Chapter Thirty
The ride over was silent between me and Edward while Jackson chattered away in the backseat. When we pulled up in front of the house I once consider a second home, Edward got out to undo Jackson so that he could get out of his seat while I got out and stood there not sure if I really wanted to go into the house. What broke me from my trance was Jackson standing in front of me holding out his little hand for me to take and calling out mummy. I could see it upset Edward that Jackson was taken with me so quickly.
"Jackson honey maybe you shouldn't call me mummy." I said trying to show Edward that I was happy to go with whatever would make him comfortable with this situation.
"But you my mummy" Jackson said as tears formed in his eyes.
"I know sweetie but.." I didn't know how to explain it to him so that he would understand.
"It's fine Bella, your his mother. I just have to get use to the fact that your here and apart of his life." Edward calmly said.
"How did you know that's what I was thinking?" I asked.
"I could always read you like a book." He smirked.
"Come on little man I bet Granny and Grandpa can't wait to see you." Edward said turning to Jackson so that he could take his hand. Jackson grabbed both of our hands before making his way up the stairs to the huge house. Once we were at the door Edward picked Jackson up so that he could ring the door bell. Edward put him back down while we waited for someone to come to the door. The whole time I was going through different scenarios in my head of how this could end, most of them were bad.
"I wonder who that could be?" I heard Esme say in a fake questioning voice, I presume it was for Jackson's benefit because he started giggling at her. When Esme opened the door and saw me standing there her smile fell.
"Bella" She breathed. Before Edward or myself could say anything Jackson had to have his say.
"Granny this is my mummy." He said oblivious to the fact she already knew me.
"I know sweetheart now why don't you come in and see if you can find your uncle Jazzy he might have some lollies for you." As soon as he heard the word lollies he was running thru the house looking for Jasper.
"Well this is a surprise." Esme said as she gestured for us to follow her inside. I couldn't tell what Esme thought of me being back because her voice didn't show any emotion.
"Carlisle! You might want to come down here." Esme called. Carlisle appeared as soon as he heard his wife's voice. When he saw me his face broke out into a smile.
"Well this is unexpected. Bella dear how are you?" He said as he took in how I had changed over the years. I was surprised that he was welcoming me so warmly.
"I'm fine." I said in a small voice.
"She's only fine because she ran off and didn't have to take care of her son or see how much she broke Edward's heart." I was expecting this to come from someone like Rosalie but instead it was Alice who was standing at the top of stairs giving me her meanest possible look.
"Alice please you don't know what was going on or how I felt when I left." I tried to explain.
"No I don't because you didn't talk to me. I thought I was your best friend but you just packed up and left. When you left you destroyed Edward, he couldn't"
"Alice she doesn't need to hear this." Edward interrupted.
"No I think she does you might not want her to know and mum and dad are too polite to tell her but I'm not. He could barely function Bella. He was a zombie for weeks the only thing that kept him alive was that little boy and I'll be damned if your going to come in here and take him from Edward." Alice fumed.
"Alice just stop! Look I love that you're trying to protect me but she is his mother and if I say she can visit him she can. I won't let my son grow up not knowing his real parents like I did." Edward fumed back at Alice. He quickly turned to his parents realising what he said.
"I'm sorry I just wish I knew where I came from." Esme walked over to her son and patted his cheek.
"It's ok sweetie we understand." She said as she looked to Carlisle who nodded.
"That doesn't change the fact that she left." Alice spat.
"No it doesn't change the fact that I left but I'm here now to be a part of my sons life whether you like it or not. I know everyone is probably going to be angry at me for a while and I'll deal with that but that is not going to drive me out of town." I yelled back at Alice. Me and Alice were glaring at one another until Carlisle cleared his throat causing our attention to flicker to him.
"Ok I think we've said enough for today. Alice I know your angry but Bella is his mother and she is here now to be a part of his life. We all have to accept this so we can make it easier for Jackson. Now why don't we take some time to cool off before Rosalie and Emmett arrive?" Alice huffed before making her way to her bedroom and slamming the door while Carlisle and Esme made their way outside to see if they could find their grandson. Me and Edward stood there awkwardly not sure what to say or do because this was the first time we were alone in a room without yelling at each other. I went to say sorry to Edward but before I could say anything he cut in.
"I'm just um going to see where Jackson is." He nervously said before walking away leaving me standing in a house where I wasn't sure if I was welcomed. After a while I built up the courage to move. I figured that they didn't ask me to leave so I was still allowed to be here. I walked around the house for a while just taking in how not much had changed besides all of the kids stuff lying around which I thought would be for Jackson and Emily. Thinking of Emily made me think of how I had still to see Rosalie and Emmett and that they were sure to be angry with me especially Rosalie.
I walked into the lounge room where I saw Edward's old piano sitting there. I sat down on the bench remembering watching him play for me before I left. It seemed like it was another life time ago compared to now. We were so happy together back then and now I don't think there would ever be and us again. I ran my fingers along the keys lost in my day dream about old times.
"What are you trying to play?" He asked. I didn't realise Edward had entered the room and was standing there watching me.
"I don't know I was lost in my thoughts I didn't realise I was hitting the keys." I looked away from him thinking that he could tell what I was day dreaming about by looking into my eyes.
"What were you thinking about?" He asked as he walked closer to me.
"A lot of things but mainly of how everything use to be before I left." When I mention me leaving his face turned to pain but quickly went back to a blank canvas.
"Yes things are different now." He said as he sat down on the bench next to me. I was surprised he was trying to be normal around me. A few moments ago he couldn't be in the same room as me by ourselves and now he is the one trying to start a conversation. We were quiet for a few minutes before he said anything.
"I'm sorry about Alice before. She doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut." He apologised.
"It's fine I knew coming here not everyone was going to welcome me with open arms. I feared more that your parents would be the ones who would be doing the yelling at me but they didn't." I started moving my fingers along the piano again not liking just sitting still, it just felt awkward to me.
"I think they're just happy your back. Dad always looks at things from a medical side so he knew you just needed time. Mum blamed herself for a while after you left, she thought if she didn't push you, you would have stayed but really it was me who caused you to leave. If I didn't jump to conclusions and then get angry at you for telling me how you felt, well things could have been different." He said as his fingers joined mine playing around with the keys.
"It no one's fault Edward I just wasn't in a good mind set at the time, but it doesn't matter because what's done is done. We have the choice, we either dwell on the past or move on and make a future with our son, who you've raised wonderfully." I said to him as I gave him a smile.
"Thanks I really tried my best but sometimes I felt like I failed him." Edward said as he looked down to his hands.
"Edward how could you have failed with him? I've never met a three year old that could talk that well and he idolises you. You made sure that he knew all of his family, you raised him by yourself while still studying to become a doctor." I said to him realising how much he truly did by himself while I was gone.
" I could have provided him with a proper family, maybe if I had come after you we could have been a family but I didn't I thought by giving you time you would come back sooner." He sighed.
"Edward if you had come after me I wouldn't have come back, giving me that time was the best thing you could have done. I know we won't ever be a proper family but we can still give him a mum and a dad which some kids don't get." I tried to sooth him. I was surprised when Edward grabbed my hand before looking up at me.
"Bella I know that you must think I hate you because of the way I've been yelling at you but I really." Before Edward could finish what he was going to say to me Emmett burst into the room.
"Bella" He yelled before running over to where we were sitting and throwing his arms around me.
"Hi Emmett." I said into his shoulder.
"I'm so glad your back, we all missed you, even Eddy boy." Emmett said has he gave me a wink.
"You'll never change Emmett." I giggled.
"Well look who the cat dragged in." Rosalie said from the door way, I noticed she had a sleeping Emily on her shoulder.
"Here babe I'll take her and put her down for her sleep." Emmett said as he walked over to Rosalie and carefully picked up his little girl who was looking more like her father every day.
"So you finally decided to come back." Rosalie said without any emotion in her voice.
"Rosalie don't start, she's already had it from Alice today." Edward said from his seat next to me. I realised I was still holding his hand and quickly let mine fall to my lap. Edward gave me a sidewards glance before looking back to Rosalie.
"I'm not going to start anything I just want to know if she's staying or not." She said as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"I'm staying for good, there's nowhere else I'd rather be then with my son." I said looking her straight in the eyes so she knew I was serious.
"Alright then that's all I need to know. Why don't we go outside so we can start lunch?" She said as a smile appeared on her face. I walked towards the door before turning towards Edward.
"Are you coming?" I asked.
"Just give me a minute." He said before turning towards the piano telling me not to bother him again. I walked out of the room with Rosalie.
"He still loves you." She said causally.
"I think there's too much history there for us Rose." I said trying to remember what Edward was trying to say before Emmett and her came barging in.
"Exactly too much history to let each other go." She said smirking before walking outside where everyone was except Edward and Emily. I stood in the door processing what she had said. Did we really have too much history to just not fell the same about each other anymore? I knew my feelings for Edward hadn't changed but I wasn't sure about his.
"Bella, come over here and have some food." Esme said as she walked over to me with a smile on her face. I must have given her a weird look because she started wiping down her face.
"Do I have something on my face?" She asked. I shook my head.
"No I was just wondering why everyone is welcoming me back with the exception of Alice." I said confused.
"Because we're all just glad you're finally back. It might have taken some time but your here now. I think Alice is more upset that you didn't talk to her before leaving she really saw you as her sister." Esme said as she put her arm around my shoulder directing me towards the table where everyone was sitting.
"Mummy." Jackson squealed when he saw me, putting his little arms up. I picked him up before taking a seat next to Jasper.
"Good to see you back darlin'" Jasper said before turning back to his discussion with Emmett about who were the best football team. Jackson lent back against my chest before taking a piece of my hair and curling it around his finger.
"You alright baby?" I asked worried that something was wrong.
"Tired." He said as a yawn escaped his mouth.
"Do you want to go to sleep?" He just nodded his head before snuggling into me deeper. While Jackson was sleeping we spoke quietly about what everyone had been doing. I think this was mainly for my benefit so. Emmett was about to finish his final year of a teaching degree while Rosalie had opened her own cafe which was doing quite well. Jasper was also finishing his teaching degree with a major in history while Alice had studied fashion and now had her own boutique in Port Angeles; I found that out from Jasper because Alice was still refusing to speak to me. Carlisle was still working at Forks hospital while Esme was happy to be a stay at home Grandma. The conversations were just dying down when Edward walked out holding Emily.
"Look who decided to wake up." Edward said as he walked over handing Emily to Esme before taking a seat next to me.
"Is he asleep?" Edward asked noticing Jackson curled up against me.
"Yeah he's been out of it for about half an hour." I said moving some hair out of Jackson's face.
"That boy can sleep through anything." Emmett boomed from across the table.
"Except his Uncle Emmett's voice." I said as I tried to sooth Jackson who had woken with a fright from Emmett being so loud.
"It's alright baby, mummy's here." I cooed as I ran my hand up and down his back.
"Daddy." He whimpered into me.
"Right here buddy." Edward said as he put his hand on Jackson's back causing our hands to touch. We quickly looked at each other before turning our attention back to Jackson. With both of us rubbing his back he calmed down and just sat there quietly.
"Jesus Emmett you would think after having your own three year old that you would learn to keep your voice quiet." Edward hissed at Emmett.
"Dude I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare him." Emmett apologised.
"It's fine Emmett, he's alright now." I said giving him a smile. Everyone went back to the own conversations leaving me and Edward sitting there with Jackson.
"Edward what were you going to say back there when we were at the piano." I asked because it had been bugging me since I left that I didn't hear what he wanted to say.
"It's nothing important, it can wait for another time." He said before getting up to go and get some food.
I sat there trying to work out what he wanted to say but my mind wasn't working properly. Jackson tugged on my shirt brining my attention back to him.
"Mummy I hungry." He said looking up at me with his eyes that were the exact same as my own.
"Ok let's go get some food." I said as I picked him up and served a plate that would do both of us. The rest of lunch was quiet everyone ate and chatted occasionally except Edward who seemed to be in his only little world. Edward was interrupted from his thoughts when Esme spoke to him.
"Edward darling why don't you let Jackson stay here tonight? Emily's staying and you know how I like to have my grandbabies here." She asked him making sure to give him the puppy dog eyes that the whole family seemed to be masters at.
"Ah sure mum if he's happy to stay." Edward said as he turned to Jackson who had been listening since his name was mentioned. Jackson nodded his head excited at the idea of staying with his grandparents and cousin.
Everyone started to head home not long after allowing Esme and Carlisle to make the most of the time they had with the children. On the way back to Edward's house to pick up my car I tried to start up a conversation because it felt awkward just sitting in silence.
"So that didn't go as bad as I thought it would."
"No it could have been worst but my family is very forgiving." I didn't know if he was included in that equation.
"Are you? As forgiving as them." I asked looking out the window as the trees flew past.
"I'm trying. I want to be able to put everything in the past like you said but sometimes it's hard." I nodded my head agreeing with what he was saying because sometimes I hated myself for doing what I did. We were silent the rest of the driving but it wasn't awkward at all we were both just lost in our thoughts. When we pulled up I got out of Edward's car looking thru my bag for my keys so that I could leave him to do whatever he needed to do.
"Bella." Edward called.
"Yeah" I replied turning back to him.
"Do you want to I dunno stay for a drink or something?" He asked nervously.
"Do you want me to stay for a drink?" I asked back not wanting to intrude or over stay my welcome.
"Yeah I mean I could tell you about Jackson and we could catch up on what we've been doing." I smiled and followed him to the house. And that's what we did for the rest of the night we sat in his lounge room having a drink, talking about our son and what had happened in the last few years.
There you go sorry it took so long to update it would have been up on Saturday but I decided to rewrite the ending. I hope you liked it send me a review telling me what you think : )