Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, Ronald McDonald, or a pair of sparkly bellbottoms.

…And in the Twelfth Hour…

The dorm was dark and silent. Well, semi-silent anyway. Dark because they had cut all of the lights and climbed into separate beds, and semi-silent because Sirius wouldn't be quiet. They had gone to bed twenty minutes ago. Everytime Lily would drift off, Sirius would ask what time it was, say he was hungry, complain that the room was creepy in the dark, or ask if everyone else was still awake.

It had been five minutes ago that he had last said anything. Lily felt comfortable about lying down and slowly, slooowly drifting off into a deep-

"I'm not sleepy!" Sirius suddenly burst, causing Lily to fly screaming up and off of the bed and face first onto the cold, stone floor.

"BLACK!" She thundered as she got to her feet.

Remus, who was in one of the beds closer to her, silently shrank into the mattress away from her appearance. Her hair was sticking in every direction, her body was rigid with anger, and he could make out through the moonlight coming in from the window that her face was an angry red color.

"What is it Lily dear?" Sirius said through the darkness.

"ONE MORE WORD," She roared, "AND I WILL CHOP YOUR FREAKING HEAD OFF!"

"But that's my best asset," Sirius complained, not sounding worried at all, "besides my cute tush, that it."

"OH, REALLY?" Lily screeched, "WELL IN THAT CASE, MAYBE I'LL SHOP OFF YOUR DI-"

The room was suddenly punctuated by an incredibly loud snoring from the corner bed. They couldn't see each other, but all eyes went in that direction curiously. Lily tried to remember who was in that bed. She prayed that it wasn't James. She didn't want to end up living with—UM…what's that? Living with? No, Lily never thought that. Forget that was there.

"I guess Peter is asleep," James's voice said out of the darkness.

"How the hell is he sleeping?" Lily asked; all the more mad because Peter had somehow gotten to sleep while she was still awake.

"He does that," Remus replied as he laid back and closed his eyes. "Peter can sleep through anything. I suppose that right about now it would seem like a gift."

"Really Sirius," James said, "Go to sleep. The rest of us are tired."

Sirius sighed and was heard grumbling on the bed. "Oh I'm sure you are, Mr. I have sex on the bathroom floor while my friends are right outside."

Lily climbed back into bed as James replied.

"That would suck to have a last name that long," he yawned.

"Hey James?" Remus said suddenly. "What did you do for fun when you got drunk on your date with Lily?"

"I don't know," James replied, "I was drunk, I don't remember."

"Then how do you know that you had fun?"

"I…don't," James said slowly. "Maybe I didn't."

"What did you do, James?"

"Nothing!"

"Some people are TRYING to sleep!" Sirius said suddenly from Debbie's bed.

"Yes, SOME people are!" Lily muttered.

"Sorry," James and Remus murmured in unison.

…And in the Fourteenth Hour…

Lily was free. FREE! Finally she was out of that God forsaken room and away from those wild oafs. Now she could go and do all the things that she had missed doing while she had been stuck in there. Like eating and snogging James and hiding from Sirius and reading in the library.

She felt like jumping for joy. In fact, she did. She jumped for joy strait across the Gryffindor common room and down through the portrait. It was unfortunate that at that moment the earth decided to shake. That was odd. It wasn't like it was just the ground shaking underneath her, either.

The whole world was shaking back and forth and Lily felt an odd pressure on her shoulder—

"Lily, Lily, wake up!"

Lily's heart pounded painfully as she was brought back to consciousness. Not just from the shock, but also from being indescribably mad at being woken up after she had just gotten to sleep and was also having the best dream ever.

She opened her eyes quickly and blinked drowsily only to find Sirius's face above her.

Sirius grinned. "Hi."

"BLACK!"

James screamed and flew out of his bed, Remus sat straight up in alarm and started to look around wildly for the source of the noise, Sirius just grinned wider, and Peter snorted in his sleep and rolled over onto his stomach.

"IT'S-" Lily screeched before glancing over at her clock, "FIVE IN THE MORNING! WHY WHY WHY DO YOU HATE ME? WHY ARE YOU WAKING ME UP? WHY ARE YOU ON MY BED? AND WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON?"

Sirius wiggled his eyebrows as he slid closer. Lily jumped out of the bed…just as Sirius started to turn into Ronald McDonald. Lily watched in horror. Hopefully, she was dreaming again. Hopefully, no one would ever find out that she was dreaming of Ronald McDonald naked in her bed. And hopefully, HOPEFULLY, she could wake up from this nightmare and SOON.

Ronald McDonald cackled evilly before standing up and coming towards her. "Hello my pretty! I'm gonna give you a happy meal you'll never forget!"

"Oh my God," Lily muttered. "Wait till I James about this one…AH!"

She ran away as Ronald McDonald started running towards her.

…And in the Fifteenth Hour…

Lily woke with a jerk and immediately sat up and looked around wildly. She was positive that any second now Ronald McDonald would jump out of the darkness and come towards her again. If he did, she was fully prepared to karate chop his goofy head right off. Not ever was she going to let that clown touch her—wait a second…What was that?

Lily squinted through the dark to see who was moving at the foot of her bed, but there was no need. A spotlight came on from seemingly no where and shone down there…to reveal James shirtless and sporting a pair of sparkling bellbottoms.

"Um-" Lily started to ask what was going on when loud music with a funky beat started blasting out of the walls.

Bum, bum, bum the beat went and everytime it did, James's hips thrust forward.

"Er…Ok, James," Lily said, wide-eyed, "don't be offended but I reallywant to wake up now."

James ignored her in favor ripping his sparkling bellbottoms off in one fluid motion.

"What the hell was in those crackers I ate?" Lily asked herself as she watched James starting to do splits.

She didn't want to know what was next. When she finally woke up, Lily was determined never to think about any of this ever again. She would pretend that none of it ever happened because that was the best solution to keep her sanity intact.

Instead of watching this horrific display from James, Lily dived under her covers and shut her eyes tight. She had to wake up, she had to wake up, she had to wake—

…And in the Sixteenth Hour…

She didn't wake up. Lily knew that she couldn't have because suddenly she was on the front lawn of Hogwarts, standing next to Hagrid's hut. And she also knew that she was dreaming because they were obviously in class with the Slytherins. Looking around, Lily noted that Professors McGonagall and Slughorn were both out here. So whether this was supposed to be Transfiguration or Potions, she wasn't sure.

"Today," Professor McGonagall said loudly, "We're going to pair you up, Gryffindor versus Slytherin, and you're all going to fight to the death, gladiator style. Any questions?" She asked innocently.

"Yes," James, who appeared from no where next to Lily, "is this really to the death?"

"Of course Mister Potter!" McGonagall said sharply. "Don't be such a ding dong!"

Lily lifted an eyebrow before turning to James and whispering, "James, this is weird. I don't want to kill anyone. Let's run away and hide."

"No," James shook his head and didn't even look at her. "I'm going to kill that guy. I have to!" He insisted and pointed out one of the Slytherins. "Do you know what he did to me? He said that I smelled like poop!" James looked very offended as he said shrilly, "Poop! Can believe that, Lily? I do NOT smell like POOP! POOOOP!"

"Uh…Ok," Lily said slowly as she noticed with some embarrassment that people were starting to stare. "But…wait a second…" she narrowed her eyes at the Slytherin that James was pointing out. "JAMES!" She gasped. "That's a first year! You can't kill a first year!"

"Oh, relax would you?" James said casually as Professor McGonagall called him to the front, "It's no big deal. I'll just kill him real quick and then we'll go snog or something."

He shrugged nonchalantly as he strolled in the clearing at the front of the class and met the first year Slytherin.

The child smiled sweetly before talking a voice that Lily had only ever heard coming from professional wrestlers. "HEY POTTER! I'M GONNA RIP OUT YOUR INTESTINES AND MAKE ME NICE WREATH!"

Lily was just thinking that that would make one hideous wreath when Professor McGonagall spoke up.

"Potter, first year Slytherin boy, here are your weapons. Use them wisely."

Lily waited in anticipation to see what the weapons were. Then she saw that Professor McGonagall handed them both a stick full of—FULL OF—OF—OF!

Cotton Candy.

Lily sighed in relief.

"ON GUARD!" James shouted and dived at the Slytherin boy with the cotton candy.

It was a very strange fight. Lily found it odd that her mind had come up with such impressive moves (all the kicks, punches, ducks, and rolls) all in a dream. She was most shocked when James did several back flips, and landed neatly on his feet, only to rip off his robe and reveal a pair of sparkly bellbottoms and no shirt.

Lily slapped herself on the forehead.

The Slytherin boy flipped around all over the place, bouncing from spot to spot, running around until he was just a blur, before diving at James, somehow performing a triple-axel jump and delivering a swift kick to James's gut all in one, impressive motion.

But James had been ready. He whipped out the cotton candy and wacked the boy over the head with it, knocking him out cold.

"Ok, how did that happen?" Lily asked in confusion.

"The winner is Mister Ding Dong Potter!" Professor McGonagall announced and the Gryffindors, and for some reason the Slytherins, all erupted in cheers. "And Lily Evans is next!"

Lily was about to protest, when suddenly, she was already out in the clearing with a daisy in her hand. Wait, a daisy?

"Uh, where's my wand?" Lily asked Professor McGonagall in panic.

"That's the weapon that you just chose two seconds ago, Miss Evans." She said matter-of-factly. "Don't tell me that you would like to have that bazooka. You were so opposed to the bazooka a moment ago."

"What-" she started to ask when she heard a strange rumbling sound.

"And here is your opponent," the Professor said loudly so that all the students could hear. "It's none other than RUBEUS HAAAAGRIIIDD!"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Lily screeched.

But she was cut off by Hagrid, who ran out of behind his hut with a large chainsaw held over his head. "I'M GONNA KILL YER NOW!" Hagrid laughed evilly before revving up the chainsaw.

Lily watched him coming towards her, already feeling defeated. She really wanted to wake up now. She wanted to wake up and never go back to sleep. If she was going to keep dreaming crap like this, then she would force herself to stay awake for the rest of her life.

"Oh holy hell," she muttered as she started to run for it.

…And in the Seventeenth Hour…

Lily gasped as she opened her eyes. The canopy above her had little streams of sunlight glinting off of it. The sound of birds singing outside of the window, and the breathing of the boys filled her ears. She sat up quickly and looked around with suspicion in her eyes. This was too good to be true.

But the longer she looked around her, she still didn't see Ronald McDonald, sparkly bellbottoms, or any chainsaws coming at her.

She sat back and sighed in relief. She wasn't going back to sleep. She wouldn't let herself. Now she just had to find something else to do while she waited for the boys to wake up.

…

A/N: Yeah, I had way too much fun writing that. And I'm sorry if I totally ruined Ronald McDonald for you.