Oh gawd, I'm supposed to be cleaning my apartment! Instead I stumbled upon a 1 minute preview of next week's episode on YouTube and decided I couldn't not write more...

I couldn't get over the "It's a really dark episode," so please know I took that to heart while writing this.

Apologies for Clarke's emotions being so up and down...but consider this...she nearly got killed, she thinks her mom may have been killed, a group of juvenile delinquents, half of which (probably) hate her guts are expecting her to treat their injuries...etcetera, etcetera...so, you know, I'd be a bit neurotic when faced with a situation like that, and I imagine Clarke would be too.

Okay, peace out for today...like, actually. I do (sometimes) have a life outside of the one I make up ;)

Thanks so much for those who are already following and favouriting this sucker. Hope I don't let you down!

Cheers!

...

Clarke and Finn entered the drop ship.

In sympathy she looked at the contorted, weakened figure of John Murphy-her former tormentor, the boy who'd nearly died from a crime she'd accused him of-a crime he didn't commit. Steeling herself to his pain, she reminded herself that he'd done worse. As far as she was concerned, he had innocent blood on his hands. The death of a child. That was on him.

And so her emotions, already heightened by the day's events were even more twisted and confused-because at the end of the day, she rationalized, Murphy was trying to survive, just like the rest of them.

"Claims he was with the grounders. We caught him trying to sneak back into camp," Miller explained gruffly. Clarke nodded to him in thanks for the brief explanation. After the incident with The Grounder-Lincoln, she and Miller had come to begrudgingly respect each other.

"I wasn't sneaking," Murphy retorted weakly, ever quick to jump to his own defence, "I was running away from the grounders."

She contemplated that piece of information. Based on his the injuries inflicted on him, there was no way he could have escaped through the woods and made it back to camp. With a growing suspicion, she realized she needed to know more, "But how did you..." Clarke began.

Murphy's eyes glinted in anger. It appeared he wasn't ready to let bygones be bygones with regards to the person he considered the sole reason for his banishment and consequent hardships. "I'm not speaking to her," Murphy replied stubbornly.

Clarke was taken aback, and felt guilt...the sort that started in her gut, slowly eating at her. Lost for words she stammered, "I...I didn't...I..."

"Fine," Bellamy cut in, "What did you tell them about us?" he demanded. His mind began to calculate the bits of information Murphy would have known that would put his group at a disadvantage. That there were only a hundred of them, that they were young, mostly unskilled in the arts of war, criminals forced to come together...only half unified, at least 20 able kids willing to take his place of leadership in the case of a mutiny, or, in the case of his death.

"Everything," Murphy murmured, his voice husky from defeat.

"Well in that case," Bellamy lifted his rifle, his intent to shoot without regret.

There was a sudden push against his gun, throwing off his aim. "Hey, what the hell's wrong with you?" Finn cried. "If he was with the grounders then he knows things that can help us," Finn continued to insist.

Naive Spacewalker. John Murphy, a skilled con artist, jailed for thievery and assault, would never give up information without a price. He wasn't willing to pay him the rusted metal he was standing on, and a part of him feared the bounty the grounders had paid him to give up the information he had on them. That emotion spurred him on.

"Help us?" Bellamy thundered, "We hanged him, we banished him and now we're gonna kill him," his eyes looked deadly as he glared at Finn. "Get the hell out of my way."

Clarke looked at Bellamy in trepidation. She was going to have to chose a side...which side? Which side was right? Because Finn was wrong about Bellamy influencing her...because her moral core was always going to be conflicted. She'd never expected that to change. It was the practicalities of survival versus the emotion she was always too quick to feel. She understood that now. Which side?

And after some thought it became clear that there was only one right side. They were discussing a life. The life of a brutal, hardened criminal...but it was a life, no matter who's and it couldn't be their choice to decide who lived or died. Not in this way.

"Bellamy," she said in a soft, even tone, "Stop this. Please."

His eyes met hers and fractionally softened. In that moment of connection, she felt some semblance of hope.

Then Bellamy shot Murphy in the head.

...

Clarke let out a gasp of bone shaking horror and repugnance at what she'd just witnessed. She doubled in against herself ready to puke.

"Get her out of here," Bellamy ordered authoritatively, spurring Miller into action.

She shrugged Miller off. He looked to Bellamy for further direction, but stepped away from Clarke as Bellamy held his hand out to let her be.

"Why?" Clarke choked out, looking at Bellamy desperately for an explanation-because he had to have known that in that one act of unprovoked brutality, her faith in him would be crushed. There had to be a reason. There had to be a justification for his actions, more pithy than the ones he's said aloud. "How could you..."

Bellamy shook his head, "Clarke," he locked eyes with her, pleading for some understanding. For that brief moment he almost forgot that apologies and forgiveness were moot points in the savage world they found themselves in. He cleared his throat gruffly and emotion faded away. The light in his eyes was extinguished, "I couldn't take the chance."

"You bastard!" Finn spat, before his fist made contact with Bellamy's face. The impact forced Bellamy half to the ground, at level with the face of the boy he'd just killed.

"Murderer," Finn accused, "You sick, twisted murderer."

Bellamy clenched his jaw, "Whatever we need to do to survive Spacewalker."

"You killed a boy who was already near death, and you're saying you did it to survive? That's bull and you know it."

But it wasn't bull. Because there were so many ways...so many ways that keeping Murphy alive would have threatened his camp. He had to steel his heart and his head. He had to believe he was right, that his actions were right. He had to believe that, or face another breakdown that he couldn't afford to have. Not while Clarke was looking at him with accusation in her eyes.

"Finn," Clarke whispered.

It inexplicably pained Bellamy to hear the softness in her voice as she called to him.

Finn immediately glanced her way.

"Look, we..." she gulped and wet her lips nervously, "It's done," she blinked, then nodded her head as if to confirm her next actions to herself, "It's done. There's nothing else we can do here. Let's go."

"You can't just expect me to let him..." Finn was not finished with Bellamy Blake yet. Not by a long shot.

"We need to rally the rest of the camp," she said calmly, "I'm sure they have a lot of questions...the meeting with the grounders, the explosion they just saw, the..." her voice faltered, "The meaning behind the gunshot they just heard. I'm sure the group is scared and confused and we owe it to them to explain what happened."

Finn considered this and nodded, walking out of the ship without sparing Bellamy another glance.

"Go with them," Bellamy ordered Miller, who gave a curt nod in response and followed Finn out.

Clarke was two steps behind him.

Look at me, Bellamy willed. Look at me, he quietly begged. Remind me that I'm not a monster.

She turned around, head tilted in contemplation as she gazed at him.

"I warned him Clarke," Bellamy began to sputter in a rushed explanation he felt free to give now that the judgemental Spacewalker had left them alone, "I warned him what would happen if he came back. If the rest of the camp doesn't understand that I follow through with my threats then we would be back to square one. A part of you has to realize this."

Clarke pursed her lips together. "You did warn him," she allowed.

"Clarke..." he took a hopeful breath.

"You know, its our humanity that makes us human Bellamy," Clarke said evenly, "I hope you don't forget that...because if you do, then we're all doomed anyway."