It's been two weeks since she had seen Sian. Nine days since she was last in work. One week since she really left the house. Five days since she stopped answering any calls from numbers she didn't recognise. Fours days since she received the last bouquet of flowers. Three days since she actually talked to anyone. Two days since she received an e-mail from the blonde. One days since she had her last had voice mail; that still remained un-listened to. And it's been a total of one hour since her phone vibrated on the floor from across the room, she doesn't need to answer it to know who is lay in bed just listening to the sounds from the world that still continued to tauntingly turn outside her window. She interlocked her fingers and pressed them against her face and braced herself as a sneeze rattled through her body. Grabbing the tissue she wiped her nose self pity dripping from her pores. Despite the fact that Sophie had only managed a few hours of sleep each night for the last fortnight, she found that she was unable to rest. There was a gnawing anxiety in her body that forced her eyes to stay awake, she thought it might have something to do with lead weight in her chest that replaced her heart. Her body had been taken over by the flu as though it had given up the will to fight any infection. Used tissues remained discarded around her room, she didn't have the will to tidy them up, truth was Sophie didn't have the will to do anything. Reaching down to the side of her bed she picked up her bottle of water and chanced a glance at her clock. It was only midday, time seemed to have lost all meaning and ticked away slowly as if ridiculing her. Taking a mouthful of lukewarm water she wished it was vodka and she considered going to get the bottle from the kitchen, but that involved effort, and her body was weak and tired so she made due with her phone began to ring again and Sophie ripped the covers back violently preparing to throw the device out of her window. It has like torture telling herself to cut Sian out and with the blonde's constant attempts to contact her it was only making it more difficult. However when she looked at the screen she saw a familiar number, falling back on the bed with a bump she accepted the call."Hey." She said as she got herself back under her covers."Hiya gorgeous, how's the man flu?" Alex's chipper voice came fluttering through the mobile and she cursed him for appearing so carefree."A little better." She coughed out at him, she'd been suffering with a cold for a while now and was unable to shift it. A silence fell over them and she knew that she should fill it but she didn't have the energy."Well get back here soon because I've been sitting with Mrs Bloomingford and it's like being at sea world. I'm gonna have to buy an anorak if you don't get back here soon." She chuckled along with him although her heart wasn't in it, she was just going through the motions of her life. "I'll try my best to get better.""Good because you being off any longer is just selfish of you." She couldn't see him but Sophie was sure he was probably pouting at her through the phone, the image made her smile, it wasn't enough to bring her back to life but it was enough to let her know she wasn't completely hollow inside. "Hey, some more flowers came today." And just as easily as the grin shifted on her face it disappeared and the uneasy feeling settled in the pit of her one spoke for longer than was socially acceptable in these situations, but Sophie couldn't think of anything to say. "Right." She drew the word out for longer than the two syllables, knowing what was coming."Are you ever going to tell me who is sending you these flowers? It's like the fourth load sent here. And I'm hoping I don't get my masculinity card removed for this but they are gorgeous, lilies again. Who ever your secret admirer is though they need to spice it up." He laughed but she could tell there was an edge to his voice. He had been asking all week who was sending her the flowers and he was clearly becoming frustrated by her lack of information and Sophie was sure that it was hurt him. There wasn't much Sophie kept from Alex and now she was shutting him out. She was pleased that she was unable to see his wounded expression."Lilies are my favourite." Sophie eventually told him ignoring the other question he asked. She heard him sigh through the phone."I didn't know that." Alex said sombrely. Another thing Sophie had never mentioned to him. "Do you want me to bring this lot round?" She knew that he wanted to see her but she couldn't face people, it was too hard pretending to be happy when inside she felt like she was empty, a void space that had once been overrun with love."No.""Okay. Just so you know Ellie saw them, I told her they were from your mum. Do you even want to know what the card said?" He asked like he had done about the other notes and her answer had always been the same."No." She said biting her lip, her eyes closed tightly in a pained expression. How was it possible to forget someone when they refused to leave, when they sent constant reminders. It was too much, too hard."It's a quote from Wuthering Heights." Alex went on pushing the subject and she tried to stop herself from falling apart. Because she didn't need to hear what the quote was. Sophie remembered one night being in a hotel room, slowly drifting off to sleep and hearing the words uttered in her ears; 'If all else perished, and you remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and you were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it.' It was one of those perfect moments that would haunt her. "Right.""Jesus Soph, what the hell is going on!" She jumped slightly at his sharp tone."Alex don't." Her voice was even, she didn't even have the energy to put up a fight."Don't? That's all you have to say. I stand by you and you just lie to me." The anger was laced with every word, but Sophie understood, she was shutting him out, it was only natural that he would eventually snap."I can't do this." It was a weak response but she didn't have the will to argue. She barely had the energy to hold the phone against her ear."What the hell is going on?""Nothing is going on." She told him. She heard him sigh again through the phone and it caused her eyes to fill up with tears. "I have to go." She needed to end this conversation before she felt what was left of her strength dissolve and she spilled everything out to him."Course you do." He said. "Look Sophie. I'm here for you.""I know that." "But you're not going to tell me are you?""There is nothing to tell.""Fine. Get better." And just like that the phone went dead. She kept the mobile against her ear for a while listening to the silence on the other end. This affair had slowly torn Sophie's life apart, she wasn't the same girl she was, she was cutting out her friends, ignoring calls from her family. Slowly she pulled her phone away from her ear and turned it off before placing it on her bedside table. Grabbing the quilt she wrapped it around herself and started to cry fresh tears. It shocked her that her eyes still managed to produce any tears at all, it felt like not one hour had passed where she didn't cry. Her heart was breaking every second and although she knew that she had done the right thing it still didn't stop the sorrow she was constantly feeling. When you love someone and they loved you that was meant to be enough right?Her dreams were broken and interrupted, flashes of Sian and Ryan, angry words from Alex, loving glances from Ellie and disapproving gazes from her mother. When she awoke with a start Sophie wasn't sure if the film of sweat was from her temperature or from the nightmares. It was dark out now and it made her feel better, like the night would hide her shame and pain from the world, as if she was safe to peek out from her covers. Sophie could still see the image of Ryan in her dreams and her chest tightened. Sophie knew that she should regret what her and Sian did, that the guilt should consume her from the inside like a disease. They had been hurting people without them ever knowing it, they were destroying people without their consent. However she couldn't regret it because she would do every love, lust filled moment again, because those instances with Sian made her feel alive and every breath was deeper and every sight was more colourful. Now every lung of air felt heavy and the world was black and grey. So no, as much as she should, she didn't regret it. But she knew it had to end, they were like a hurricane and they would have taken down everything in their path. Now all Sophie could do was lay in bed replaying all the details over in head and Sophie could feel it slowly sending her over the edge. Throwing the covers back and without bothering to get out of her sweatpants and stained white t-shirt she grabbed her car keys and exited her apartment. Autopilot had taken over but she knew where her feet were leading her, she could have her eyes closed and she would still be able to see her route as clear as day.*****Sian lay decumbent staring up at the ceiling as the figure above her grunted as he pressed into her. Her legs were spread wide, and her feet pressed firmly down onto the smooth sheets. The man inside of her was muttering under his breath, but Sian had learned to tune him out. She had her gaze fixed on a crack of light shining on the ceiling. Her fingers dug into the mattress, the only thing keeping her from shoving Ryan off of her. She knew he would be done soon; his stamina wasn't what it use to be. His body shuddered violently, and he collapsed on top of the small woman. Sian let him roll off her before she finally released her death-grip on the sheets. She felt disgusting. Her body felt foreign, not her own. She pulled the covers up over her, feeling too exposed, turning away she bit her bottom lip hard trying to distract herself from the pain in her chest. She felt his fingers graze across her back and she fought against the shudder that threatened to rake through her. The problem was she didn't take pleasure in sex with him any more, at one time it had been bearable and even enjoyable but how could see go back after what she had shared with Sophie. It had been more than just fucking, it had been filled with love, desire and beauty. Now when he was above her sweating and grunting she had to turn her face away, unable to look him in the eyes. Sian knew she deserved this, she had made her bed and now she had to lie in it, with Ryan cluelessly beside her. When she had walked out of Sophie's apartment two weeks ago she hadn't expected it to be easy but she had not foreseen it being this difficult. She couldn't stop herself from calling, texting, e-mailing or sending flowers. She just wanted to hear from the brunette, it felt like her heart had been ripped out, how were you meant to go on living without the most vital organ in your body? Sian knew she had to leave him, she couldn't live like this, but she knew that she had made a vow to him and she couldn't just walk away. Somehow she always found an excuse to stay where she was and not go running to Sophie with her heart in her hands begging her to take it. "Where are you?" He asked her as she felt his fingertip draw a heart on her back, mentally she visualised it shattering against her warm skin. "I'm right here." She said shrugging off his touch before throwing the covers back and slidding off the bed."Where are you going?" The voice was irritated as Ryan pulled her back towards the bed, and sat up looking at her."I want a shower. Let me go." Sian said jerking her hand from his grip knocking into the bedside table. She stormed into the bathroom, and slammed the door behind her. The reflection she saw in the mirror startled her as she looked into it; dark circles present beneath her blue eyes, and her hair hung lifeless around her face. Who was she? Turning to the shower she reached for the knob, spinning it until the water loudly pounded against the surface. Stepping inside she let the water cascade down her broken body and beat down upon her face. Pushing her hair back Sian opened her mouth letting her water to pour in, her skin started to turn red from the scolding temperature hammering down on her but she made no attempt to get out. Instead she leaned her forehead against the cold tiles letting the shower pound an uncoordinated rhythm on her head and back. Everything was so fucked up and she hated the way her body felt and missed the way Sophie's touch made her feel. When she exited the bathroom half an hour later the bedroom was dark and she could hear the snores from her husband. She looked at him and hated herself for marrying second best. She hated herself for giving up on her own dreams of happiness. Most of all she hated herself for her stubborn behaviour because that day in the church when she saw Sophie she could have stopped all this. She should have called it off then and there, ran to Sophie and told her she loved her and she never stopped. But she was still hurting from being left behind so she walked down that isle and said 'I do'. It wasn't Ryan's fault and she couldn't continue punishing him for it. So she punished the bathrobe tightly around herself she walked to the window running her hand through her damp hair. She looked out onto the street remembering her teenage years with Sophie, the trouble they had gotten into, the places where they had stolen kisses from each other and the aching in her chest seemed to multiply. Looking down the cobbles she suddenly caught sight of the blue fiesta and instantly recognised the brunette behind the wheel. Even through the darkness she could see that Sophie was sitting in her car looking up while she gazed down. Her heart began to beat rapidly as she considered running out into the night but the option was lost to her when saw the headlights come on and the car pull away. As much as it hurt watching Sophie drive away it also filled her with a sense of hope, that this was just as hard on Sophie, that she couldn't stay away either. Was this the first time she had driven by? Would it be the last? Was it a final goodbye? All these questions haunted Sian as she left the bedroom and crawled into the spare bed. She didn't expect to sleep, it was a feign past time now, so she lay there on her side staring at the glowing numbers on the clock.*****Sophie sat in her parent's kitchen in the dark nursing her second glass of vodka. She knew the whole time while she had been driving to Sian's that it was a mistake, that she should turn back but she simply kept turning the steering wheel until she was outside her flat. She had convinced herself that it was for closure, than as soon as she looked up at the window knowing that Sian and Ryan were inside she'd be able to move on. Sophie Webster was a fool. She was about to drive off when she saw the blonde in the window and her heart contracted. Even through the night sky and window panes Sian still looked gorgeous and she could see the pain in those blue eyes and before she knew it her foot was on the accelerator and she rounded the corner. Perhaps she should have driven home, put some distance between her and Sian but she couldn't. Knowing Sian was just down the street seemed to fill her with some comfort that had disappeared for the last two weeks."Who's there!" Sophie's head shot up as she looked through the archway to see Rosie jump into view. "I'm armed." There stood her sister with a stiletto held above her head ready to club an unsuspecting intruder to death."With a shoe?" I asked puzzled and chuckled softly, her face showed the relief on seeing that it was Sophie sitting at the table. "I could have killed you." She stated dramatically as Sophie rolled her eyes."With a shoe?" Sophie repeated."These are 200 quid shoes, and they hurt like a bitch when I'm wearing them so I have no doubt they can inflict some serious damage." Rosie said this almost like a fact as she pulled a chair out and sat beside Sophie, placing the shoe delicately on the table."What are you doing here anyway?" "Jason's a wanker." She shrugged at Sophie as though it was enough of an explanation, but the youngest Webster just continued to frown. "We had a fight.""About?" Sophie prompted her. "I brought those shoes. He just doesn't understand." Rosie exclaimed throwing her hands up into the air. "He told me we didn't have the money to throw about. I mean I work my fingers to the bone in that factory and what's the point if I can't treat myself every once in a while. So I took Blake and brought him here. Thank God that boy got his brains from me or he'd be danger to himself like his father." "Jesus it's all going on in the Grimshaw household." Sophie smiled as she poured herself another glass and suddenly felt the watchful eyes of her sister on her."What's going on?" Rosie asked her eyes narrowed. "Nothing. Just thirsty." She waved it off taking a sip of vodka enjoying the burning sensation as it slipped down her throat. "Don't give me that crap Soph. You've been like MIA for ages now, you haven't even answered the phone to Blake." She knew that one would hit Sophie below the gut and Sophie instantly felt guilty because she loved her nephew but she just didn't want him to see her in this state. "And now I almost go ninja on you as you sit in the dark drinking vodka alone." "Wow Sherlock nothing gets past you." Sophie told her sarcastically."I know." The sarcasm was lost on her as she smiled brightly. "So spill it.""It's nothing Rosie." But she could already feel the pressure building up behind her blue eyes, she'd been burying it all down and now she could feel it bubbling preparing to explode. She needed Rosie to stop. "Just leave it. Please." Sophie looked down at the glass of clear liquid unable to look up at her sister, scared that tears would inevitably start to fall and she would be powerless to stop them. However when she felt the hand upon her own before her fingers were gently squeezed a low sob escaped her lips."Soph, oh god Sophie, what's wrong?" Chancing a glance upwards Sophie saw that her sister had departed from her chair and was now kneeling in front of her, pure concern in her eyes and all her strength vanished. Placing her head on Rosie's shoulder she allowed herself to be held like a child as she cried and her sister remained silent until Sophie's breathing returned back to normal. "What's going on?" Rosie asked as her thumb wiped away tears."It's Sian." It had been a long time since they had spoken about Sian, it had almost been a banned subject since the wedding and Rosie watched her sister with a bemused expression. "What about her?" Sophie looked up with red eyes, her bottom lip trembling. "We…I…we've been- we've been having an affair." Her delicate face broke again and fresh tears began to cascade down her flushed cheeks. Rosie's mouth was left agape as her hand dropped from her sisters face. "Rosie, I couldn't help it. I…""When? How long has this been going on?" There was a hidden anger to her voice that Sophie knew Rosie was trying to hide. She understood her sister's views on adultery, their family had suffered on multiple occasions due to unfaithful behaviour. "I'm sorry. I love her." Rosie brought her little sister back into her arms and held her tightly. "I ended it. I know it was wrong. But God, it hurts to breathe." She mumbled into Rosie's shoulder, swallowing hard trying to stop the sobs. "Why didn't you say anything?" She moved back so she could look into the blue eyes that matched her own."What could I say?" Sophie shrugged wiping at her eyes. "I never planned for it, but then I couldn't give her up. I still don't know if I can." She slipped off the chair so she could be cradled in her sisters arms again, feeling safe and protected. "Jesus Soph." She whispered into her siblings ear. "When did it start?""When she got back from her honeymoon. I never meant to hurt anyone.""But you're hurting people anyway."Sophie's face contorted in pain as she pulled back roughly. "Don't you think I know that, don't you think that this whole thing has been killing me?" "Soph, I'm sorry. What are you going to do?""Try to survive?" Her body ached and even though so weight had been lifted from her shoulders the dull ache in her chest still resided painfully as her body seemed to cave in on itself."Come on. Come get in with me tonight." Gently she lifted Sophie off the ground supporting her sister's weight as she lifted her up the stairs. They had experienced their ups and downs as siblings but at that moment Sophie was glad that Rosie was her sister and as they lay in bed her sisters arm protectively around her, she finally allowed sleep to take over her and her mind went quiet.
Sian didn't say goodbye to Ryan that morning she couldn't even look at herself in the mirror let alone look at her husband. She reminded herself to pick up the two prescriptions before Sian opened the front door, she needed to renew her pill as well as pick up her antibiotics for a throat infection that would not leave. Letting the warm morning air run across the small amount of bare skin that was exposed, it felt refreshing. Yet she silently cursed the beautiful day, unable to understand why the world could seem so innocent and perfect when she knew how dark and twisted it was. The fair haired girl detested the new bitter streak that had developed within her but she couldn't seem to escape it. Closing the door behind her she left her broken home hoping that court today would take her heavy mind of the empty feeling in her walked across the street to the shop at a slow pace, her whole rhythm of life had slowed down. Before with Sophie she had been alive, there had been a skip to her step and now it was over. Everything inside her felt overcast like her body was a dead weight. She was just about to enter the shop for her morning paper and coffee when a squeal stopped her."Blake!" The shout forced her to stop as she saw the dark haired boy run across the road while Rosie shouted at him."Sorry." He called back as he walked over to Sian. "Hiya!" Blake said as he looked up at her through his eyelashes. She chuckled, he was already a little charmer."How are you doing little man?" She asked him with the best smile she could muster. She often saw the little bundle of energy running around the street but she was finding it hard look him in the eye. Although the little boy looked almost exactly like his dad, Blake had inherited his mothers eyes, orbs that were unfortunately exactly the same as his aunts."I'm fine. Although I didn't get much sleep." He said rather dramatically a trait that he had clearly learnt from his mother."Why's that? You eat too much cheese before bed?""No silly. Mummy and aunty Sophie hogged most of the bed last night. We stayed at nanny's and granddads. I might be little but I need my space." He may have said more but suddenly all sound drained out of Sian's world. All she could focus on was the fact Sophie had slept only a hundred feet from the blonde. Her eyes went wide as she scanned the parked cars until her eyes they fell upon Sophie's that was parked outside the Webster's house. "Sian?" It was only when she heard her name being called that she realised she was crossing the road. Blake was calling after her but she only had one destination. However the hand around her forearm stopped her and spun her around abruptly bringing her face to face with the culprit."Where are you going?" It was Rosie."Blake just said that Sophie was at your mums. Thought I'd stop by and say hello. I haven't seen her really since the wedding." Sian lied with a fake smile. Lying was almost as easy as breathing now, they poured out of her and the only person who could save her from drowning in them was the brunette inside that house."I know." There was something in Rosie's tone and she looked at the brunette with a frown."Okay then you won't mind if I go see her." Sian said pulling her arm out of Rosie's grip but the older woman was still staring at her intently."I know Sian." Just like that the tone and the staring all made perfect sense. The blondes throat went suddenly tight and when she swallowed it felt like razor blades going down."You know what?" Her voice was shaking slightly and she stumbled over her words a fresh panic going through her. But she was unsure if the fear was due to her affair coming out or from Rosie not permitting her to see Sophie."Mam!" The child's voice broke the tense moment and Sian let out a long breath she didn't realise she was holding."Blake go and get yourself a bag of crisps for school." Rosie said impatiently as she turned back to look at Sian with sharp eyes."I don't have any money." He called opened her mouth to speak and her shoulders lowered in defeat, that was until her gaze fell upon the adult also approaching the shop. "Oi Graeme!" She called out to the hat wearing male who turned around in confusion."Huh?""Can you take Blake in the shop and get him some crisps for his lunch. No damn chocolate." The little boys face fell noticeably and Sian saw Sophie in the action, how her expression would falter when Sian had to cancel plans but would try and cover it up with a smile."Er yeah. I've only got a fiver though.""Jesus they're like 50 pence Graeme!" The male shrugged before calling Blake to follow him. Rosie spun on her heels that look uncomfortable and Sian tried to brace herself. "Where were we. Oh yeah you screwing around behind your husbands back." Sian looked around panicking at Rosie's loud voice making sure no one was nearby."Bloody hell Rosie shout it from the roof tops why don't you." She shot back her arms defensively crossed over her chest."Ashamed are we?" The blonde looked down at her shoes kicking at a loose stone unable to find anything to say. "Cat got your skanky lying tongue.""I just want to see her." Sian looked up but Rosie's hard features didn't soften at Sian's gentle words."No Sian, no way." Sian knew Rosie wasn't someone to be crossed and her protective nature over Sophie was endearing and Sian knew she was only acting on what she thought her sisters best needs were. But Sian needed to see Sophie and knowing she was just behind that door was driving her crazy sending all rational thoughts running for the hills."Please Rosie. You don't understand." She tried to beg, her eye tickling with a need to cry."What I understand is that I had to practically carry my baby sister to bed last night. She's a mess and the only way you are seeing her is over my dead body. Do not make me channel my mothers inner street brawler." The worst part was that Sian considered it, she contemplated throwing away what little pride she clung to and setting her jaw she eyed the brunette day Sophie sighed as she looked up at the ceiling in the room that held her childhood. She was thankful for the few hours of solid sleep she had received, she looked over to see Rosie and Blake had gone and sighed. Sophie was use to simply laying awake at night wondering, if she would ever recover from her broken heart, she didn't know if she could love someone new with every piece of her shattered heart. She knew she was only young but some scars lasted a life time, some never disappear no matter much you tried to cover them or pretend they aren't there, they are rooted into the organ that gives you life and there is no escaping that. Maybe that was her punishment, what she deserved for her part in their she pushed the covers off, able to hear her sisters voice, Sophie tried to determine if it was coming from the house or outside. Getting up she opened the door and listened before sighing she pulled back her curtain. The sight stopped her heart mid beat; Rosie and wearing the clothes from the previous day Sophie ran down the stairs jumping down the last two. She had no doubt that she smelt stale and the desperation probably oozed out of her, with hair that fell messily from the bun she had slept in. She didn't care both females had seen her look worse and her appearance just mirrored how she felt inside, so it seemed appropriate. She wasn't sure if her speed was because of the way the two girls were squaring up or because she needed to see Sian. She knew that perhaps it would undo all the effort she had put in to trying to stay away, it might cause her to fall into the safest place she had ever known and beg Sian to leave him stripping away the only dignity she had. But what does dignity mean or anything else when your whole world was void of everything?"Rosie!" Sophie yelled pulling the front door open roughly. "Sophie!" She shouted back."Soph." Came the soft tone of Sian's voice and Sophie had to stop herself from smiling as she noticed the way Sian was looking at her. "Get indoors!" Rosie continued to yell."You can't-""Shut the door and get back inside that house before I make a complete and utter scene Sophie Webster!" She considered her sister's words and unfortunately knew that she meant them. So casting one look to Sian she swallowed hard and re-entered the house shutting the door before leaning her back against it. Seeing the blonde so close had felt amazing, it felt like happiness and love but at the same time it felt like pain and darkness. "Rosie you can't stop us seeing each other." Sian said her eyes still looking at the door able to see Sophie through the frosted glass. "You wanna bet. If you care about her at all you'll leave her alone Sian Connor." The use of her full name made all her thoughts stop and her body tensed and Rosie smirked knowing that she had won this battle. "Just go."Sian just stood there, her eyes travelling between Rosie and the Webster's front door. "I love her." It was little more than a whisper and for a split second the older girls face relaxed before snapping back. "It's not enough.""Mam!" Both girl's looked over to see Blake with a bar of chocolate smugly in his hands."What did I say?" She said through gritted teeth and Sian watched as she walked over to her son. For a brief moment the blonde considered just bolting across the street and banging on the door until she was face to face with the love of her life. But she heard Rosie's words in her head, telling her what a mess Sophie was and the guilt of that made her ache. So ignoring her need for the coffee she walked toward her own car, trying to fight back tears. Sian wondered if she was ever going to feel human again. She did love Sophie, she loved her more than anything else in the world so she kept her feet walking away, kept her head held low. It took all her strength not to look back at the Webster's house and slowly a single tear escaped her left eye. She didn't wipe it away instead let it slip down, what would be the point in brushing it away when more would soon follow. *****Sophie was sitting at the kitchen table with the cup of coffee clasped between her hands as she blew softly onto the hot liquid. The strong smell infiltrated her senses and for a moment it somehow clears her mind which she was thankful for. Both her parents have already departed and each gave her a questioning look before they left, yet neither asked about her presence. She loved that about her parents they had learnt the hard way not to be pushy and now they waited for their children to come to them. Although she could see the questions burning behind her mother's eyes and Sophie chuckled as Sally had to bite her lip. Taking a sip of coffee she allowed the hot drink to scald her throat, taking away the lasting taste of vodka that refused to disappear after she scrubbed her teeth and tongue. The front door opened and closed, and Sophie couldn't believe that she hoped it was her mother rather than Rosie. She knew they were going to have to talk, she had only allowed her sister half of the story and there was no way Rosie would let the other half go. "Oi scarlet woman are you in here?" Rosie. The youngest Webster rolled her eyes and at the same time was quite impressed with Rosie's literature reference. "There you are. Thought you might have scampered." "Nope. Still here." Sophie said as she watched her sister go to the kettle and pour herself a cup of tea before sitting next to her. They sat there in silence for a while. It was awkward as she waited for her sister to ask what was clearly on her mind. "Just spit it out." She said after waiting for Rosie to form the words that she was clearly having trouble with. "What the hell Sophie! What were you thinking?" The brunette frowned at her sisters over harsh and angry words. "I'm sorry, but I just don't understand I thought you were smarter than this.""I guess I'm not." She confessed burying her head in her hands, feeling the accusations from her sister like weights pushing down on her. Rosie rolled her eyes and sighed loudly. "Rosie I don't regret it. I feel horrible enough about it all but I'd do it all over again I would." Sophie said honestly trying to fight past the tightness in her chest. "Didn't you know what you were doing was so completely wrong?" Rosie accusedThe words kept playing over and over again in Sophie's mind. She knew the silence was there waiting for her to fill it with words, but she couldn't. Her throat had suddenly become tight and her mouth was dry so words did not leave her lips. Of course she knew it was wrong but having Sian in her arms with her lips upon her own felt entirely right. So instead of answer her mind flashed with an image that even after months on, she remembered so clearly.*****The bar was the other side of town and Sophie looked around the darkly lit room with a frown. Finally the bartender returned with two vodka lemonades and the brunette returned back to the table while her heart pounded uncontrollably in her chest. They had been at the bar for roughly an hour, exchanging pleasant conversation about the past 18 months of their lives, never meeting the unspoken topic of why they were really here. They ignored the way their hearts fluttered and the wanting they felt to touch each other. Taking the drinks with a smile she began to walk back to the table seeing Sian now had her phone placed against her ear. "No, I'm just going to be stuck here at work later than I thought…I'll try, yes…I'll call you when I've finished. I love you too." The blonde had not realised that Sophie was now standing behind her as she closed her phone with a sigh. She wished more than anything that the brunette had not heard the last part of their conversation."So I'm work now?" Sophie attempted to joke as she took her seat opposite her past lover. "No it's just…" Sian trailed off but Sophie knew the end of the sentence."He doesn't know you're here." The blonde ducked her head but nodded silently."Why?" It was a legitimate question but in the back of her mind Sophie knew this was about to open a can of worms, yet she couldn't stop herself and in truth she didn't want to."Because he wouldn't understand. With all our history he wouldn't be able to get his head around it that we're only friends." She explained and Sophie pursed her lips running a hand through her thick hair."And that's what we are, friends?" She knew that she was pushing it, and perhaps she should have just stopped but she was still hurting from seeing the blonde walk down that isle to someone who wasn't her."Do you not consider yourself my friend?" The hurt was evident not only in Sian's voice but it was also painted all over her face. "I haven't considered you my friend since I kissed you in my room when I was 15. You'll always be more than a friend. Always." It was the truth and Sophie saw no point in lying about it, Sian's eyes softened at her words before the older woman quickly looked away."Sophie…" She wanted to say something about how she was married now, they couldn't go down that road. Yet every instinct in her body told her to reach over and take Sophie's hand, to lift it to her lips and kiss each finger tip. She didn't. She kept her fingers clasped together on the table."What?" She prompted and Sian looked up into blue eyes, really looked deep into them and instantly found herself lost. The orbs held more years behind them but they were still the same, still shined in a way that made Sian thrive and she wondered how she had managed without them in her life. She knew that she should look away in fear that she would drown in those eyes but she didn't, couldn't."Why did you come back?" It was a stupid question one that she wanted to hear the answer to more than she wanted to take her next breath but she knew the answer could completely and utterly wreck her."You know why." "Do I?" She challenged."I came back for you." Simply."On my wedding day." "Well in my defence I'd only found out you were getting married a few days before." She knew that she'd been selfish turning up to Sian and Ryan's wedding, however when it came to the love of your life nothing is more true than the old saying 'all's fair in love and war.'"And you couldn't have phoned or e-mailed? I heard nothing from you." Sian was angry now her voice was becoming fiery and Sophie felt her heart pick up pace with desire. It excited her seeing that fire in the blonde's eyes, it was one of the things she loved most about Sian. She recalled previous arguments in their youth and how Sian's anger would quickly transform into passion and her lips would be on Sophie's and her fingers would be pushed between her legs. The image made her core ache. "I tried to call so many times, in fact I did a handful of times but you'd answer and then I couldn't speak and I'd just hang up. I was a coward but so were you." Sophie accused and she couldn't help but enjoy the way Sian's eyes flared."Me a coward? How do you work that one out?""You were too scared to forget everything and come away with me. We would still be together now, we'd be the ones who were married." It was a bold statement and Sophie believed every word of it."You don't know that." She said quietly because Sian didn't want to think about it, she couldn't admit to herself that she'd made a mistake marrying Ryan, they hadn't even been married a month yet. "I do. We would have gone over there and I would have loved you every day. And I would have proposed in some stupid over the top completely sickly romantic way-""And I would have said yes because I couldn't love anyone the way I loved you.""Loved?" Sophie picked up on the one word that felt like a bullet to her chest."I married Ryan. When you left I thought I was going to die but he put up with me and he put me back together. There were still pieces missing and some parts didn't fit as perfectly but he didn't leave." Sian said and at the end her voice cracked with emotion and before Sophie could stop herself she reached out and placed her hand over Sian's squeezing it tightly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She whispered to the blonde as though it was a little mantra. Sophie's fingers ran over the cool metal of Sian's wedding rings and it took everything not to start crying. It really was over now and the realisation caused her heart to shatter. She couldn't help but think that there should be a sound that accompanied the breaking in her chest a gong or the sound of a plate smashing. Tangible proof that something unfixable had occurred. "No I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come." Sophie wanted to argue but she knew Sian was right, nothing good could have come out of them meeting up, closure was impossible and so this was only causing them both unneeded pain. But at least the pain reminded her that she wasn't entirely empty of life."I know, let's go I'll call you a taxi." It was the least she could do after she had caused them into this conflict. And although every part of her wanted to cling to the blonde and never let her go, she wanted Sian to be happy and if that was with Ryan then so be it. She never wanted to be the one to cause Sian any hurt, not any more. So she would be an adult and swallow down all her feelings. Standing they left their untouched drinks on the table and exited the bar. Once outside Sophie pulled out her phone and rang a random taxi firm, not the one still owned by Steve it was too much of a risk. After making the call she pulled out a cigarette and popped it between her lips. Sian, who was leaning against the wall looked over to her with a frown. "You smoke?""A bad habit I picked up while I was away." Sophie explained."I don't like it." The blonde stated and Sophie didn't realise at the time as she lit it but that would be last cigarette she smoked."You're taxi will be here in about 15 minutes, so you'll have to put up with me till then." Sophie had booked one for herself to come in half hour, that way she would get to spend this extra time with blonde. The thought that she might not see her again made her heart hiccup. "It's not a chore. I've missed you." Sian said honestly as she looked up to look at Sophie."I missed you too." She puffed out a ball of smoke and Sian waved her hand to disperse it. Sophie sighed lightly before putting the cigarette on the ground and snubbing it out with her shoe. "Happy?""Ecstatic." She replied sarcastically."Still a smart ass." Sophie noted."It was always part of my charm." She chuckled and Sophie thought it sounded like perfection. It amazed the brunette to think no more than five minutes ago they had been arguing and now they were falling back into their old playful banter. "I wish everyday I stayed." Sophie said after a few moments of comfortable silence."Me too. Even now." The brunette looked up and moved a step closer against the wall to Sian, their arms were now brushed against each other and Sian subconsciously held her breath. "I wish I'd made you stay." Sian turned her head to look at Sophie again."I wish I'd never gone." Sophie counter argued as she found herself lost in those pale blue eyes."I wish…" She started but didn't finish the sentence utterly lost in Sophie's eyes. Sian knew that she should move but she could feel Sophie's warm breath on her face and knew any attempts to vacate the space would be useless. Her legs refused to work and every part of her was screaming to close the distance. Only the small section of her heart that remained grateful to Ryan stayed as if they weren't moving at all they finally leaned in ever so softly. The first initial contact of their lips was more of a brush than that of an actual kiss, testing the waters. Sian noted that despite the faint taste of alcohol and smoke Sophie still tasted as sweet as she remembered. Sophie's hand's rested on Sian's slim waist as the blondes settled on Sophie's blushed cheeks, feeling brave the blonde pulled the other girls face in closed and felt the arms on her waist snake around her back. Sophie wanted to deepen the kiss but kept it chaste until the blonde took the step and swept her tongue across the brunette's lower lip, seeking entrance. Sophie replied with enthusiasm as she pulled the girl closer as she accepted the girls tongue into her mouth connecting it with her own. When Sian pulled away breathlessly a few moments later they rested their foreheads together just staring into each other eyes. "I shouldn't do this." Sian breathed out."I know." So they agreed what they were doing was wrong, right there. But it didn't stop the blonde from leaning in again and captures the brunette's lip between her teeth as they again got lost in a kiss that was new and yet on so familiar. Sian's mind went blank as Sophie's teeth and tongue grazed that part of her neck that only the brunette knew about and she had to stop her knee's from buckling. *****And that's how it had happened, all that time ago. It left like another life time ago and she wished that she could just sit in her parents kitchen and relive the event over and over in her mind. The memory was still as vibrant as the night it had occurred and it only caused a light warmness to seep through every inch of her. She could recall every single detail and it was beautiful. But that didn't take away how wrong it was. How could something feel so complete and not be right? Sophie had always prided herself on being a good and honest person and now she felt it all slipping through her fingers, she was becoming the person she warned her friends about. Rosie just sat there watching her thoughtfully and Sophie was thankful that her sister had not bombarded her with more questions about Sian. …Just thinking of the girls name, her mind flashed with stolen kisses and heated exchanges from the past months and her stomach dropped. Sian reminded her of being on a rollercoaster, when you're waiting at the top before you come crashing down and you're stomach flips because you know what's coming but you don't know when. And now Sophie wanted the feeling to go away. She was married to Ryan! Not Sophie. She had picked Ryan and she had ended it. It was over. Her mind was stilled when she felt Rosie's hand squeeze her own and she offered her a wide grin."I always thought it would be you two." Sophie frowned at her sisters sudden words. "You and Sian getting married, having a family you know.""Me too." She said sadly as she lost herself in thoughts of a future she had planned with blonde. *****Sian walked into the Rovers and scanned about until her eyes landed upon Katy who waved and elbowed Chesney to move to allow the blonde in. The man rolled his eyes but did as he was told. "Okay don't tell me how bad I look because my poor little heart cannot take it." Sian said as she hugged Chesney before slouching in beside his wife. It had been a long day and Sian's appearance had only suffered as the day had progressed. Her make up had only been minimal that morning and her hair was now pulled back into a sloppy bun."I wasn't gonna say that, I was going to say that you looked really good today." Katy said as she took an innocent sip of her drink pushing forward a full glass to Sian that had been purchased for her arrival. The tired blonde sat upright in her seat with a shocked expression. "Really?""No. I was gonna say you look like crap, but you told me not to." Sian frowned at her but could not prevent the laugh that left her mouth. It felt like such a feign past time that it surprised her that she even remembered how to laugh, it felt good, reminding herself that she was still alive and not yet dead. Work had felt never ending and it only took her mind off Sophie for short moment's in time but eventually it always drifted back to the brunette and it became to exhausting to try and avoid these thoughts. "Well, girl's I better go get back to relieve Fizz of baby duty. I won't interrupt girls night." Chesney said drinking the last of his beverage."Aww how is baby Jackers?" Sian cooed, feeling guilty that she hadn't seen the little boy recently, her whole life seemed to have been put on hold the last few months. Although she did feel guilty it was only a sliver because those moments had been spent with Sophie; and she could not and would not regret those times. "The devil's child is fine." He sighed and earned himself a stern look from his brunette wife. "He doesn't understand what sleeping is and his daddy is quickly forgetting what it is himself." "It get's better." Sian offered with a shrug at his over dramatic response."When? When does it get better?" He begged and Katy laughed shaking her head."When he does to university." And the blonde couldn't help but laugh as she saw his face fall from the hope it had only held a moment ago."That's 17 years away." He screwed up his face, thinking about it."What? I didn't say it would be anytime soon." The girls laughed at the disappointment on the young man's face."As much as I am loving hearing about how great my life is going to be I better go. See ya at home babe, have a good night girls." Leaning down he gave his wife and chaste kiss before leaving the bar and Sian watched him. They were the perfect couple, they had experienced their ups and downs but had somehow made it out the other end happier. She envied them in their perfect wedding bliss. With a sudden realisation she reached into her bag and pulled out the little box of pills before slipping one in her mouth and washing it down with her drink. She mentally reminded herself to take her contraceptive pill before going to bed."Pill popping now?" Katy joked."No I've got a stupid infection I can't shake." Sian explained as she placed her glass back down on the table. She then felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and she quickly whipped it out to see the text message she'd received, however her heart dropped when she saw it was not from Sophie it had been foolish to even get her hopes up. She looked at the text from Ryan and sighed: 'I miss you.' Four month ago that would have made her heart swoon but now it simply caused it to tighten."Who loves you?" Her friend asked and Sian shook her head."Just Ryan.""Just your husband." The brunette laughed. "So what is he doing this evening?""Band practice." Sian said while rolling her eyes. "I'm sure he still thinks he's 17 playing at the youth centre.""We all have our dreams. I still sing in the shower and pretend that my shampoo bottle is Brit award. You should hear my speech, it's moving." The duo giggled and Sian was silently thankful for her friend, if only for those few seconds of pure laughter, it was enough to lift her heart. "So what's been going on?" Just like that her heart crashed to the ground and splinted again. It didn't hurt as much now she was getting use to pain."Nothing ,everything's fine.""You look like shit.""Thanks.""Well you do. You've been like a zombie for the last two weeks and it's freaking me out and also…" She trailed off and Sian noticed that she refused to meet her eye."What?""I heard you had a row with Rosie this morning in the street." "Damn place, everyone knows everything." Sian muttered."Look I'm just going to come out and ask and if I'm out of line just say but are you having it away with Jason because I know that Rosie has been-""What?" Sian cried out and a few people looked over at shocked outburst."I won't judge you but I-""No, God. No I'm not sleeping with Jason. Jesus why would you think that!""Well it's a logical assumption. You've been a mess recently, Rosie has been staying at home and then I hear you two were rowing this morning. Although Norris wasn't sure what about, so I filled in the blanks. You're sure?" Katy stated rather matter-of-factly as though it made the most sense in the world. "I think I'd know if I was sleeping with Jason." Sian "Okay then what's going on?" Sian should have seen that coming. She considered lying to her friend, pretending behind her fake smile. Her face actually started to hurt from pretending to be happy all the time."I'm fine." Her attempt was pathetic. "Try again." Katy pointed with narrowed eyes and Sian knew it was useless to argue. She looked around the pub to make sure that everyone was enjoying their own conversations, she definitely did not want to be the next gossip on the street."It's complicated." Sian started, she knew it was a cliché answer the instant it left her mouth."It always is, that's just the way it goes." Katy sang to lighten the mood however on seeing Sian's face she grimaced before muttering, "sorry. Well if you're not having an affair it can't be that bad can it?" Katy offered and Sian's eyes shot up at Katy's words and the brunette stared at her with a creased brow. "Unless…are you having an affair?" She asked quietly leaning in across the table. "Sian?" She prompted when the blonde hadn't spoken. "Are you?"Sian couldn't speak her mouth had become dry and she suddenly wished she had gone home to her empty apartment instead of coming to the pub. Silently she nodded her eyes watering as Katy's mouth fell open a little and the blonde felt some weight disappear from her shoulders. The burden had felt like it was crushing her recently as she retracted further and further into herself. The only person she could talk to had been Sophie and the brunette had been unreachable against her best efforts, it felt good to have someone to talk to. Although the shocked expression on Katy's face made her stomach flip with dread and apprehension. "Say something."The younger girl cleared her throat. "Erm…who, who is it?"Sian debated lying again not wanting it to get out, she didn't want anyone to think badly of Sophie. She would take all the harsh words and angry looks but she would not have anyone think different of Sophie Webster. She bit the corner of her lip before sighing feeling the penetrating graze from her friend. "Sophie.""Sophie Webster?" She hissed out lowly, knowing not to raise her voice, Sian nodded. "Are you serious? What are you doing?""You're fine with me playing away with Jason but not Sophie?" She asked confused by her friends change in demeanour."Well I wouldn't use the word 'fine' but I remember what you were like when she left. And I gotta be honest when you saw her when you walked down that isle I thought you were gonna call the whole thing off." Katy told her friend with soft eyes. "To be fair so did I." Sian replied sadly, truth was more than anything she wished she had. "How long has this been going on? Are you going to leave Ryan? Is that what was going on this morning with Rosie?" Sian blinked at the quick fired questioned as she played them over in her brain. "It began when I got back from my honeymoon." She heard Katy gasp but she didn't interrupt. "I don't know if I'm going to leave Ryan all I know is I owe him for being there for me. I'm not in love with him, I don't think I ever was. I confused gratitude with love." Sian spoke but it was more to herself as she allowed herself to say the words that had been running through her mind. "What was the last thing you asked?" "Rosie, this morning.""Yeah…Sophie ended it like two weeks ago, she was at her mum's last night. Rosie was stopping me from banging the door down until she agreed to see me." The thought that she had been that close to Sophie made her heart ache. She wanted to see the brunette more than anything else, there was so much she wanted to say, although she knew there was no point. As much as she wanted to give Sophie everything she needed she knew she couldn't she didn't deserve the brunette. Sophie had broken her heart leaving but what she had put her first love through was so much worse. "Wow, I don't know what to say. How have you kept this to yourself, why didn't you tell me?""I honestly didn't know what to say.""It explains a lot, why you've been such a wreck recently and why you were so happy before I guess. I thought that was just your married life glow." Sian felt instant guilt at her friends words, this should have been the honeymoon period of her marriage, where they couldn't get enough of each other. Now all she wanted was Sophie."I love her." Sian whispered and Katy reached out and placed her hand over her friends, rubbing the back of Sian's hand with her thumb. "Sian, what are you going to do?" She asked but the older woman just shrugged quickly wiping at her eyes to prevent any tears from falling. "Do you want to crash at mine tonight? We can talk properly." Katy offered and Sian slowly nodded. She needed this, she needed a friend to confide in and ease some of the strain on her heart. "We'll send Ches to bed.""Okay well I'll just pop home quickly and grab a few things and meet you there." "Alright. I'm glad you told me. You shouldn't have to deal with this on your own." Katy squeezed Sian's hand to reinforce her words."I know but I couldn't stand for you to look at me differently." Sian told her honestly."I wouldn't. Ever. You're my best friend. If I murdered somebody you'd be the first person I called to help me." The blonde chuckled."I'd be happy to help.""Good. Now go get your stuff and I'll see you at mine in a little while." The blonde nodded as she slipped out of the booth and headed for the exit. She couldn't stop herself from reaching into her pocket and checking her phone. Hoping that Sophie might of text, thoughts of the brunette did not seem to leave her. She silently awaited a text or a phone call from the girl, just so she knew that Sophie was thinking of her. But no communication had occurred, the last text remained from Ryan and it just confirmed to the blonde that she was not on her ex-lovers mind*****Sophie had been unusually quiet all day. Blake had returned home from school and they had sat in silence while watching TV, gently he had put his head in her lap and she'd idly ran her fingers through his hair. It was only a small gesture but the beauty of it had almost broken what was left of her parents still hadn't asked about their youngest daughters appearance. They just seemed content to have both their children under one roof along with their grandchild. Sophie offended to get chips for their family meal and although they all offered to accompany her she declined. She wanted an opportunity to be alone just to walk in the cool evening air and just to get lost in her own thoughts and was so lost in thoughts that she completely collided with a tiny body as she exited the chip shop. She almost dropped the bag she was holding and fumbled quickly to catch them."Ooo sorry." The person said and Sophie looked up to see Tina and she pulled her lips into a small fake smile."Ah, that's alright. It was my fault I wasn't paying attention.""You alright there you little ray of sunshine?" Sophie let out a false laugh and nodded. "Why so blue, had a row with the other half?" Sophie wasn't sure if maybe her mother had been talking about her and Ellie or if it was random assumption."Um no, no we're fine." The question had thrown her a little and brought an image of the beautiful P.E teacher to her mind. But the image didn't make her happy, it didn't make her face light up."Then what's with the face?" Tina pressed as they stood outside the shop and Sophie wondered how she could make a break for it. "It's complicated." Sophie sighed, thinking that the word complicated was not enough to describe it."Why?" The teacher clutched the chips to her chest while arguing with herself about how to answer this question. She didn't want to let out too much information but keeping it inside was driving her crazy."Have you ever…known someone, and you just fit?" She realised how vague her response sounded but she was having difficulty expressing her emotions."Fit?" Sophie could see the woman look at her with a frown on her face."Like…you laugh at the same things, cry at the same things. If you have a problem they are the first one you want to call, because you know they are not only going to understand but they are going to soothe out everything." Tina watched as Sophie began to stare off into space with a goofy grin on her face. She remembered that feeling and she envied the young girl for possessing it."Sounds like you have it bad, why is this complicated. It's a good thing if you feel like that for this new chick." The woman witnessed Sophie's face change in a second and frowned at the transformation."It's not." She young girl said in a quiet voice."Not what?""It's not with the new girl.""Oh I see the complication. Okay, well have you told this other person how you feel?" Sophie pushed the smile away from her lips and hung her head."Yeah and I'm pretty sure they feel the same. I least I hope they do." Although she had known Tina since her teens she still found it odd that she was standing here spilling this all out to the girl, even if she hadn't mentioned any names, it was still dangerous. "It's becoming less confusing again, so just tell the person you're seeing it's over and get with this new one.""They're married." Sophie said in a hushed voice and Tina could not hear and she leaned closer to the young woman."What?""They're married. The person I want is married." She said slightly louder, Sophie could not believe that she was admitting this. The barmaid finally heard the words, and a surprised expression appeared over her features."Right…yeah." Tina mumbled, clearly unable to think of something to say."No more advance?" Sophie could not help but grin at the woman's expression."Nope, all gone. I got nothing.""Makes two of us." She said quietly and unexpectedly she felt the older woman pull her into a hug. Sophie wanted to collapse into the embrace but she used all her energy to stay strong."If it was easy it wouldn't be worth it." Tina whispered into her ear. And Sophie bit down hard on her bottom lip to distract herself from the heat behind her eyes. The younger girl pulled back abruptly and smiled thankfully at the the woman. As a youngest she had hated living on this street sometimes, the gossip, the dirty looks but at that moment she wouldn't want to have lived anywhere else."Thanks I should get these home." Sophie gestured with the chips and Tina nodded her understanding."Okay. If you ever need to talk.""I know where you are thanks." Sophie said as she began to walk off. She was just about to cross the road when she heard the deep, quiet sob, she stopped and looked into the dark night to her right. She saw the blonde who was haunting her sitting on the bench from there teens and she stood lost on what to knew she should go up to Katy's but she couldn't move from the spot. This spot held so much to her childhood and she relished in the memories of her and Sophie. She sat ignoring her pale and tear soaked face. Her mascara had cascaded down her cheeks but she made no attempt to wipe it away or clean herself up, there was no point. Her face and the persona she projected onto the world was a mess just like her insides at that moment. If she attempted to clean herself up it would be a lie, pretending to be fine when she wasn't and there would be no more lying. The night was like a blanket hiding her from the world to allow her these few seconds to let it all out. The pain and agony surging through her body was like nothing she had ever known or experienced, she was on edge, hanging on by a thread. Time was travelling slowly, every second that past felt like a year and she was falling deeper and deeper into her own mind of 'what if's'. Her life had been all about Sophie and now she was empty and felt the presence beside her and the hand on her knee as the person attempted to offer her comfort. She looked up expecting to see Katy but instead gazed up to see those blue eyes that she knew better than her own soul. On seeing those crystal orbs her heart started to beat quickly as the nerves started to seep into her system. It was one thing trying to decide what she wanted to say to Sophie, it was a different matter attempting to say them right now to her face. She had known since her and Sophie's lips had first connected only month's previously that someone was going to get hurt, and yet she hadn't pulled away but the reality had started to skin in. They had been sitting in silence for over five minutes, neither wanting to interrupt this moment between them, this accident by the fates that had them led them here."I thought growing up was meant to get easier." She said more to herself but she felt the brunette relax slightly but Sophie was still sitting straight."I think that's what they want us to believe. When I was 12 I couldn't wait to be an adult. Right now I'd give anything to be 12." Sophie exhaled a puff of air and she could see it against the cool evening."I'd be happy with 16." Sian answered honestly as she looked over to Sophie who was still staring forward. They both realised the implications of her sentence. Sian sniffled and Sophie had to keep her eyes anywhere but to her right, she couldn't look at the blonde. She couldn't afford to look into those pale blue eyes and get lost right now. They were over and as much as she wished everything could be different, that they could be together, they weren't and they couldn't. "I should get home. They'll be sending out a search party for me soon.""Maybe I'll see you soon?" Sian spoke, although she knew the answer. They were star crossed, meeting at this second only to part again. There was so much that needed to be said but it was too much. The question took down the last wall protect Sophie's heart and she could not sit in Sian's company any longer. She could not bring herself to mutter words of goodbye, for fear that word's that had been unspoken would fall instead. As an alternative she quickly stood and began to walk back towards her childhood home but as she crossed the road the tears began to spill down her cheeks freely, as she felt a pain unlike anything she ever thought imaginable. Unbeknown to her on the side of the street a blonde let silent tears fall from her pale orbs.