13.

It was around 4 in the afternoon and Esme relayed to Alice and I that John was slowly beginning to come out of his drunken slumber. Alice warned me it was still a little too early to see him, so Esme went back and forth, telling us what was happening. Carlisle was trying to give him some food, Edward watching his mind carefully for any signs that John might start panicking or cause trouble. And slowly John was coming to, complaining of a headache, seemingly unaware of his surroundings or who he was with. Carlisle gave him two pain pills.

And then all of a sudden there was a gasp from Alice and all of the Cullens flew into our room.

"Alice, what do you see?" asked Jasper anxiously. Edward's face was changing so fast as he processed what Alice was seeing. "No," he muttered under his breath. I reached to grab Alice's hand, to see what she was seeing, but Emmett was beside me in a flash, holding my hands away. And then Edward's eyes flew upon and he spoke quietly to Carlisle, so that I couldn't hear. Carlisle came to my side and asked Esme to take me to the other room. I didn't know what was happening as Esme half-dragged me to Emmett's room and placed me on the couch in front of the TV, which was still on. Emmett must not have thought of turning it off in his hurry to come to my room. I was frustrated that he had pulled me away from Alice, and that I hadn't been able to reach Edward.

"Esme, Esme!" I wasn't unable to fully grasp what was happening, which terrified me. "What is happening?"

"I don't know, darling," she spoke softly as she rubbed my back. "I'm sure it's nothing for you to worry about."

I was about to ask her why they had insisted on me leaving the room if it did not concern me, but I was interrupted when Jasper flew in to the room and said with a hard edge in his voice, "John has left."

Esme stood up quickly and I asked, "Is that what Alice saw?"

Jasper looked at me. He didn't reply, just smiled sadly at me and led Esme to her room. I followed, not sure if I was supposed to or not, and peeked past everyone at the bed that was in the middle of the room. The sheets were rumpled like someone had slept there, but there was no body. John was gone! I pushed past everyone and went quickly to the bed, pulling the sheets up to my face to smell them. His scent wafted into my nose along with an old musty smell mixed with liquor. I nearly gagged as the alcohol flooded my nostrils. It seemed that becoming a vampire had not lessened my disgust of the amber liquid. Alice was trying to pull me off the bed as she felt the waves of confusion and anger flowing off of me. "Come on, Lisa. This is not good for your mental health."

I let go of the edge of the bed and let her drag me back to the couch in our room. I heard everyone else murmuring together as they discussed what had happened.

"He's gone back to the bar across the street," whispered Edward, furious. "I didn't see it coming because he must have only thought of it while I was busy with Alice's vision and slipped out while we were all in there."

Esme was asking anxiously what should be done.

"We can't go in there and pull him out without causing a scene. We'll have to wait until he leaves to go back to his studio."

"We can't keep him here, Carlisle, he'll just keep trying to leave." It was Emmett who spoke.

"You're right," said Carlisle, "We'll have to take him out of Seattle and back home. It's the best option as of now."

"Plus with the danger," muttered Edward, not finishing his sentence.

"Yes, we're better prepared in Forks for them."

I was so confused. Who was Carlisle talking about? Was someone coming to harm John? My thoughts were like scrambled eggs and I was unable to piece them together the right way. Everything that had happened in the past week was either going so fast it was hard to keep up or so slow that there was nothing to do. I didn't feel tired like I wanted to sleep, but my head was starting to throb, wanting some peace.

Alice never moved from my side as we waited for night to fall. She kept her mind blank like before. Finally there was a stir around 5 in the morning and Carlisle, Emmett, Edward, and Jasper slipped out quietly. Esme announced that she would be taking Alice and I home, so we packed what we had brought for ourselves and checked out for everyone, pilling everyone's things into the back of the car. Alice sat up front, sensing I wanted some space, and we drove through the night in silence. We reached Forks just as the sun was peaking over the horizon. We took all the bags into the house and Bella and Rose helped unpack everything, sorting out what needed to be washed from the clean clothes.

My throat had begun burning, reminding me that I had not eaten in several days, so Alice and Esme went out with me and we hunted for about an hour. When we got back, we heard a shuffle going on in the garage and we went to see what was happening. As Carlisle and Emmett were pulling John out of the car, he had awakened and was trying to fight them off. Of course, Emmett and Carlisle could not be budged and they dragged him into the house and up the stairs into an extra room that had a bed in it from when Bella had visited while she was still human. Emmett and Edward pinned John to the bed while Carlisle administered medicine with a syringe, which made him fall asleep instantly. I watched from the corner of the room as Edward and Emmett released their hold and gently pulled his arms up to lie beside him on the bed. Nobody seemed to notice me as they buzzed around John, making sure there were no bruises on him, though I was sure Edward and Emmett had been very gentle with him. Finally I asked loudly what had happened in Seattle.

It was Carlisle who answered me. "We got to the bar a little bit after he left, and found him in an alley being beaten. We got there before anything serious could happen, but one of the muggers did get a few punches in before running off."

I could hear his heart beating, the blood pushing through his veins. I took a sniff and, looking past the alcohol, could smell the familiar scent. My mouth began to water, so I swallowed convulsively. I knew I could control myself, however good he smelled to me, because this was my husband, the man I loved and had waited three years to see again. I walked slowly to the bed and sat down next to John's still figure, watching his chest rise and fall slowly as he breathed. I began to study his face, noticing that his hair was unkempt and almost shoulder-length and dirty. There were smudges on his face and on his lip was a little trail of dried blood. But there was still that beauty I remembered falling in love with, gentleness to his face. I stroked his cheek softly, lovingly. Though I barely touched him, there was still a slight stir in the air as his scent mixed with mine. I looked down at his body and noticed that his clothes were dirty and torn. He wore an old t-shirt and a pair of jeans, canvas running shoes on his feet. I glanced around the room and saw that only Esme was still there.

"Will you help me clean him up a little?" I looked back at his dirty figure, reeking of alcohol.

She nodded and went to go fetch a deep dish with warm water and soap and a washcloth. I got most of the dirt off his face and hands with that, but suggested that maybe I should give him a bath.

"Will you be alright doing it by yourself, or do you want me to help you?"

I shook my head. "I think I can do it by myself."

"I'll get you a change of clothes for him. He looks to be about Carlisle's size."

I pulled John off the bed slowly, so as not to hurt him, and carried him to the nearest bathroom with a tub. I had always found it strange that a house of vampires would have so many bathrooms, since there was no need to use the toilet or take a shower. But now I was grateful for it, as I set John carefully on the toilet, leaning him against the wall, as I stripped off his dirty clothes, laying them in a pile by the door. Esme came in with clothes after I had placed him in the tub. I turned on the water and adjusted the temperature, testing it carefully to make sure it wasn't too cold, since everything felt hot to me. I finally set the knob at about medium and figured that was good. There was a soft knock on the door and Bella came in. "I figured you might need these. I still have them from when I was human."

She handed me a bar of soap and shampoo and conditioner. "It's a bit girlie, I know," she said apologetically and I read the label on the two bottles.

I smiled at her thankfully, joking, "I never would have pinned you as a freesia woman."

Bella laughed and closed the door behind her as she walked out. I used the washcloth from before and scrubbed John's body from head to toe. I noticed a few bruises on his chest and arms, being especially careful not to press those areas too hard. Then I washed his hair, which took me three go-arounds until I felt his hair was truly clean again. I cleaned inside his ears and under his nails and toenails, taking a clipper to the ones that were too long.

Esme walked in to help me right after I had drained the tub. She helped me gingerly pull out his body and dry him. I pulled on the new clothes while she held him upright, laughing when she smelled the flowery scent to his hair.

"It was Bella's," I admitted with a chuckle.

And then we carried him back to the bed, which had been stripped of the old sheets and had fresh, clean sheet on. Esme left the room, closing the door behind her, after I told her I'd wanted to be alone with him for a while.

I took his hand in mine and stroked it lightly, tracing all the lines. "I've missed you so much, John," I whispered to him. I wasn't sure if he could hear me, though I was sure he wouldn't have recognized my voice now. I carefully laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat like a metronome.

I didn't know how long I lay there with my eyes closed, but suddenly the door opened and Alice walked in. "He's going to wake up soon, Lisa."

I stood up, embarrassed that she had seen me with my head on my husband's chest. "Can I stay? I want to be here when he wakes up."

Alice nodded. "Emmett, Edward, and Carlisle will be here, of course, to hold him back if he tries to do anything, like run, but I think it would be a good idea if there's someone he'll recognize. And you are the reason he's here after all."

"If he even recognizes me," I added slowly, almost scared to say it out loud.

"It will take him a little bit but he will, though he'll try to pinch himself, swearing he's dreaming." And then she added in a less cherry voice, "Be careful, Lisa. Of everything, but especially of what you tell him." A dark shadow passed behind her eyes, though it happened so fast I couldn't be sure it wasn't just my imagination.

"Some secrets are best kept that way," I muttered to myself, though I had no idea how hard it would be to keep a secret this big from him. Being a vampire, that's who I was now, and I would have to use all my strength to try and resist that new nature.

I couldn't lie to myself anymore: John smelled so good, and my body craved his blood, wanting to bite into him and taste it. But Edward had been able to resist his urge because of the love he felt for Bella, knowing that he would have killed himself if he harmed her in any way. And I knew I felt exactly the same way about John. I loved this man lying absolutely still on the bed in front of me. I watched the rise and fall of his chest again, the pain of these three years spent separate threatening to flow over. But I held on to my cool and watched as, slowly, he began stirring, waking from his medicated slumber.

Edward and Carlisle were the first to come in, taking up a position behind the bed, out of direct view from John's perspective. Emmett lumbered in only a millisecond later and stood next to Edward, watching me. I noticed everyone was watching me, in fact, anxiety and worry etched in their faces. I wanted to tell them not worry about me, though in some way it felt nice to know they cared so much that they would hate to see me get hurt.

Alice had moved into a dark corner behind Carlisle, watching everything around her in the room and in her mind.

John's eyes popped open suddenly and he sucked in a deep breathe of air. I took one step closer to the left corner of the bed, feeling everyone's eyes on me, watching my face and reading my body language. I had no doubt Edward was inside both my head and John's.

And then John slowly began to sit up, his eyelids still half-closed, showing the effects of the drug hadn't worn off completely yet. I waited with an incredible patience, my inner vampire shinning through in this. Time wasn't so important when you'd live until the world stopped turning.

He began to look around himself, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings. I carefully monitored his feelings, watching for any signs of being frightened. And then his eyes landed on me. He blinked twice, slowly, and I waited for his brain to fully kick in. And then his eyes snapped open and he let out a gasp. But he didn't move, didn't jump off the bed. I bit my lip, praying this wouldn't be as hard as I'd always feared it might be.

And then he sat up and began pinching his arms, blinking furiously, still watching me. I could feel the confusion that he felt. He tried everything to check if he was dreaming or not, and the whole time I stood perfectly still, almost too nervous to breathe.

Finally he gave up. His eyes never wavered from mine. He croaked out in a dry voice, "Is this a dream?"

My eyes began to burn with unshed tears. I didn't trust my voice to not reveal my sudden change in emotions, so I simply shook my head. He looked so glorious, his slight curls falling across his scrunched-up forehead. The curtains were closed tight, the only light in the room coming from the lamp above his head. It made his hair shine. I wondered with a smile if the view from where he sat could really be any better than mine.

John saw the smile that had slightly uplifted the corners of my mouth. "Who are you," he asked in bewilderment. I couldn't help but rejoice at the sound of his voice, re-awakening memories I thought were long gone. He sounded like an angel, as much as Edward and Alice did, but only better, because it was his voice. He knew the answer to the question, but he seemed almost afraid to admit it to himself, which I found reasonable.

And finally I spoke. "Hello, John," was all I said, my melodic voice ringing around the room.

"You know my name," he sputtered out.

I nodded. "Of course."

Now he was off the bed and coming towards me, one hand held out hesitantly in front of him. Carlisle, Edward, and Emmett moved at the same time, wanting to be as close as possible if anything happened. But I took a step back from John, scared to left him touch me. I almost found it ridiculous that, of all things I should be scared of, it was this that now gripped my stomach. I saw the hurt flash across his eyes and was instantly sorry I had moved. But what would he do if he felt my skin, hard as rock and cold as ice? It was for the best, I reminded myself. But I still took half a step forward to reassure him I wasn't going anywhere. He noticed this and lowered his hands, happiness replacing his hurt. I took another small step towards him, longing to feel his warm skin under my fingertips. But I refrained from touching him, making sure to keep at least an arms-length distance between us. It was so painful to be even this far away from him now; it felt more like we were miles apart.

"John," I whispered his name. I noticed his eyes open a tiny bit wider and felt the happiness that ran from his head to his toes.

"If this is a dream, I never want it to end," he whispered. I wasn't sure if he'd meant for me to hear that or not, though I obviously could. I decided to reply anyways.

"This isn't a dream, John."

He shook his head. He wanted to believe it but was scared of loosing his mental health if he did.

"I'm real," I said.

I placed my hand on my neck, slightly caressing the little metal heart with his name engraved on it. I noticed the minute my scent hit his nose. His mouth opened slightly in surprise, his eyes widening a little more. He recognized my smell, though it was probably ten times more powerful now. "Alissa," he whispered, finally starting to believe.

I nodded. "John," I whispered back, longing to hold him, to feel his arms around me. I took another half step towards him. His scent was stronger than before, leaving me breathless.

And suddenly I wasn't afraid anymore. "Do you trust me, John," I asked him.

He ignored my question. "I thought you were dead."

In a way I was, I thought to myself. It's not living when you're not here.

But I didn't say my thoughts out loud. Instead, I replied, "I'm not."

"But why? Why didn't you come find me?"

"Do you trust me, John?" I asked again, this time more fervently.

I counted his heartbeats, 3 of them, before he replied. "Yes."

"Then please trust me when I say that it was for your protection and mine. If I could have come to you sooner, please believe me, I would have." I stopped myself before I got carried away.

John closed his eyes and I felt the pain and frustration.

"Please, trust me. I'm begging you."

He opened his eyes again. "Okay," he surrendered. And then his mind switched tracks and he said slowly, "Your voice sounds like a beautiful concert of bells."

I smiled slowly. "Thank you," I whispered, loud enough for him to hear me.

"And you look so… beautiful. You always were, but now…" he didn't finish the sentence, apparently unable to find the word he was looking for. "And you smell like heaven itself."

He didn't ask the question I knew was burning in my mind, about what had happened to me.

"There's a lot that's different about me, but the explanation is not… simply." I saw Alice flash me a warning look out of the corner of my eye, reminding me of what she had said before. "That is why I just need to you to trust me."

He nodded. "If that's the price I have to pay to be with you, then I will gladly pay it." But the doubt seemed to cross him mind. "That is, if you'll have me."

I almost laughed at the ridiculousness of that statement, but held it in. "I've waited for three years to have you, I'm not going to give you up now."

"Oh, Lisa, I can't believe it's really you!" And then he had his arms around me, squeezing me tight. I winced the moment I heard the smack of his skin against my cold body, but had no time to respond. But he didn't seem to notice that he was hugging a statue of stone. I kissed his forehead lightly, and everyone left us alone while he had his face buried in my hair, though I was sure one of them was standing watch outside the door, ready to burst in should I take to his throat.