Sian had finally moved into her own flat, she had forgone the option of buying a house and decided upon renting. Every house seemed like a vast empty space that she couldn't possible fill, all the vacant rooms where like a slap in the face. Her first thought when seeing the blank space was all the ways her and Sophie could fill it and then it came crashing back to her that Sophie wasn't hers. It was like her heart was constantly trying to trick her only to keep ripping open her wounds. Sophie hadn't even called or text her since she had turned up at the brunette's. She wanted to say she hadn't expected any contact but her hope had built itself up only to come tumbling back down when days and then weeks had passed. Seven weeks later and she hadn't even seen Sophie; she'd sent her flowers and the odd text message but nothing. She had wanted to ask Katy on many occasions if she had heard from Sophie if the younger girl had mentioned at all, but she was too scared.
Tenderly she hugged her small baby bump, wishing that she was bringing this little one into more of a normal world, a more complete world. She had contemplated for one brief moment about returning back to Ryan just so that this baby had two parents but instantly she had cursed herself for that impulsive thought. Her child was better off having two parents who were separated and happy than having them together and miserable. She remembered how her own parents would fight for hours before they finally went their separate ways and she was not going to put a child of hers through that. But more than anything she wanted Sophie's soft hands on her stomach, rubbing circles peacefully, but instead it was her own hands holding herself.
"Here alright sweetheart?" She popped her head up to look at the taxi driver and smiled as genuinely as she could.
"This is fine." Handing over the money she shimmied out of the cab and stood on the ever familiar street. This one place would always feel more like home than any other place in the world. It was like gravity pulling her here, it was pointless to fight it; Coronation Street held all her happiest memories and she never wanted to be free of those so she came back.
As she walked down the street, she could smell the scent before her eyes spotted the brunette jogging across the road. Sian didn't know whether Sophie had seen her but decided to keep on walking and it didn't really matter as Sian sped up her pace until she found herself walking beside her. It would have been a lie to say she hadn't expected to see the brunette tonight, it was Chesney's birthday and it would have also been a lie to say she hadn't changed her outfit over ten times trying to find something flattering. Sian had practiced so many conversations in her mind about what she would say tonight and right now she worried about what would leave her lips. But that didn't stop her as she closed the last remaining gap between them.
"So…why are maths books so unhappy?" Sophie spun to her side shocked by the voice interrupting her thoughts; it was as if her mind had conjured Sian up into reality. The blonde stood there with a soft smile her head tilted to the side. Inside Sian cursed herself for how she had chosen to start their first exchange in weeks.
"Huh?" Sophie replied as she continued to walk and Sian stayed by her side.
"Why are maths books so unhappy?" She repeated already smiling to herself as she thought of the punch line.
"I didn't realise books had feelings." Sophie injected and she witnessed Sian's face drop. "Sorry why are they unhappy?"
"Because they are full of problems." Sian let out a small burst of laughter all the while Sophie kept a straight face. "Come on, that was funny."
"Joke book, you may want to buy one."
"I'm naturally funny, I just saw you walking along with no smile on your face and I thought I might share my gift."
"You might want to find your gift first." Sophie chuckled lightly as they stopped by the kerb waiting for a couple of cars to pass. "Maybe you are funny."
"I do prefer it when people are laughing with me rather than at me, but I will take what I can get." The two girls were now standing face to face and Sian had to remind herself to breathe as she got caught in blue eyes.
"Thanks though." Sophie said as she began to cross the road.
"For what? Making you laugh?" Sian asked after her.
"For attempting it." Sophie turned back with a small smirk before walking on and Sian had to jog lightly to keep up. Sophie looked at the blonde from the corner of her eye. "You're starting to show." She stated simply as they approached the front of The Rovers.
Sian looked down self-consciously at her jeans and baggy silk top, she had thought it covered herself. "Yeah." She said quietly before trying to push through it. "I'll look like a beached whale soon." She laughed but Sophie knew she had made the girl uncomfortable and regretted it immediately. Sophie took a couple of steps towards the door but Sian held back, she wanted to be right next to Sophie soaking in her natural warmth. But she also wanted to give the girl space, and although it was only a few centimetres she wanted to prove to herself and to the brunette that she could respect her wishes. She was well aware that she could not just cook the girl a meal and play meaningful songs and have everything go back to how it was. So Sian stood in the same spot as though her feet were made of stone, and ignore every urge to reach out and touch her love.
Sophie gripped the door handle but stopped and looked over her shoulder towards Sian. "You'll be beautiful; you could never be anything short of beautiful." Giving the door a final pull she slipped inside, she ignored the way her head was spinning and her heart was pounding as she'd uttered those words. She had always relied on her head to keep her focused, to tell her what the right thing was, but it seemed to be changing teams on her. For a split second she thought she heard her brain whispering for her to go back outside to the blonde and never let her go. Luckily the music inside the pub drowned out whatever it was trying to say. Ever since Sian had turned up at her house she hadn't been able to think correctly, everything she thought she knew seemed wrong and bile slipped up into her throat each time she thought about the night Sian knocked on her door in the rain. It was all so confusing and Sophie welcomed the distraction of Chesney's birthday.
As Sophie stood in the threshold of the pub she looked around for her friends, the hairs all over her body stood up as her body sensed that Sian had entered as well. She was well aware that Sian would be coming tonight and although it had put her off coming for a split second, she had still decided to come. She argued that it was because Chesney was one of her oldest friends but a little voice said she was fooling herself. Sophie turned and smiled to Sian because on the outside, to the world they still pretended to be the best of friends, but if you looked closer you could see the cracks. The duo were barely hanging on by a thread, they were broken inside, bleeding out into the world, yet no one seemed to notice, only those who took the time to watch them.
"Well nice of you to show up." Chesney said as he came bounding over wrapping his arm's tightly around Sophie and she hugged him back with as much enthusiasm. Sophie smiled and leaned into the familiar embrace. "Hey, what took you so long?" He changed his attention to Sian who stood just behind Sophie, releasing the younger girl he stepped forward and pulled Sian into a fierce hug and the swayed gently to side to side.
"What can we say, perfection take's time." Sian chipped in. Sophie smiled at the exchanged before she slipped off to speak to her sister who was sitting across from the bar. She thought she'd be able to get through the evening without the temptation taking hold but it was more difficult that she had imagined. Her brain was slowly joining forces with her heart and she knew that soon she wouldn't be able to resist any longer. In this moment she was starting to question why she was even resisting it at all.
"And there is nothing more perfect that you and Sophie, kissing, getting all sweaty and…ow." He yelped as the back of Katy's hand made contact with the back of his head.
"You are such a perv." His wife told him who had appeared beside them. Sian gazed over to Sophie who seemed to have been out of ear shot to hear his words.
"But you love me right?" He asked with a puppy dog face.
"Of course." The blonde chuckled.
"So does that mean you two and me could-" The ginger man quickly stopped his sentence when he saw Katy swing her arm back ready to connect with his stomach. "Watch a movie sometime." This caused the woman to stop her on coming abuse. "What did you think I was going to say…shame on you babe get your mind out the gutter. Sometimes I think you don't know me at all." He chuckled lightly.
"Shut up." Katy said light heartedly before leaning in closer to her female friend. "So did you and Sophie come together?" Sian gazed over to the brunette who seemed to be laughing at something Rosie was saying to her.
"We walked through the doors together if that's what you mean." She shrugged but she could feel Katy's eyes heavy upon her. "What?"
"Be careful." It was a warning but there was also a softness of her voice and Sian smiled sadly before nodding her head and walking to the bar pulling Chesney with her.
"Since I can't drink I plan on getting you very drunk."
"That seems like a great plan." He almost cheered.
An hour later Sophie was leaning over the bar waiting for Steve to come over with her shots and another round of drinks. "Having fun?" Katy asked as she saddled up beside the brunette, Sophie could smell the vodka on her young friends breath as the question brought Sophie's attention back, she had been watching Sian out of the corner of her eye. Sophie had been unable to stop herself watching Sian all night; her eyes were drawn to the blonde as she fluttered from person to person sharing exchanges. She was heart breakingly, Hollywood star, earth shatteringly beautiful. Taking a deep breath and slapping on her standard smile she turned sharply to her friend. Although, the smile wasn't as hard to fake as usual with the alcohol coursing through her body.
"Hell yes I am, I'm drunk and I'm merry, shot me up girl." And the other woman burst out laughing at Sophie's enthusiastic shout. As if by cue Steve returned with the drinks she'd ordered and she handed over the money.
"Great, Sian is boring not being able to drink." Katy smiled as she looked at Sophie subtly and the brunette just shrugged as though the sound of Sian's name didn't cut her through to the core. Sophie just wanted to drink tonight, to try and forget about the natural pull she had to the blonde. Being strong was taking all her effort and she continued to try and tell herself she had made the right choice. If she continued to repeat it enough surely it would be true. She pushed two shot glasses over to Katy.
"Who did you order the shots for?" Katy eyed the four small glasses of liquid.
"Two were for you." Sophie exclaimed brightly.
"Are you a mind reader now? Just predicted I was going to come over eh?" Katy chuckled while Sophie looked guilty. In truth she had ordered them all for herself in some weird hope that it would stop her from looking over at Sian.
"Yeah did you not know that?" Sophie chuckled lightly before necking one of the shots, enjoying the liquid burning her throat. Squeezing her eyes shut she savoured the bitter sharp taste and the moment they shot back open her eyes automatically landed on Sian. She opened her mouth to say something to Katy about Sian, ask her how she was, how the baby was but she noticed Maria and David standing the other side of her. They started up a conversation with Katy and when talk was directed at her she nodded and laughed at the right times. All the while she couldn't stop herself from watching the blonde. Sophie as slyly as possible while Maria and David chatted about a new look for the salon, Sophie kept a close watch on Sian. She was trying to keep in with the conversation, but she could not give them her full attention.
The blonde was fully aware of the looks from Sophie, enjoying the occasional glance from the brunette and it was building up all her hopes, letting her know that her hard work was having an effect on Sophie. She didn't care how long it was going to take, she was going to knock down every section of the wall protecting the younger girls heart.
Sophie smiled to the trio before slightly stumbling over to an empty chair and sat down on it wishing that the room would stop spinning. She needed to stop drinking, but she was too scared that she'd find herself moving across the room to Sian, maybe slip her arm around the blonde's thin waist, tilt her head back and place her lips against hers. She was so lost in her thoughts that she was not aware of the person who had crept on the seat beside her.
"Sophie…Soph?" Startled she turned to her right to see Tina sitting beside her with a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Hey."
"Hi." Sophie said brightly but she knew the happiness was only due to the alcohol running through her body, like most things in her life it was fake.
"Having fun?"
"Yeah, you?"
"It's good, although I'm gonna be scrapping Graeme off the bar soon." Tina gestured to the male at the bar who was now doing shots of tequila with Maria and Katy. "It was Sian wasn't it?" Sophie looked up with deep creases in her forehead taken back by Tina's change of subject.
"What was Sian?"
"That night we talked, you said you loved someone who was married." Sophie slowly closed her eyes as the realisation sunk in.
"No it wasn't." She rejected the idea with an over the top shrug and Tina looked at her sceptically. "Was that not believable enough?" The brunette asked pitifully with downcast eyebrows.
"Not really." she replied with a throaty chuckle.
"Can I have another go?"
"Are you alright?" Tina asked gently as she placed her hand on Sophie's knee. It was strange that the secret that had bonded Sophie and Sian together was slowly seeping out. She had truly believed they were fooling everyone.
"I'm fine." Fidgeting she refused to meet the dark haired girls eye, she wasn't sure she was strong enough to beat off her emotions.
"I can see that." There was a sarcastic edge to her voice and feeling slightly braver she looked up to see Tina looking across at her softly.
Tina watched Sophie as the woman looked off into the distance contemplating everything that was clearly rushing around in her mind. "I think regret is the worst pain there is you know."
The younger woman looked over frowning at the words uttered by the woman she had known since she was a teen. "I think guilt is pretty high up there." Sophie offered back.
With a shrug the Tina continued her point, "guilt is bad and so is sadness, but regret, I think that regret is a combination of them both."
"What are you trying to say?" Sophie asked nervously biting her bottom lip.
"She left him." It was a short statement, but the brunette knew what she was referring to and sighed.
"Doesn't make it simple though."
"Because she's pregnant?" Sophie eyed her suspiciously through narrowed eyes, amazed by the woman's perception.
"Because of a million reason like…" She trailed off because at this moment she couldn't pin point a single one of them. She couldn't think of one reason why she was not with Sian and she wasn't sure if it was due to the alcohol or because she could feel her resolve crumbling.
"None of those reason matter. Because when it comes to loving someone it is that simple." Sophie looked at Tina hard, trying to understand where this conversation was suddenly coming from. "Don't look at me like that; we're all allowed moments of insightfulment."
"Insighfulment isn't a word." She shot back with a quirked eyebrow.
"Even drunk you're still a teacher eh?"
"A leopard can't change its spots."
"A leopard can't change its heart either." Tina said pointedly and Sophie felt tears hit the back of her eyes. "I don't know why I'm saying this, but I remember you pair as teenagers you seemed so happy." A delicate smile came across the older woman's mouth as she recalled the duo.
"We aren't teenagers anymore."
"No but first love, it's crazy and stupid and completely unpredictable. So if you have something like that, you can't let it go." Tina gently squeezed Sophie's thigh one more time to enforce her words and the brunette quickly wiped away a stray tear before it fell.
"Babe, come drink with us!" Graeme suddenly exclaimed from the bar as he came and pulled his girlfriend's hand.
"Tina?" Sophie called quietly and the woman stopped and looked back at her. "Thank you."
"Anytime." And just like that she walked off to the bar as though the moment had never occurred between them.
The discussion that had just happened seemed to have sobered her up slightly and standing up on steady feet she stood up her eyes finding her love instantly and a smile spread across Sophie's face as a warmth filled her up. Sian was in the middle of a funny story when she felt the eyes on her and knew immediately who they belonged to. It was if the blue orbs were gazing through her flesh right into her soul and she found it slightly disarming but she also enjoyed it. Sian stopped talking and turned to face the brunette, she had not intended to greet the girl with a smile, but the grin had appeared on her face as if by magic. They stared at each other for a while before either even considered speaking. Sian stood drinking in how beautiful the girl in front of her looked. Slowly they walked towards each other the smile on their faces growing with every step they took.
"Hey." Sian said cheerily. "Drunk?"
"A prefer the word tipsy."
"Even if it is complete understated." They chuckled and Sophie looked up through her eyelashes at the blonde, Sian had to remind herself to breathe.
"Perhaps a little."
"Well you were always a cute drunk." Sian flirted and Sophie blushed.
"Even that time I puked on your shoes?" She laughed and Sian wished she could preserve that sound forever, bottle it and open it up whenever she felt down and needed cheering up.
"Even then." She smiled sweetly.
"Enjoying yourself are we?" The sharp tone ripped through their exchanged and both girls turned abruptly to find Michelle standing there with her arms folded tightly across her chest. "Ryan's sitting at home and you're just living it up?" Her tone was bitter and cut right into the blonde almost causing her to flinch.
"Michelle I really don't think now is the time." Sian said as she looked around the pub not wanting to bring attention to them.
"When would be the time? Just after you found you were pregnant, wait no that was the right time to break my son's heart."
The blonde opened her mouth to speak but she wasn't sure what she could say to damper the woman's temper or end the conversation. "Leave it alone." Luckily for her, Sophie interjected at that moment and Sian wanted to reach out and hold her hand.
"This is nothing to do with you Sophie."
"It is when you're talking to my friend like that." Sian couldn't stop the pride that coursed through her body at the way Sophie was standing up for, she was so strong.
"How can you stand beside her? She's poison." The younger girl opened her mouth to interrupt again but Michelle quickly went on. "She married Ryan knowing full well she wasn't in love with him. She led him along, fed him lies. She ruined him. And yet here you stand right beside her just like when you were younger. I thought you were smarter than that Sophie."
"She's a good person." Sophie stated. It was true, Sian had made a mistake and the brunette accepted her part in the break-up of the marriage. And no matter what Sian had or hadn't done she would stand beside the blonde even if the world was fall down.
"She destroys everything she touches!" Michelle shouted clearly losing control of the temper she was trying to keep close. The blonde felt hot under the collar as she felt eyes from around the room fall on her. "She acts like she can do no wrong, like butter wouldn't melt. But deep down she wrecks people, she plants a seed and watches as people decay from the in-"
"Oi golden oldie!" Sian spun her head to face Katy's booming voice as it cut across the pub. Her friend strode over her jaw set. "This is Chesney's birthday and the only one who gets to ruin my husband's day is me. So why don't you show yourself out."
Michelle looked like she was going to argue but Sophie stepped in front of the blonde as though she was a human shield. "You heard her." Sophie firmly said as she reached her hand behind herself until she found Sian's fingers. The blonde swallowed hard at the gesture and the beauty of it almost made her want to cry. The older woman eyed Sian before holding up her hands in defeat and exiting the pub.
"Do not let her ruin your night." Katy said firmly as she approached her friends and Sian reluctantly felt Sophie draw her hand away.
"I think I should just go." The blonde said trying to avoid the eye contact of other people who were still staring.
"No. You are staying. We are going to sit down right over there and enjoy the rest of the evening." Sophie said with a playful resolute voice.
"I forgot how demanding you can be." Sian teased but there was sadness to her voice. Katy watched the exchange between the lovers and smiled and as she backed away she gave a thumbs up sign to Sian behind the brunette's back. Sian smiled forlornly to her friend as she looked back to Sophie before taking a seat.
"You should ignore her."
"Easier said than done."
"What she said, don't you dare for a second believe it."
"You're drunk." Sian said slightly bitterly because she couldn't bring herself to believe any deeper. Sophie looked at the blonde with sad eyes wanting to say a million different things.
The girls sat in silence, they knew there was much to be said and one of them needed to speak before the moment passed. "Sian I have to tell you something." The bravery was rising up in the brunette and for the first time in a long time she felt ready to admit her feelings, not to simply ignore them and not try to push them down and maybe she was even now ready to do something about it. Maybe it was because of the amount she had drunk that was fogging her judgement but perhaps it wasn't. What if she woke up tomorrow morning with Sian in her arms, what if they were meant to be together and this was the moment their stars finally crossed. What if Tina was right? Could she live with a world of regret never knowing what would happen if she didn't grab this moment tightly with both hands.
"Wait." Sian's voice stopped her trail of thought and her eyes flicked up to see the blonde who had a creased brow. "I want to talk first okay?" Sophie simply nodded, she wasn't sure what she was expecting Sian to say, but her hopes were raising and although she tried to tether them down she couldn't. "I love you Sophie, I love you and I expect I will love you my entire life and no love will ever compare this…Ever."
"Sian I lo-" She was preparing to blurt out but Sian's voice over powered her. They were both aware that they were sitting in a crowded bar and did not want to bring any unwanted attention to them.
"Please just let me finish this before I chicken out." Again Sophie nodded as she began to feel a cold fear crawling up her spine. "I do love you, you know that right?" The brunette silently concurred with a gesture. "But…" With that one word Sophie felt her heart fall, with just that one word. "Michelle was right, I know you don't agree but she was, I married Ryan knowing I didn't love him, not like I should have. How can you think I'm a good person when I can do something like that? I'm messed up." Sophie saw painfully the way this conversation was going and her heart began to bang against her rips, crying for silence, not wishing to hear it. "I have to stop being selfish and thinking about me and what I want, because you are the most important person to me and your happiness means more to me than anything else. And even though this kills me to say…I'm stepping back Soph. I won't ruin your life, you deserve to be happy. I'm sorry it's taken me a little longer to see that." Sophie's throat felt dry and she wasn't sure if she would be able to speak, she swallowed hard and attempted to hold back the tears that were stinging her eyes. The hope that she had felt building up inside her had now coming crashing down in one painful crash. "I'm sorry I put you in this position. I should have thought about you in all of this."
"Don't be sorry." Was all she could manage to choke out. Being brave had never felt more difficult.
"I am. I look at my actions and I feel sick. Please say we can still try and salvage a friendship from all this." All of Sian's words were like daggers to her heart.
"Of course." Sophie slipped her mask on. She was too late. "This is what I wanted to talk about. Friendship is all I can offer you."
"Good because I never want to lose you Soph."
"Not possible. Well I should get back to my sister." Sophie smiled and pulled Sian into a heart breaking hug, trying to push all her intense emotions to the side.
Sian was the first to pull away and showed her 100 watt smile. "Cool, well I have to pee, so I'll see you soon." The blonde walked quickly to the toilets and when she finally reached the cubical, her legs gave way and she collapsed on the toilet in a heap of tears and sobs. Her heart was breaking inside her chest. It felt as if her organs were shutting down one by one causing her the most excruciating pain she'd ever experienced. Hearing the sound of the toilet doors being opened she bit her bottom lip and tried to keep her bawling inside.
"Sian?" The blonde frowned at the voice. "I know you're in here."
"Katy?"
"Yeah, let me in." The shorter girl waited outside the closed door and when it swung open to reveal her broken friend, she almost cried herself. Instead she quickly walked forward and embraced the dishevelled girl and allowed her to cry in her arms. She didn't need Sian to explain anything about what had just occurred between the blonde and Sophie she had watched the exchange closely. The moment she had seen Sian dart into the toilet and Sophie eagerly exit The Rovers she knew something was wrong. Gently she rocked them back and forth.
"It hurts so much, make it stop it please. Just make it stop hurting." Sian cried into the crook of Katy's neck and the younger girl had to stop her own tears from falling.
Sophie on the other hand was now leaning against the wall outside The Rovers trying to compose herself; Sian's words about being selfish were beginning to sink in. She wiped fiercely at her eyes, her heart was breaking and filtering out through tears that she thought might permanently mark her cheeks. Although she had told Sian they couldn't be she had thought somewhere in the back of her mind that eventually they would find their way back to each other. This felt like the final nail to her organ and she wondered if it would continue to beat. She wanted to go back in there and tell Sian they were meant to be, they could overcome everything. Weirdly it had been Michelle to change her mind, hearing her so wrongly talk about the blonde made her blood boil. Sian was the best person Sophie knew and all she wanted to do was wrap Sian up in her arms and mend every part of her. She looked back at the door and contemplated re-entering but she decided against it, maybe Sian was right they weren't right for each other, maybe this was just all the alcohol. Her feet began to carry her away from the party; she needed to wake up in the cool light of day. Everything would be different tomorrow.
Sophie threw her keys down on to the table as she picked up her mail that remained from the morning. Along with her regular post which she suspected were bills was also a small parcel. Sophie frowned wondering if she had ordered anything over the last few weeks. Tossing the few letters onto the couch she sat down and proceeded to rip off the brown paper and the layer of bubble wrap. There in her hands was something that she had definitely not ordered; a bright yellow book that had a post-it note attached to the front. 'For when I'm not around to make you laugh (or be laughed at) S x', taking the note off the cover she saw it was a joke book. Part of her smiled at the gesture from Sian and yet another part of her felt sadden by the token from the blonde. It had been just over a month since Chesney's party and she had not seen Sian. They would meet, have intense heart shattering exchanges and then not see each other for weeks. With this said however Sophie still ached for Sian, every part of her tingled just with the mere thought of her. She had woken up the next morning following the party and had been more confused than ever, one part of her was angry that she'd even considered going back and another part was hurt by Sian's offer of friendship. It was like having an angel and a devil on either shoulder and they argued throwing words of advice at her in between insulting each other. Ignoring her wayward emotions was exhausting.
Laying back on the couch she flipped through the book and smiled to herself maybe this was a gesture from Sian that they could and should try for the friendship they were both talking about. The little angel piped up at Sophie's thought and declared that it was a bad idea and that Sophie would regret it. There was the possibility that she would regret it, but there was also the chance that they could start again? Sophie wasn't sure which option scared her more. But as always her thoughts travelled to that of the child Sian was carrying, could they ever start over when she was forever connected to Ryan?
With a sigh she reached out for the remote and turned her CD player on. Bruno Mars erupted to life and filled the small flat with music. Sophie smiled as the songs drown out all her conflicting emotions; sometimes ignorance was pure bliss.
Sian crossed the street and entered the café, she had been craving a bacon sandwich all morning and it was time to let her body get rewarded for the hour and a half she'd made her stomach wait. She was meant to be meeting Katy at twelve and it was only 11:30 so she made the detour on her way. Walking over to the counter Haley came hurrying over to take her order.
"Hiya, you alright? How you feeling? Groggy? You look well." Sian smiled at the bubbly woman and nodded before speaking.
"Yeah, I'm pretty tired but it's alright, had my first sonogram a couple of weeks back."
"And everything's okay?"
"Yep, ten toes ten fingers perfectly healthy." Sian stated proudly, every day that passed she found herself more and more invested in her future with this baby, whether she was alone or not. She would have someone and this baby would always have her.
"Do you know what the sex is yet?"
"No not yet, I'm not sure if I want to know."
"You want it to be a surprise eh?" Sian nodded with a wide smile and Haley matched her grin. "So what can I get you?"
"Can I get a bacon butty? I've had a hankering for one all morning!" Sian exclaimed while rubbing her belly.
"Course, you getting cravings?"
"Like crazy."
"Well if you sit down I'll bring it over to you."
"Thanks Haley." Sian said as she looked around to find an empty table, as she scanned the room she noticed the brunette nursing a cup of tea (she knew that Sophie couldn't stomach coffee.) The younger girl looked up and smiled shyly, she stood there trying to decide if she could go over, and the answer came to her when Sophie waved her over.
"Hey." Sian said as she approached the table and stood beside her bashfully, it amazed her how being close to Sophie turned her into a teenager all over again.
"Hey, have a seat." Sophie gestured to the seat opposite her and she watched as Sian took it. "Thank you…for the joke book."
Sian smiled brightly and tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "You're welcome." They sat there in a pleasant silence for a few seconds stealing sly shy glance at each other and when they caught the others eye they'd blush and looked away.
"You know I had everything worked out to say to you for the next time I saw you. I had it all planned out." Sian mused as she looked up into Sophie's face.
"And now?" Sophie caught Sian's eye and instantly wished she hadn't. For a moment the brunette was not able to look away, she was trapped by the blue eyes and finally it took all her strength to turn away. She knew it would be an exquisite death, drowning in those eyes but she couldn't risk it right now; Sophie needed to get a handle on her own feelings before she acted on them.
"It's all gone out my head, I practiced and everything." She admitted and rolled her eyes at her confession with a toothy grin.
"Snap, did you put my responses in, imagining what I was going to say?" Sophie asked knowing that she had done the same.
"Every time." The blonde nodded.
"How did I respond?" Sophie enquired as she got more settled into the seat and turned her whole body to face the older girl.
"Usually quite well, except this one time." Sian said with a slight smile. "You were pretty mad."
"Did we work it out?" She requested, everything seemed so natural as though nothing had happened and although it gave her false hope Sophie didn't care.
"I tried to calm you down but you walked out." She said matter of factly.
"Wow, you must have been very mean." Sian noticed the mocking tone to the brunette's voice and smiled, it just made it all harder. She wanted to reach out and touch the person who had once given her so much comfort, now they felt like strangers.
With a cocky smile Sian responded, "I could have gotten you to forgive me but you're just so stubborn." Sophie's jaw dropped with a shocked playful expression.
"I am not stubborn." Relying on her instincts alone and without thinking she reached out and slapped Sian lightly on her bare arm.
"What? Are you serious? I forgot to call you once, by like 10 minutes and you didn't speak to me all day." Sian told her still with a playful tone. "But I remember getting you to forgive me." A mischievous look clouded her eyes and the conversation ran dry while Sophie's cheeks flushed.
Then silence over powered them once again, everything seemed to have been looking so positive but Sian's words had brought the nature of their affair to the surface. Both had so much they needed and wanted to say but neither could bring themselves to start the conversation and they just sat there looking down at the table while people had their own conversations around them. Sophie risked a look upwards and felt her breath get caught in her throat as she took in all the beauty in front of her; it was true, pregnancy made her glow.
Without any warning words fell out of Sophie's mouth. "I miss you." Sian didn't move for a second as she allowed those three words to wash over her, she considered her next words carefully but she didn't need to speak due to Sophie continuing. "I didn't mean it like that, well I did, but…" She rambled, feeling her cheeks burn. "I miss you, I miss my friend. So many times I wanted to call, to talk to you about everything and anything but I couldn't." The blonde shut her eyes not in frustration but in sadness. "Can we go out one night?"
Sian's mouth almost fell to the floor and she felt her heart start to pound away in her chest. She couldn't believe what she was hearing; she'd feared that she'd pushed the brunette away after Chesney's birthday. But she didn't want to push Sophie to be with her any more, she wanted the brunette to take her time and come back when she wanted to; when it felt right. She bit at her cheeks to prevent a cheesy grin from forming on her face, although she suspected her eyes shined with excitement.
"If you don't want to that's fine." The brunette tried to quickly retract her sentence and Sian rapidly shook her head, realizing that she hadn't spoken even though her mind had been screaming yes.
"No, No I mean yes that would be nice." She rushed out flustered and Sophie sighed lightly, relieved. The fear of rejection had hit her almost immediately and she'd feared she'd pushed too quickly. They looked over at each other locked in a connection of blue; the link was only stopped by a plate being put on the table.
"You're bacon sandwich." Haley stated with a smile at them both. Sophie gave the blonde a lopsided grin and she felt a small part of her heart get sown back together. It wasn't completely healed but it was a start.