Chapter 30: Emotions

Delia took her time stretching her muscles which felt extra stiff after her troubles the previous night. As she started to stretch her legs, she noticed that Zevran had joined her for her morning practice, but the normally cheerful elf was clearly annoyed. Not knowing what or who had upset her friend, she tried to ignore his angry stares, but his movements were not the elegant dancelike steps of their normal warm-up. Instead, he shifted sharply from one foot to the other, his hands cutting through the air like a dagger cutting through a cloth.

As her concern for Zevran grew, Delia stopped her routine and placed her hands on her hips. She looked at the elf with worry before she spoke to him.

"What's wrong, Zevran? You aren't yourself this morning."

He looked at her with anger. "And why should I be myself, hmmmm? I spent last evening creating an antidote for deathroot hurriedly because you were so careless to use the plant as an armor scrub! I have sworn my life to protect you, and you wander alone and cause yourself to nearly die from a plant!"

Delia looked at her friend in shock. He had never shown such raw emotion; he always was the epitome of calculated communication.

"Zev, I'm fine, honestly. Please calm yourself."

"Calm myself?" His eyes flashed in fury. "How am I supposed to protect you if you are so careless, eh? Did you even think before you wandered off?"

"I'm surprised that you are so upset. I'm truly sorry, Zevran. I've already been berated by Wynne and Morrigan, if it makes you feel any better. I'm sure I'll be hearing from Aeden later, and would be scolded by Alistair as well if he weren't simply relieved that I'm alright."

"You should be reprimanded by every person in this camp. I cannot believe how irresponsible you were. You act like a spoiled child, with no regard to anyone else. You need to become the sensible, mature woman I thought you were."

Delia was wounded by his words, but more so by the fierce wrath of his demeanor. Trying hard to hold back her tears, she threw her arms around the assassin's neck and hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry, Zev. I care so much about you and I am so sorry to put you through all that worry."

"You… care for me? That is surprising, mia cara." He pulled away from her. "How can you care for someone like me? I am nothing."

She shook her head and looked him in the eye. "That is not true, Zevran. You are a good man, a man who saved my life, and a good and honest person. Somehow you need to learn to believe in yourself, as I believe in you."

He looked at her with confusion. No one had ever believed in him except for one person, the one he had betrayed in the worst possible way. How could Delia say she believed in him? Zevran started to walk away, but Delia grabbed his arm.

"Zevran Aranai, you are important to me, whether you believe it or not. You and I have saved each other, and I believe the Maker himself has made our paths cross for a reason. I will not allow you to give up on yourself, not when you have saved me twice now and you are willing to rake me over the coals for scaring you."

"Scaring me? You give yourself far too much credit." He sneered at her, trying to reinstate his hardhearted mask, but she wouldn't allow him to hide himself. Instead, she reached up and kissed him on the cheek, smiling as she pulled away.

"Yes, Zevran, I scared you, and I am sorry. I promise to never be so senseless again. Come on, let's go get some breakfast. I'm famished!"

She grabbed his hand, and although he wanted to pull away, he allowed her to lead him to the camp fire. Once there, he was able to get his portion of food and retreat to his own tent. Delia's actions were making him think too hard about his feelings, and as a Crow he was not permitted to feel… not anything.

The wardens tried to hurry their companions along. The trip to Denerim would take several days, and they needed to take advantage of whatever good weather they had. Rain would slow the wagon, and Aeden wanted to avoid any needless delays.

The trip to Denerim was rather uneventful. The days were spent traveling in relative comfort with their horses and the cart. The party members had ample opportunity to talk among themselves. Wynne, Morrigan and Delia spent a great deal of time exchanging information about herbs and potions, each benefitting from the other's varied knowledge. Aeden was pleased overhearing the three educate each other, as it meant the group could be divided in different ways and still have someone in each smaller group with some sort of healing ability, whether that was through spells or potions.

The nights were even better than the days, as the party members took turns telling stories, both about their own lives or about legends they heard over time. Leliana would regale them with her music as well, sometimes encouraging the others to sing along. Aeden could feel how the party was becoming closer and more caring of each other, and it made him happy to feel as if they were becoming an extended family.

The one person who didn't seem to take part in the conversations was Zevran. He sat in the background, observing the others but staying apart. Delia wasn't happy that he avoided contact with the rest of the group, but decided he probably needed time to sort out his feelings so she left him alone. Instead, she would sit next to Alistair and talk to the rest of the group. Alistair didn't want to leave her side, not that it bothered Delia in the least. She actually found that sleeping was difficult. After waking up in his arms in front of the fire, she would find herself lying in her tent missing the feel of his arms around her.

It was late in the afternoon when they first saw the wall surrounding Denerim. Aeden decided to camp for the night outside the city rather than enter after dark. They set up camp quickly, now that the group had a routine, and Dusty caught several rabbits for their dinner. Once the rabbits were cleaned and skinned, Delia took over the cooking duties. Using the spices purchased from Chloe, she made an Antivan stew.

As the smell of the stew wafted over the camp, Zevran relaxed.

"Ah, mi querida, you have crafted a real meal for us instead of Ferelden swill." He inhaled the aroma of the rich stew. "I did not realize how homesick I was until you have graced us with this masterpiece of cuisine."

Aeden chuckled. "I never would have thought you would get homesick, Zevran."

"It is fascinating how certain smells make one feel reminiscent of home, is it not?" A smile came to his face as he thought of his home. "You know what smell makes me think the most of Antiva? It is the smell of fresh leather."

"Leather? But there's leather everywhere, Zevran."

"Ah, but it's not Antivan leather. I do not know what the Antivan tanners do that is different, but there is no leather that is more supple nor more fragrant."

Delia looked at the elf. "Why would the smell of leather remind you of Antiva? There are so many things to smell there – the flowers are always in bloom and there are always the most wonderful aromas from the bakeries."

"I grew up in the leather-making district, in a small apartment where the Crows stowed their youngest recruits. Packed in like crates." His eyes stared off into the distance as his memories flooded his mind. "Ah, the good old days. Now, if it is all the same to you, I would prefer not to speak more of Antiva. It makes me wistful and hungry for a proper meal."

Delia grinned. "Well, Zevran, at least you are in luck as far as the meal goes." She ladled a hefty portion of the stew into a bowl and added a hunk of bread to the side, then handed it to Zevran. "I hope you will find this to your liking."

While she watched, he ate a spoonful of the hearty stew, and his eyes rolled back in pleasure. "A meal fit for the gods!" He looked at her and smiled. "My dear, you have restored my very faith in humanity. I must offer my thanks to you for providing us with a meal meant to be savored rather than suffered." He retreated to sit on a log, and relished every last morsel.

The entire party enjoyed the meal, which was made even more special when Wynne contributed several bottles of wine to the festivities. When they finished, Sten took the dishes to clean while the others settled into their evening routine.

Alistair sat next to Delia, looking uncomfortable. She looked at him and smiled.

"Something on your mind?"

He cleared his throat and ran his hand through his hair. "I have something to ask you. Since we'll be in Denerim tomorrow, I was wondering if we might be able to… look someone up."

Delia narrowed her eyes and teased him, elbowing him in the ribs. "This wouldn't be some former lover of yours, would it?"

Alistair's eyes opened wide in surprise. "A former what? No! Do you honestly think I would suggest we go… together? No!"

She laughed at him. "Oh, relax, I'm only teasing you. Who is it you want to see?"

"Well, the thing is, I have a sister. A half-sister. I told you about my mother, right? How she was a servant at Redcliffe Castle and she had a daughter… only I never knew about her. I don't think she knew about me either. They kept my birth a secret, after all. But after I became a Grey Warden I did some checking and… well, I found out she's still alive. In Denerim."

"Have you contacted her?"

"No, I thought about writing to her, but I never did. With the Blight coming and everything, I don't know if I'll have another chance to see her. Maybe I can help her, warn her about the danger, I don't know."

"If you want, we can try."

He smiled at her warmly. "Could we? I'd appreciate that. If something happened to her and I never went to at least see her, I don't know if I could forgive myself. Her name is Goldanna, and I think she remarried but still lives outside the Alienage. If we're in the area then… well, it's worth a look."

Delia nodded at him as she thought about her own brother. Even having lost him, her life had been so much richer for having had him in her life. She couldn't possibly deny Alistair the chance to know someone connected to him. Hopefully, he would have the family he so richly deserved.

She leaned against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "Thank you, Delia. You have no idea what this means to me," he whispered in her ear.

"I think I understand more than you know," she replied as she settled into his embrace.