Sophie slung the dress on to her bed upon other discarded articles of clothing and let out a moan of frustration. The dress had looked too much, the jeans had looked under dressed and the pencil skirt had made her look like a wannabe dominatrix. She sat back down on her bed wearing her matching lilac underwear, resting her elbows on her knees and held her face in her hands staring forward into nothing. It wasn't the sexy underwear she owned and she originally wore her red lace set that she loved but it reminded her of Sian. The way the blondes eyes had racked over her, how her teeth bit her bottom lip in anticipation. She had instantly removed the garments and chosen a set she had purchased a week earlier, plain stripes that left much to the imagination. Sophie had no intention of allowing the evening to escalate to sex. It had been a big step for her just simply saying yes to this date she wasn't ready for sex with someone else. She knew she would spend the entire time thinking how Ellie's lips weren't Sian's, her hand didn't fit hers the way Sian's do. And most importantly, she didn't love her, not like Sian did. This was her problem her life revolved around Sian even when this date was meant to be the completely opposite effect. She hadn't been able to get her confrontation with Sian out of her mind all day and she had taught her classes half heartedly, although none of her students seemed to mind. So many emotions had crossed the blondes face, love, hurt, desire, jealousy, anger and it felt like a fist to her heart knowing she caused them all. But as guilt would wash over her for causing Sian pain, Sophie would instantly be irritated by the fact that Sian had Ryan. Her soul mate was married to someone else and yet Sian was hurt by the fact she was going on a date with someone else. Sian was married to Ryan, Ryan who trusted her with his heart and again the guilt would slip over gently like a tide coming into the shore. Looking over at the time she saw that she only had 45 minutes until Ellie knocked at her door, putting her hands down on the bed she pushed herself up catching her appearance in the mirror as she did so. Her face looked drain of colour, her eyes had bags underneath them and her cheeks looked protruded out more than usually. It was the first time in a long time that she had actually taken in her exterior properly, letting her eyes outline her face, she looked different older or perhaps just jaded. Finding love, holding on to love was meant to be everything, everything films, songs and books had been going on about but this wasn't right. Sophie loved Sian in a way that consumed her, and she was constantly asking herself whether the love outweighed the pain…And Sophie still hadn't come up with an answer. Ignoring her image in the mirror she went to her closet again flicking through the clothes on her hanger, for an October evening it wasn't particularly cold outside and she took this into consideration when she pulled out the dress. It was a summer dress that Rosie had forced her to buy a few months previously and she had never brought it out of her wardrobe before. She held the dress up to herself taking in the pale flowery pattern, it wasn't a very revealing outfit and it wasn't completely conservative. Slipping the garment over her head and doing the zip up at the side she looked at herself. The light pinks brought out the blue in her eyes or was that simply due to the paleness of her skin? Although the dress hung tightly to her chest and stomach from the waist down it draped loosely and Sophie spun around once. With a relieved sigh, she grabbed her flat black shoes that were discarded under the bed. Sophie had already decided she was going to were flats out that night, she wasn't sure where this date was going to be taking place and her heels were not designed for walking far in. Unlike her sister Rosie most of the shoes she owned were made for comfort rather than just to make her calves look toned. The base of her makeup had already been done and Sophie was rooting through her bag trying to find her mascara and lipstick. Sophie wasn't one to be ready early but she thought Ellie deserved to have at least ready to go when she turned up, she didn't want to mess this girl around even if she was a poor substitute for Sian. Mentally Sophie cursed herself, she had gone all of ten minutes without allowing the blonde to burrow into her subconscious thoughts and she wasn't sure she had the power to push her aside again or the heart to lock Sian away. The knock at the door caused Sophie to glance up at the clock on her wall. Ellie was half an hour early, at least she was eager Sophie thought to herself but it didn't lift the weight on her heart. She still couldn't shake the broken image of Sian's face from that afternoon. She grabbed her make up case and denim jacket that hung on door as she walked through the hallway to let Ellie in, she finish getting read while she offered her date a glass of wine. She raced through her mind trying to recall if she actually had any alcohol left. Occasionally on nights when she was unable to find sleep drew to thoughts of Sian she would sit in the kitchen accompany by a few glasses of wine or Whiskey and sporadically Jack Daniels. This wasn't a health habit, Sophie knew this and she'd attempted to stop but it had now become the only thing to shut of her mind. Even if it was for a few hours, it was enough. Sophie shrugged, if she had no wine, she knew that there was a least half a bottle of vodka. "I'm almost read-" She started to say when she opened the front door and the rest of her sentence got caught in her throat as it instantaneously went dry. On the other side of the door stood was not Ellie but rather Sian in a knee length wrap around coat. Sophie could just about make out her toned thighs she had on show in the evening light and it was enough to make her gulp hard. "What are you..." She trailed off as she watched Sian place a single finger to her lips silencing swallowed hard again as she could only watch helplessly as Sian's hands went to the belt of her jacket undoing the bow slowly. Sophie licked her lips trying to get some moisture in her mouth. Sian's eyes travelled down from blue orbs to watch the way Sophie's chest rose heavily, a small smirk playing across her lips at the effect she was having on her lover, she had no intentions of allowing Sophie to leave for her date. And the way Sophie was looking at her told her that her plan was working. With the belt loose her fingers trailed down from the collar of her coat, easing the material apart to reveal what lay beneath brunette had to remind herself to breathe, just one deep breath after the other, her mind was beginning to go foggy with the image in front of her. Sian now stood before her in the heels she had worn earlier, but now the suit was gone and all that remained was her powder blue lingerie complete with suspenders holding up skin coloured tights. Her flat abdomen was visible in the light from her hall and as Sophie's eyes travelled up to perk breasts pushed together by the lace she felt a heat race through her body. It was the most erotic thing Sophie had ever witnessed and her body shivered with desire. The click of Sian's heels caused her eyes to shoot up and she couldn't help her cheeks from colouring. The blonde gave her a knowing smile. "You can look. It's all for you." She whispered in a sultry tone which only increased the dampness between Sophie's control of her mind she grabbed the collar of Sian's coat in her fists and pulled her into her apartment, slamming the door quickly behind them Sian smirked at the reaction she received, however her lips dropped when she saw the angry expression on Sophie's face. "What are you playing at?" Came Sophie's sharp words through gritted teeth."Giving your neighbours an eye full." Sian joked as she stepped back into Sophie's personal space. Her slender finger trailed a line down the brunettes jaw before her thumb found Sophie's bottom lip and her pad over it causing Sophie's lips to part. The teacher had to stop herself from slipping her tongue out and guiding Sian's stray digit into her mouth."Giving them a heart attack more like." It was meant to be a joke but her tone was still hard and hit against Sian like an out of control train."Aren't you happy to see me?" She asked seductively, her eyelids slipping shut slowly, daring Sophie to tell her that she didn't want her, didn't want to be touched by her. Sophie wanted her they both knew this, she wanted to slip Sian's breasts out of her bra, to roll her nipple with her tongue, she wanted to savour Sian's taste . But more than anything she wanted to take Sian in her arms and hold her, brush blonde strands of hair from her face. Keep her and never let her go. There were many things Sophie wanted and most of them were just out of her grasp."What are you doing here?" Sophie enquired directly trying to keep herself focused and not let her eyes roam across Sian's body that still remain on display."I wanted to see you." Sian explained tilting her head to the side in an innocent way that made Sophie shake her head lightly."Sian, I already said that I couldn't see you tonight." Now Sophie understood why Sian was here, she didn't want her to go out with Ellie tonight and she was using this as a way to lure Sophie to stay. It did cause Sophie to smile inwardly at Sian's jealous behaviour but the other half of her was fuming because Sian was not allowing her to have her own life. Sian could go home to Ryan, make love to him and share her life with him but Sophie could not be permitted to have one night with another woman. Her inner pendulum swung between flattery and anger and she wasn't sure which side it would stop on. "Unfortunately I remember. But I thought you might like a better offer." That Sian Powers (because Sian would always be Powers to her and never Conner) smirk swept across her face. The brunette couldn't stop herself from chuckling at Sian's cocky nature it was one of the things she loved about the blonde; her faith that Sophie would always want her. The teacher looked at Sian's playful blue eye's before she turned to her makeup case that sat on top of the cabinet in the hallway. "I'm happy with the offer I have thank you." "Are you really though, because you know she's not me.""You're right she isn't you because Ellie isn't married." Sophie told her and she heard Sian sigh over her shoulder as she undid the top of her mascara. The brunette didn't hear the blonde approach her from behind and was only aware of her presence when arms snaked around her waist. She looked in the mirror to see Sian rest her chin on her shoulder before squeezing her gently. The stood like this, peaceful and calm enjoying the way they fitted together so naturally. Sian wanted to stay like this forever with her arms wrapped around the woman who owned her, get lost in each other and never come up for air. "Sian…" Sophie began placing her hands over Sian's slowly removing them from around her waist. Sian's head flopped back as far as it could go and stepped back with her lips pursed together. "What can I say to make you undress me? I've already started most of it." With a small laugh Sophie began to apply her mascara the dark makeup was coursing her eyes to stand out even more. "You look lovely." Sian said as she leaned on the wall watching the girl she loved getting ready for someone else."Thank you." Sophie replied with a lopsided smile."You've made quite the effort." "Well I hear that people quite like it when you dress up for a date, sweat pants and a tank top just don't cut it." She managed to say while slowly applying the eyeliner not wanting to end up in an uneven line. "I'd go on a date with you in any clothes." Sophie's heart rate slowed down in a painful way due to the sad tone that was accompanying Sian's words. "We never go on dates." The brunette said and the words cut Sian while Sophie picked up the two lipsticks. "Pink or red?" "Pink, red was always more Rosie's colour." Sophie nodded as she applied the lipstick. She spun around and looked at Sian. "How do I look?""Beautiful." She stated simply, no other words were needed. Sophie couldn't look at Sian for too long otherwise she would cave and pull the blonde into her arms. The doorbell rang and both woman turned to loo at the door but neither moved to answer took two steps forward and placed her hands tenderly upon Sophie's delicate cheeks. "Stay here with me." Sian begged dropping her bravo exterior and Sophie thought sadly how things had reversed. It took all her energy to grab the blondes hands and remove them from her face."No. I have someone waiting who I can actually have.""Please. Stay." There was desperation to her voice. Sophie couldn't help but enjoy this new role and she hated herself for it. "I'm not leaving.""You can stay but I'm going." Scared that she might give in she took her opportunity to grab her purse along with her jacket and quickly exited, leaving the blonde alone inside her flat. Maybe now she would feel the anguish she did when she had been left in those hotel rooms wrapping the bedding around her body, feeling used and nothing close to loved."Hey!" Ellie said surprised as Sophie almost knocked her over as she shut the door swiftly, not wanting Ellie is see Sian standing inside."Sorry. You ready?" Sophie said as she walked down the steps to the street. "Yeah of course, your carriage awaits." The dark haired woman said as she motioned to the taxi that was parked at the kerb."Yep. Let's go." Ellie led the way and Sophie looked around one last night at her flat seeing Sian standing at her window her palm pressed again the pane. Sophie thought she saw tears on the blonde's face but she forced herself to keep walking, leaving the love of her life behind. It broke Sophie's heart to leave Sian behind and she had to drive down the lump that was forming in her throat. It was like her and Sian were fighting the currents of a black sea and no matter how hard or fast they swam they could never break the surface. Sophie needed air she needed to feel her lungs burst with oxygen but outside at that moment the only thing that burst was her heart.****Sophie sat in the busy restaurant her eyes mapping out the room around her. She had wanted to come to this Italian place since opened and she had wanted to come with Sian. But the blonde repeatedly said it wasn't possible, it was too risky so Sophie had settled for room service at a hotel. Sophie watched the couples around the room how they gazed at each other, linked fingers as though it was only them two in the world and her heart contracted tightly in her chest. It should have been Sian sitting opposite her, it should have been them at this table with the candle flickering in between them letting the world know they were together and no one else mattered. But it wasn't them sitting at the table and Sophie was starting to wonder if it ever would be. All she had was a thousand broken promises laying scattered around her and every time she moved she felt their edges digging into her skin, a constant reminder of what would could have been."Hey you alright?" Sophie looked over to Ellie who was glancing at her with concern and Sophie tried to smile but she imagined that it came across as sinister rather than happiness."Yeah, yeah of course, I've wanted to try this place for a while." Sophie explained, trying to push through her melancholy mood."Good, I was worrying about where to take you, should I take her to see a film or go dancing. I mean there has been a big build up to this." She felt guilty about constantly cancelling on the girl. Ellie's wide smile just showed how much she wanted this date, how much she had looked forward to it and all Sophie was sick. She wanted to able to gaze across at Ellie and for that to be enough, to be content with the company and not have the ghost of Sian hanging in her thoughts. It was a useless fight because she knew she couldn't escape Sian, the chains of their love hung heavy around her neck. The weight bared down on her shoulders and she'd become accustom to it, Sophie wasn't sure if she could cope without it."Sorry. My family can be a little crazy and when they make plans, those plans are not to be cancelled." She said lightly, although the reason for her rearranging had been due to Sian as apposed to her family. It had taken all her courage to not do it this time especially when Sian had turned up at her door this evening...She quickly turned off her thoughts of Sian not wanting to remembering how her body looked under her coat."Well I'm glad they could spare you for one night." Sophie smiled. "You want to order wine?""Yes!" She replied too loud and too quickly and grinned embarrassed at her out burst. Sophie felt like she needed the cool liquid to caress her throat and loosen her tongue, to take away her inhabitations so she could enjoy this evening."Wow." Ellie laughed."It's been a long week." she explained, and it had been. Anytime without Sian seemed to stretch on endlessly and it felt her feeling empty and didn't pick up on the sadness in Sophie's eyes as she went on and the brunette had to will herself to pay attention to the conversation. "Tell me about it, trying to get twenty girls to run the 1500 was torture. Turns out they think run means walk around and gossip for an hour.""Well God forbid they get sweaty when they have hormonal boys to impress." They chuckled together and for that brief second it felt like any normal date and Sophie relaxed slightly. The waitress came over and Ellie selected a bottle of white wine, Sophie didn't care which one."So who was that girl today? She seemed pretty upset." And just like that Sophie knew it was impossible to try and escape from Sian just for one night, she was annoyed at herself for even trying."Just a friend, she's having problems with her husband." It wasn't a complete lie but she avoided parts of the truth. Sophie knew this was going to be a long night but she was determined to have one evening for herself, one evening when she was just Sophie Webster on a date, her own person. She was connected to Sian in a sordid affair that was destroying them, she was addicted to the blonde's lips and she was not in love with every single part of Sian. The problem was Sophie was all of those things and so much more.****Sophie had claimed a sickness bug and Ellie had believed her, which was surprising considering had hardly touched her wine, poked her pasta about without eating much and didn't even glance at the desert menu. She did feel ill, her stomach felt unsettled like any moment the contents of it would come back up. She knew that it was nothing to do with a bug it was the effort of Sian it was like the blonde was searing through her veins taking hold of her. The ride home had been in silence and as they walked the few steps to Sophie's front door she suddenly felt the strong sense of nausea take hold. The hallway and living room light's were on and she was sure that she could hear music playing from inside. Sian was still there. They stopped at her door and Sophie took her keys out quickly from her purse. But an awkward silence set over them and the brunette looked down at her feet to avoid Ellie's expectant gaze. "I had a good time tonight, illness aside." Ellie finally spoke and Sophie looked up and nodded."Me too." She lied, the whole evening had been a struggle. Sophie decided that she had to be honest with Ellie is wasn't fair to lead the girl on when in truth her heart wasn't in it, none of her was except for her wishful thinking."Is that music?" Ellie asked with a confused expression leaning closer to the entrance to Sophie's apartment. "Erm yeah…It's probably my sister sometimes she turns up to crash at mine." it scared Sophie how easy slander was falling freely from her mouth. She was secretly happy that Sian was still there because now she had a strong excuse for the date to end here on this doorstep. "Sisters eh…Can we do this again maybe, I mean when you're feeling better?" She fidgeted uncomfortably which only caused Sophie's resolve to fade away. The woman looked so vulnerable and hopeful in front of her that Sophie could not say no."Yeah, that would be good, when I'm feeling better." The smile that broke across Ellie's face threatened to break her cheeks and Sophie was glad the other girl seemed happy, even if she didn't feel the same excitement. "Good, because I want the full Sophie Webster experience." She quirked at eyebrow at the brunette and Sophie's stomach dropped, but she hid her anxiety behind a confident smile. "And there's just one more thing.""Yeah?" Sophie looked up to see almost black eyes that had once been brown and a dread started to ease through her. "I've been thinking about this for the last month and if I don't do it then I'll probably regret it the moment I walk away." There was a new found confidence to her voice that had not been there a minute ago and Sophie cursed herself for giving Ellie her courage back."And what's that?" Sophie didn't need to ask, she knew what was coming. All she could think was that Sian was beyond the door she stood beside, waiting for her and she felt unnecessarily guilty. "This." Taking a step forward she placed her hands on either side of Sophie's face and she instantly noted how her hands were bigger than Sian's and her fingers were not as slender. Sophie kept one hand by her side holding her bag while the other gentle sat on Ellie's hip. Her lips were soft and the kiss was nice, but that was the only word Sophie could use to describe it, the ground didn't shake and no fireworks went off. It was everything a first kiss shouldn't be but still it was nice. But when she felt Ellie's tongue run across her bottom lip she did not allow it entry and instead broke the kiss off. Ellie pressed her forehead against Sophie's as if trying to prolong this intimate moment and it made the brunette feel uneasy. "You're good at that." She breathed out with a light chuckle. Sophie could taste the wine and garlic on the other woman's breath and her stomach churned. "I've had a lot of practice." She replied as took a step back trying to distance herself. But she knew she would give Ellie another chance, maybe next time it would be better. Although it hadn't been the perfect night that she had hoped for it was nice having someone who was borrowed, who was hers."Do I want to know?""Probably not." Sophie smirked. Ellie's face shone with future prospect that Sophie so desperately wanted. "Well I should get inside, I'd invite you in but, you know sister.""I wouldn't have come in anyway." Ellie replied as she started to walk down the frowned at her, slightly hurt by the woman's comments or had Ellie simply noticed the way Sophie was not in this whole heartedly. "Why?" The P.E stopped at the bottom and looked up at the brunette. "Because I like you Soph, and that's not how I want us to start." Her words touched Sophie and she smiled genuinely for the first time that evening. "I'm not going anywhere and I kinda hope you're not either." Sophie bit her lip and shook her head. "Good. Get better, I'll call you.""Okay." Sophie watched until Ellie's taxi had driven off down the street before she put her key in the door and entered. Shutting the door she put her purse down on the side and looked at herself in the mirror. "You didn't invite her in then." The voice made her jump somewhat, in her flurry of emotions from her previous exchange she'd forgot that Sian was still inside the house. "It's only the first date." Sophie stated, although she could hear Sian's voice she couldn't see her. The blonde was clearly in her front room and Sophie made no effort to move to the blonde."But you kissed her." Sian was now standing in the doorway to the hall leaning on the frame watching Sophie who was still staring at her reflection in the mirror."Were you spying on me?" She slipped out of her denim jacket and threw it on the floor, unable to draw the strength to hang it up. "It's not really spying when you do it right on the doorstep…Did you have a good time?" Sian had spent the last two hours just sitting in Sophie's front room gawking at the clock on the wall, willing the brunette to come home to her. She wasn't sure if she could handle the answer to her question, but she was a sucker for self torture. "Yes, it really nice." She wanted to double over in pain at Sophie's response, she'd wanted to hear the words 'it was terrible, I couldn't stop thinking about you the whole time.' "And the kiss?" She didn't know why she kept asking, kept putting herself through unwanted agony, maybe she deserved it. "Also nice." She would not give Sian the satisfaction of hearing how all her thoughts were about the blonde."Just nice?" Sian raised her eyebrows and Sophie let out a long breath of air trying to keep her calm. "Are you going to see her again?" Sian asked quietly, and Sophie had to stop herself from rolling her eyes in frustration."Yes." She replied simply as she removed her earrings in the mirror. "Why?" Came the short retort."Because it's nice having someone." Sophie admitted sadly as she finally looked into the mirror to see Sian's eyes boring into her."You have me." Through the reflection she could see the blonde coming closer and Sophie involuntarily felt her body tense. She was now wearing Sophie's dressing gown over her underwear but it remained undone so Sophie could see everything underneath. She sighed. "That's the thing Sian…" Sophie started as she turned around to face the woman who looked so completely vulnerable and bare to the world. She wanted to wrap the blonde in her arms and spare her all the ugliness that the universe had to offer, show her only the beauty. But she couldn't they had created something so dirty and wrong between them that it was eating them alive from the inside out, and no amount of soothing words would be able to make it right. "I don't have you. He does and all I get are stolen moments.""Sophie…you know it won't be like this forever." The blonde attempted to comfort Sophie's warring heart, try to calm her concern and reassure her that she was Sophie's. She was rooted so deeply to the brunette that it was as if they were one person, she couldn't be herself if she wasn't connected to Sophie. Without the brunette her life with cease to have meaning, the colour would drain from her life and she would be left with only black and white to consume her."Argh!" Sophie yelled out in annoyance throwing her arms up in the air as though daring the heavens to strike her down. "That's all I ever hear. 'it won't be forever!' I'm sick of hearing false words and empty promises.""They aren't false or empty Soph, I love you." The last three words were barely a whisper but they seemed to vibrate through Sophie's body."No! This is the opposite of love Sian. This is pain and for those moments of love that we share in the middle of them I'm left with so much hurt it feels like I'm drowning." Sian stepped forward even closer and reached her soft hands out to cup Sophie's face, a small sad smile pulling at her lips. "I'll save you.""I can't." She said ripped her head away from Sian's tender gesture, she couldn't allow herself to be pulled into this, she had to be strong, be the Sophie Webster her parents had raised her to be. She could do this, she told herself even thought she felt as if her heart was running rampant inside her ripping her apart. Although Sian couldn't see the inner struggle she was feeling at that moment, the tears that started to spring from Sophie's eyes let her know she was not going to like what came next. "I can't do this any more." Six words should not have been that hard to say but they got caught as they came out, rupturing her throat as she brought them up. The words dug their heels in not wanting to be spoken."What?" Sian's eyes went wide in disbelief at what she was hearing. The threat at been uttered many times before but this time felt different. Her body felt like a stack of cards and the one at the bottom had been pulled away and she was collapsing to the ground. The heart at her core went tight like a hand was squeezing it, causing the blood to stop pumping through her body. And she hoped that perhaps she had not heard what she thought she had, it was a mistake, Sophie was talking about something else. "This hurts too much. I feel like I'm waiting around for you to choose me. I'm like that pathetic child in the back of the class who knows the answer to a question and has their hand flying in the air screaming pick me, pick me." Her tears were following freely, dragging her makeup down her face, but Sian still thought she was the most beautiful creature she had ever laid eyes on. She was beautifully broken and all she wanted to do was fix her. Put her back together piece by piece so that she would never fall apart again."But I have chose you." The desperation dripped of her words."No you picked Ryan." She argued turning to walk past the blonde but was stopped by firm hands on her forearms. She tried half heartedly to escape the grasp but gave up. "How many times do we have to do this Soph. You left for America." Sian went on moving her eyes to keep them inline with Sophie's wanting the brunette to hear her words, for them to sink in."And you couldn't wait for me then but I'm expected to wait for you now? Bit of a double standard don't you think." Sophie spat back. "You were meant to be gone for 6 months and then it turned into a year and you still weren't home. I didn't know if you were ever coming back." They were shouting now, being frenzied by their anger and their suffering. A hurricane was whirling around them getting them more worked up with ever cry. "I came back for you." Sophie declared."You came back a week before my wedding Sophie." Sophie remember silently the phone call she had received from Rosie who had accidentally let it slip about the marriage and she had booked a flight home for the next day. She had felt her heart slipping through her fingers and had come running back to claim what was hers. But seeing Sian in her cream dress all verbal skill had disappeared and she'd been left with a dry throat. Sian had looked at as she walked down the isle and her eyes had gone wide for a moment she stopped. However Sophie's wishes had faded when she saw Sian hold her head up air and walked on, towards Ryan. "Of course I did. How could you walk down that isle with me sitting there?" The image of them standing at the alter still haunted her."It was the hardest thing I ever had to do." Just like that the shouting stopped, Sian was wasn't sure if she could speak what was going through in her mind but she took a deep breath and opened her mouth. "Well at least now you know how I feel right now Sian." The blonde recoiled retracting her hands from their gip on Sophie."What do you mean?" Her eyebrows hung low as she tried to process what Sophie was trying to say, hoping that the fear spreading through her was wrong, that she wasn't about to hear what she dreaded. "This, you and me, we can't keep doing it, hurting each other, hurting people without them ever knowing." The was a strength to her voice but she felt as if it was borrowed and any second the owner was going to come and demand the courage back as their own."You don't mean this." Sian's mouth gaped open, they had said it was over many times before but this felt different. This felt final. "I do." Sophie moved back but Sian held out onto her wrist's keeping her close. "Sian let me go." "No." She exclaimed. "Not until you tell me you're lying." Sophie kept trying to pull her arms away but Sian held on tight, the blonde's grasp was hard but Sophie enjoyed the pain just so she knew she wasn't completely numb. "I'm not. Just go." "No!" Sian shouted through gritted teeth as she glared at Sophie who returned the hard stare. Their chests were heaving, their jaws set. Sian looked into those defiant eyes and grabbed the sides of Sophie's face pulling the girls lips violently to her own. "No Sian." She tried to protest as the other woman tried to kiss her. Sophie did not respond at first, just stood there and tried to convince herself to push Sian away, she had meant what she said. But when Sian's tongue begged for entrance into her mouth and Sophie gave in and let the blonde have what she wanted and what she unwillingly wanted too. Because she couldn't deny Sian, she needed the blonde, just as much as people needed air to live. The kiss was sloppy as their tongues duelled each other and Sian pushed her back until Sophie collided hard with the wall, she groaned but she wasn't sure if it was due to desire or surprise. Teeth clashed as Sian's tongue owned Sophie's mouth letting her know who she belonged to. The foggy haze of desire was wrapping around them and all rational thoughts were mistreated as they felt themselves getting carried away. A moan ripped through Sian's throat as Sophie's slender fingers threaded through her hair pulling her closer and keeping her in place. Sian's teeth bit down into Sophie's lip and any other time she would have been concerned about breaking the skin to her lip but she didn't care. The brunette let out a yelp when she felt a toned thigh slip in between her legs and she instinctively pushes down on it, needing the contact. Instinctively Sophie's hands moved under the robe that Sian wore and pushed it back until it fell to the floor, leaving the blonde in her lace. With a smirk at the reaction she had received Sian removed her lips and began to attack the other woman's exposed neck pushing brown locks aside as she relentlessly began to kiss the flesh beneath. Sucking and licking the skin she bit down roughly and Sophie let out a small cry but her hand was still on the back of Sian's head keeping her near. Sophie couldn't stop herself from grinding down on the blonde's thigh and Sophie couldn't help but think she was smearing herself through her knickers onto Sian, this only increased the wetness that was already evident. "Jesus, Sian." The barristers teeth were leaving marks along her neck and Sian's usually pale blue eyes were growing darker by the second. Immediately any space that had existed in-between them was gone, they were flush against each other as Sian saw Sophie's pink tongue swipe across her lips she knew she had to taste her again. The kiss was angry, hungry and desperate. Sian's hand snaked around to the side of Sophie's dress fumbling as she pulled the zipper down before roughly pulling the brunette's dress down so it hung loosely around her waist. At the action Sophie bucked her hips into Sian's thigh, needing the friction, needing so much more than what the blonde was giving her. She wanted everything. Sian's hand went to Sophie's right bra clad breast palming it and feeling the nipple beneath her harden all the while her lips sucked on a pink tongue. Sian pulled away to relentlessly attack Sophie's jaw line and chest with her lips. "What are we doing?" Sophie panted feeling all her restrain disappear."It doesn't matter." Sian responded. She pinched Sophie's erect nipple roughly. "Do you want me?" She asked in between kissing and sucking, and Sophie could only nod her head unable to form any words while pleasure and pain surged through her body. "You should answer, when I speak to you Soph." Her hands reach reached round and unclasped her pulling the straps down her shoulder's revealing the hidden mounds of flesh beneath. Sian can't stop the moan from escaping her lips at the sight. Sophie tries to speak under the watchful gaze of the other woman but all that comes out are a mumble of syllables. "What was that? I think you do want me, because I can feel you all over my leg." Dirty talk wasn't uncommon between them but right now it was sending waves of pleasure through Sophie's body in a way it never had before. "Always…Yes." The brunette managed to say and for her effort Sian engulfed a nipple into her mouth while both her hands found blond hair keeping her steadily in place. Sophie's hips begin to buck fasting trying to find a release to the growing tension inside her but all Sian can focus on is rolling the harden peak between her teeth savouring the feeling of Sophie and the stimulation she has on her. She brings her right hand up to tweak Sophie's other exposed nipple, Sophie's not sure she can take much longer as her hips become erratic grinding down harder and Sian means every thrust. Sian is faintly aware of Sophie saying her name, but the blood rushing in her ears drowns out nearly all other sounds. "I need more…Sian I need." But her words are stopped when she feels Sian's hand leave her breast and begins to tease her upper tight, it sends shivers through Sophie's body and for a moment she thinks she's going to come undone right there. "You're mine." Sian growls as she frees the nipple from her mouth a pop travelling back to Sophie's neck marking her as her own."Only yours." Sophie repeats and that's all the blonde needs to hear as she moves her hand from Sophie's thigh to cup damp panties. Sophie tries to push herself down on the digits but Sian gentle moves away each time."Say it again." She purrs into Sophie's ear."I'm yours." With a gasp her head falls back and hit's the wall with a thud as Sian pushes hard into her wet thong. "Fuck." she breathes out pushing herself down onto the woman she loves, arching her back and shifting closer into the blonde. "Please, please." Sophie begs, she needed Sian to touch her, to be inside her, to make her come until there is nothing left inside her. "What do you want?" Comes the coy question and Sophie is sure that if she doesn't feel the blonde within her soon she is going to explode."You." Sophie squeaks out as Sian bites down on her nipple again."But what do you want me to do? This time growling herself Sophie pulled Sian's head up so she could look her directly in the eyes. "I want you to fuck me." Those six words are all the blonde needs to here as she skilfully pushes the barrier of Sophie's underwear aside and plunges one fingers inside her before drawing them slowly out again. Her face to pressed deeply into Sophie's neck, for both support and breathe in her natural scent. She can taste a layer of sweet sweat on the girls flesh as she licks up to her earlobe. "Soph, you are so wet." Sophie groans at the loss of contact."Sian, I…please." She continues to beg and Sian is loving the desperate tone of her lover, the way she can get Sophie to say things no one else quickly re-enters with two, slamming her fingers hard into the taller girl, her palm making contact with Sophie's clit. She hears the strangled cry that is ripped from Sophie's throat at finally having what she has been seeking. The brunette's fingers clutch onto Sian's shoulders holding her close whilst she thrusts her hips to meet the fingers pumping in out of her. She digs herself forward so that her clit continues to rub against Sian's hand."Oh god. Don't stop, never stop." Sophie pleads as Sian feels nails dig into her bare skin. "Never, I won't ever stop." She pants as she continues to work her hand as quickly as possible against Sophie's increasingly erratic hips. The brunette's perfect lips form an 'O' shape as Sian curls her fingers inside her throbbing core and find that spot that is guaranteed to send her over the edge. With every plunge Sian hits her spot and Sophie is biting down so hard on her own lip that she thinks that she can taste blood. She can feel the familiar build by in her stomach, knot of tension that is imploring to be released. There is no rhythm to her hips any more, her legs are beginning to go numb and all that exists are her and Sian. The blonde knows that it will soon be over as she feels the wetness from Sophie dripping down her fingers, pulling back from the burrow of the woman's neck she looks into those blue eyes that she can not be parted from. They hold each other's gaze and what started as desperate 'fucking' and somewhere transformed into something else, something beautiful in the broken world they have somehow created for themselves. "Kiss me. Please." Sian says, if this is all they are going to have, if Sophie still decides to leave she wants to forever remember those lips upon her own. Sophie almost hesitates for a second , but the wretched expression in those blue eyes causes her to lean forward. Her eyes slip shut and wonders if she can focus on kissing while trying insistently to get her relief. It had just been about sex this moment, Sian wanted to own Sophie and she had allowed her but she swallowed hard wondering what this kiss might mean, what it might lead to. Sophie leaned forward slowly and gentle swept her lips across the blonde's, knowing she couldn't resist the moment no matter how scared she was of what would happen after. She felt Sian whine against her lips before her tongue enters the woman's mouth and they connect in a soft duel. It was with this action that Sophie felt herself start to come unravel, her body stiffens as Sian maintains her steady pace. "Sian…" She mumbles through the kiss as their lips mash together hard pulling the blonde flush against her. Sian felt Sophie's inner muscles contract and clench around her fingers, their bodies so close it wasn't possible to determine where one ended and the other began , she whimpers Sophie's name in response. Her fingers finally slowed as she allowed Sophie to ride out the end of her orgasm. She kissed the brunette slowly, before she pulled back and rested their foreheads together. Sophie went lip against her and she leaned forward to rest her forehead on Sian's shoulder, breathing deeply and Sian just held her.****They laid their together a tangled mess of sweat and flesh, clothes ripped and torn away. Sophie was sprawled against the wall her breathing finally returning back to normal, Sian lay between her legs with her ear pressed tightly against Sophie's chest. It was silent in the apartment as though the whole world was waiting for what was going to happen next. Sophie's index finger traced over the mark that she had left on Sian's chest, just over her heart. A claim that would never be hers. Usually the blonde would have been angry about the mark Sophie had left behind but his time it was different, the air hung heavily around them. It was in this moment while see gazed at the live bite that Sophie knew, wanting something badly enough with your whole being did not mean it was meant to be. The realisation sunk it's claw's into the brunette and her eye welled up before spilling freely."I mean it this time Sian. Its over." Sophie managed to say though the tears escaping out contradicted her words. She racked her fingers through Sian's hair moving it away from her forehead before leaning down ever so slightly and pressing a hard and desperate kiss on Sian's hairline. In someway she hope that the gesture would forever be imprinted on the woman, tangible proof that they had exited together before fading away like smoke."I know." Sian spoke in a husky tone as she fought back the body shattering sobs that threatened to cut through her. Instead she wanted this moment to last as she kept her ear to Sophie's chest listening to the brunettes heart pounding beneath her. A heart that was forever connected to her own. They held each other tight as they cried, knowing that eventually they would have to let this was fitting, they had started out with a simple spark that had slowly grown bigger and stronger until it became out of control, and now they sat together with the fire around them waiting silently for the last lick of the flame to die out. And all that would be left would be the ash of all the many 'what if's'