Chapter Eight:
Sam was just pulling out his cell phone to call Deanna, ignoring his brother's mangled and fried one, when Deanna came around the corner, making a bee line for him.
"Thank God. You're okay." She said, going up to him and pulling him into a hug.
Sam wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, drawing comfort from her presence. "I'm okay." He repeated. "But Dean..." Sam pulled away and turned to look at the stark white emergency room doors.
Normally when one of them was hurt, the ER usually let the other follow, unless they were heading directly into surgery. This time, they hadn't even let him inside the doors. He stared at the doors, feeling helpless.
A soft hand touched his face and turned his gaze downward. "Sammy. Look at me. Tell me what happened?"
Sam just stared at her. How could he tell his big sister, Dean's twin, that it was his fault her brother was now beyond reach? That her brother was electrocuted because he wasn't there to watch his back?
How could he do that to her, when she'd just been reunited with Dean?
She'd never look at Sam the same way again.
And it would be all his fault.
Sam was saved from having to explain by two local cops walking up, wanting statements. Deanna just glued herself to his side, staying close and offering support.
Support he knew she would withdraw as soon as she knew what he'd done.
Sam was just getting frustrated by the cop's endless questions, when he glanced at the doors for the millionth time, and saw a doctor heading towards them.
"Excuse me." Sam said, moving toward the doctor.
Both cops dismissed him, and headed off. Sam didn't pay them any mind, turning his attention to Dean's doctor.
"Hey, doc." Sam started, feeling Deanna's warmth at his side. "Is he..."
"He's resting." the doctor interrupted, looking at both the Winchester siblings with sympathy.
"And?" Sam prompted. He didn't like the look on the doctor's face, and after sneaking a look at Deanna, he could tell she was worried as well.
The doctor sighed. "The electrocution triggered a heart attack." Deanna's fingers clamped down hard on Sam's forearm. "It was pretty massive, I'm afraid. His heart...it was damaged."
"How damaged?" Sam asked, voice cracking. He struggled to hold steady; to be strong for Deanna.
"We've done all we can. We can try and keep him comfortable at this point." Sam almost couldn't hear anymore over the roaring in his ears. "But I'd give him a couple of weeks. At most, maybe a month."
No!
"No. No, there's gotta be something you can do." Sam said desperately. Hearing the doctor's diagnosis of his brother, his invincible, incredible...heroic, big brother, cut to the bone. "Some kind of treatment?"
"We can't work miracles." The doctor said, looking at Sam, and then at Deanna. "I really am sorry."
"Thank you doctor," Deanna said, steadier than Sam would have been able to manage. She gently tugged him over to sit in one of the awful plastic chairs along the hallway. Sam went with her pliantly, letting his knees collapse.
"Sammy?" Deanna asks, kneeling in front of him. "Sammy, look at me."
It's not an order. Her tone is pleading, and Sam forces himself to look at her, taking in her-Dean's-green eyes. The sadness in them hurts, but it's the concern that slaps Sam upside the face with it's illogical injustice. Deanna shouldn't be concerned for him. He's the reason Dean's going to die. She should hate him.
With that thought, Sam can see his life crumbling before his eyes. With Dean dead, Sam would have no one. He wouldn't be able to go back to school, he wouldn't have a brother, his sister would walk away, and his father probably wouldn't be bothered to have anything to do with his second born son. He would be truly and completely alone.
An orphan.
"I'm sorry." Sam choked out. "God, Annie. I'm so sorry."
Deanna tilted her head and cocked an eyebrow, looking so much like her brother it hurt. "What are you talking about?" she asked, genuinely confused.
Sam sucked in a deep breath. "It's my fault." He whispered. "I should have been there, and I wasn't. Dean would never have left me by myself down there with that...thing, but I did, and now he'd going to...to...to die. And it's all my fault you're not going to have a brother anymore, and I'm just so sorry." He dropped his face into his hands, letting his elbows rest on his knees. He didn't want to see the dissapointment and hatred in Deanna's eyes. He didn't want to watch her walk away from him.
He just wanted his family back. To before he went ahead and killed a brother, was disowned by a father, and alienated a sister.
It sucked to be alone.
Which was why it completely shocked him when Deanna's arms came up and wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him close to her.
"In case you hadn't noticed," she whispered softly into his ear. "I have two brothers. Not just one."
Sam jerked away from her. "Deanna...I killed him." He looked into her eyes, waiting for the inevitable wave of hatred to flash through them. "Doesn't that mean anything to you? Your brother is going to die. And it's my fault."
Deanna shook her head, letting her hair fall around her face. "Sam, why don't you just start from the beginning. Tell me what happened."
Sam took a shaky breath, and started by telling Deanna everything that had happened since Dean had gotten off the phone with her. Deanna listened quietly, and when he was finished, reached up with a soft hand, and brushed away the lone tear that had escaped Sam's defenses.
"Sam," She started, tone leaving no room for argument. "I want you to listen to me. What happened to Dean is not your fault."
"But..." Sam tried to interrupt.
"No." Deanna cut him off. "I don't know where you got the idea that this is your fault, but it's not. Dean...Dean is an idiot. A stupid, selfless, idiot who gives no thought at all for his own safety. But he's an idiot who loves you very much. Dean told you to go. He handed you the children, the children, Sam, knowing that you would and could protect them. But it also took you out of immediate danger. I know I haven't been around for all that long, but I have experience with protective older...people." Her lips turned up slightly at the word 'people'. "Dean, from day one decided that it was his responsibility to keep this family going. That includes looking out for you...and me, the moron." Sam smiled as Deanna continued. "You didn't kill him. You saved him. Your quick thinking got him here, so that we can do something about this. So whatever you're thinking, that you're a bad brother...or a bad person, whatever...this stops now."
Sam glanced down at his feet, and then back up at Deanna. Her eyes were so expressive, and instead of the hatred and disgust he'd been convinced he'd see, he only saw concern, worry, and a look he knew all to well, even if Winchesters didn't actually say the word: Love.
Deanna watched him critically for a moment, and then gave him a soft smile. "I also want you to understand something. The next time you start talking like I'm going to leave, get angry at you for something that is clearly the fault of an idiot, I am going to punch you. And then I'm going to have to punch Dean, because he's going to try and stand up for you. I've got no problem putting both of you on your ass. Got it? You two are family. No matter what you do, or what you think you did, that's never going to change. Ever."
Sam nodded, and this time when Deanna pulled him into a hug, he tightened his arms around her, the fear of losing his family dissipating in her embrace.
O~O~O
Dean had still been asleep when Deanna had ordered them both up. They'd gone back to get Deanna's bike, and by the time they'd returned, Dean was sitting up in the small hospital bed, watching television.
He looked bad. Even Deanna could see that. His normally tanned skin was pale, and there were dark bruises under his eyes. With the wires connecting to his arms, and slow, deliberate way he was moving, made him look weak and small. Two words that Deanna never thought she would ever use to describe her larger than life older brother. Not ever in a million years.
Dean glanced at them as they walked in, relief obvious in his eyes. Deanna wasn't sure what he had to be relieved for, and she hated that he even had to look that way. Dean attempted to smirk at them, the smile not quite reaching his eyes.
"Have either of you actually watched daytime TV? It's terrible." His voice was weak. It made Deanna want to curl up in a corner and cry.
Sam glanced over at Deanna. She rolled her eyes and mouthed the word 'idiot' at him. Sam let his lips twitch and then turned sad puppy eyes on his brother.
"I talked to your doctor." He said softly.
Deanna set herself down in one of the uncomfortable chairs next to Dean's bed and propped her feet up on the edge, nudging his leg lightly. Dean glanced at her, and she nodded at Sam. A silent, 'I'm fine. Deal with your brother.'
Dean glanced at the television again as channels changed too quickly for Sam to interpret. He finally stopped on a commercial with a happy teddy bear romping across the screen. "That fabric softener teddy bear." Dean snarked, again trying to cut down on some of Sam's tension; to make him smile slightly. "Oh. I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down."
Sam pinched his lips together, frowning at Dean. "Dean..." he started, before realizing he didn't know what to say.
Dean sighed. He knew this was going to be hard on Sam. Dean didn't have any problems with death. He'd be dying because he was saving lives, and the kids were going to be okay. Sam had Deanna, and yeah, he had to talk to her, make sure she was going to be there to look after Sam. He did however, have a problem with not being able to help Sam.
Dean flicked off the TV. "All right. Well, I guess you two are going to have to leave town without me." He avoided looking at Sam, instead picking at a loose string in the blanket covering him.
"What are you talking about?" Sam asked incredulously. "I'm not going to just leave you here."
Dean forced himself to look at his brother. "Hey. You better take care of that car, or I swear I'll haunt your ass." He glanced at Deanna. "Sorry. But you already have a bike."
Sam looked like he was about ready to cry, and Dean just wanted to do something, anything, to take that look off his face. "I don't think that's funny." he said, voice cracking on tears he didn't want to shed.
"Aw, come on. It's a little funny." Sam just stared at him, causing Dean sigh. He absently picked at the IV in his arm. "Look Sammy, what can I say? It's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it. End of story."
Sam shook his head defiantly. "Don't talk like that, alright? We still have options..."
"What options, Sam?" Dean interrupted. "There's burial or cremation. And I know it's not easy, but I'm gonna die. And you can't stop it."
A fire lit in Sam's eyes. "Watch me." he stated, before stomping out of the room.
Dean laid back in the bed, exhausted from talking with Sam. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Deanna's slender fingers firmly but gently stopped him from picking at his IV. "That was harsh." she said softly.
"What?" he asked, too tired to try and play catch up with her.
"You. What you said about burial or cremation. That was harsh. Sam doesn't need to hear that right now."
Dean tilted his head to look at her full on. While she was remaining calm and collected, Dean could see the whirlwind of emotions in her eyes, the foremost being fear and sadness.
"Look, I can't coddle him forever."
"I'm not telling you to coddle him, Dean. But that was out of line." Deanna had started tracing random patterns onto Dean's palm with her finger tip. Dean felt his eyes begin to close, sleep encroaching on his vision.
"It's true." He said, fighting the sleep.
Deanna flung his hand down, and he felt the vibration rattle through his bones. "You really don't have a problem with this, do you?"
"No."
"Why not?"
Dean went back to scratching at the IV. "Are the kids alive?"
Deanna looked at him like he'd grown a second head. "Yeah."
"Sammy alive?"
She rolled her eyes. "He's pissed. And hurting. And scared. And miserable. But yeah, he's alive."
Dean nodded. "You going to look after him?" he shifted his gaze to look at her out of the corner of his eye.
"You know I am." she said. "Where're you going with this?"
"I just...I just can't bring myself to be upset about everything, when I know that the world...my world...is about as right as I can make it considering the circumstances. You said it yourself, I'm a born hunter. I always knew I was going to die before I was thirty. I imagined it a little more impressive and bloody, but still. I knew this was going to happen. It was just a matter of time. But you can't ask me to be upset that I died saving two little kids and my own kid brother. I can't. I won't."
Deanna stood up, and shoved her hands into her pockets. "You're an idiot."
Dean looked up at his twin. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me." she said. "You. Are. An. Idiot. I mean, I like you and all..."
"Gee, thanks."
"...but you are an idiot. You don't understand that you're not the one really dying here. You've essentially just killed your little brother, and eviscerated your little sister, and you don't give a crap."
Dean shook his head. "I give a crap. I just don't see the point of worrying over something that I can't do anything about."
"How about not being so blase' about it in front of Sam? That'll help for starters."
Deanna and Dean stared each other down for a moment. "Look," Deanna started. "You and I both know how this is going to work out. Just because I've accepted it, doesn't mean I have to like it. But Sam needs us to think about him. He's going to try and find a way to save you, and I'm going to be the one to have to pick up his pieces when he fails. So man up, stop being an idiot, and think about your brother. Because like I told Sam earlier, I have no problem with beating the crap out of a sick person."
Dean smirked at that last statement, and watched as Deanna headed for the door. "Where're you going?" he asked.
Deanna turned. "You need sleep, and I have a little brother to look after. Call me if you need anything."
Dean nodded and watched her go. She was halfway down the hallway, when she turned around and poked her head through the door. "When I got here, Sam was freaking out. And when I finally got him to tell me what was up, he started apologizing to me."
"For what?" Dean asked, confused.
Deanna looked at him pointedly. "For killing my brother. Not our brother. But my brother. He was afraid that once you were gone, he'd be completely alone in this world. An orphan. And not only that, he was positive he was a bad brother, and a bad person because he'd left you alone in that basement. That he wasn't there when you got hurt. And that to him, apparently meant he'd killed you. So next time you feel like driving nails through Sam's soul, maybe you should think about that."
With those final words of thought, Deanna turned around and stomped down the hallway.
Dean could only sit there is shock and surprise, Deanna's outburst taking him by surprise. Feeling guilty, Dean drifted off into an uneven sleep.
Author's Note: Thanks guys for all your support. Honestly, it means more than you know. I'm not sure about this chapter, I wrote it in an hour. Let me know what you think.