Disclaimer: In my dreams, I would own them and make all the Cold Case, Scotty/Lilly shippers enjoy them. I do own a TV, which gives me access to them every day.

Chapter 8: Just What I Needed

Scotty pushed a squeaking shopping cart through their local Wal-Mart, at a complete loss for where to go. He was looking for curtains. The perfect color that would chase away the fear that consumed Lilly every time she stepped into the bedroom. With him by her side, that fear had been slightly reduced, but still… Scotty remembered that night he'd forced her to talk about it.

Lilly had yelled at him that she didn't sleep in her room alone anymore because her gray curtains reminded her of the walls in the interrogation room. She knew it was irrational, the color gray existed everywhere, but for some reason, she'd fixated on the curtains as the source of all fear. Scotty knew she was now comfortable participating in interviews in the same room she'd been shot, but there was just something about the curtains.

Scotty knew he couldn't fix all the pain and fear that comes from being shot, nor could he possibly fathom what it was like without being on the receiving end of a bullet himself. But he could fix this. He could surprise her by not feeling sorry for her, or judging her, but by simply making it better.

Smiling ruefully, Scotty realized that shopping was definitely not his forte. His apartment had been decorated by Elisa and furniture was something he had never had to buy. Scotty realized suddenly that he was wheeling his cart through the sports section, looking wistfully at a Sixers jersey, as though he didn't have three others at home. Mentally chastising himself and heading in the opposite direction, Scotty reminded himself that he was here for Lilly.

In a few minutes, Scotty was finally in the right department. He needed to find something special, something Lilly, and something that would clearly communicate how much he cared about her, when he wasn't sure how to say it aloud. Who knew there were so many different colors to choose from? How the hell was he supposed to find the right one?

And then his eyes settled on the perfect color. Somehow, among the kaleidoscope of colors and designs, he found the perfect one. Smiling at his genius, he called for help and handed an employee the dimensions to Lilly's windows that he'd gotten last night when she was sleeping.

All he could do now was hope that Wayne Simms hadn't shown up yet and Lilly wouldn't get home before he could finish this.

An hour later, Scotty was arriving at Lilly's front door. That was where he realized that there was a major flaw in his plan. He didn't have a key to her house, and short of breaking in had no way to get to her bedroom and replace the curtains. He considered picking the lock, but decided against it because it would just make Lilly feel unsafe in her house. If he could get in, anyone could and that was the opposite of what he was trying to achieve.

Scotty stepped back into her driveway and raked a hand through his hair. How had he not anticipated this problem? And more importantly what was he going to do now? Staring at the precious cargo in the back seat of his car, Scotty knew he was going to get in there, somehow, even if he had to climb up the roof and go in through the chimney like Santa Claus.

Suddenly, Scotty had an idea and walked next door to Lilly's neighbor's house, knocking loudly. A few seconds later, a young boy of about four years old answered the door, "Yeah?"

"Hey champ. Is your mom home?" Scotty asked in a friendly voice. Hoping that maybe Lilly had entrusted her key to her neighbor.

"Mommy! There's a guy at the door" He yelled into the house, then in a scurry of footsteps, he was gone. And in his place, a kindly, but tired looking woman took his place.

"Can I help you?" She asked, clearly confused.

"Hi. I'm detective Valens. Or Scotty and I – well." He wondered how best to explain the situation. "I was wondering if you had the key to the woman's house next door. I need to get in."

"You're a cop, can't you just kick the door down?" The woman asked with a smile on her face. "Or are you not here on police business?"

"I…" Scotty faltered, wondering if Lilly would mind if her neighbor knew the truth about them and decided that she would. "… kind of can't tell you." He said sheepishly.

The mysterious woman nodded, then stepped into her house and closed the door. Scotty wondered if she'd gone to call the police to warn them of a mysterious idiot trying to get into Lilly's house, but a few seconds later, she emerged, carrying a small silver key. Together they walked back to Lilly's front door and she let Scotty in the house.

"I'm Alexandra by the way, or Alex. Lilly left me her key to come feed her cats every once in a while. And she likes hanging out with my kids." She turned to leave, then said. "Hey Scotty?"

"Yeah?" Scotty looked back.

"Take good care of her, okay? That girl deserves to be happy, all she does for the world."

Scotty just nodded.

"Stupid Ed Martenson." Scotty muttered as he stood in Lilly's bedroom. He didn't know why, nor did he know how, but he had been staring at Lilly's curtains for over five minutes now, overcomes with anger and frustration. He wanted to yell and maybe hit something, to blame someone for everything that had happened to Lilly, but he knew there was no one here to blame, maybe no one anywhere to blame.

No one except him.

Scotty sat down on the edge of her bed, facing the window, and buried his head in his hands, the anger bleeding out and being quickly replaced by sadness. He was the one who hadn't understood her cryptic signal to shoot. He was the one who had shot a moment too late. He was the one who had let him shoot her.

Damn it. Lilly had needed him that night, more than ever before. She'd even called for his help. Called his cell phone, told him where she was, and said hey. She'd given him all the necessary tools for him to help her and he'd failed. That was the only time he could remember that she'd called for help.

And then there was after. Lilly had been struggling, he knew it from the first morning she came back to work and jumped when some idiot dropped an evidence box. He should've stepped in then, he should've cornered her and made her admit everything. He knew it was the only way to make it better. But he'd chickened out. He'd seen her untouchable attitude and immediately backed off, not even trying to help her. It wasn't until months later that he'd finally decided to man up and by that time he'd left Lilly to her demons for just that long.

What the hell is wrong with you? Scotty asked himself. How could he not answer her plea for help? Unspoken though it was. He spun around, his hands clenched in a fist, and leaned against the foot of the bed. His knuckles were pressing against the hard wood and he knew it would leave a bruise that he'd have to explain later. For now though, the sharp pain in his hands took away from the ache in his heart.

Standing up suddenly and looking at the drapes with distinct hatred, Scotty grasped the soft material in his hands. He was still shaking with anger. His knuckles protested with the movement, but he didn't care. In one fluid motion, he yanked as hard as he could, breaking the wooden bar the curtains were held up with and tearing them down. Reaching blindly for more fabric, he felt tears sting his eyes as he tore at the source of his and Lilly's pain again and again. And in a few minutes, he was surrounded by torn curtains, the sunshine hitting his face and making him close his eyes against the warmth. He was panting, still overcome with emotion, but he couldn't help but hope that maybe tearing down these curtains would be the first step to tearing down the pain that they both carried with them everyday.

It was about four o'clock in the afternoon when Lilly, Kat, and Nick had returned with their suspect. His breath stunk of alcohol, he was angry, aggressive, and everything he did screamed of abusive scumbag. When they got back to headquarters, the three of them had been in such an irritated mood, both from the cold and the company they'd spent the car ride with, that Will had shot Stillman a look. Send them home. We got this. Stillman had taken his advice and immediately told his three other detectives to pack up their things. Naturally they'd all wanted to stay, but acquiesced when they saw the determined looks on Will's and the boss's faces.

It was because of this that Lilly found herself unlocking the door to her house at the early hour of five in the evening. She honestly couldn't remember being home at such a normal hour for a long time now. Stepping in the door, Lilly was about to reach for her phone and call Scotty, who hadn't been at the precinct when she returned, but she smiled when she saw him – passed out on her couch.

She sat down at the head of the couch, running a hand through his dark hair and waiting for him to wake up. She gently kneaded his tense shoulders, trying to erase the small frown that adorned his handsome features. When his eyes snapped open, Lilly was surprised to find that they were not filled with happiness, but dark with grief and sadness. She frowned as he sat up and pulled her into so tight an embrace that she was unable to breathe.

"Oh Lil," He whispered into her hair. And his voice sounded hollow, lost. Lilly knew that this hug wasn't for her, and that he was trying to work something out in his head. She didn't say anything. She simply let him hug her to his chest.

"I'm here." She said. "Are you okay?"

She's here. Scotty told himself. You didn't screw up as badly as you thought. You couldn't have because the woman you think you failed is here, in your arms, alive and well, not pushing you away. His voice heavy with emotion, he replied, "yeah."

Then Scotty stood up and took her hand, "I got somethin' to show you," he said quietly. And together they made their way upstairs.

When Lilly stepped into her bedroom, her jaw nearly dropped to the floor and she was speechless. Scotty had... replaced her curtains. Letting go of his hands and walking as if in a trance up to the window, Lilly examined the product of Scotty's work in the last few hours.

"Scotty…" she breathed. "It's beautiful." And she wasn't lying. The curtains he picked out were dark blue, matching her sky blue walls perfectly. A criss crossed pattern of blue sequins, the exact same shade of her eyes, adorned the soft fabric. When she turned back around to face Scotty, there were tears in her eyes. "Thank you."

Scotty smiled sadly, "I figured it's the least I could do. Since, well, I'm the one who screwed up and started this whole mess."

Lilly knew the road he was going down. She'd been seeing it in his eyes for the past few months. It was a road of self hatred and incrimination that she'd also been a victim of more times that she could count. Lilly wished she'd had the guts to confront him about it before. But now she could do something for him, just like he'd done something for her. Stepping close in front of him and taking his face firmly between her hands, Lilly looked into his eyes.

"Listen to me Scotty." She spoke quietly but definitively. "What happened to me was not your fault and everything that happened because of it wasn't your fault either."

Damn it. She was good. He hadn't explicitly said anything, but she knew, knew without even asking about the dark place he'd gone. Unable to meet her eyes any longer, Scotty took her wrists and pulled his face out of her grasp.

"I could've saved you," he said brokenly, "but I didn't. You called for my help and I didn't…"

"You did save me." She replied quickly, "he would've killed me if it wasn't for you."

"I know, I know." He said. And he did know, logically, that Lilly had benefited from his presence that night. But that didn't take away from the guilt he was feeling, and he struggled to explain this to Lilly. "After, when you fell, I caught you, and you were just starin' at somethin' far away. You didn't hear me yellin' for the paramedics, but it was the longest minute of my life Lil. I was tryin' to stop the bleedin' and worryin' that I was hurtin' you all at the same time. And then in the hospital, I spent the night pacing in the hallways, covered in your blood…" He trailed off.

Suddenly, Lilly knew what he was saying, and why he'd grabbed her and hugged her so tightly the moment she walked in. Reaching for him again, Lilly kissed him fiercely. This kiss wasn't about love, it wasn't about desire, it was just to show him she was still here.

She broke their kiss only when the need for oxygen became overwhelming and looked back into his eyes. She frowned when she saw that his eyes were still dark with worry and kissed him again.

"What are you doing Lil?" He asked, confusion etched on the face that Lilly adored, the face that seemed to have grown years older in the past few months.

"I'm here." She said simply. "I didn't die, I didn't leave. I. Am. Here." She intoned. "Everything's alright now."

This time he was the one who leaned in to kiss her. "You are simply amazing Lil." She didn't blame him for what happened, and even though she was the one who got shot, here she was, comforting him. To Scotty's horror, for the second time that night, he felt tears fill his eyes. You a woman all of a sudden? He asked himself.

"I know." She said smugly, hoping that he had finally seen the light. "Who's fault was it that night?" She asked him.

"Not mine." He replied, "Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine…"

And neither of them knew if he was reassuring himself or her.

Don't ask me why I chose Wal-Mart, I don't know if they sell curtains. I just wanted a store everyone was familiar with. As always if you're here, you've already read, so now review please :)