Tara watched the clock beside her bed and sighed as it turned into another hour. Another hour she wasn't with Willow. Another hour of having no idea what was going on. Another hour she was lying alone and awake, waiting to be able to jump up so she could rush back to the hospital.
She'd gone straight back to her hotel room the night before when she'd left the hospital and spent over an hour in the shower just crying, trying to wash off the events of the day but found that she couldn't, no matter how hard she scrubbed.
She'd fallen into bed at what time she didn't know, her eyes stinging from the amount of tears she'd shed and her stomach calling out for some kind of sustenance – she hadn't eaten anything since the light breakfast she'd had before departing for the graveyard and had only drank cups of water that had been handed to her in the waiting room.
She couldn't face the thoughts of food though, so opted instead to just let her stomach wail as she lay in bed, trying and failing to get even a little bit of sleep.
"I'll be back soon, Willow," she whispered into the air, hoping somehow the message would get to her wife.
She watched the clock for another few minutes before deciding it was a fruitless effort to even stay in bed and swung her legs off, standing up and gathering the clothes she'd dropped on the floor after her shower, thanking every deity she could that her cardigan was the only thing that had gotten Willow's blood on it - and that she'd left that in her father's backyard - since she had no other clothes with her.
She pulled the clothes back onto her body and went into the bathroom, using the complimentary toiletries to get ready for the day before slipping down to the restaurant of the hotel, which was filled with business men and the odd tourist, drinking coffee and munching on breakfast.
Tara quietly poured herself a coffee and forced herself to grab two pieces of toast, sitting and choking them down, though they felt like cardboard in her mouth. She downed two more cups of coffee before glancing at her watch and seeing there was only half an hour before visiting hours started back at the hospital. She stood and went back up to her floor, walking straight past her own room and knocking on the door of room beside hers.
"Tara," Ira said when he opened the door, pulling the blonde into a hug, "We were so worried about you."
Tara embraced Ira gently for a moment before they parted and she walked into the room. Michelle stood from where she was sitting on the end of the bed and hugged the blonde as well.
"We didn't want to bother you last night but..."
"Right," Tara swallowed, "Sorry I didn't check in. I just..."
"Oh, darling, it's fine, I understand," Ira replied, waving his hands, "There was no news during the night?"
"No," Tara shook her head, "But that's good. It means nothing went wrong."
Ira and Michelle shared a relieved look and both nodded.
"I called everyone in Buffalo," Michelle spoke up, "They're on call whenever you need them, but they're going to give some space."
Tara sighed in relief; she hated that she felt that way but she had been dreading trying to keep up small talk if their friends had all rallied around. She thought of how good her friends actually were that they understood that without her needing to say it. She looked up and offered her aunt and father-in-law a week smile.
"The nurse said if should be okay for a couple of people to visit her today. So we can all go in."
"Oh, that's wonderful," Ira said, extremely grateful, "That's wonderful."
He would never have asked Tara to leave so he could be with Willow, but if he was able to be there too then that was obviously what he wanted.
"I'm gonna go back to Buffalo and collect some clothes and supplies for you guys," Michelle added, knowing they'd probably be in the hotel at the very least until Willow woke up, which could be any time, "Tara, is there anything in particular...?"
Tara shook her head, indicating she didn't care what clothes were brought until a thought popped into her head.
"There's a framed photo on our hallway table. It's of me and Will but it's the only one there, so you should be able to see it. Could you...?"
"Of course," Michelle nodded, "I'll bring it."
Tara gave a grateful smile, thinking she might just be able to sleep if she had a photo of Willow beside her before glancing at her watch again, then back up at Ira.
"They should let us in if we go now. Do you want to...?"
"Yes, of course," Ira replied, grabbing his wallet and putting it in his pocket, before turning to Michelle, "I'll see you later."
They met in a quick, chaste kiss and Michelle reached for Ira's hand, giving it a quick squeeze before the other two walked out the door and towards the hospital, quickly and with purpose.
It was just a five minute walk and neither spoke as they walked, too consumed with their own thoughts and emotions. They arrived a little before visiting hours officially started but they were let through anyway, the nurses on call a little more lenient than the ones the night before.
They both took a seat either side of Willow.
"She was stable throughout the night, she could wake up any time really," the nurse who had let them in said to them as she walked into the room and noted Willow's vitals again on her chart, "She's doing remarkably well for someone who had a gunshot wound to their chest. "
"That's my girl," Tara whispered quietly, her gaze never leaving Willow's face, "Thank you."
Ira echoed his gratitude and the nurse left them with a smile.
"She looks so small," Ira said, his voice breaking with emotion, "My little girl."
Tara wanted to reassure the older man, but just didn't have the energy to be a comforter so she just let them lapse into silence. Ira let the silence last for quite a while before the feeling of powerlessness got to be too much for him and he stood up.
"I'll get some coffees and bring them up here."
He stated it more just to fill the quiet and Tara didn't bother protesting that she wasn't the mood for coffee, seeing Ira needed to feel like he was doing something and just nodded.
"That'd be nice."
Ira gave his daughter's hand a squeeze before leaving the small room and Tara sighed. She took her wife's hand and brought it up to her mouth, kissing the pads of each of her fingers. She had been determined to keep her resolve up and be strong for Willow, but she felt herself quickly crumbling as she looked on at the redhead's small frame.
"Willow, I feel so lost. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to help. I feel like my soul is slowly dying every second you're just lying here."
Tara dropped her head alongside Willow's again like she had the night before and sniffled back her tears.
"I'm sorry. I just...they say you're doing well. I can hear your heartbeat beeping away but I just...I feel like you're still dying. Like you're still bleeding in my arms and I can't do anything to stop it. I'll wait, Willow, you know I'll wait for you forever, but if you feel at all able, could you please open your eyes? Please?"
Tara held her breath as she waited a long minute, feeling silly for thinking her wife's eyes were just going to fly open at that and sighed again.
She was about to speak up again when she felt a small movement against her hand.
Thinking her mind was just playing hopeful tricks on her, she shrugged it off until she felt it again a moment later.
"Willow?" she asked, her head snapping over as she looked down and saw the redhead's index finger lightly tapping her palm, "Willow?"
Willow's body's shuffled ever so slightly in the bed and Tara looked up, her breath catching in her throat when she saw the barest of blinks happen behind her wife's eyelids, the action occurring again and again until they opened fully, agonisingly slowly and tried to focus.
"Ta-" Willow tried to speak but felt like her mouth was glued together and was confused that something was over her mouth.
"Oh, water, here, have some water," Tara said, grabbing the bottle of water with a straw in it that was sitting on the stand next to the bed, gently lifting the breathing mask from Willow's mouth and holding the straw up to her lips, "Drink some of this, you'll feel better."
Willow slowly drank some of the cool liquid, feeling it flow down her scratchy throat and put some moisture back in her dried-out mouth until Tara pulled the bottle back.
"Oh god, Willow."
Willow felt gentle kisses being placed all over her face and tried to move her body to respond but found she was held in place by an odd sense of pulling whenever she tried to move and finally looked around, not quite able to register where she was in her hazy mind.
"Tara..." she tried to speak, a little easier this time but she still needed to clear her throat a couple of times, "Where...? What...?"
"You're in hospital, love," Tara replied, pulling back to meet the redhead's gaze, "You're okay, though, you're gonna be just fine."
"Wha...?" she asked, blinking in confusion.
Tara gave her wife's hand a gentle squeeze.
"Do you remember...?" she whispered quietly, "You saved my life".
Willow continued to seem confused for a few moments before a sudden clarity hit her and her eyes widened.
"Your father..."
Tara shook her head and leaned down to place a warm kiss on her wife's temple.
"He's locked up, Will, he can't hurt you, I promise."
Willow didn't seem to be completely relieved at that.
"He didn't...you're not..."
"I'm fine, Willow," Tara reassured, seeing the desperate look in her wife's eyes, "We're fine."
Willow accepted the reassurance quickly and felt her breath start to ease down before an unfamiliar voice echoed around her.
"You're awake," the surprised voice of the nurse came from the doorway, "Doctor, we need you in here."
The nurse walked over and started examining Willow, pushing Tara out of the way.
"We need you to step out of the room for a moment."
"Tara," Willow said in a frightened voice, more clear on what exactly was going on but still hazy.
"I'll be right outside," Tara replied, squeezing her wife's hand, "And I'll be back in a minute. Just let the doctors check you out, for me, please? Don't be scared."
Willow just nodded mutely as Tara was pretty much pushed the rest of the way out of the room and the door was shut as the redhead was checked over and the doctor started running whatever tests they need to run.
Tara stared at her wife through the window, almost sobbing with relief. Which is how Ira found her a couple of minutes later, rushing towards her with a coffee cup in each hand.
"What happened? Is she...? Did something...?"
"She woke up," Tara said, the elation evident in her voice, "She woke up. They're just checking her over, but she woke up."
"She did?" Ira asked, looking through the window and seeing his daughter's emerald eyes were indeed open, "She's awake."
Tara smiled, putting her palm flat against the window.
"I know."
They watched the flurry of commotion in the room for the next few minutes as the professionals worked until they all left and the male doctor, a different one from the day before stepped up to them.
"Willow's conscious. She's responding very well to all our physiological and neurological tests. We will need to run further tests in the next few days and we've drawn some blood to get some basic work-ups, but for all intents and purposes, she's well on the way to recovery and as far as I can tell, there's no lasting damage. She has full use of all her limbs and is breathing on her own without any difficulty. I know you've probably heard this before, but she's extremely lucky. I'd go so far as to say this is a miracle."
Tara threw herself into Ira's arms in delight and the older man hugged back as best he could with the coffee in his hands as he looked at the doctor.
"We can go in and see her?"
"Of course," the doctor nodded, "But just be aware, she still needs to rest. She'll need a lot of rest. And she's on quite strong painkillers, so she might be a bit confused or hazy for a while."
Ira nodded his understanding as the doctor left again and himself and Tara walked back into the room, the coffee being placed, forgotten on the windowsill as each took one of Willow's hands again.
"Thank god you're okay," Ira said, kissing his daughter's forehead, "We thought we'd lost you."
"They said I'm gonna be okay," Willow said weakly, finally comprehending all, or at least most of what had happened, "What day is it?"
"Only Sunday, sweetheart," Tara replied gently, "You were only out for a day."
"Okay," Willow said, before turning to Tara, her brow creasing, "I felt you."
Tara brought her wife's hand up to her mouth again and kissed her knuckles.
"I know, honey, I'm right here."
Willow shook her head, still frowning.
"No. Before. When I was asleep. I remember floating...and then I could feel you. You made me stop floating. You made me feel safe."
"It must be the pain meds," Ira said in a perplexed tone, "She's confused."
"No," Willow shook her head, adamant about what she was saying, "You did something. You said something."
Tara smiled and squeezed her wife's hand.
"I told you I loved you and your heart rate went up."
"Yea," Willow nodded, relaxing slightly, "Yea, I...I remember...kinda...I'm very sleepy."
Tara ran a hand over the top of the redhead's hair.
"Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."
Willow barely registered the blonde's words before she drifted off into unconsciousness, her breathing steady.
"You made her wake up," Ira commented, meeting his daughter-in-law's gaze.
"She woke up all on her own," Tara replied, smiling down at her wife, "I just made sure she knew it was okay to."
Ira looked between the unconscious form of his daughter and back at Tara, who was staring at her adoringly. before he stood up, feeling like he was suddenly intruding.
"I'm gonna go call Michelle," he said, going towards the door, "Give you some time alone."
"You don't have to leave, Ira," Tara replied in a genuine tone.
"That's kind but...I know she's okay," Ira responded, "I know she's okay. I saw that she's okay. And I think when she wakes up she'd like to have some time with you."
Tara nodded gratefully as Ira slipped out the door and the blonde went back to staring at her wife, a relieved smile plastered constantly on her face as she took in the features of her asleep but very much alive wife. Willow began to stir again after a little while, her eyes fluttering open and settling on Tara.
"Hey."
"Hi, beautiful," Tara whispered, "How're you feeling?"
Willow's eyes drooped slightly but she smiled.
"Kinda doped up."
Tara chuckled and nodded her head.
"Probably because you are. Keep sleeping if you want."
Willow just shook her head.
"No, I wanna stay up with you for a while."
"Okay," Tara replied, "But if you get tired again, just nod off. Rest is good."
"I promise," Willow said, looking around the room a little more, "Where's Dad?"
Tara gestured towards the door.
"Gone to call Michelle. And the others probably, too. The gang came up from Boston."
Willow looked surprised.
"They did? They shouldn't have done that. I don't want them missing work or anything. Can...can I sit up a little?"
"Um, yea," Tara replied, seeing two small buttons on the side of the bed, "Gently, okay?"
Willow nodded and Tara carefully pressed the button that had an upwards facing arrow on it, the bed gradually moving upwards until Willow was half-sitting up and the redhead seemed much more comfortable in that setting.
"Does it hurt?" Tara asked, her eyes fixed on the bandages poking on from the top of the gown.
"A little," Willow replied, though it was more of just an ache, "I think I'm on strong painkillers."
"You are. You'd want to be, you got shot in the chest," Tara said almost bitterly, before looking up at her wife with shining eyes, her voice coming out in a quiet whisper, "Why did you do it?"
Willow's frowned, confused.
"What?"
Tara felt tears she hadn't meant to shed start to flow down her cheeks, but she was unable to stop them as she was plagued with a sudden onslaught of uncontrollable emotion.
"Why did you push me out of the way? I, I, I held you in my arms and you were dying Willow, you were dying and there was nothing I could do and then I saw your heart stop. It stopped beating, you were lying on the table and you were dead. And there was so much blood. Your blood. How, how could you think I could ever live without you? How could you just risk your life like that and leave me to..."
Tara trailed off as she heard the monitor start to beep a little faster and shook her head to stop herself from saying anything else.
"Willow, I'm sorry, I didn't mean all that, I don't want your heart beating too fast. God, you saved my life, I can never thank you enough. Just take deep breaths for me, honey."
Willow took a deep breath as instructed before fixing her gaze on Tara's.
"I'm sorry I caused you so much pain."
Tara wiped away the errant tears and shook her head.
"Willow, no, forget it, you just need to rest and stay calm so you can get better. I shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry. I love you."
Willow shifted in the bed slightly and slowly moved her hand so it was covering the blonde's.
"Tara, listen to me," she said, her voice slightly shaky, "I know that if our positions were switched, I would be so mad that you put yourself in danger-"
Tara shook her head again.
"Sweetie, I'm not mad, I was just overcome for a second, I'm sorry-"
"Tara, I asked you to listen," Willow cut her wife off, her firm and strong tone surprising the blonde, "I would be mad as hell. But you have to understand that if there is ever any way that something could happen to cause you harm, I will always, always protect you with my life. No question. I would jump in front of a thousand bullets as long as I knew you were going to be okay. But I'll never, ever, willingly leave you, okay?"
Tara burst into a fresh set of tears as she heard her wife's impassioned plea and Willow moved over to the side of the bed, patting the empty space beside her.
"I think you need a hug."
Tara just started crying harder at this.
"I'm s-supposed to be taking care of you, not the other way around."
Willow just smiled a soft smile.
"We take care of each other. Come up here."
Tara wanted desperately to do just that but resisted the urge.
"I don't want to mess up any of the wires."
Willow nodded down at the side of the bed Tara was sitting beside.
"There's none on this side," she said, then weakly lifted her hand on the other side in indication, "Look. All over here. You won't be messing up anything. Please?"
Tara looked up and down the bed to see that there weren't any errant tubes or wire's she could accidentally dislodge and once satisfied that that was the case she very carefully moved so she was lying on her side on the bed alongside Willow.
"If I give you a quick kiss do you promise not to get too overexcited?" Tara asked, trailing a finger down the redhead's cheek.
"I'll try," Willow replied quietly, "I'd say my breath is kinda funky though."
Tara laughed, for the first time in what had been the longest 24 hours of her life.
"I don't care."
She leant her head forwards and placed the gentlest of kisses on the smaller girl's lips, transferring all the love she had through the soft movement of their lips until she noticed Willow was starting to drift off again.
"Go to sleep, honey. I'll hold you."
Willow opened and closed her mouth, swallowing a few times as her eyes drooped and her breathing evened out again. Tara watched her sleep for a few minutes until she found the steady movements of her wife's chest was lulling her into a deep sense of relaxation as well, making her own eyes wilt as the same thought ran through her mind over and over again.
She's okay.