Chapter Twenty Seven
I didn't really know where I was driving to I just kept driving until somehow I ended up on my mum's doorstep at 2 o'clock one morning, she didn't seem surprised to see me there.
"Your father rang and told me you left; he figured you would probably show up here." She explained seeing the confused look on my face.
"You can't tell him I'm here" I blurted out.
"Why not? He's your father."
"I just...something's happened and I don't want to talk about it I just need somewhere to stay for a awhile." I stumbled out. My mum nodded her head while letting me into the house and showing me to my old room.
"You can stay here as long as you want. I don't know what happened to make you run away but just know I'm here if you want to talk." I turned away from her and started unpacking my stuff not really wanting to talk to her. As long as she didn't tell anyone that I was here than I wouldn't have any problems.
For the first week I kept to myself just trying to sort through all my thoughts and emotions related to Jackson and Edward. After a while I felt like I was getting suffocated by everything to do with them I spent most of my time in my room thinking about them. I need some space outside of the house. I decided that with the time I had on my hands that I would go to university and study journalism like I wanted to before having Jackson. I told my mum that I wanted to go to university and she somehow through Phil got me a late admission into the University of Phoenix.
Going to university was probably the best decision I've ever made. Through my degree I was able to come to terms with everything that I was feeling towards my son. My lecturers encouraged me to write everything I felt down which I did and I was able to realise that what I was feeling was nothing compared to what my son would go through without me there. I was coming to the end of my third year when I felt that I was ready to go back and deal with everything that I left behind. I knew I should have gone back to my son sooner than I was but I knew deep down that if I went back before I was ready I would just leave again. I told my mum that I was going back and she hugged me and smiled saying it was about time.
The drive back to Forks took me a bit over a day only because I was taking my time, I didn't know what I was going back to. Would my dad hate me? Would Edward hate me? What about his family? Would Jackson even know who I was? I had these questions going through my head the whole time as well as what my son would look like. When he was just baby he looked so much like Edward except with my brown eyes. I knew not to except everyone to welcome me home with open arms what I did to them and my son wasn't something I would forgive easily.
As I drove thru Fork's nothing had changed it all looked the same as 3 years ago. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised this town always seemed to stay the same. I pulled up in front of my dad's house noticing that the house had changed. It seemed that he had painted it and the lawn was free of any weeds that were once there, it looked like the little family home I always wanted when I was younger. After a while I pulled myself out of the car knowing that I needed to get this over with. When I got to the front door I took a breath before knocking I waited a while until the door open.
"Hi" I heard a timid voice say I looked down and was met with the face of my son. I knelt down so I could be talk to him on his level.
"Hi I was wondering if your granddad is home?" I looked over his face committing it to my memory because I had no idea what would happen now.
"Yeah Poppy's home. He's watching footyball. Come I show you." He said as he grabbed my hand and dragged me inside, I chuckled at his pronunciation of football.
"Poppy this girl wants to see you." He said as he ran over to my father and jumped on his lap.
"Jackson Whitlock Cullen what have I told you about answering the door." My father spoke sternly at him
"Don't answer the door unless you or nanny is with me, but but..." My father gave Jackson a look.
"Doesn't matter." Jackson replied obviously knowing what that look meant. My father looked up then noticing me in the door way.
"Bella." My dad whispered out.
"Hi dad." I said not sure what else to say.
"Jackson why don't you go find Nanny and see if she'll give you a cookie?" My father said to Jackson before directing him out of the room.
"What are you doing here?" My dad asked as he stood so he could come closer to me.
"I finally sorted through everything and decided to come back." I said not taking my eyes off my father.
"It took you 3 years to figure everything out Bella. Shit that's a long time you missed Jackson growing up, you missed a lot of his firsts." My father sighed out.
"I know but I needed to sort everything out. I needed to make sure that I could be the mother he needed me to be before I came back."
"So you want to come back and all of a sudden become a part of his life now?" I nodded my head not sure of what else to say.
"Look Bella I think that's great you've sorted yourself out and everything but you can't come in here and tell this little boy that you're his mum and then walk out. As much as I love you as my daughter I won't let you hurt that little boy."
"Dad I understand that but I'm not going anywhere I want to be a part of my sons life, nothing will stop me from doing that." I told him confidently, he must have saw something in my face because he nodded his head.
"Fine but Edward is not going to be happy Bella I'll warn you about that. You really cut him up by leaving. He's raised Jackson all by himself as well doubled his study load so that he could become a doctor faster and spend more time with him." My dad told me honestly.
"Where is Edward?" I asked so I could prepare myself for his anger that my dad said he was sure to have.
"He's away in Seattle for an intern conference thing but he'll be back tomorrow afternoon. Where are you planning on staying?" My dad asked.
"I was going to go the motel and see if they had any rooms." I told him while I hoped they had a room, I mean they should it's not like Forks gets a lot of tourist.
"Don't waste your money on a motel room your room is still the same as you left it you can stay here." My dad said as he pulled me into his arms.
"I'm happy your back Bella, I missed you." My dad whispered to me as he kissed the top of my head.
"I missed you to and I'm happy to be back, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." I said to him as I looked into his eyes so he knew I was telling the truth.
"Right lets go and see your son." My dad ushered me out of the lounge room to the kitchen where Jackson was standing on a stool next to Sue cooking cupcakes.
"Sue look who Jackson let in." My dad said loudly getting Sue's attention.
"Oh my Bella, is that really you?" Sue said as she came over and put my face in between her hands.
"Yeah it's me Sue." I managed to get out between my squished cheeks.
"Oh sweetie we've been so worried about you. Why didn't you ever call? We could have helped you." She exclaimed.
"Nanny stop your making her face or squishy." I heard Jackson say, Sue dropped her hands so that I was able to see that Jackson was standing next to her.
"Hi I'm Jackson Whitlock Cullen. Daddy said my names Jackson because it was my mummy's favourite name but I don't know my mummy and he said my second names Whitlock because my uncle Jazzy helped bringed me into this world. What's your name?" He said without really taking any breaths. I was amazed at how well he could talk for a 3 year old but I suppose it was in his genes with a father as smart as Edward.
"I'm Bella." I said kneeling down to his level again.
"Bella what?" He asked.
"Oh my full names Isabella Marie Swan." I held my hand out so that he could shake it because I wasn't exactly sure what else to do.
"Why?" He asked again
"You like asking questions don't you?" I asked back which he simply nodded his head to.
"I was named Isabella because my mummy and daddy liked that name and I got Marie because it was my grandmother's name and Swan because that's my daddy's last name." I told him.
"Poppy and Nanny are Swans does that me your re re re, Nanny wants the word?" Jackson asked Sue when he couldn't pronounce the word he wanted to say.
"Related." Sue offered.
"Yeah that one." He looked at me waiting for an answer.
"Well I um" I looked to my father to help me.
"Yes Jackson it means she's my daughter." My dad told him. I bit my lip waiting to see what he would say.
"Ok" He said shrugging his shoulders and walking back to his stool so he could finish making the cupcakes with Sue.
"That was close, I know you probably want to tell him you're his mum but maybe we should wait until Edward comes back so we can talk to him." My dad said gently trying not to hurt my feelings in anyway.
"I agree its Edward decision on what part I play in Jackson's life." I told my father smiling as I watched my son interact with his grandmother.
"So Sue's a Swan now when did this happen?" I asked my dad as I playfully elbowed him.
"About a year after you left. It wasn't a big affair or anything we went to the courthouse and signed some forms that was really it." It upset me that I wasn't there to see my dad marry Sue because you could tell by the way they acted around each other that they really love one another. It was just something that I missed that I would have to live with.
The rest of the afternoon I spent watching my son and taking in everything about him. Like how he would pinch his nose just like his father when Sue apparently put the eggs in wrong or how his foods can't touch on his plate. I even found out that he hates his peas just like I do and that when he is thinking really hard he bunches his eyebrows together and bites his lip. Which my dad told me made him look like me when I was a kid.
What I enjoyed the most was when Jackson asked me to read him a bed time story. He took my hand and led me up to his room. When we walked in the room was still the exact same just with a little boy bed instead of a crib and the changing table had made way for shelves that held his toys.
"Do you like my room? My aunty Ali did it with Nanny and Granny." I looked around with tears in my eyes noticing the same green paint and white border they did before he was born.
"It's very nice they did a lovely job." I told him as he crawled into his bed where I tucked the blanket around him.
"Which book do you want me to read?" I asked scanning all the titles he had on his shelf.
"Daddy's been reading me Gween Eggs and Ham. Can you read me that one pwease Bella?" He asked giving me his puppy dog eyes.
"Did your aunty Ali teach you those puppy dog eyes?" I asked pretty sure that that is where he would have picked that trait up from.
"Yeah, do you know my aunty Ali?" I nodded my head regretting bring that up I didn't want to discuss this because I didn't know how Edward would react with me telling Jackson how I knew his family.
"Does that mean you know daddy to?" He asked, I simply nodded my head again.
"How about we read the book huh?" I asked trying to change the subject.
"Did you know my mummy? I've never meet her and daddy doesn't like talking about her?" I sighed knowing that this was my son because he was so stubborn with asking his questions.
"Yes I knew your mummy but I don't want to talk about it ok?" He nodded his head but I could see in his eyes that he was upset.
"Look Jackson I'm sorry it's just hard to explain, I promise I'll tell you about her one day?" He perked up at this.
"Promise" He said has he held his pinkie finger out to me, I grabbed his finger with mine.
"I promise." I laughed at how much he acted like Edwards side of the family. I sat next to Jackson on the bed where he cuddled into me while I read the book. I would occasionally run my fingers thru his hair just taking in the feeling of him lying against me. About half way thru the book he fell asleep and I just sat there amazed at how much this little boy looked and acted like both me and Edward even though I had never been a part of his life before now. I managed to loosen his grip on my shirt so that I could leave and go to bed myself the driving had really taken it out of me. I quietly closed his door and tried tip toeing across to my room so as not to disturb anyone but it didn't work.
"He asleep?" Sue asked from her doorway.
"Yeah" I whispered back.
"You don't have to whisper Bella that boy will sleep through anything." She chuckled.
"Sorry I'm just getting use to everything about him." I told her ashamed that I should know this about my son.
"Its fine you get to learn everything now. I'm so proud you came back Bella." I went to interrupt her but she put her hand up to tell me to wait.
"I know it took 3 years but you still came back in the end just like you promised Edward you would. Now I know he's going to be angry tomorrow when he sees you here but he'll get over it. Just don't let him push you away. Me and your father won't let you go for a second time ok?" What she told me was sinking in yes Edward was going to be mad but I couldn't run away like I did before I had to stand up and stay for Jackson because no matter what he came first.
"Don't worry Sue I won't be going anywhere. I'm going to bed I'll see you in the morning." I told her hoping that she saw that I was being honest.
"Night Bella." Sue said before making her way back into her room.
"Sue?" I quickly called out.
"Yes?" She said as she popped her head out of the room.
"Congratulations on marry my dad he needed someone like you."
"Thanks sweetie I'm glad you approve." She gave me a smile before going back to her room while I went to mine. When I got into bed I had the biggest smile on my face I had been able to meet my son today and spend some quality time getting to know him. I could honestly say that I love my son after just a short time together. He was one of the smartest toddlers I've ever met. I don't know why I couldn't have been like this with him from the beginning but I was going to try and make up any lost time I could. I was also happy that my dad and Sue weren't too angry with me, they had welcomed me home with open arms after making sure that I wouldn't walk out on my son. Now all I had to do was tell Edward I was back. I knew that was not going to go down well but I needed to do it so that I was one step closer to being able to be around fully for my son.