Hmm. There is an end to this madness somewhere, I promise. Not in this chapter though. Don't own. Kudos to T-Swift for the awesome song title.

Chapter 27: Tied Together With A Smile

Scotty awoke with a headache.

Except he was sure that this was a headache like no other. His tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth, his eyes bleary, and God… that headache. Scotty groaned. Would it be wrong to just lie here, and move as little as possible?

It was as if the Powers That Be were plotting against him, because a second later, Scotty found himself easing his eyes open, cringing at the bright sunlight. He was in a hotel room. His, if he remembered the pile of discarded food wrappers correctly.

Scotty sat up slowly, taking note of the room's emptiness. Wherever he was, Nick Vera was not here, thank God. Maybe after a shower, Scotty would feel marginally better, and maybe then he would deal with everything else. Maybe not.

A few minutes later, he stood under the spray of the hot water, feeling the heat sooth his aching muscles and clear his head. But… the clear head didn't exactly make for a good forgetting mood, which was exactly what Scotty wanted. He didn't dare let his thoughts tread close to his girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend, he corrected bitterly.

When Scotty emerged from the bathroom, the room was still, mercifully empty, although the bright sunshine wasn't doing much for his mood, which was decidedly melancholy. In a surge of irritation, Scotty wrenched the curtains shut, and in the darkness that descended upon the small room, he spotted a note taped to the wall.

Upon further inspection, Scotty saw that it was written in Vera's messy scrawl.

Valens- gone to the funeral, Richland Cemetary. In case you don't remember, Jeffries got here last night.

Scotty staggered backwards, pulling the note off the wall and staring at it. Funeral? What? Who? He swallowed, Lil? Icy fear grappled at his chest and Scotty's mind cast wildly back for sometime, where she could've gotten hurt… and then it hit him… Not Lil.

It was logical that Portland PD would host some sort of service for their fallen police officers. Logic, something that seemed to be escaping Scotty on a regular basis. Slightly chagrined and embarrassed, Scotty quickly put on something that seemed funeral appropriate (most of his clothes seemed to find that criteria), and dashed out the door.

He kept up an inner mantra of pure denial as he closed the door behind him. Denial for the sudden, but not unexpected way Lilly seemed to find every excuse to instill herself in his mind. Denial for the prospect of seeing her today, because he wasn't sure he could handle that just yet. And denial for the whole situation they were in.

The denial wasn't so bad, Scotty mused wryly as he reached for the plastic key card. It might even be what would get him soberly through the day today. As long as he kept inside his bubble of self made ignorance, the world couldn't get at him. That, Scotty decided, would be his action plan.

And then he turned around and saw the only person, in a world of six billion, who could make his heart stop in its tracks and steal his next breath.

Lilly Rush.

Damn it.

Scotty froze and turned around quickly, as though her not seeing him meant she wasn't really there. But when he snuck a glance back around, there she was, bent over her own doorknob, struggling slightly with a mug of coffee and that key card that just wouldn't seem to fit.

Realizing she was far too occupied to notice him standing there quietly, Scotty took in her blond hair, falling over her face, her delicate fingers, the way she sighed heavily when the key finally worked…

She was beautiful. She was perfect. She was the freakin' love of his life and he couldn't take his eyes off her and holy crap… she looked up and Scotty found himself locked in a fierce stare with her.

Damn it.

She had the same harried look that Scotty figured he was wearing this morning. Probably from not sleeping well enough and hurrying off to the same funeral as he was. Still, she held his gaze and it was Scotty who had to look away first. Just as it always was.

"I'm going…" Lilly trailed off, gesturing vaguely toward the elevator and feeling like she was speaking to a wall. Scotty had made a point of not looking at her, and no matter how hard she tried to catch his gaze, she was unable too.

For his part, Scotty for unprepared for the wave of pain that would hit him upon hearing her voice. There she was, case files tucked neatly under her arm, looking like it was just another day. In a flash, the pain was accompanied by righteous anger. How dare she? How fuckin' dare she be alright when he wasn't?

Against his will, their eyes met again, and for a second Scotty thought he could glimpse a hint of sadness behind her blue orbs too. He brushed past her without looking again, and as he walked by he thought he could hear her breath catch.

Shut up. He growled at himself. You're imaginin' things and whatever the hell you do, do not talk to her.

But she was behind him now and somehow he found his voice. "Walk away, Rush… It's what you're good at, leavin'." He couldn't keep the bitterness or hurt out of his voice, and this time he was sure he heard her breath catch.

Lilly spun around incredulously. The cold shoulder, she was expecting. In fact, she'd been expecting that patented puppy dog look and having to make an awkward explanation for her disappearing act the day before. But she didn't expect the hurt she heard, the betrayal practically emanating off of him, or the way it seemed he couldn't stand to look at her. Had she really hurt him that badly?

Suddenly it hit her. He was breaking up with her. And with the last shreds of whatever love he still had left for her, he was giving her the easy part. Allowing, and encouraging her to leave. Lilly shook her head. She wasn't giving up that easily.

"I'm not the one who's leaving." She said softly. "You are."

Scotty snorted. "Yeah well, I ain't gonna let you break me like all those other people broke you."

His words were harsh and he felt a momentarily satisfied that he'd been able to stun Lilly Rush into silence. It'd only happened a total of two times, one of which was yesterday. The ice queen of homicide wasn't unflappable after all, Scotty mused mournfully. He could almost feel her wince behind him, and he couldn't stop. "You know, your mom, your dad, your sister, an' Patrick and Kite? How 'bout Ray and Joseph?"

Lilly closed her eyes. "Why are you bringing them up?"

Scotty shrugged. Maybe it was to hurt her, maybe it was to placate himself and make him believe he hadn't failed, Lilly was just broken, damaged, probably irreparably. "They're the reasons you gotta go and ruin everything good, right?"

Before he could say another word, Lilly was barreling past him, stalking toward the elevator, her eyes straight ahead. When she got there, he saw her jab the elevator button with way more force than necessary and turn her head away.

He turned around and decided to take the stairs.

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When the elevator finally dinged open, Lilly stepped in, finding it mercifully empty. The moment the doors slid closed again she let out a shaky sigh and ran a hand through her hair. Biting her lip, Lilly realized how difficult it was to keep tears from falling and was just glad no one was around.

She paced around the small space, occasionally swiping at her eyes to get rid of the few tears that managed to escape. Scotty was way out of line, Lilly fumed inwardly. How could he say things like that? How could he throw her past at her, the one she'd been trying desperately to bury all month, as if it was just a weapon in his arsenal? And if he could be so … heartless, then how the hell had she come to the conclusion she loved that son of a bitch?

A second later, Lilly backtracked. Scotty wasn't heartless. She knew that much. But still… how could he just go and say… what he said?

Well he was right. A voice argued. And shouldn't he be allowed to say what he feels?

Lilly leaned against the wall, staggering backwards with the weight of the words her mind conjured up out of nowhere. Scotty was right. Scotty was absolutely, one hundred percent correct when he said that her past… it was the reason she played on the safe side.

But that isn't my fault. The child inside her piped up petulantly. She couldn't help it.

Ain't his fault either. This last voice startled Lilly, mainly because it sounded like a combination of Vera and Miller. But also, she admitted reluctantly, because they - whoever they were - were right too. It seemed everyone was right but her today.

With another pang of fear, Lilly knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she would have to tell him she thought that she might maybe be in love with him too. And as much as she dreaded that conversation, it was the after she feared the most. How would he react? Would they start over? Could they? Was it even possible?

And how the hell would she admit how she felt when he was so angry with her?

The questions swirled in her mind until she was dizzy, and more than a little confused.

When the elevator doors slid open again a few seconds later, and opened to a lobby of people, Lilly Rush had a smile on her face. Her emotions were neatly tucked back into the recesses of her mind. To be examined, prodded, and explored another, more convenient time.

Because she was Lilly Rush. And Lilly Rush was a master at hiding behind a feigned smile.

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Kat, Will, and Nick turned around when they saw their other male colleague slam the door to his car and stride toward them, his hands shoved deep into his pockets against the cold. They could see him brooding, looking down at the ground, his lips pressed together angrily. When he drew close enough to notice them, he smiled wanly and all three of them saw through it immediately, to the hurt and - was that regret? - shimmering below.

"Hey," He whispered, because someone important was saying something about the bravery of the fallen detectives, and his throat was too sore to do much else.

Three pairs of eyes glanced sympathetically his way and made no comment. Scotty Valens may have been broken inside, but on the outside, it was just another morning.

It was twenty minutes later when Lilly was walking up that hill towards them. Kat turned around, waving slightly, and frowning as her colleague immediately veered and headed in the opposite direction. She nudged Vera, tilting her head in Lilly's direction and walked after her.

"Lil!" Kat caught up with her in a few seconds, her breath puffing out like clouds of smoke in the cold morning air. She grabbed the other female detective's arm, wheeling her around and was taken aback by the tears shining in her eyes.

Damn it. Hadn't she admitted the night before that she was in love with Valens? Hadn't she had it figured out? Obviously not because those were tears of despair, not of fear. Meaning she told him? And the idiot hadn't forgiven her? That piece of…

"Miller." Lilly hissed lethally, shaking her friend off and continuing to walk. She wasn't really sure where, but away from Scotty, who was standing silently with Nick and Will, was good enough for her. "Back off."

"No way in hell." She exclaimed loudly. "I kept your damn secret for weeks, listened to both of you complain. Did you tell him you love him? Did you?"

Lilly tried hard to keep the pain away from her voice. Kat was right, this had gotten too messy, for all of their coworkers. "It doesn't matter anyways." He made that perfectly clear.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kat retorted. "Why's Valens still lookin' like you killed his puppy. 'Cause if you told him how you felt, the man would be over the moon and shoutin' it from the rooftops."

"Don't think so." Lilly murmured darkly. Good, they were out of earshot of the others now. "If he cared that why would he…" She trailed off.

"What?" Kat pressed.

"Say… those things." She replied almost plaintively. Those things that are true.

Kat rolled her eyes. So the two of them had spoken this morning, and it hadn't gone well… no wonder… "What'd the idiot say?"

Lilly took a deep breath. "He said... that I was broken. He said he didn't wanna stick around for me to break him too. He said I ruin everything that's good."

That fuckin' bastard. Was this how he was trying to make things right with Lilly? Was this his idea of understanding and loving and caring and being there and forgiving? Kat was speechless. She suddenly felt almost as though Scotty Valens deserved whatever heartbreak he'd suffered at the hands of Lilly Rush the day before.

Oh, she was going to give him a piece of her mind. No doubt about that. The tables had completely turned. The day before, that was Lilly getting scared, Lilly being shocked. This morning, well it was Valens being a complete ass. She whipped around and zeroed in on the offending person, standing nonchalantly by his colleagues. He had no idea hurricane Kat was about to blow through, and that she wouldn't be alone.

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When Kat was walking back to Will, Nick, and Scotty, she wondered why the hell she had to do everything around here. Were people simply unable, or unwilling, to solve their relationship problems on their own? She tugged Lilly along, who was half-heartedly trying to shake off the vice grip Kat had on her coat sleeve. When they drew nearer to Scotty, Lilly upped the ante to escape, but Kat was determined.

She dropped Lilly off next to Will Jeffries, trusting the older colleague to keep an eye on her while she and Scotty had a chat.

Before Scotty could register the fact that Lilly was, once again, standing a mere three feet away from him, Kat grabbed him by the wrist, and with much more strength than Scotty thought she possessed, dragged him away.

"Nick!" Kat yelled, as she stalked and Scotty stumbled further away from the small gathering of people. Scotty saw Vera reluctantly trudge after them. Since when did he start listening to Kat without threat to his physical being?

When they were a good 50 feet away from Lilly, Kat finally stopped, and when Nick joined them a few seconds later, hissed. "What the hell were you thinkin' Valens?

Scotty stared blankly. "What?"

"You know perfectly well what. How could you?" Kat demanded once again.

"Uh… Miller?" Vera asked wearily.

What had his girlfriend gotten into this time? And why, why, did she insist on dragging him into it?

Kat looked from Nick to Scotty and back again. "Valens you wanna tell him what you said to Lil this morning?"

Sick comprehension consumed Scotty in a wave. Of course that's what they were talking about. The words that he'd regretted the moment they were out of his mouth. The words that had obviously cut Lilly so deep she couldn't keep them inside like usual. Damn, would he ever figure out how to stop hurting this woman?

Taking another look at furious expression on Kat's face, Scotty decided - self preservation first, necessary apology later. "I was just mad," He defended himself hopefully, "It ain't true or anythin'"

"What ain't true?" Nick asked bemusedly.

Kat spared Scotty from answering, though a second later he wished she hadn't. She just made it sound so much worse. "This idiot basically told Lil that she was damaged goods he didn't want to fight for this mornin' "

Nick let out a low whistle and a sympathetic shake of the head. "Dude…"

Why were they all blaming him? He was the one who poured his heart out, a day ago on the cold concrete. He was the one with the broken heart, who deserved to lash out. What he'd said was fully justified. He didn't deserve this interrogation.

"An' Lil was gonna tell him she's in love with him this morning," Kat concluded, less angry, more exasperated this time.

And just like that the anger drained out of Scotty. Lilly Rush, was going to put it all out there too? The Lilly Rush, who had never needed anybody, risked her career and her heart for anybody, was going to ignore whatever fear and whatever past she had. An overwhelming, almost painful guilt swelled in Scotty until he almost couldn't breathe.

"Shit." He exclaimed, rubbing his eyes tiredly and raking a hand through his hair.

Kat let him stew in the self loathing he fully deserved for a few seconds before speaking. "You can still make it right," She said, her voice uncharacteristically soft.

"Yeah? How?" Scotty asked hollowly.

Kat seemed to glance questioningly at Nick, and then they seemed to exchange a million words and come to a decision. Scotty was too preoccupied to notice until Kat silently slipped her hand into Nick's. He looked between them questioningly.

The way Nick was smiling, the way Kat was too. The way their hands stayed intertwined, gloveless but impervious to the cold. The way the glance shared between them was filled with emotion and compassion.

No way.

Uh-uh.

No way in hell.

Miller and… Vera?

Scotty staggered backwards, looking frantically between the two of them, his own problems lost for a second in this sudden, and frankly quite disturbing, new revelation. "You guys…" He managed weakly. "You…" He wasn't quite sure what to say.

He was saved asking the awkward question by Nick's toothy grin and gravelly voice. "Who woulda guessed, huh?"

Kat buried her elbow in his stomach, but she was smiling too. "The point is." She admonished. "Boss knows, and Will knows, and now you know. And the world didn't cave in. You just gotta make Lil see that."

Scotty nodded grimly, still reeling from this shock. Two of his closest friends fell in love and he didn't even notice. His detective skills needed serious honing and he made a mental note to ask them how in the hell they kept it a secret for however long it's been. From the look on both their faces, it's had been a while.

But with Lilly… he swallowed. If he loved her and she loved him. Then the only thing standing in their way was the impulsive, stupid things he'd said this morning, and the fear of losing their jobs. The second, well that one didn't really even matter, Scotty concluded. He'd transfer out. He'd quit. Hell, he'd move to the moon as long as she came with him.

But the first… Well that was going to take a bit of work. But Scotty was going to try, was going to find out if all the questions he'd asked himself the night before, if the answer to them was yes. And he wasn't going down without a fight.

I'm still trying to figure out the next bit. But leave me a review? Maybe with some ideas?