*SURPRISE! BOAS ON A THURSDAY (Because I'm awful at waiting until Christmas for presents)*

A/N Soooooo...guess what? I'm sick. AGAIN. But, I love you people so much that I got this chapter done for Christmas Eve, soooo... Merry Christmas! If I could have put a big red bow on it, I would have.

Chapter Seventeen: Idiots

"I love you," I said.

Edward looked down at me in surprise, his green eyes as big as my Appletini, and his eyebrows shooting up so high that they nearly disappeared into the fringe of his messy bronze hair.

"You're drunk," he said, sounding bemused.

"Nuh-uhhhh," I protested, wrapping my arms around his neck. "IIIIIIII love YOUUUUUUUUU."

"I think I'd better get you home."

I pouted as he got my stuff and guided me out of the bar, but at least he was taking me home. I couldn't resist sticking my tongue out at Tanya as we passed. She looked confused, and slightly hurt, but Edward just shrugged in a what-can-you-do sort of way.

"Why'd we leave?" I asked, as he tucked me snugly into his side. Despite the fact that it was summer, it was getting a little chilly.

"Bella, you needed some fresh air." I frowned up at him.

"If I'm drunk, so are you," I declared. I was always the responsible one. I wouldn't get drunk. Not at work, which technically was my life for three weeks.

"Probably," he admitted. "Here," I stumbled, and my heel snapped off. Edward caught me and helped me over to a bench, where I spent a good thirty seconds unleashing a string of profanities against the shoe, the shoe maker, and the Shoe Nazi, otherwise known as Alice.

"Hypothetically," Edward began, putting his arm around me as we sat on the bench "let's say that neither of us are drunk. Did you mean what you said?"

"Absolutely. That Jimmy Choo is a motherfu-"

"No," he interrupted. "Not that. I meant...when you said that you loved me."

"Oh. Yeah," I shrugged. "For like, five years."

He wasn't looking at me, but I saw him nod his head out of the corner of my eye.

"Alright." He slapped his hands down onto his thighs and stood up. "Let's get you home."

He scooped me up off the bench and carried me bridal style back to campus. I was surprised by how weightless I felt in his arms - he didn't seem to be straining at all. It made me think of the day when he helped carry my boxes to the car, the day we'd said goodbye...

"Hypothetically," Edward said again. "If we weren't drunk, and you'd told me you loved me, it would be appropriate for me to kiss you, yes?"

My heart fluttered. Yes. Yes. YES.

"May I kiss you, Bella?" His voice, his eyes, his entire being smoldered at me.

I closed my eyes, and lifted my chin, and his lips met mine in an explosion of light and heat and woodsiness, and man. To think that I had been missing out on this for five whole years...well, the only clear solution was to make up for lost time.

Edward groaned as I traced the outline of his lips with my tongue. He set me down on my feet, only so he could wrap his strong hands around my waist to lift me into another kiss.

"C'mon," I panted, as he kissed my throat. I grabbed his hand, and pulled him into the girls' dorm, running up the staircase with Edward in tow. My heel and a half clattered on the tiled floor, so I paused to rip them off and toss them into a nearby trash bin. So long, Jimmy. Serves you right, Alice.

My next curse was not my shoe's fault. My room was occupied. 'Whoever said that orange was the new pink was, like, seriously deluded' floated through the door of my suite, and I knew that Rosalie was watching Legally Blonde. AGAIN. On my tv. I knew that having the only room with cable was going to come back to bite me.

"What's wrong?" Edward whispered. When I explained the trouble, he didn't waste a minute. He whisked me up into his arms again and practically ran with me down the stairs and out of the girls' dorm. He dashed across the quad with me giggling into his neck, especially when he slid through the sand pit of the volleyball court. He dashed up the stairs of the boys' dorm and into his room, slamming the door.

He held me still for a second, and we panted wildly, staring into each others' eyes. I broke the spell with a giggle and he tossed me down onto his bed, where I threaded my fingers through the belt loops of his jeans and pulled him to me until our bodies banged together. I fumbled with his belt, and he helped, knowing that my hand-eye coordination wasn't optimal even when sober. Once I had his pants down around his ankles, I reached back for my own zipper, but Edward caught my hand in his.

"Are you sure?" he whispered.

"Are you CRAZY?" I shot back.

"Probably," he said, but he made no further comment. He didn't let go of my hand, using it to pull me off the bed and twirl me like we were dancing, and then my dress was off in one fluid motion. DAMN.

After that, there was no holding me back, and his shirt - minus a few buttons - got stuck on the fan, my bra landed in the half-way open closet, and my panties...who knew where the hell they ended up? I didn't care. All I cared about was Edward. All I cared about was the heat, and the strength, and the feel of him. It was amazing...perfect.

There was a loud crash from the hall. Edward and I fell silent and froze together, our arms, our bodies becoming warm statues.

"Oh shiiiiiit," a boy hissed.

Loud thumping footsteps, and then - "UH-OH! WHO'S IN TROUBLE?" Emmett thundered.

"Hey!" another boy whispered "It's Edward's night off - we can hide in his room, Emmett won't look there."

The door flew open, and I broke our perfect statue, diving under the covers and burrowing behind Edward until I could pretend that I no longer existed. Edward stood up slowly and took two steps toward the boys. If I weren't so afraid that they would recognize the lump in Edward's bed as a human being, I would have felt sorry for them.

In his quietest, deadliest voice, Edward said, "Gentlemen, I will make you a deal. Don't ask, don't tell. Do we have an agreement?"

There was a silence then, during which I could only assume they nodded. Who would have the nerve to refuse?

"Go to bed."

The door squeaked shut very slowly, and there was another silence before Edward sighed and climbed back into bed.

"You can come up now," he chuckled softly, lifting up the covers to peek down at me, curled into fetal position at the foot of the bed.

I wriggled my way back up to the pillow, but I was still frowning. "Do you think they'll say anything?"

"Hey, hey," He brushed my hair away from my face with his fingers. "Don't worry about them. They're just idiots."

"We were idiots," I laughed.

"Just like we were," he agreed.