

My heart skipped a beat as I heard those words, then crashed, waiting to hear the bad news. "Where?"

Esme spoke up now, in a soothing voice, "In Seattle."

"But where?" I stressed.

Alice came to sit next to me and began rubbing my back in a circular motion like she did whenever she felt I was becoming stressed or anxious.

"A bar." Jasper spoke the words carefully.

I covered my mouth with my hand. "No!" I gasped into my mouth. John had become sober after we had been dating for 2 months for my sake. The fact that he would lapse back into it after thinking he'd lost me made me speechless. Then I looked from Alice to Jasper to Esme. "Please," I begged. "Take me to see him."

Esme looked over at Jasper and said something that sounded like, "I told you she would want to go," though there was no accusation in her voice. They had apparently already made their mind up on this matter.

Alice took my hand and helped me off the couch, while Esme and Jasper quickly packed overnight bags with three changes of clothes for all four of us. It was decided that Bella and Rosalie would stay behind with Renesme, and if they were needed, arrangements would be made for Renesme to go to La Push with Jacob. We left the house, the whole process taking only a few words of instructions from Esme and Jasper. I hugged Bella, Renesme, and Rose goodbye.

"I told you we'd find him for you," whispered Rosalie to me.

And like that, we were in Esme's car, rolling down the driveway. We drove straight the whole way, only stopping once for gas. We got to the hotel where the others were staying at around 11 at night. Carlisle told me that John had already gone back to the little studio he was renting and that I would get to see him tomorrow.

"Does he look terrible?" I asked him earnestly.

He looked me deep in the eye and spoke the truth. "Yes."

And then I was taken to a room that I would share with Alice and Jasper. Emmett and Edward had the room to the left of us and Esme and Carlisle, the one on the right. All of this, of course, was just to appear normal and escape suspicion.

Alice stayed with me while Jasper went to the boys' room to go watch a game or something, while Esme and Carlisle stayed in their room.

"Is it hard to know that he's drinking?" Alice asked me. We were sitting together on one of the couches. I dropped the book I had been pretending to read and saw that Alice was done with her manicure. I was glad that she didn't go out of her way to try and please me, but continued with her normal daily things. This made it seem less like my world could crash down around me at any moment.

I nodded. "He became sober when we started dating." I didn't say anything else, letting her draw her own conclusions.

She was waving her hands around, trying to get the nail polish to dry faster. "You know, it's much better if you blow on them."

She laughed. "Yes, but I get impatient sometimes," she winked. "I mean, time is endless for me, but I still like my nails to dry in a short time."

"Well, of course. Thus giving you more time to enjoy them." I smiled at her playfully.

She rolled her eyes, though she was laughing. It felt good to be normal for a while and forget everything. We talked about anything and everything under the sun that didn't have to do with what was going to happen tomorrow. She gave me a manicure as well, along with a pedicure. Around dawn, she asked if I'd like her to do my hair and told her that'd be fine. She played with it for a long time before she finally just pulled the top half into a bun at the back of my head, letting the rest falls down my shoulders and back in long curls. I slipped into a blue dress that hugged my body and applied a little liquid eyeliner above my top lashes.

And then reality set in when Carlisle knocked on our door around 9, and I felt a little bit embarrassed about all the mindless things we had done last night. But nobody said anything about it as they all filed into our room. Everyone stood around the room awkwardly, until Carlisle spoke up.

"Alice, do you have any clue as to what would be the best plan of action today?"

She focused for a minute. "I see Jasper and you. You're at his place and you are asking him to join you somewhere. Lisa is there, at that place. That's all I can see. A lot of it is still blurry."

"Okay. Should we bring him here, then? There are enough witnesses outside so if anything goes wrong, hopefully he will leave peacefully, but still provides us with a place to hold a private reunion." He looked at me, asking me with his eyes if I approved of the plan.

I nodded. "That sounds like the best plan."

"Edward and Emmett will be in their room and Esme and Alice will stay with you here."

Everyone suddenly seemed to come alive. Alice walked over to Jasper, who was already next to Carlisle, and they talked quietly while Emmett moved to the other room, leaving Esme with me. I wanted Edward to stay with me, though, at least until John arrived, because I wanted to know what he would say. Edward heard me and came towards me, standing behind one of the high-backed single chairs. I took a seat on the couch and Esme next to me. She whispered to me softly, stroking my hair and reassuring me that everything would be all right.

Jasper and Carlisle left a few minutes later, and Alice joined Esme and I on the couch. I was squashed in between the two of them. I watched Edward's face as he watched the wall above my head, though not seeing anything. We had to wait a little bit longer because Jasper and Carlisle were taking the car to John's studio apartment. But finally they were there, and Edward began to speak in a low, monotone voice. "They've just arrived in front of the apartment and are up the stairs and at his door. Carlisle knocks." There was a pause in the monologue as I assumed they were waiting for John to answer the door. Then Edward spoke again. "He's not answering but the door appears to not have been closed properly last night, so Carlisle and Jasper are going in. He's in the bed, lying face down. Carlisle is shaking him awake and he rolls over… Wow, he looks terrible." I cringed. Edward noticed my thoughts and apologized quickly. "Well, he's not understanding anything Carlisle is trying to tell him, though Jasper is trying to make him feel more… awake."

"Is it working," I asked anxiously.

Edward shook his head, though I wasn't sure if it was in reply to my question or something he had heard in someone's mind. "He's just collapsed, probably from all the alcohol."

I jumped up and gasped. "What are they going to do?" What was I going to do?

Edward glanced at me, giving me a look that told me to stay put. "Carlisle has decided it's probably best if they bring him here to sober up."

I sank down into the couch. Had I failed my husband?

"There's nothing you could have done," Edward whispered quietly.

I knew it was true but some part of me felt like I could have done something, at least tried to warn him somehow, to let him know I was okay.

Esme and Alice both sensed my anguish and tried to comfort me. I looked back up at Edward, pain visible in my eyes. "Which room will they take him too?" I asked in a broken voice.

"Carlisle's room."

I stood to move over to the room next door, but Alice pulled me down with a soft rebuke. "Now is not the best time, Lisa. Please just wait until he has slept this off."

I couldn't object anymore. All my strength seemed to have failed me. I sank back down into the couch and slumped against Alice's cold, marble body. She stroked my back, humming softly.

I never heard him leave, but at one point I looked up and noticed Edward was gone. Was he with my husband now? I looked at Alice. "How is he doing?"

She shook her head. "It's so hard to see him. But it seems like he'll be sleeping for a while."

I felt the slight change in temperatures as the sun went down and came back up again the next morning. The whole time, neither Alice nor I moved, though she continued to rub my back. She was very careful to keep her mind blank, which would have frustrated me if my energy wasn't so spent. Esme moved in between her room and mine, simply to make sure I was okay and to check if there was any news, though there never was. John had slept the whole day and night without moving a muscle. It was worse than I had feared.

At one point, I became so agitated and anxious that Alice had to get Jasper to calm me down. I could see the pain I felt reflecting on his face as he read my emotions, quickly calming me.