17.

The ride back to the house had been almost unbearable. I kept torturing myself with the 'what ifs' and John kept silent, staring me down. I jumped out of the car the minute it was parked in front of the house, not even bothering to put it in the garage. Carlisle and Emmett were there, helping John get of the car; Emmett held on to his arm firmly. I saw the look of disgust, anger, and realization that crossed John's face and was glad Emmett had such a tight grip on him. I marched into the house behind the others and Alice ran to me as soon as I was inside. She pulled me into a fierce hug. "Lisa," was all she said, and I could hear all the regrets and sadness she felt in that one word, whispered against my neck.

I replied in the same exact tone, letting my emotions shine through. "I know."

I heard Edward ask Carlisle quietly what we were supposed to do with John. "We can't just lock him up in the basement."

I stepped towards the little group when Carlisle spoke to John, who was seated on the edge of the couch, looking like he was deciding when would be the best time to make a run for it. "How far did you get in the book?"

John was staring Carlisle down maliciously. "Not far," he replied in a cold voice. "Though I don't see why you should care." He was trying to provoke Carlisle, to get him to tell the truth. But Carlisle didn't fall for it. He was as calm and collected as he always was, though I saw the anger burning in his eyes. He and John were locked in an intense stare down.

"John," I spoke up quietly, but he didn't break eye contact with Carlisle. "We need to know what you know."

He looked at me, disgust dripping from every word as he spit out, "I think I know enough."

"Watch it!" Emmett nearly yelled at John. "Don't you dare speak to her that way!"

John simply laughed at Emmett. Emmett looked like he wanted to pounce on the man, but Edward held him back. "He's not worth it, Emmett," he mouthed.

I thought I had been prepared for every reaction he might give me, but I had never expected this pure hatred. I blinked in shock. Alice was at my side in a split second, holding me up with a hand to my back. "Stay strong," she whispered to me. "He can't harm you."

But he was killing me with that look, the way his mouth was pressed tightly over his lips in a snarl. My heart didn't beat anymore but it sure could still break, and right now it was falling to pieces.

John's expressions softened, though only slightly, as I felt Jasper work his magic on him. John let out a growl of frustration when he felt it, too, though he didn't know its source.

I shuddered. Never in a million years would I have seen this anger coming. Edward shook his head, as if saying that none of them did.

We all stood around John in a half circle, all watching him, waiting for him to attack us. But I knew he knew better than that now. He knew he was in the midst of the strongest people ever, and even if he wasn't, there were too many around him to take down alone.

Then finally Carlisle's voice, filled with resolve, broke the silence that was making it hard to breathe. "Well, now that you know, I think it's best if you stay here. Either that, or we will have to kill you." There was pain in Carlisle's voice. "If you were to tell anyone, breathe a word of our existence, you would be hunted down and killed in the worst of ways, so unless you prefer a slow and excruciatingly painful death, you'll stay with us or be killed by us."

I was sure that these words hurt Carlisle beyond belief, but I knew he was doing John a favor. I caught a glimpse of Alice's thoughts as she ran through several images, displaying all the ways the Volturi would kill him. If John were to leave, the Volturi would find him and tear him to pieces without batting an eye. I had heard a few stories about the Volturi and knew they were famous for their torturing methods and they way they never let any rules be broken. John didn't understand, though, the danger his life was in. "I think I'll leave alive and take my chances," he said confidently.

"John, please!" I shouted. "You don't know what they'll do to you!"

He glanced at me. "I'll take my chances," he repeated in a stubborn voice as cold as ice. And then he got up and pushed his way through our little fence of bodies. He made his way to the back door and everyone let him go, knowing he had made up his mind. But I couldn't let him do this to himself. I ran after him, shouting his name, demanding him to turn around and talk to me. But he kept on walking into the forest, away from the house, and I followed him helplessly.

When he finally turned around and looked at me, we were in our little clearing. I was amazed he had found it again, in the dark.

"Allisa, what have you gotten yourself into," he whispered darkly.

"I had no choice, John!" I whispered frantically, my voice breaking. I wanted him to understand so badly, but I had no idea how to explain my deep gratitude to the Cullens, how they had saved my life, making me forever in their debt. "John, please," I whispered. My eyes were burning and I wished with all my heart that I could cry, just fall into him and ball my eyes out. But that wasn't going to happen, and even if I could cry, I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it with him around anymore, because it wouldn't change anything.

He never looked away from me. "You did have a choice, Allisa! You could have begged them not to! I would rather have you dead than… this!" I saw the veins pop in his neck as he screamed at me. His words pierced through my heart like a stake.

I held back the biting remark that was on the tip of my tongue. "John, I wasn't really alive when they did it. My heart was barely beating! You think I could have put up a fight if I wanted to?"

"If you wanted to? So you wanted this, then?" he demanded.

"If I would have known about it, yes! Because I thought it would give us a chance to be together again."

"How could you ever expect me to want to share a house with a monster?" He spit the word in my face.

I was silent for a moment, pushing aside all my anger and letting the pain swallow me. "I thought I knew you, John," I said quietly, "But I guess I was all wrong."

John didn't seem to notice my change in attitude. "Yes, you were! And how do I know you wouldn't just drink my blood too?"

"We're not like that, John! You're making assumptions based on a book you picked up at a random store, without taking the chance and getting to know us!"

"Us? I see where you stand now! And what's wrong about my assumptions then? You haven't denied anything."

I ignored his last comment. "We only drink animal blood, John," I answered meekly. "I've never touched a human."

"Oh ok, so you're holy monsters then?"

"John, stop it! You're not listening to me!"

"I don't think there's anything to listen to. You've proven to me that you cannot live with me unless I become like you, and I have no desire for that."

I began to deny what he had said, but stopped. "Fine. But please, John, you have to know that there are people of our kind, who are much stronger and more powerful than you could imagine, and they will come after you and destroy you, John! They'll tear you to pieces and burn you!"

He just shook his head. "You're even scared to say out loud what you really are." There was a mocking sadness to his voice.

Again, I ignored him. "I don't even know you anymore, John. You're not the man I married."

"Then maybe you should have never married me!"

And with that, he had pushed the stake fully into my silent heart. I lost the calm I had managed to gain. "What?" I yelled at him, which was not really what I had been going for, though I suppose it fit my anger. I kept going with it when I saw that I finally had his attention. "So now you tell me! You never loved me, did you, John? Did you marry me because I was pretty and, and nice?" I stuttered. "Well, screw you, John!" I pulled on the two rings on my finger, which seemed glued there, and threw them at John's feet. "John, I didn't ask for any of this to happen to me! But you won't even try to understand that!" I wanted to slap the man in front of me, because I didn't really care anymore if I hurt him or not. I wanted to hurt him like he was hurting me, but I held back. Every dream I had dreamed in the last three years crumbled to the ground and I had nothing left to cling to, nothing left to fight for. I felt like an empty shell. Everything was being stripped away from me piece by piece: my family, my husband, my life.

My eyes burned badly, so I shut them tight. I never heard John move to pick up the rings, and when I finally opened my eyes, they were still on the ground where I had thrown them.

"John, I was really hoping that you would still love me, and that our love would be enough to get us through." I opened my eyes, watching his feet. "But I guess I was wrong," I added bitterly. "You never loved me at all."

And then I turned to run away, but John grabbed my arm. "Don't you dare walk away from me!" He pushed the words through his clenched teeth, and for the first time in three years, I was actually terrified of a human. "I did love you once, Lisa, but now you've turned your back on me and joined the killers."

That did me in, broke my final straw. He wasn't trying to understand anything at all, was ignoring everything I was telling him, and insulting me along the way. But I didn't yell at him. I controlled my voice skillfully. "John, don't you dare tell me you ever loved me, because if you ever loved me, you would remember who I used to be and at least listen to me."

"You're not the same person that you were before, Lisa! And I understand everything perfectly!"

No, you don't! I yelled in extreme frustration at him inside my head. "I am exactly the same person I was before, but you can't see past the outside."

When he tried to speak again, I cut him off. "You have no idea what the Cullens have done for me because you won't take the time, John, so don't you tell me you understand everything. They're great people, despite everything that life has thrown at them!"

He began to object, but I cut him off once more. My voice was low and terrifying as I said in a hiss, "Don't provoke me, John. You don't know how dangerous I am. I'm not the same weak little girl I was when you married me, and I'll make you regret you ever thought so. You wanted the truth, John? Well, here it is! I am a monster! Every time I smell you, I want to kill you, because you smell… so…darn…good." His face had changed for a second to dread horror, as if realizing for the first time that I could and maybe now would kill him. But the hard look came back not even a second later. "Leave if you want, John, but there will be no one who can protect you from what's coming. You've made it very clear how you feel about the Cullens and how you feel about me! So maybe it would be best if you left."

I turned once again and ran as fast as I could, the angry air biting against my cheeks. He shouted after me, "Tell me what you are, Lisa!"

I turned on my heel, fire burning in my eyes. "I'm a vampire," I shouted back at him. "Are you happy?" I heard a bird take flight as my screams echoed through the trees.

And then I turned around again, running away from the wreckage behind me. When I was about halfway to the house, I sank to my knees as the pain finally reared its ugly head. I had held it back for too long now, and I was at my breaking point. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I angrily threw my fists up in the air. Why did you do this to me?

I lay on the ground for what seemed like hours, the trees looming over me like a protective shell. Finally, I collected myself enough to stand up. I walked back slowly to the clearing, not sure if I was expecting him still to be there or not, but he was long gone. I didn't think I cared anymore, though I knew deep inside me that I would regret it one day when something happened to him. I glanced to the ground and noticed that my rings were gone; he had taken them, but why? I didn't want to think about the implications of the missing rings.

And then I resolved to go after him and at least follow him until the danger on his life was gone. I didn't know why I wanted to protect him after everything he had said to me, but something inside me compelled me to find him and protect him. I ran back to the house as quickly as possible, nearly falling over myself in my haste to get through the door. "Edward, Carlisle!" I yelled everyone's name loudly. They all appeared by my side in less than a second.

"What is it, Lisa?" asked Esme tensely. "Has he decided to leave?"

I nodded. There was dead silence. A strange feeling bloomed inside my belly, and before I could think, I mumbled, "We need to follow him."

Alice walked up to me, a puzzled expression on her face. "Everything he said to you, and even worse, what he thought! – and you still want to protect him?"

I looked at her face. She was right, ofcourse, but something inside me that I couldn't explain was pushing me. "He's still my husband," I replied meekly, unable to think of another good answer.