…And in the Eleventh Hour…

"Far out?" Lily asked uncertainly. "You're not mad?"

James looked confused. "Why would I be? The girl I've liked for years went out with me and now she's my…er….girlfriend. What reason would I have for being angry?"

Remus lifted an eyebrow. "Why did you pause before you said girlfriend?"

James shrugged nonchalantly. But Lily flushed. "No reason," James said quickly before changing the subject. "Who wants to hear the actual story?"

Remus continued to give Lily and James a curious look but Peter and Sirius asked to hear the story.

"Ok," James said, "so what really happened was that I asked Lily out that day and she accepted. I thought it was weird, considering," he made a gesture with his hand, "you know. But we went out on the next Hogsmeade trip anyway."

"Wait," Sirius interrupted, "was that the Hogsmeade trip when you ditched us in The Three Broomsticks and said you were buying presents for us?"

James nodded. "Yes."

"Oh, so that's why you bought those licorice wands for them," Lily said, soundly slightly relieved. "That had me worried."

They all stared at her for one long, quiet moment.

"I don't want to think about why you were worried." Remus said finally.

"I wouldn't, if I were you," Lily replied grimly.

James stared at her worriedly for a moment before shaking his head slowly as if to rid himself of his thoughts. "OOOOOKay then…anyway…where was I? Oh yeah. Lily and I went off on our date-"

"James made me picnic," Lily said, smiling in remembrance. "It was in that meadow right outside of Hogsmeade. The tulips were blooming and these butterflies were-"

"Screw the butterflies; I want to hear about the dirty stuff!" Sirius said rudely.

Lily glared as James continued.

"Er…yeah…anyway, we went on the picnic-"

"He had these delicious strawberry crepes," Lily said, her mouth watering at the thought.

"Don't talk about food!" Remus snapped. "I'm starving."

Sirius tried not to look guilty as he remembered the crackers he had eaten.

"Yes, anyway," James ground his teeth together, "we ate the crepes-"

"Dude! What did we JUST talk about?" Remus yelled as his stomach grumbled.

"Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?" Peter asked suddenly.

"Because all glue bottles are magic, obviously," Sirius answered him.

James gripped onto the bed cover until his knuckles turned white. "After we did that, Lily-"

"You know what's a better question, Wormtail?" Sirius leaned around Remus to ask Peter. "If you had the choice to live with a gorilla who knows sign language or a dog who sings lullabies, which would you choose?"

"The dog," Peter said automatically.

"Why?"

"Because gorillas creep me out."

"What! Why? Gorillas are far out."

"WHAT!" James stared at Sirius. "Gorillas are far out? Since WHEN?"

"Since always, Prongs. You were just too wrapped up in your own world to notice them."

"Oh gee, sorry I didn't take more time to notice all the gorillas running around Hogwarts." James rolled his eyes.

"Ok, you're forgiven." Sirius crossed his arms. "This time."

James glared.

"OK," Lily said loudly, hoping to end this strange conversation. "James, why don't you go back to the story? And you three pipe down."

"Thank you, Lily," James said and they exchanged a smile that made Remus, Peter, and Sirius want to gag. "Ok, so getting back to the story…Lily and I went to the meadow, had our picnic, shared some interesting conversation, and then Lily practically threw herself at me."

"What!" Lily asked loudly. "This is not how I remember it."

"How would you know?" James countered. "You got drunk before I did."

"No I didn't!" Lily argued, not noticing all of the boy's eyebrows shoot up at the same time. "You were the one who pulled it out!"

Sirius gaped and then inwardly groaned at his own dirty thought.

"And I was also the one who dared you to swig it." James grinned.

Sirius almost fainted.

"And I did." Lily replied, not noticing that Sirius was starting to sweat. "And then you did!"

Sirius slapped himself in the forehead but it went unnoticed by everyone.

"You got drunk first!" James said, "That's why you dropped it and it went flying all over your shirt."

"OH MY GOD, PLEASE STOP!" Sirius burst as an unbelievable amount of dirty thoughts and pictures went racing through his mind like a dirty flipbook.

Everyone turned and stared at him confusedly.

"What's your problem?" Lily asked.

James didn't need to ask. He narrowed his eyes at Sirius. He knew all too well what was going through his head. He himself had thought the conversation sounded a bit…odd. But he didn't like Sirius thinking about his girlfriend in any dirty context. He didn't want to have to kick his best friend's ass.

"Nothing Lily," James said quickly, "I think Sirius's shin is just sore." He smiled.

"What?" Sirius asked confusedly just as James kicked him in the leg. "Oi!" He yelped but no one was paying attention to him anymore.

"WHY were you two drunk?" Peter asked.

"Lily can't hold her liquor," James grinned. "And apparently, neither can I."

"We were playing 'I never'," Lily answered. "It's a drinking game."

"WAIT," Remus held up a hand. "Yousmoke pot and know drinking games? When did this happen?"

Lily didn't answer.

"Anyhow…" James said, "we got drunk, had fun, and then…I guess after that it was inevitable. We were destined to be together."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Wow, that's the most romantic date I've ever heard of," Peter said sarcastically.

James grinned, Lily flushed, Sirius was still rubbing his leg, and no one noticed that Remus was studying Lily and James suspiciously.

"What do you mean by 'had fun'?" Remus asked. "What exactly did you do?"

"Nothing." Lily said quickly. Too quickly.

"Er-" James started.

"I'm so hungry!" Peter said suddenly. "What time is it?"

Lily glanced over at her clock. "Whoa…it's midnight."

Sirius shuddered. "That's creepy."

"Huh?" Lily looked confused. "Why is that creepy?"

"Don't you know what they say about midnight?" Sirius asked in a haunted sounding voice. "Hasn't anyone ever told you about…the leg girl?"

"Is she hot?" Remus asked with a grin.

Sirius whipped around rather freakily. "No! She was only eleven…when she DIED!"

Everyone stared at him.

"I'm still hungry." Peter said after a moment's silence.

"So was the leg girl!" Sirius whispered. "When she died…at MIDNIGHT."

"Why did I see that coming?" Lily asked lazily.

"Because it's midnight." James pointed at the clock and tried not to laugh.

"This isn't funny!" Sirius said dramatically, getting to his feet to loom over them. "The leg girl was eleven…and hungry when she died…at midnight. No one knows how she died," he whispered, "one day she just came up into THIS dorm and never came back down. They never even found a body."

"Then how do they know she's dead?" Remus asked.

"Now, trapped in the afterlife," Sirius continued, ignoring Remus. "She's still hungry and will do anything for a bit of food. And do you know what her favorite food is?" He looked around at them all. "Legs. Fresh, warm HUMAN flesh-"

"We're wizards, does that count as human?" Peter asked curiously.

"Of course it does!" Sirius said, "And when she's through eating the legs of Hogwarts students, she ALWAYS takes them to the afterlife with her, so that she can eat their legs for ALL eternity!"

"Wait," Lily held up a hand, "if she ate our legs BEFORE she brought us to the afterlife, what is there left for her to eat for all eternity?"

Sirius stared. "YOUR HEART!" He burst suddenly.

No one jumped. No one was surprised in the least. Everyone just stared at him.

"Ok," Sirius shrugged. "That was supposed to scare you."

James rolled his eyes. "Oh wow, I wonder why it didn't. Probably because there was an insane amount of plot holes in that story."

"Well that was the best story that I could come up with on the spot," Sirius said defensively, crossing his arms over his chest.

"James!" Remus said suddenly, "What did you mean by 'had fun'?"

James glared. "You're back on that again?"

Lily climbed off of the bed and stretched. "I'm going to take a shower. Sirius!" She swung around to glare at Sirius. "If you dare try to come in there I will…I'll send the leg girl after you!" She turned without waiting for answer and walked into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her.

She turned to the empty bathroom after closing the door and looked around. A slight chill came over her as she went over to the shower. Turning the water on, she fought the urge not to turn around and glance around the bathroom. The leg girl was NOT there. The leg girl was NOT even real.

She couldn't help it. Lily turned and cast a quick look around the bathroom, breathing a sigh of relief when she didn't see anything.

"Damn you Sirius Black!" She muttered as she turned back to the shower.