Sian sat in the quiet room at the back of the court going over her notes, other people were talking but she was letting their words simply drift over her. She had enough buzzing around her mind and could not possibly fit anything else in, Sophie was consuming her entirety. She could not focus and the problem was Sian couldn't muster the strength to care. She looked over to her tutor and nodded as though she had been listening to what had been said. It was all on her shoulders today and she couldn't feel guilty because the tank inside of her was already full and bubbling over. This was the biggest day of her career, after today she had completed her pupillage and had already been taken on by the chambers. It should have filled her with so much joy because she had worked so hard for this. The truth was it brushed past her the happiness of it all but it didn't touch her. Sian had so many conflicting emotions in her body and had completely no idea which ones to listen to, as they battled to be heard. The one emotion that shined through all the others was her sadness and the fact that she missed Sophie terribly, so deeply that it burned through to her core. Sophie was like a drug to her, she needed her to survive and having to go cold turkey only caused more hidden damage, more than she would have expected. Knowing that she had caused this pain only made the throbbing intensify. There was not a day, an hour or a second that passed that thoughts, of Sophie didn't come back to her. The look of aching on her ex girlfriend's face from the night they parted caused her heart to rip over and over again as she remembered stomach churned again as it had been doing all week. She sat still for a moment hoping for the sickness to pass. It felt like she had only just gotten rid of her throat infection and here she was struck down again with a bug. Her body was slowly giving up on her and she wasn't shocked. Sian wanted to just get up and walk out of the room but she knew she was needed here and suddenly an image of Sophie popped into her head. It had been the brunette who had pushed her when she was flailing, it was Sophie who had sat up until late in the night helping her with work and essays. Sophie had put up with Sian's moods while trying to knock out her dissertation, she had stood beside Sian when she graduated and Sophie had loved her through every second of it. With that in mind Sian set her jaw ignoring the uneasiness and knew what she had to had always believed that 'the one' and 'your soul mate' were the two different people, but she had just recently; as in last few months, decided that this was not the case for her. 'The one' was the person that you see yourself being with in the future and who you see yourself growing old beside and waking up with them every morning. But a 'soul mate'? To her this was finding someone who is completely irreplaceable in your life, who makes all the difference, your soul mate is the person who you run to when your entire world is falling apart. However Sian had discovered that 'The one' and 'her soul mate' were wrapped up in the same person. It was Sophie. It would have been easier for her if 'the one' and her 'soul mate' were two separate people because maybe Ryan could have been one of them and that might have been enough. "You ready?" Greg said over to her and Sian looked at him and blinked fighting the need to run to the toilet and bring up her breakfast. "Yes." She said with a certain nod and an image of a smiling Sophie propped itself up in her mind and Sian knew she could do it. With thoughts of Sophie accompanying her Sian thought she could do anything. *****It had been three months since Sophie had sat next to Sian on the bench, three months and she still ached constantly. Going to work, coming home, sleeping, eating her life was a routine and that's how she kept herself focused. She planned for every hour of her life so that she was never sat alone with her thoughts of the blonde. Otherwise she would find herself wondering what Sian was doing, if she was at work, if Ryan was with her, if the male was touching her. The only light that she found in the darkness of her life at the moment where her times spent with Ellie. The girl had been her life line and she didn't even know it, she didn't know how Sophie was hanging on by a thread. Ellie had already confessed to Sophie that she loved her and although she hadn't be able to say it back the teacher had only smiled and told her not to rush it. She was hoping that eventually she'd be able to say it, if given enough time the words of love would tumble from her mouth and she'd mean it. Perhaps Ellie didn't make her feel like Sian did, she didn't set her soul alight but Ellie didn't make Sophie hurt and maybe that was the point. Ellie was the healthy choice for both her heart and her sanity, Ellie was the right choice for her. But it didn't change the fact that Sian haunted her thoughts daily and nightly. Why was it that your body always seemed to crave what wasn't good for it. She contemplated this as she stood on the corner of the street waiting for Ellie to park the car. Damn Sian Powers (because she would never be Conner.) "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" Ellie joked into Sophie's ear and the brunette chuckled."Waiting for my lovely date, you haven't seen her wandering around have you?" She laughed at Ellie's faked pained expression. "So where are we going?" Sophie said as they began to walk down the street. Ellie reached down and laced her fingers with Sophie's. It had become a common gesture but it didn't change the fact it felt unusual, her hand was bigger than Sian's. "Don't you remember? You and me…" Ellie enquired clearly hoping that her tone would trigger something in the brunette's mind."Sorry no…oh was that the night when you tripped over that kerb and went flying." Sophie chuckled thinking about the incident as she played it in her head."No, but thanks for bringing that up. Come on…our first date…" She trailed off and Sophie frowned."I'm drawing a blank, you want to go over there to eat?" Spencer continued the joke as she pointed to a chip shop and then saw Ellie's face drop and she could not keep it up any longer. "I'm kidding." The shorter girl checked to see that they were alone on the street before leaning over and kissing Ellie's lips savouring their sweet taste of her lip balm. After pulling back she licked her lips, the taste was artificial not natural like Sian's. "We went to dinner at the restaurant down there and that was how the night ended.""Yeah, you had me, I thought you'd forgotten already." Ellie said as she tugged on Sophie's hand leading them to the scene of their first date. Ellie squeezed Sophie's hand tenderly but the brunette instantly felt weird. However it felt good, the delicate texture of Ellie's skin against her own made her smile, it was little gestures like this that made her hope to love Ellie. "So…""So…" Copying Ellie's attempt to start a conversation, they continued to walk, although the evening was slightly cold Sophie felt a pleasant warmth that made her smile, the happy feeling only increased when Ellie's thumb trace her finger over Sophie's hand."You make me smile." Ellie confessed to the girl."That's understandable." The P.E teacher whipped her hands away. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding." Sophie laughed."No, you have lost the privilege of my hand, I'm taking it back." Sophie looked at her dramatically shocked."Would this help?" The English teacher leaned over and kissed Ellie softly on the cheek."A little.""How about this?" This time she caught the corner of the girls lips."Hmmm." Sophie put a determined smirk on her face as she brought Ellie's chin down to kiss her this time with more enthusiasm waiting for the girl to part her lips and when she did Sophie slipped her tongue in to touch her own with Ellie's. eventually Sophie pulled back. "Okay, you can have my hand back, but you are on probation." The pair chuckled as they approached the restaurant and Ellie held the door open for her date. "After you.""Why thank you." And this was why Ellie was her only light, because Ellie was easy, it was different, they didn't have to sneak around; they could just be.*****"Are you sure about this because I'm sure we could just get a taxi and go somewhere else." Sophie said with a hint of fear and Ellie looked at her from the corner of her eye. "No I want to see where you grew up." Sophie sighed at Ellie who only smirked."Just so you know I'm not happy with this.""You're protests have been noted and they are being ignored. Anyway before you rudely interrupted it was my question now." They had got a taxi from the restaurant a fair walk from the Rovers which was their second destination for the evening. Sophie felt nervous being this close to where Sian and Ryan lived but when Ellie had asked so sweetly she had been unable to refuse. Although she hoped that her parents were not in the pub that evening she couldn't handle their onslaught of questions. "It is indeed, and make it a good one because you suck at this." Sophie laughed as she felt the teacher bump her hip. "Hey!" She protested as she lost a balance and stumbled. They giggled, the brunette felt an excitement run through her body and it made her nervous."Umm…Ever had a broken heart?" She asked, as the full moon caught her eyes and Sophie, thought she had never seen Ellie look so beautiful. She prayed to love this girl."Nice easy question there Ells."She shrugged with a smile. "Well you didn't ask for easy, you mock my questions and now you can't handle them.""I can handle anything you throw at me I'll have you know.""Is that a fact?" There was a sly smile on her face, and Sophie put her face down to hide the blush that was creeping to her cheeks. "So…" The simple word brought Sophie back to reality and she cleared her throat."Yeah once." She stated quietly as she looked out onto the streets that she had grown up on as the events of her and Sian raced quickly through her mind, mocking her with their happiness of youth."What happened? I mean if you don't mind me asking." Ellie added the last part quickly not wanting to seem like she was pushing."Hey, I thought it was my question now, that's two you have just asked. If I answer then I get two.""Deal.""Um, it was the first girl that I um…" Sophie started slowly, realising how hard it was to still talk about."Ever dated?" The other woman chipped in realising the girl was already having trouble recounting the story."Ever anything. It was like my life was this jigsaw puzzle and there was a piece in the middle missing so you couldn't make out what the picture was. And then I met her and suddenly the picture was complete. That doesn't make any sense does it?" She sighed with a half smile."It does, to me anyway, so if it is complete gibberish at least we understand it." Ellie ran her hand down Sophie's arm and it caused goose bumps to rise on her skin, it was not unnoticed. "You cold?" She asked as she ran her hands up and down Sophie's arms in an attempt to warm her up."Actually I'm surprisingly hot." The brunette responded and continued to walk onwards. "So what happened?" Ellie asked as she caught up with the girl."I fell in love with her so hard and fast, never felt anything like it. But I wanted to travel and she had her own life here so I left for the states without her. I thought she didn't love me enough." Sophie kicked the cobbles with her feet. "I just walked away. I know that sounds so stupid and immature. Broke my own heart I guess.""I understand." The teacher interjected."You image this person to be perfect and then when it all gets heavy they aren't the person you wanted them to be." Sophie's voice was quiet. Her heart felt like it was tight in her chest as she recalled her previous relationship. The support she needed came in shape of a hand taking hers and interlocking their fingers. Ellie smiled at her gently and it sent a warmth through Sophie's body. They continued to walk for a little while before the youngest Webster spoke again. "So how about you? Your heart ever been broken?""What you can't even think of your own questions now you have to steal mine?" Sophie was the one to take her hand from Ellie this time and swatted her bare arm. She let her hand fall by her side hoping that Ellie would take it again. "I have just once, I loved this girl to death, thought she was everything to me, and she cheated on me. Completely destroyed me. Think that's the only time, oh there might be a little heart ache in the future but I don't know, that's another story." Ellie winked at her and Sophie laughed. Although for a split second she saw a glimpse of fear on her date's face but Sophie couldn't be sure."Okay so my second question erm…when was the last time you pulled a sickie?""And you said I sucked at this game. Well, I'm quite a nerd really, I'm too honest." She laughed and Sophie imagined the girl in glasses hunched over her desk marking her GCSE homework. "But it was probably a couple of months ago when you were off. It's silly really, but I missed you and I didn't see you for ages and I just felt a little bit rubbish. I didn't fancy going into work knowing you wouldn't be there." Sophie didn't wait for Ellie to interlock their fingers again and instead did it herself, feeling brave and bold. The action earned a genuine wide smile from her date."I've had a really good time tonight, dinner was lovely but this walk…" Sophie trailed off as she stopped walking causing the girl beside her to come to a halt as well. Ellie looked deep into Sophie's eyes and the brunette looked away feeling bashful.. Ellie reached forward and hooked her index finger in the belt loop of Sophie's skirt and pulling her forward. The P.E teacher instinctively licked her lips at what was happening, her eyes shifted between beautiful pink lips and dazzling blue eyes. Sophie's mind went all fuzzy and for the first time in a while her mind started to go blank, it was peaceful. Their soft lips met in a tender kiss, with Ellie's hand positioned on her waist, Sophie was so lost in the moment her arms still hung by her side. The kiss stayed chaste for a few seconds until Ellie opened her mouth and ran her tongue softly along Sophie's lower lip. At this action the brunette put her hands up to Ellie's cheeks trying to inform the girl she did not want the kiss to end. Sophie felt the other woman smile into the kiss and Sophie parted her lips a little more to allow the teacher's tongue to enter her mouth and connect with her own. It only last for a few minutes but it made Sophie's knees weak and her head spin. She tried not to compare it with Sian's because it would have taken away the moment that was passing between them, however even she couldn't ignore the lack of desire she was feeling; she hated herself. Her body was reacting to the kiss but her heart was telling her not to believe it. As Sophie pulled away a smile was attached to her face and Ellie grinned just as hard back. This was how it was meant be, but why didn't it feel right?"Was that to try and convince me to go home with you right now so you don't have to take me to this pub?" Ellie asked with a chuckle."Did it work?" Sophie asked."Nope. Not one little bit." Sophie was momentarily distracted when she saw the workers lot across the street, her heart stopped, and couldn't help but be concerned that it was not going to start again. Too many memories came flooding back to her and it was so much for her mind to take in all at once. That enclosed space held so many memories of herself and Sian, like it was preserving them so the recollections remained untouched by time. The kisses, the fights, the flirting, the hiding out, the secrets, the love; their first time. Maybe it wasn't the most glamorous of settings, but it had been perfect, everything she had wanted her first time to be. Slow, tender and beautiful. They couldn't have exactly done it in her house and Sian had not been living with her father at the time. Although she remembered it all with vivid detail two things stuck out more clear than anything else. How Sian hovering over her as she gently pushed her fingers inside of the brunette, resting on her elbows she had swept Sophie's fringe out of her eyes and asked if she was okay. It had meant so much that for a brief second Sophie had wanted to cry with happiness. The second memory of that night was walking out, Sian held the grate door open for her before wrapping her arms around the brunettes tiny waist from behind and burying her face in Sophie's neck. She whispered 'I love you' and Sophie had known then they were meant to be. It had been one of the happiest times of her life. She wondered how the memory of it could cause her so much pain and she had to use strength she didn't know she possessed not to cry. "Soph?""Huh?""You kinda zoned out on me there, where'd you go?" Ellie asked with an amused smirk. Sophie looked at Ellie, and knew right then that no matter how good Ellie made her feel, it was never going to compare with what she had with Sian. And maybe she couldn't love Ellie as she much she loved Sophie but she cared about Ellie as much as she could. But she knew right then that it wasn't enough. Ellie deserved better. But Sophie was selfish so she smiled widely and soldiered on; she was disgusted with herself "Sorry, I'm here. This road in front of us is Coronation street. The place of my boring childhood." Sophie would never have called her time here boring but she had yet to tell Ellie about the youth years in any detail and had no desire to go into it now. They continued forward and Sophie saw the Rovers getting closer."My dad use to own that garage over there, and my mum works in that factory, although she's counting down the days until she can retire. My sister works there as well.""Oh this is like a proper tour." Ellie said excitedly. "Well I never do anything by halves." Sophie cooed and Ellie smirked."I hope not." There was a twinkle in her eye and Sophie felt her stomach drop at the assumption. Even though Ellie had confessed to loving her they had yet to sleep together and although Ellie hadn't pushed her she knew her date was beginning to get frustrated. "Anyway…You see that tram up there?" Sophie pointed out wanting to distract the girl quickly, she was greeted with a firm nod. "Well when I was 16 it crashed into the street.""That's so dramatic. Really did it?" Ellie asked a shocked expression printed on her face."Yeah it was really scary, crazy. It crashed into the shop I worked at." She suddenly wished she hadn't brought this topic up as it brought forward the memories of that night. It had ripped the street apart. But in some ways it brought everyone closer to together. "Jesus were you working?" "No, thank God. I was…" With Sian she wanted to say but bit her tongue. "At home." "My street seems so boring. The most interesting thing was my neighbour throwing her husbands clothes out the window." "That happened here too. Actually it was my sister's husband who did the throwing, not her clothes one of his exes." She commented as she recalled it, Jason and Tina seemed like a life time ago. "And here we are." Sophie stated as they stood outside the pub. "You can still back out." She hoped the girl who say okay."No way.""Well can I still back out?""Nope." "Then after you." Sophie said deadpan as she opened the door following an thrilled girl and sighed, wishing she was anywhere but here. *****Ryan walked towards The Rovers occasionally stealing looks to his unusually quiet wife. Well it had been unusual than before they had wed and now it seemed like a common thing. Sian knew she should make more effort consider they were meant to be celebrating her job in Chambers but it hurt too much. So she remained silent. Sian was gazing out at the opposite direction to her husband, the world seemed completely the same and yet so different and Sian couldn't understand why. She was lost in her thoughts and didn't even pretend to be interested in anything he wanted to talk about. She wondered what Sophie was doing right now, if she was at home, or over at the Webster's perhaps she was on a date. Katy (who still talked to Sophie) had informed her that Sophie was still seeing the P.E teacher and that she should move on. It was too much for her to take, her heart contracted with every thought of them and she wasn't sure if her fragile organ could take much more of checked her phone again for the 100th time that day, she knew that if it had have gone off she would have heard it; but hope will always win out. Seeing that no one had attempted to contact her, she roughly put the phone back into her pocket and continued to walk, feeling an increasing need to had wanted to cancel dinner and the night out with Ryan and her friends afterwards but she knew that it would have raised too many questions; after all to the rest of the world Sian had just got her dream job, she should have been on cloud nine, not bloody on the ground tattered and torn. No one noticed the way she looked at pictures of herself and Sophie, and they did not notice the sadness that she had been carrying around of was aware that Ryan knew there was something wrong with her; with them. They talked less and less, sex was becoming a foreign pass time to them and she knew it was her fault. He was pushing for them to have a child as if it was going to fix them but it took too much effort to argue with him. Sian always used work as an excuse, but it was that; an excuse. Every time they were together even when he was being lovely and romantic all she could think was; 'you're not Sophie'. It was twisted and messed up, she understood that, but unfortunately it is not possible to tell you're heart who to love."Babe?" He finally spoke, and she was partly glad that he did because it allowed her to be brought back to reality."Yeah." Her voice was barely more than a whisper. He stole another glance at her and it broke his heart that something was clearly on his wife's mind but she couldn't tell him."Where are you?" She frowned at his question, confused about why he was asking, it was not the first time these words left his mouth."I'm right here." She replied as though it was the most obvious answer."No you're not." His voice was quiet and sounded defeated and she suddenly realised what he was trying to say. "You might be right next to me, but I can't touch you." A small sad smile crept onto her face as she took his hand in hers while they continued to walk."I'm right here." She repeated."That's not what I meant Sian, you're somewhere else recently and I don't know where, but your mind is gone and all I have is your body here with me." Her heart sank at his words, knowing that she was clearly hurting him."Ryan…" She started but realised there was nothing that she could say to him, because the truth would hurt but her lies would be seen through easily and might kill didn't speak for a couple of minutes while they strolled around the corner but he stopped just before they crossed the road to The Rovers. She stood beside him and a silence fell over them. Sian looked up at the handsome male beside her, she was dreading the moment his sharp eyes focused on her. She looked away."Sian." He began, looking at her, wanting her attention. Slowly she turned to face him but she did not lift her gaze to meet his. "Look at me.""I can't." Her eyes were stinging and she knew that tears wanted to fall."Please." Ryan begged her and the moment her blue orbs met his, she wished she had not given in to his demand because the pain in his eyes cut her to her centre. "I love you. I do. When I look into the future I see you beside me. That is why I married you." The blonde hoped he would not say such things because it was just causing the guilt to bury her alive."Ryan-""Please let me finish." She nodded for him to continue. "And I will wait, because I know you did love and if you think that it is possible that you could love me again then I will wait for you. But do you think you will?"Sian looked at the guy standing in front of her hypnotised by his eyes, he was right she was no longer in love with him…but could she again? She wanted to say she could, she wanted to banish that look on his beautiful features and see a smile instead. But she knew she couldn't answer it, she couldn't give him the answer he seemed to be searching for."I do-"The rest of her words were cut off by the ringing that erupted from her phone, she smiled apologetically at him before pulling her phone out and placing it to her ear. "Hello?" It was Katy. "Sorry we've just out front, we're coming…alright I'll speak to you in a second." She hung up and looked up to Ryan who was staring over her head. "Can we talk about this tonight when we get in.""Of course, at least I will have one last night with you." And with that sentence he stepped forward leaving a guilt ridden blonde behind who attempted to compose herself for the longest evening in history. Was this the end? She thought as she crossed the street and followed her she walked in she saw Katy who looked pained and she frowned at her friend confused by her expression; that was until she saw who Ryan was talking to. Sophie. Fuck. "…Yeah she just got into Chambers. I'm very proud. Babe come over here, it's Sophie." Ryan said as though they had not just had the worst conversation and now it was about to get even worse. He was smiling at the person who was the reason she no longer loved him if she ever did. She looked at Katy hopefully who only shrugged and Sian took a deep breath before approaching. "Hey." The blonde said and Sophie returned the gesture while Ellie nodded. Sian hated her. Hated her prefect body, her glossy hair and most of all she hated the way she had her hand on Sophie's knee. "Congrats on Chambers. You really, really deserve it." Sophie tried to get across how proud she was of Sian. She recalled how hard Sian had worked and couldn't think of anyone who deserved it more. Sian's heart pounded by the soft smile on the brunette's face. They silently remembered how they had always thought they'd be together when they achieved their dreams. "Thank you." It was awkward there was no denying that, but Sian couldn't deny how happy she was to see the brunette. She had missed those blue eyes and pictures and memories did not do them justice. "So are you two out celebrating tonight? Going to hit it hard?" Ellie spoke casually as though she had always known the married couple. Sian didn't care for the way she acted so confident. "Well that was the plan but…I shouldn't say anything but we're trying to get pregnant." He stated proudly as he wrapped his arm around Sian's shoulder. The world stopped for Sophie and Sian felt all the blood rush to her head. Sophie tried to focus, to think clearly, tried to remember where she was so she didn't flee the scene of this horror scene. The brunette's chest went tight and all the colour drained from her face. Sian on the other hand felt her jaw fall open slightly, she couldn't believe those words had just felt her husbands mouth especially considering their conversation no more than 5 minutes ago. But she knew her other half and she knew his words were a cover. He was trying to over compensate for the fact that their marriage was basically over. But it didn't change the fact that Sian's blood was boiling. "Wow. Aw that's lovely, isn't it Soph?" Sophie knew it was time for her to answer but she could feel her throat go strict and she wasn't sure if she was able to. Yes she had ended it with Sian but this felt like the final nail in their coffin. She ripped her eyes away from Sian because she feared that those blue eyes might bring her crumpling to floor in agony. "Yeah." Was all she could manage and it held no joy for the couple. Sian wanted to rush forward to Sophie wrap her in her arms and tell her that it wasn't true, that she was still using contraceptive, that Sophie was the only one she wanted a family with. But the blonde stood where she was watching the world fall away before her eyes. She turned her head quickly to look at her friends begging them with her eyes to save her from the wreck before her. "Sophie Webster!" Sophie shot her head up to see Chesney walking over to her, her face lighted up as much as she could muster. "You don't call you don't write." He said playfully. "I know I'm sorry." Sophie stated with a sad smile. She didn't come back enough and phone calls had become rare. Especially now. She felt bad because she hadn't seen little Jackson ages and she wondered how the little fella was growing up."Get up here." He called stretch his arms out, jumping up she wrapped herself around him. Chesney smelled like home. Sian watched the exchange and felt a weight lifted, she was thankful that the duo had come rushing to her aid. She wondered if Katy had told Chesney even though he didn't seem to act if he knew anything. But it didn't matter she trusted them both. "It's like a Weatherfield reunion." Katy joked trying to lighten the mood. "Hi, I don't think we've been introduced, I'm Katy and this is my other half Ches." She addressed Ellie with a smile and Sian wanted to call her friend a traitor. "I prefer to be introduced as you're better half but I'll take what I'm given." He joked as he reached out shook her hand."You all grew up here?" Ellie asked with an amused smile. "Yeah, I tried to ditch them but they just followed me." Katy said light heartedly and caught Sophie's eye and gave her a sad smile. And just like that Sophie knew that Sian had told Katy, swallowing hard she looked away quickly. "Followed you? These two were my groupies when we were at school." Ryan suddenly said gesturing to Sophie and Sian. The brunette rolled her eyes and immediately wanted to protest that it had just been Sian but held her tongue. "Groupies?""Well she was your girlfriend." Chesney pointed out, nodding towards Sian."Wow have two been dating since you were at school?" Ellie asked seemly impressed. "Well they did date before she dated Sophie." Chesney clarified and Sophie had to stop herself from kicking him in the shin. "You two?" Ellie questioned and her expression changed, just for a second but Sophie noticed it. She wondered what it meant but she knew now wasn't the time to ask."Yeah." Sian answered with a firm nod preventing herself from continuing her sentence by saying 'and she still loves me now'."Stop standing around, come sit with us, I'm sure you have loads more stories about my Sophie." The blonde shot her eyes up to Ellie frowning. It felt like Sophie's date was marking the brunette as her own and Sian didn't appreciate it, not one bit. "Sure." Chesney chimed in with an excited smile. "We don't get to go out much." Katy stated as if trying to explain her husbands happy exterior. "What does everyone want to drink?" Chesney asked as everyone told him what they desire and he got Ryan to accompany him to the bar to help carry it all. The women all sat down at the table. Sian caught Sophie's eye and smiled trying to gage some contact with the girl, she had missed her so much. Even if this wasn't the perfect setting she was happy to get an opportunity to see her and talk to her. She was so close to Sophie that she could smell her Calvin Kline perfume. The scent caused so many memories to flood back to her that it warmed her heart. Sophie held the contact for as long as she could before she looked to Ellie with a small grin. "So is this a date?" Katy asked with a knowing smile."You know it is." Sophie stated with pursed lips, Katy had called only a week ago and she had told her she had a date."I know." She chuckled. "So how long have you two been seeing each other." Again Sophie sighed because Katy knew this as well."Not long." Sophie quickly said."About four months." Ellie corrected as placed her hand over Sophie's and the brunette felt the instant impulse to pull her hand away but fought against it. Sian was fighting against her own impulse but hers was to lean over the table and punch the new comer. "And this is the first time we're meeting her, shame on you Webster." Katy teased."I know." "She didn't even want to bring me here tonight, I had to beg." Ellie laughed and Sian felt her insides churn. "So you two use to date huh?" And Sophie remembered back to her first date with Ellie when she had said Sian was just a friend. She looked over to Sian and could see the blonde was just as uncomfortable as herself. She wanted to grab the blonde by the hand and drag her out of pub so they could escape."They were loves young dream." Katy answered before anyone else. "We all thought it would be them getting married." She laughed. "Argh." She sudeenly let out and Sophie had to fight back a smirk, it was obvious by Sian's annoyed expression that the blonde had clearly kicked her under the table. "You alright?" Ellie asked concerned."Yeah, I just kicked the table." She lied as she looked at Sian from the corner of her eye."What happened…with these two?" She continued to prod. "Do we have to talk about this?" Sophie asked exasperated."Why not?" Ellie shot out with a thin smirk. "Because it was so long ago." She explained with a shrug, when really the truth was it just cut too close to the bone, it hurt. And it didn't help that she couldn't stop herself from looking over to those blue eyes. This was like a new type of torture. She had known this a bad idea."It wasn't even a big thing." Sian went on and Sophie shot her an appreciative smile and earned a friendly grin back in return. "It all ended when Sophie went to the states and then Sian and Ryan rekindled their love and it's all history now." Sophie knew that Katy thought she was helping but the brunette's stomach dropped suddenly. She recalled her previous conversation with Ellie about her first heart break, Ellie wasn't stupid she'd piece it together. This was confirmed when she felt Ellie remove her hand from over hers. "Here you go ladies." Ryan said as he placed their drinks on the table with Chesney behind him. As much as she couldn't stand Ryan she was happy for his sudden appearance. "I'm just going to the loo." Sophie declared, as she was about to stand up she felt the body beside her tug her back down, Ellie leaned over and kissed Sophie gently on the lips before the brunette stood up and excused herself to the bathroom. Sophie was leaning against the sink in the bathroom with the tap turned on trying to distract herself from the aching in her chest. This was all too great, there was too much pressure on her chest that she worried that it was going to cave in and leave her a broken mess of who she was. Her evening with Ellie was meant to take all this away, to make the world turn back on it's axis for a few hours but now here she was, completely lost all over again. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath hoping that when she let it out all the weight would disappear as well. Her hope of this however were interrupted when the door swung open abruptly and she snapped her eyes open to look in the mirror. Standing behind her stood the blonde, who she had come here to escape and she turned around to face her."Hey." Sophie said quietly, but no other words were permitted to leave her mouth, as Sian's lips came pressing against hers and she stumbled back until her back hit the sink, however the blonde's lips never left hers. Sian's hands where firm on Sophie's hips, while the brunette's were tangled into wavy blonde hair. The kiss was hard and passionate, Sophie opened her mouth wider giving Sian the acceptance she so eagerly wanted. Her tongue merged with Sophie's as she pressed her body closer into the other girls. The duo were completely lost in the moment, the need was surrounding them causing them to forget about the world they were in and who stood outside that door. Feeling the warm hands begin to slip under her top Sophie eventually gained the will power to pull away and looked at the girl confused trying to regain her breath."What are you doing Sian?" She asked in-between pants, still aware of how close the girl was to her. She could not deny that the kiss had made her entire body tingle and ache all at the same time, but she also knew it should not have happened. It had been a mistake, another one to add the growing number of mistakes shared between blonde simply looked at her for a few moments before throwing her hands up in the air in defeat, taking a few paces back. "I hate it, I can't stand it Soph.""What?" The brunette questioned, knotting up her forehead."You and Ellie, it's killing me. I saw you first. I had you first." The last part sounded like a small child and hit a nerve in the older girl, she was not a toy for her to fight over."But you didn't want me, there's a difference." She shot back."I did, I wanted you from the first moment I laid eyes on you." Sophie rolled her eyes and stepped away from the sink."No you didn't, you're just saying that now, because you can't have me.""I'm not." She took a few steps closer to her ex love, wanting the girl to understand how she felt."Then why didn't you say anything, why didn't you follow me? Why did you marry him? Jesus you have had years!" She was rising her voice now, she knew that it could draw attention to them but she couldn't prevent it. Sian made her lose control of herself."I don't know, I made a mistake, everyone makes mistakes. I love you, I've always loved you it's that simple." She had wanted to say these words to her friend so many times since Sophie walked away, she regretted that this had to be her moment to do it."No!" Sophie moved to the sink leaning against the basin, looking at Sian in the reflection of the mirror. "I asked you for months to leave him and you said you couldn't. I won't wait around for you to be ready.""I know." Her response was quiet scarcely a whisper but Sophie heard it, yet it didn't cause her angry mood to lessen."I asked you Sian, I asked, and you said no." She had now turned around so that she could look at Sian's tear glistening eyes."What did you expect me to say? Yes of course I'm leave him. He's my fucking husband! It's not that simple.""Then why are you telling me this now?" She wasn't yelling any more, it was she couldn't cope with hearing this and it was all too late now."Because I can't stand it, seeing her touching you, kissing you all the while knowing it should be me.""But it's not you. You had you're chance." Again she turned to face the mirror but did not look for Sian's reflection. "I'm happy.""Are you?" Sian now stood directly behind her, so close Sophie could feel the warm breath on her neck. She flashed back to the night they parted and she wondered how her life had come to this."Yes." Her voice was hoarse, and she cursed the way the blonde effected her body. Even now she could feel an instant wetness pool at her core."I don't believe you.""Funnily enough I don't care what you believe." Sophie was trying to gain control on the situation but Sian took another step closer, so close than she could feel the older girls chest against her back."I know you Soph. Can you look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me?"The brunette slowly turned around and gazed into Sian's eyes for what seemed like eternity, trying to find the words she needed to say."See you can't.""I don't." Sophie finally spoke using all the courage she could gather, knowing the next words would be the K.O. She held back tears for fear that her words might become transparent and lose impact. She feared that Sian might recognise the traits that she displayed when she lied. "I don't love you." With that she slid out from between Sian and the sink and walked to the door before she stopped. "Oh congratulations on trying to get pregnant, I'm happy for you." Quickly she exited the toilet and headed back to the woman who was in love with her. It was a lie what she'd said, but she was not going to come in the middle of a marriage any longer, she had made a silent promise to Ellie and she didn't want to break it, even if it meant breaking her own heart looked at her reflection in the mirror, attempting to let Sophie's word's sink in. She had expected the brunette to crumble under heartfelt words and confess to deep feelings of love and need; she'd been wrong. Sian suddenly felt the pain within her chest as her heart began to break, shattering into pieces, littering the bathroom floor.
Sophie sighed as she excused herself the table, Ellie had gone out for some fresh air a while ago and had yet to return. Even though it was still raining outside it was not particularly cold, Sophie couldn't spot her 'girlfriend' at first and then she spotted her standing under the bus shelter a few yards away. Ellie's back was facing her, but she noted her hunched over posture which told her Ellie's mood had sunk from the bubbly girl from inside the pub. The brunette breathed in all the courage she could carry and quickly jogged over to the shelter, slowing down slightly when she got closer to Ellie. She didn't turn around as Sophie approached her, only stared at the occasionally passing traffic, Sophie stood beside her and for a long time neither of them spoke."I needed to get out." She finally said although her eyes did not shift to look at Sophie. No word's were coming to mind, so Sophie simply said nothing. "It's over isn't it?" She finally spoke in a quiet voice that drove right through her body straight to the brunette's heart and closed her eyes in that trying to find words at this moment was impossible all she could do was nod her head slowly. Sophie's eyes started to fill with tears and she suddenly wished that they were actually standing out in the rain instead of under shelter so her tears could be hidden. "I'm sorry." She chocked out. She knew this was coming eventually, no matter how much she hoped it could have worked out. But she had not expected it to happen so soon."Yeah me too." Ellie told her, the young girl looked up at her and saw a stray tear roll down Ellie's tanned cheek. "You could never love me could you?"She was slightly confused at her words, wondering if it was a question or a statement. "I did want to love you." She assured Ellie, although Sophie was sure at this moment it did not offer much comfort."But it would never have been the way I loved you."The way Ellie was ripping down their relationship was starting to get the brunette slightly annoyed. "How can you even say that?" She wanted to be supportive knowing she was hurting her, but she couldn't prevent her voice from raising slightly. Her and Ellie had never argued and she thought it was sad that she was picking this moment for their first fight."How? You want to know how?" She was now looking down at the girl who she loved deeply, and for the first time Sophie saw her broken blood shot eyes."I cared about you Ellie, so much.""And I never doubted that you didn't care me with everything you could." She shot back at her."I did.""But it wasn't as much you loved her." Ellie's voice sounded defeated and her shoulder's slumped down, all Sophie could do was stand there looking at her shocked. "You could never love me as much as I love you, but not for one second did I doubt you cared, I knew you cared me as much as you're heart allowed." She paused not wanting to stumble over her delicate words. "Truth is, you can never love me like I wanted you to, because you're in love with her. And I feel like a fool because I've only just realised.""What are you talking about?" Sophie declared, completely baffled."Sian!" She shouted, and her raised voice stunned Sophie, shaking her head Ellie continued. "The way you look at her, I would give anything for you to look at me like that.""We're just friend's Ellie." Her heart was pounding, if Ellie had seen something could Ryan? "Don't treat me like an idiot Soph." She responded quietly and again the silence wrapped around them like the night air."I'm sorry." Sophie replied."Don't be. I mean I wish you would have told me before now, might have spared the pain.""I never wanted to hurt you Ellie." Sophie said honestly."But it hurts all the same.""Is it that obvious, about Sian?" Sophie asked, she knew the question might have been insensitive, but she needed to know if Ryan could notice."For me it was, only because I knew something wasn't right with us, I've kinda known since our first date but I ignored it. I guess maybe I had seen it before but didn't want to admit it, that day when she turned up at the school but tonight just confirmed it all. Her husband doesn't know if that's what you're asking me, I think he is blinded by his love." The last words were like a physical wound to Sophie and she winced. Ellie looked down at her and began to walk away towards the taxi office, but stopped to turn to face Sophie as the rain fell hard upon her. "You okay getting a ride home, I'm not much in the party mood." Sophie nodded at her and watched Ellie continue to walk away from her. Unable to watch it she turned back around, hugging herself letting their conversation wash over her. "Hey Soph."She spun around to face Ellie again. "Yeah?""She looks at you the same way you look at her. Love's all that matters." And that was all she said as she rounded the corner and disappeared out of her line eye. Sophie closed her eyes causing stray tears to escape down her cheeks so she took a step out into the rain so she hide them from the had watched the duo leave the pub a while back, they had been gone for half an hour. Her stomach dropped as her mind travelled to what they could be doing, both of them in the rain pressed up against a wall, the rain tumbling down around them as their hands explored each other. The blonde shook her head hard to try and dislodge those thoughts out of her mind. If she hadn't been drunk with her insane imagination she simply would have walked over to the table and slipped into conversation with her husband however she was going slightly crazy with her thoughts and as she walked towards her table she took a left and exited the pub. Standing in the entrance she looked around for any sign of them outside but she couldn't spot them; had they left or were they hidden down an ally somewhere? Sian was about to go back indoors when her eyes fell on the brunette standing in the rain apparently lost in her own her second rejection of the evening Sian walked over to the girl, letting the cold rain fall upon her and run down her exposed skin. She made no attempted to rush over to the girl so to avoid the downpour, and soon she was standing beside her. They both looked at each other, even though it was raining the blonde could tell that the girl had been or still was crying."She left." Was all Sophie said, and instead of offering her 'friend' word's of comfort, she reached down and took the stray hand in her own, interlocking their fingers. They kept their eyes to the front, but the small action was better than anything that could have been said between them. It was proof at how well the duo knew and understood each other, even when they were hanging on by a thread they would always there for each other. They stood there, their hands clasped together in silence while the rain came tumbling down on them soaking them through to the bone. They could continue their awkwardness tomorrow, in this moment all that mattered was suddenly felt hot and needed air, he stood up and walked to the exit, wanting to clear his mind, there was a lot going through his brain right now. Something had changed between him and Sian and part of him knew it was his fault. They had been fine until they had got married and it had been him who had pushed for it. If they had just continued how they were, it might still be perfect. She might have still loved him. He looked to the bar as he stood excusing himself and couldn't spot his wife. Perhaps she had gone to the toilet. The cool evening air hit him as he finally stepped outside but he did not move outside the shelter of the entrance due to the pouring rain. It was there that his eyes settled on a duo standing holding hands in the rain, and it only took him a few seconds to realise who they were. All of a sudden his need for air was not as prompt as his need to flee the image in front of him. There was something intimate about it that didn't settle well in Ryan's stomach. As he walked back inside his heart started to contract with pain and a fear like he had never once felt before, it didn't even compare to the teenage heartbreaks he had experienced. He may have been a guys guy but he found himself fighting back tears. He tried to convince himself that it was just two friends; two old friends…but the idea wouldn't settle with Ryan. He wouldn't lose Sian again especially not to Sophie and decided then that he was going to prove to his wife that she had made the right choice marrying him.*****Sian had been living in a daze since her chance meeting with Sophie, since the brunette had allowed her to stand with her and hold her hand. She had known that it was a sign that eventually they could be together. Sophie had opened the door slightly and Sian was going to jam her foot in so that Sophie couldn't shut her out again. But for the first time in what felt like forever Sophie wasn't in the for front of her mind, she was still haunting her but as she sat in the toilet it was the plastic stick in her hands that held her was pregnant. That little blue line seemed to be mocking her as it shone out at her and Sian's stomach dropped. She didn't understand, it had to be wrong. Yes they had in theory been trying to get pregnant but the truth was Sian was had not stopped taking the conceptive pill. She picked up the other two tests that had little blue positive signs and watched as they laughed bitterly at her. Could all three of them be giving her false positives?Her eyes began to burn with tears and not the happy kind that usually accompanied this moment. This was it. She couldn't escape Ryan they were now connected stronger than ever. Before it had just been by marriage, two rings that bound them in a promise, but now they were bonded by a life. It was too much and slipping off the side of the bath tub she kneed in front of the toilet and began to throw up. It could have been a symptom of her pregnancy but she suspected it was due to the fear seeping through her that pushed the contents of her stomach couldn't fathom how this had occurred. Sian had been so careful she had never skipped a pill and in fairness they didn't have sex more often, one time a week if that. But nine times out of ten she would have an excuse tucked up her sleeve 'I'm really tired, work is wiping me out' or 'I really want to, but I've got so much phlegm, I mean we can still do it if you want?' They were just a few of her pardons so she didn't have to have sex with her husband. It even sounded terrible even to mind raced with the conscientious of this and she tried to piece together how on earth it could have happened. There was the antibiotics she had taken last month but that was surely an old wife's tale. There had to be something else and she instantly decided that she needed to make an appointment with the doctor to try and understand how this had Sian wasn't still going to church and she didn't hold the beliefs as strongly she still knew she couldn't abort the baby. She believed that this was a life growing inside her and she couldn't kill it. She also knew there was no way that Ryan would ever allow her to give it away and she wasn't sure she would even be able to do it. This was all so fucked up. Holding her head in her hands she sobbed quietly."Fuck I'm gon-" The door banged open as Ryan ran in and Sian's head shot up revealing her tear soaked face. "I didn't know you were in- hey babe what's wrong?" Ryan's concerned voice pained her and only wanted to make her cry more. He was a good man but she was turning him into a Hollywood villain. His eyes looked to what was scattered on the floor. "Oh my...are you?" He asked the excitement and hope riddled his words and Sian couldn't stand it, this was only making her stomach churn more."Yes." She croaked out in a whisper, she didn't want to say it aloud because then it made it true and now it was out in the world."God. Wow. I was so worried I thought it was me because it wasn't happening." He pulled his wife into a tight hug as she saw his eyes well up with emotion. "We're going to be a family. This will fix everything. We'll get through our problems Sian." Ryan's words made Sian want to throw up again. This was not what she wanted and she instantly wished that she had left him when Sophie had asked her. She was meant to be growing old with Sophie, raising their children together and being in love always. Now sitting on the cold tiled floor in her husbands arms she could feel it all slipping through her fingers. "Babe, aren't you excited?"'No' her mind screamed at her. "Ryan we need to talk." She couldn't do it.*****Everything in life is in constant motion and we are changing as much as the world is, even though people often protest that they're still the same. It's a lie. The changes that come to face us and how we deal with them ultimately decide what type of person we are destined to become. When these changes are in front of you there is fork in the road ahead, and you have two options; deal with it or run from it. It sounds easy and it is foolish to believe that this choice is straightforward, of course we all think we'll do the right thing. It's not simple; the choices we make are messy and complicated and sometimes the path we should choose is the one our heart can not follow. The biggest thing that we have to deal with is that life is not the fairy tale that you imagine, most people pick the 'run from it' option but sadly we have to face reality at some point. The moment the rug is pulled from under your unsteady legs you fall and when you hit the ground it hurts. That's what your first proper heartbreak is, it's you hitting the floor after the world has been pulled out from under you. The landing is never quite as hard as the first one but it still does damage. The key is how you pick yourself up and dust the debris off; it's the art of forgiveness. People deem forgiveness to be an easy act, saying 'I forgive you' and then moving on; no. Forgiveness is for only those who are strong, and if you have changed and picked the right paths then maybe you can forgive but then again maybe you can't. Sophie didn't feel like she could ever be forgiven the wreck she had left in her wake and she didn't think that she deserved it was curled up on her couch watching some soap opera. She didn't understand people's love for programme like this, if she lived in a place like that she'd just move. No matter how drivel she found the show however right now it felt like her only life line. It was giving her something to focus, watching people's lives that were worse than hers. It was pathetic and selfish of her to think of it this way but it was the only way she could move forward. It was just over two weeks since Ellie had walked away from her and to be fair she wasn't shocked. Sophie left like poison infecting people. Ellie did the right thing leaving her, she couldn't begrudge the girl for wanting to find her own happiness. Sophie perhaps thought she was better of a world of hundreds of millions of people there was one person for you, one person who fitted you so perfectly that you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt you were meant to be together; fate. Sian was that person to her and knowing that they couldn't be was like a bullet through her heart, when she left for the US alone it had hurt but this heart break was killing her. She knew she had to get over it, move on but it was like telling her lungs to stop breathing or her core to stop programme had finished at some point and a late night B horror movie had started when she finally dragged herself away from her thoughts. She spent so much time locked away in her own mind and the world seemed to travel past at warp speed; she was missing out on her life. She frowned as a huge crocodile dragged some unsuspecting drunk teenager into the water. And then the doorbell rang. It was quarter to 11 and Sophie frowned wondering who would be at her door this time of night. She contemplated not answering it but then she had thoughts of Rosie and Blake standing out in the rain and cold and she immediately stood to answer of finding her drenched sister and nephew she saw the last person she expected; Sian. She tried to open her mouth to speak but no words came out, they all got caught in her throat and died there. Sian's eyes looked red and swollen even through the rain that tumbled down around her."I left him. I left Ryan." Sophie knew she should talk, should invite Sian in but she couldn't form any words. It didn't help that Sian's sentence was echoing through her mind until it was so loud it deafened her. So without words and without any real thought and acting on pure adrenalin and emotion, Sophie took a step forward reached for Sian's face pulling it to her own until their lips crashed together. The sudden rain was cool against her previously warm skin but she didn't care as she felt Sian wrap her wet arms around her, holding her close. The rain poured down on them as if the heavens were giving then their seal of approval. Their two bodies seemed to merge into one as they kissed, their tongues duelling for dominance and more contact. Feeling Sian's throaty moan vibrate into her mouth she realised where they were and tugged for Sian to come with her inside. The kiss never broke as Sophie fumbled to shut the door and then pushed Sian up against the wall. "God I miss this." Sian sighed as Sophie's lips trailed down her wet jaw line to her exposed neck nipping at all the sensitive parts that made Sian quiver. "I missed you." There was so much going in Sophie's head; desire, hurt, want, betrayal, love, lust. She focused on want as she marked Sian clearly on her neck. "Have you missed me?" Sophie didn't answer and instead planted her lips firmly on the blondes to stop her talking. The moment she stopped kissing her they would have to talk and she was still reeling from the fact that Sian had finally left her swollen lips Sian pulled away holding Sophie's face between her hands. "I love you Sophie Webster." She stated looking into the blue eyes that she thought of every moment of her days. She leaned back into kiss the brunette again already missing the contact when she felt the damp face move out of her grip. "Hey." she protested and instead of seeing lust filled orbs she was facing ones of confusion."You left him, for good?" Sophie's voice sounded small and fragile and Sian hated herself for doing that to one of the strongest people she had ever known."Yes. It's only ever been you soph." It was everything Sophie had been waiting to hear wrapped up in six words. The brunette couldn't help the small smile that played across her lips. But she hated herself for being happy at the cost of Ryan's."What happened? What changed?" Sian's stomach dropped and she quickly looked away, tears welling up before cascading down her cheeks mingling with the rain water dripping from her hair. "Sian...he didn't hurt you or anything did he? Did he find out?" Sophie asked concerned once again stepping into Sian's personal blonde shook her head painfully slow and Sophie just waited. Each breath sounded heavy and she couldn't understand the sudden panic racing through her body. "I'm pregnant." The choked whisper barely made Sophie's ears but she heard it. Yet she didn't believe it."what?" Because she needed to be sure that her brain hadn't just heard the bad news it was expecting."I'm pregnant Sophie." It was a little bit louder this time and the brunette stumbled backwards a few steps as though the words had force. "I wasn't planning it." Sian managed to say through sobs and Sophie just stared at the ground waiting for it all to be a bad dream."You were trying. I remember Ryan saying.""No, not really. I was still on the pill." Sian quickly argued."So you were lying to him again?""It wasn't like that. I didn't want a child with him Sophie. The only person I see myself having a family with is you.""You've had months to end it Sian. Fucking months." Sophie spat out although she still refused to look up. She suddenly noticed the small dark spot on her top and it was only then that she realised she was crying as well she had first assumed it was from the rain. Her tears ducts had clearly found a backup and they hadn't stopped working as Sophie had expected."I know, I know that okay. And as soon as I found out I was pregnant I left him. I couldn't be with him. It was like this huge reality check and I realised what a complete and utter lie my marriage was." Sian took a step forward but Sophie stepped away before walking back into the living room trying to understand everything she was hearing. The blonde followed and watched in the doorway as Sophie sat on the couch her head in her hands. "We can be together now soph.""It's that simple." Sophie scoffed."This is what we always talked about, what we always wanted." Sian rushed forward and crouched on her knees in front of the brunette placing her hands on Sophie's shaking thighs."No, what we talked about was you leaving him on even ground. In an honest way." Sophie muttered into her hands. She couldn't lift her head knowing Sian was right in front of her, she couldn't risk losing herself in those blue eyes right now. "Did you even tell him about us?"Sian hesitated. "No. I didn't want to hurt him anymore than I already was.""Did he ask if you were seeing someone else?"Sian stayed quiet too long again. "Yes.""And you said no?""Yes. I didn't want you to get dragged into it." Sian pleaded as Sophie ripped her hands away from her face so Sian could see the pain and anger."This wasn't about me. You just didn't want him to hate you." She spat out."Don't you think he already hates me. He finds out he's going to be a dad and I leave. What good would it have done then telling him I was fucking you as well?""Fucking me? That's just feels great to hear." Sophie replied as she pushed herself up from her sitting position and stepped past the blonde on the floor."You know that's not what I meant, it is so much more than that.""Do I?" Sophie shot back crossing her arms firmly across her chest."Of course. I love you. I thought this was what you wanted. For us to be together. It's what I want." Sian said as she pulled her knees up to her chest on the floor. A vulnerability to her that made her look so small. Sophie had to fight against every impulse to go over to Sian and comfort her."It is. But not like this. I'm use to your excuses about why you couldn't be with me fully and now you have the biggest excuse to go back to him." Sophie looked at Sian through her tears that continued as trickle down."I won't, I wouldn't." Sian exclaimed completely thrown by Sophie words. How could the brunette be saying this to her after all they had been through?"How do I know that?" Sophie said as she stood by the window looking out into the miserable night."Don't you trust me." Sian watched the brunette who seemed completely lost in thought and heard her sigh."No.""Soph how can you not trust me!" The blonde shot up to her feet and Sophie spun on her heel."Can you blame me?""What does that mean?" Fresh tears hit the back of Sian's eye by the pain stinging at Sophie's words."Well considering what we've be doing behind your husbands back you can't be surprised." Sophie knew it was a low blow and it was going to cause the blonde hurt."Wow. I can't believe that you are throwing that in my face.""What do you expect?""You were just as involved as me in that, but I trust you. I trust you with my life Sophie.""I trust you with my life as well Sian, but I don't know if I trust you with my heart. I thought the moment you left him then we would be together and it would be perfect." Sophie sounded so pained that Sian's heart bleed out for her knowing the brunette wouldn't appreciate any of her comfort. She wanted to steal all of Sophie's sorrow away."And it could be." The blonde stepped closer to her love, wanting to reassure her, convince her that it could still be perfect."No I don't think we can.""What are you saying Soph?"'"This isn't going to work." Sophie finally said as her voice broke with the agony of what she was actually saying. Sian rushed to the other girl holding her cheeks getting her to look her in the eye."Yes, yes it is. You and me. It's how it's meant to go." Her sobs matched that of Sophie's who tore herself away from Sian's burning touch."No. I thought so too. But what we had again was built on betrayal and lies. I mean what would we tell people? We just happened to reconnect after you left Ryan. We will hurt each other and everyone else all over again.""It's nothing to do with anyone else it's just about us.""There isn't an us. We were foolish to think there could be after everything we've done." The brunette breathed out a long breath trying to get control of herself again. She never for a second thought she would be uttering these words. She never wanted to utter them."You don't mean this. You don't. You love me and I love you." Sophie listened to Sian's earnest words as she wrapped her arms around herself. Maybe it was a gesture from her brain to try and comfort her, to tell her this was the right decision, her brain was doing this for her own sanity, to save her heart from any more pain."I do love you Sian and I will no doubt love you forever but we didn't think this through. We're no good for each other."Sian stared at Sophie's back her mind reeling, trying to think of ways to convince her that they weren't a mistake. "Oh God Sophie you can't be saying this. You don't mean it." She didn't run to the brunette like she wanted to, she couldn't face another rejection to her concern or desire."I do. I'm doing what's right. That baby needs it's mum and it's dad not it's dad, it's mum and her girlfriend.""Is this what this is about the baby? Because all a child needs is love." A new hope flashed in Sian's mind."No it's not just about you being pregnant but yeah it's part of it. I won't break up a family. I couldn't stand it for that child to look at me thinking you're the reason my parents aren't together.""No this babies parents aren't together because I'm not in love with my husband.""Because of me!" Sophie shouted feeling the frustration seeping through her with every heated and heartfelt word they uttered to each other."No I mean you made me realise it but I would have figured it out eventually. I would have!" She argued with a shrug from the brunette."It doesn't matter any more." Sophie said weakly finally turning to look at Sian. Her face was blotchy from tears but Sian thought she was still beautiful."Course it matters. You don't kiss someone like you kissed me then suddenly say it's over." Sian argued and took a step forward. Sophie didn't even back away her body had no fight left in it. Her body craved the moment Sian left so it could fall to the ground and crumble in the excruciating pain rushing around her."We were never anything to be over Sian.""You were and still are my everything." Sian begged, she could feel all the excitement and hope draining by the second. This wasn't how it was meant to happen. Her images of coming to Sophie's door telling her they could be together didn't end like this."I know. But I can't do this. I thought I could.""Please you don't mean this, you don't.""For the first time I'm thinking with my head.""What about your heart what's that telling you?""My heart?" Sophie laughed bitterly. "That's so broken it doesn't even work any more it's just a pile of dust.""Won't you let me put it back together?" Sian offered with a small smile."Not when you're the one who caused it, no." Sophie admitted it hurt to say so she could only imagine how it must of hurt to hear."So what now, where does this leave us Soph?" Sian sobbed, she couldn't believe this was happening, couldn't believe that her and Sophie weren't kissing, touching; loving each other."What we've always been. Two people who love each other but can't be.""But we can.""Stop it Sian. We don't love in a perfect world...I think you should leave." Sophie's eyes pleaded. She was breaking with every second and she wasn't sure how much longer she could hold on."I want to talk about this.""Please. I can't. Just go." Sian stood her ground for a few minutes just gazing at Sophie trying to memorise every inch of her, although it was already burned into her mind. With a sigh Sian wiped her eyes even though she could feel more about to follow."Okay." She started a slow walk to the doorway before she stopped and looked back to Sophie who was once again looking out the window. "But I'm not giving up on us." Sian stated, it was bold declaration but she planned to follow it through."Perhaps you should." Sophie said simply but Sian was already at the front door. And the brunette heard it click shut quietly. Turning away from the window Sophie sank to the floor overcome with a wave of pain. Her body shook violently with sobs and she worried they were never going to love stories get that happily ever after, the white knight and they walk off into the sunset knowing that everything is going to be okay. But some love stories don't. Because love like everything else in life is part of reality and that is something that isn't perfect and it can hurt like hell and make you cry till you have nothing left inside. Some loves are not meant to be and truth is sometimes no matter much you want to believe it is; love isn't enough.