Chapter 9: First Kill

Dawn arrived too quickly for Duncan. "I am getting too old for life on the road," he thought to himself as he stretched his back. Standing up, he went to the basin of water at the side of his tent and splashed cold water on his face. He dressed and walked out of his tent. His eyes immediately went toward the campfire and the figure on the other side of the fire. Delia was already up and working on her battle stances. Duncan watched her as she moved through the forms, noting what she was doing well and what needed adjustment. Walking briskly toward her, he grinned.

"Good morning, Delia. I see you are already hard at work."

"I promised you that I would work hard. I fully intend to keep my promise." She smiled back at him as she moved into another of the stances.

"That's not bad; just move your left leg a little bit more forward… yes, that's right. You need to be sure that your balance is centered and that you always are aware of all your movement."

Duncan coached her on her stances, not noticing when Aeden exited his tent and walked to his side.

"Time to spar, Delia. Today I want you to make every movement extremely slow. Concentrate on your form as you use your blades."

She nodded, and then began to circle Duncan. They seemed to dance together, her right blade matched with his left, forward movement matched with his backing up, and Delia began to feel how each movement shifted her balance. Duncan was pleased with his student's progress, and soon announced that they should have their breakfast and begin their travel for the day.

It didn't take long for them to eat and pack their camp away. Soon they were walking again. The road took them through an ancient forest, the trees overhead providing a thick canopy. The party had been traveling for several hours when the forest started to feel quiet. It seemed too quiet. Duncan motioned to Aeden and Delia to stay back, and he left the road and went ahead through the thick undergrowth. Dusty growled softly and Aeden told him to quiet.

Suddenly Duncan was fighting about fifty feet ahead of them. Aeden yelled at Delia to stay back as he and Dusty attacked. There were five bandits attacking Duncan. As Aeden ran forward, he was able to decapitate one immediately. The fighting was fierce, and the sound of metal against metal reverberated through the woods.

As Delia watched the fighting, a movement to her right caught her eye. There was another bandit about twenty paces off the road from the fighting, and he was aiming a longbow toward the others. Without thinking, Delia ran toward the archer, and threw herself on his back. As the momentum forced both of their bodies to hurtle toward the ground, she slashed her dagger across his throat. Blood immediately spurted everywhere. She fell onto the archer's back, and quickly pulled herself to her feet.

Looking at her hands, she dropped her daggers and began to shudder involuntarily. "Oh Maker, I killed a man! There's so much blood. I can't believe I killed a man. Maker help me! I didn't mean to kill him! This can't be real." She stood there, trembling and looking at her hands, not even realizing that Duncan and Aeden has finished fighting the others and were looking at her with concern in their eyes.

"Delia? Are you alright my dear?" Duncan slowly walked toward her.

"Wow, did you see how she took that bugger down? That was fantastic!" Aeden was grinning fiendishly.

Delia simply stood there, looking at her hands and shaking. Slowly she looked at Duncan. "I… I… killed… him… Blood… there's so much blood…" Her voice was a trembling whisper; her eyes looked as if she was pleading with Duncan for it to not be true.

"Delia, you must know that this was justified. By your killing that archer, you saved either Aeden or me, or possibly both of us. I am proud of you for taking action. You did well, my dear."

Delia nodded her head sadly. She couldn't stop trembling, and tears started to stream from her eyes. Aeden went to her, picked up her daggers and put his arm around her waist. "Come on, Delia. Let's see about finding a stream to clean ourselves off." He led her down the road, following Duncan. Dusty walked on Delia's other side, every once in a while pushing his head against her hand, hoping for a scratch behind his ears.

They found a stream about a mile down the road. Aeden found a log for Delia to sit on and then he and Duncan silently set up a campfire. They heated some water while they used rope and blankets to create a room for Delia to wash herself in private. When it was ready, the two men gave her time to clean thoroughly while they took her armor to clean for her as they washed themselves and their own armor.

Delia still couldn't stop trembling as she washed the archer's blood from her skin and hair. It didn't seem possible that she could have killed a man. Justified or not, this man's blood was on her hands. She had killed another person. There was no going back to the person she had been, this death changed who she was forever.

She dried her skin and dressed, then combed and braided her hair in to one braid trailing down her back. Then she left her makeshift room and walked to the fire, sitting next to Aeden who was still scrubbing armor.

"Are you alright, Delia?" Aeden asked her with concern in his eyes.

"I just can't believe that I… that I killed a man."

"Your first kill is the hardest. I remember once when I was traveling with my father and we were also beset by bandits. I had my first kill that day. It will get easier, but my father always told me that if you can kill too easily and with no regret you will lose your humanity."

She leaned against his side and put her head on his shoulder. "Thanks, Aeden. Your father was one of the people that I most respected."

"Any time, Delia. We're in this together, and I will always do my best to help you whenever you need me. I promise you that." He turned his head toward her and kissed her forehead.

They sat in silence while he scrubbed away at the armor. Delia hadn't realized that Duncan wasn't even there until he walked back to them from the forest, carrying some rabbits. He sat across from the others and prepared the rabbits to cook.

"I think that we will make camp here for tonight. A little extra rest will be good for all of us. I have some carrots and potatoes in the supplies that will make a nice rabbit stew for our dinner."

Delia suddenly straightened up. "Oh, wait one minute. If we are having stew, you WILL let me cook. I don't think that I can stand one more night of that bland swill that you call food!"

She stood up and walked to her pack. "I have been collecting some herbs along the way, and I guarantee that I can cook something that will actually pass as edible!" Delia pulled various leaves from her pack and brought them back to the cauldron. Duncan brought the carrots and potatoes to her, and she started to clean and prepare the vegetables.

Duncan smiled inwardly. The best thing for her would be to keep her hands busy and to have a purpose. He didn't care if the stew tasted good or bad; if he could get her to refocus and not dwell on the morning's events she would fare much better recovering from the shock of her first kill. It was unfortunate that her first kill was a human. If it were a darkspawn it made killing much easier. Duncan felt sad for Delia. She was a sensitive young lady, and transforming her to a fighter would be more difficult than she wanted to believe.

Delia delighted in her diversion. Cooking was something that was somewhat normal. Even if she was in a camp in the middle of nowhere, she could create something civilized and good. She chopped the carrots into bite sized pieces and placed them in the cauldron, then added cubes of potatoes. Duncan gave her the rabbit meat, which she also cut up and added to the pot. Water was added, covering the contents, and then she stirred in the various herbs gathered along the road.

A few hours later, the stew was bubbling and the smell wafting through the camp was delicious. Aeden couldn't help himself but to take deep breaths of the intoxicating aroma. His stomach was turning in knots from hunger.

"When do we eat? I am so hungry I could eat a bear!" he said, looking over Delia's shoulder at the delicacy over the fire.

"You have to wait a bit more, Aeden. Why don't you play with Dusty? He could use the attention."

"He's just as hungry as I am. You know, if I knew that you could cook, maybe I would have listened more to my mother when she tried to play matchmaker between the two of us!"

"Well, my teacher, Justine, always told me that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

"Hmmm, now there's a thought. Maybe she had something there." He put his arms around her. "Puleeeeze! I am so hungry! I think I may pass out from hunger!"

Delia spun around and whipped him with the cloth she was using as a potholder. "Go sit with Duncan and leave me alone!" She smiled at him and pushed him away.

"I am hurt, Delia, that you should deny me sustenance when I know that I shall wither away to nothing!" He put his hands over his heart in mocked pain, and sat down next to Duncan with a pout. Duncan laughed heartily.

It wasn't long before generous portions of stew were passed around. Compared to the meals they had been having, the stew was glorious. By the time they had their fill, there wasn't a speck left in the pot. Aeden volunteered to wash the dishes, and soon they were all sitting around the fire, enjoying idle conversation.

As the stars climbed into the sky, Delia excused herself to go to sleep. She entered her tent and lay on her bedroll. Even though she tried to not think of all her sadness, she missed her brother desperately. She needed to have him there to comfort her, to tell her it would all be alright. Delia kept seeing the archer in her mind. She knew his death was justified, but she hated that it was at her own hand. Yet Delia also knew that there would be many more deaths at her hand if she were able to actually become a Grey Warden. Finally she fell into a fitful slumber, her dreams leaving her feel more lost and alone.