Hey, faithful readers. I apologize upfront about this being so late. This chapter was difficult for me. I blame it on exam stress... anyway, here it is. Enjoy!
8. If I Never Loved, I Never Would Have Cried
Lying on his apartment's sofa, Shikamaru Nara stared up at the ceiling, a particularly strong wave of laziness rushing over him. He had crashed on the couch as soon as he got home from school, with the intent of watching some television and putting off his homework for as long as possible. Unfortunately, as soon as he made himself comfortable, the Nara had realized that the remote control was sitting on top of the TV across the room, a fact which he found quite "troublesome." Of course, he knew that it would require too much energy to get up and retrieve the distant remote, and so instead of watching whatever garbage basic cable had to offer at 4:00 in the afternoon, he decided to count the number of little pimples on the ceiling. This he had done several times, checking and rechecking his math for well over an hour as rain began to pour outside.
Thirteen thousand two hundred and ninety-seven… that's a prime number…
It was now too tedious to count them all again, and Shikamaru was struggling to find another activity to forestall his looming assignments. As if to answer his prayers, it was shortly after coming to this conclusion that the Nara heard a distinct rapping at his door. He ignored it the first time, feeling that it was still too inconvenient to get out of his nook on the sofa, but the knocking continued, this time accompanied by a rather weak cursing.
"Dammit, Shikamaru… I know you're there…"
Hearing this, Shikamaru knew that it was useless to ignore the knocking anymore and rolled off the couch, hitting the ground with a thud. He lay there for a moment, struggling to muster enough energy to actually pick himself off the floor, before the pounding resumed with a vengeance.
"All right, all right, I'm coming…" the lazy genius muttered as he stumbled towards the door. Upon throwing it open, he was genuinely surprised to find a certain blond standing in the pouring rain.
"Naruto?"
"H-hey, Shikamaru… can I come in?" Naruto asked with a forced smile.
"Yeah, sure… make yourself at home," the Nara replied, stepping to the side.
Naruto gratefully entered the apartment, his shoes squeaking on the vinyl entryway. As he removed his soaked footwear, the dripping from the blond's clothes formed a small puddle at his feet, until Shikamaru's own feet were damp.
"So, I take it you and Kiba had another fight?" Shikamaru asked, eyeing his friend curiously.
"Yeah, you could say that," Naruto admitted with a chuckle, "I just have to get away from him for a little bit."
"Well, you're free to stay if you want. I don't want you getting the apartment all wet though; just another thing to clean up," the Nara said, glancing down at the wet floor. "Why don't you take a shower and warm up, and I'll find you some dry clothes to wear, all right?"
"Oh, okay," the blond responded with a quick nod, before proceeding to strip on the spot.
Whatever… it's not worth the energy to stop him…
In a flash, Naruto was down to just his drenched boxers, at which point he gathered up his soaked articles. "So, where do you want these?"
"Just give 'em to me; you go hop in the shower before you catch a cold," Shikamaru stated, shaking his head in mild amusement as he took the blond's clothes.
As Naruto disappeared around the corner, the lazy genius looked down at the damp bundle in his hands, realizing for the first time that they were drenching his own clothes. Knowing that it was too late to change anything, however, Shikamaru simply sighed and started for the kitchen, where he dumped the blond's clothes into the sink.
That'll do… now to get that troublesome idiot some clothes…
With this thought, the Nara started for his room just down the hall past the bathroom, where the shower was now running. He searched through his drawers for a moment, taking out a few piles of unfolded laundry to sort through on the floor. After clearing some of the old magazines, tattered notebooks, and assorted chess pieces out of the way, Shikamaru began to go through his pile one article at a time, trying to find some older clothes that might possibly fit Naruto.
Let's see… no, too big. This one's Choji's, I think… Where did this come from?
It was a surprisingly long process to find all of the necessary clothing, with Shikamaru having to dig through pile after pile of laundry before coming up with a t-shirt, some shorts, a pair of socks, and some boxers that were about Naruto's size. This deed accomplished, the lazy genius quickly dumped the spare clothes outside the bathroom door and returned to his earlier spot on the couch with an exhausted sigh.
Naturally, the instant that Shikamaru sat down there came yet another knocking at his door, this one much more energetic than the last. Groaning, the Nara lifted himself onto his feet and threw open the door, just narrowly dodging Kiba Inuzuka's fist as it came to pound once more.
"Shikamaru! Have you seen Naruto?" Kiba asked, completely ignoring the fact that he had almost knocked his friend out.
"Naruto? No, why, what happened?" Shikamaru replied with feigned ignorance.
"Dammit, I thought for sure he'd be here," the dog-boy muttered, wiping some of the fresh blood from his lip. "We had a little fight earlier and he ran off… I'm afraid he'll do something drastic. Can you think of anywhere else he might've gone?"
"Hmm… I don't know, have you tried Lee's yet?" the Nara said after a moment, leaning against the doorframe.
"Oh! I haven't tried there yet. Will you give me a call if he turns up here?"
"Sure thing. Good luck, now."
With a quick nod Kiba darted off to the right, his bare feet splashing water everywhere as he ran. Shikamaru watched this for a moment curiously; what was it that made finding Naruto worth running barefoot through a storm? There was more to this story than either of them was letting on, and Shikamaru was determined to learn the whole story.
I have to be careful… I can't let Naruto know that Kiba stopped by. As long as he thinks I'm in the dark, he can trust me. He probably won't tell me what exactly happened; in fact, I'm 99% sure he'll lie. But if there's one thing I've learned about people, it's that their lies can be far more reliable than the truth…
It was with these thoughts rushing through his head that Shikamaru closed the door to his apartment and lay down on the couch. There was something about Kiba's quick appearance that he found quite unsettling; too many things didn't add up. Aside from the barefeet and the obvious panic in the Inuzuka's eyes, there was the question of why Naruto had fled the apartment, when it was quite obvious he had one the fight.
Thinking this over, Shikamaru sat cross-legged on the couch and touched the tips of his fingers together, so that they formed a downward-pointing oval. In this trademark concentrating position, the Nara raced through the given data repeatedly, trying to come up with a sound hypothesis.
Let's see… what could they have fought about? Naruto was the one that left, so it had to be something that affected him personally… maybe Kiba said something to insult him? That would explain why he wanted to apologize so badly… but if that were the case, Kiba would've just told me what happened. No… he was beating around the bush. It must be something that he wanted to keep just between the two of them… something only the two of them know.
Or maybe that's the problem; it's something Kiba wasn't supposed to know. If he overheard Naruto talking – with Iruka, probably – about some family business… that must be it. Iruka called to tell Naruto something… maybe about Kyuubi or Naruto's parents… and Kiba overheard. It all adds up! Now if I can just get Naruto to expose his lie…
Fortunately, Shikamaru did not have to wait long to put his plan into action, for a few moments later the shower shut off. In a flash, Naruto had dried himself off and emerged in the Nara's spare clothes, which just fit surprisingly well.
"Thanks for the everything, Shikamaru," the blond said as he took a seat on the couch.
"Don't mention it," Shikamaru replied, sliding over a bit to make room for his friend. "Now, would you mind telling me what happened, exactly?"
"What do you mean?"
"Come on, Naruto. I'm talking about your fight with Kiba. What's the story?"
"Oh, well…" Naruto began, scratching the back of his head in thought. "Akamaru got into my ramen again. I told him that he needed to look after his pet better, he said that I shouldn't keep my ramen in the bottom cupboard, and next thing I knew we were punching each other in the face."
"Really? It doesn't look like he did much damage to you," Shikamaru said, raising his eyebrow skeptically.
"Well, I don't like to brag, but it wasn't really a fair fight," Naruto said, punching at the air as he spoke. "He lunged at me, but I dodged him and got him right in the chin. Poor guy didn't stand a chance."
"Hm… so it sounds like you won the fight pretty easily, huh?"
"I guess you could say that. Maybe he'll remember that next time…"
"But, if you won, why did you leave the apartment?" Shikamaru asked, cutting the blond off mid-sentence.
Naruto stared at his friend blankly for a moment, as if he didn't understand what had been said. "Why did I leave?"
"Yeah, you know. If you beat Kiba that badly, why didn't you kick him out instead?"
"Oh, umm…" Naruto began, glancing down at the floor in thought. "I couldn't just kick Kiba and Akamaru out, you know? I mean, there was a storm and everything…"
Got him.
"I see… yes, that all makes sense. Well, why don't you stay here for a minute then; watch some TV or something. I'm gonna go for a walk."
"A walk?" the blond asked, tilting his head to the side inquisitively.
"Yeah, I don't really like to smoke inside. The smell gets everywhere," Shikamaru explained, patting the cigarettes in his pocket.
"All right. See ya, then."
With a quick nod, Shikamaru started outside, pleased to find the storm had subsided at this point, with only a few scattered drops falling to the ground. Once he had shut the door behind him, the Nara dug into his pocket for his cigarettes and leaned against the wet, metal railing. He flicked the bottom of the box a few times until he could grab one of the sticks, at which point he stuck it in his mouth and lit it quickly with his Zippo. The paper now burning, Shikamaru took a deep drag and let out a cloud of smoke, staring vacantly out at the city through the haze.
I knew it. Naruto's definitely trying to hide something from me. The way he hesitated like that… it was quick, but it's all the evidence I need. Now, I guess I should give Kiba a call…
Reaching into his pocket again, the lazy genius pulled out a cell phone and quickly dialed Kiba's cell, watching the line of smoke rise from his cigarette as he waited. Soon, a panicked Inuzuka answered on the other end, his elevated voice causing Shikamaru to wince.
"Shikamaru? What is it? Did you find Naruto? I just left Lee's, and he hasn't seen him either…"
"Naruto's fine, Kiba. He's been at my place for an hour now," the Nara sighed, holding the phone a few inches away from his ear.
"What?! You knew that the whole time? What the hell?"
"Look, you should know what kind of state Naruto's in. I had to be sure you wouldn't make things any worse."
"Oh, so now you think you can trust me?" Kiba said, sounding particularly hurt.
"Don't be a pain, Kiba," Shikamaru sighed, taking another puff of his cigarette. "I was doing what I thought was best for Naruto. Now, can we meet back at your apartment? I want to hear your side of the story."
"I can't tell you that…"
Damn, he's stubborn…
"Kiba, I'm not going to let you see Naruto until you tell me exactly what's going on, here. He's my friend too, remember."
The dog-boy seemed to think this over for a moment, as evidenced by the extended silence on the other end of the line. Soon, however, the Inuzuka's voice returned with a hint of concession. "All right, fine. I'll be there in ten minutes."
"See you then."
Shikamaru snapped his cell shut and thrust it back into his pocket, flicking his stub of a cigarette off the railing to a puddle below. He usually didn't like to smoke; in fact, it was only in situations such as these that he felt the need to puff on a cigarette. At any other time the Nara despised the fumes and the way the smoke made his eyes watered, but with all these new developments to consider, he found it quite soothing. It allowed him to clear his head and relax, to focus on the problem at hand and find the perfect solution.
Now that he had called Kiba, though, it was pointless to worry about the situation any more. Any conclusion he could draw would be mere speculation; it was clear that the Inuzuka knew something, and once he revealed what that was all the pieces would come together. Thus, rather than dwell on this troublesome matter any further, Shikmaru started on his way to Kiba and Naruto's apartment on the floor below, resting his hands behind his head as he walked.
It did not take him long, of course, to actually reach his destination. Once there, however, he was forced to wait for a few minutes until Kiba arrived, and he thus leaned back on the wall with a sigh.
This was supposed to be a nice, quiet night… just sitting at home, watching Simpsons reruns… what a pain in the ass…
Moments later, a distinct, splashing sound could be heard approaching at a surprising rate, followed by the appearance of a particular brunet, who took a second to catch his breath at the top of the stairs.
"Hey… Shikamaru…" Kiba panted, resting his hands on his knees.
"Did you run all the way from Lee's?" the Nara asked, gazing skeptically at his friend.
The Inuzuka nodded slowly, his breathing gradually steadying. "Let's go inside..."
Straight to the point, huh?
After quickly unlocking the door, Kiba stepped into the apartment, with Shikamaru following close behind. In spite of his sopping wet clothing, the dog-boy did not wish to waste any time to change, but instead took a seat on the floor, indicating to his friend to join him. Shikamaru grudgingly obliged and, feeling comfortable, turned to Kiba with an interrogating stare.
"Okay, tell me: what happened between you and Naruto?"
"First I have to know that he's okay. You talked to him right? Is he… well, stable?" the Inuzuka asked, his pleading voice sounding utterly pathetic.
This sounds worse than I thought…
"He's fine, Kiba. Like I said, though, I'm not letting you see him until I know what exactly is going on here."
Kiba lay back on the carpet, putting a hand to his forehead as he struggled to come up with the right words. After a moment, though, he simply sighed and came out with the truth. "Naruto's gay."
Shikamaru froze, gazing blankly at he dog-boy as these words sank in. "Really? A-are you sure?"
"Well, gay or bi… or something! I didn't really get a chance to talk to him about it."
"What makes you so sure? Did he tell you or what?"
"Okay, here's what happened," Kiba said in his growing frustration. "When I came home from track practice, I was going to ask Naruto if he wanted to go get some pizza. I heard him talking in his room, though, so I decided to wait outside. I guess he was talking to Iruka, and they were talking about love. It sounded like Naruto wanted some advice."
"So what? That could mean anything," Shikmaru interrupted with a dismissive wave of his hand.
"And," the dog-boy continued, sounding somewhat irritated, "when he hung up, I distinctly heard the name 'Sasuke.'"
"Sasuke?! You're serious?"
"I'm sure of it. I had suspected that something was going on between those two, and now there's no doubt about it: Naruto's in love with Sasuke."
Shikamaru put a hand to his forehead and stared at the floor, trying to figure out how he could possibly have missed something this big. It all made sense, of course; from Sasuke's strange behavior the other day to the fact that Naruto's fear earlier that night, it could only mean one thing: they were in love, and neither one knew what to do about it.
At least I was close…
"Hmm… this complicates things," Shikamaru mumbled, shaking his head slightly. "I thought this was just something between the two of you, but this… this is big."
"I know! I want to talk to him, but I don't think he's ready yet," Kiba continued with renewed exasperation. "He knew that Sasuke was important to him, but I don't think he realized himself what that meant until today."
"Well, he's gonna have to open up about it soon, 'cause we're going back to my apartment," the Nara said with sudden resolve.
"What?! Now? But don't we need a plan or something?"
"I have a plan," Shikamaru replied calmly, leading the dog-boy outside. "We need to get Naruto to talk about Sasuke sooner or later, and it might as well be now."
"Is that really a good idea? I mean, should we really be pushing him like that?"
"Like I said, I have a plan."
Kiba seemed to accept this explanation and followed his friend in silence into the dank night. The truth was Shikamaru had no plan, but he didn't think this was a particularly pressing issue. Any plan he might have made would probably be useless in Naruto's unpredictable state. Still, it was crucial that they get the vulpine boy to discuss his emotional issues somehow, whether or not he was ready.
It wasn't so much that he didn't sympathize with the blond's fear – anyone would feel insecure after discovering his latent homosexuality – but this went beyond Naruto's feelings. Now that Sasuke was involved, Shikamaru couldn't afford to let Mr. Uzumaki deal with these issues himself. No, it was his job to intervene and find out just what was going on between his two friends, as troublesome as it might be.
Thus, when he entered his apartment to find Naruto sitting complacently on his couch, Shikamaru wasted no time, but led Kiba inside so that they could begin their intervention.
"Naruto, we need to talk," the lazy genius said, shutting the door behind him.
The blond looked up at the duo in surprise before turning deathly pale. "No… Kiba! You told him?!"
"I didn't have a choice, Naruto!" Kiba replied pleadingly. "I was afraid you were gonna do something drastic…"
"You bastard!" Naruto spat, rushing from the couch to the bathroom, where he immediately locked the door.
He has to make things so difficult…
"Well, was this all part of your master plan?" the dog-boy asked, giving his friend a skeptical glance.
Shikamaru chose to ignore the Inuzuka's comments and instead approached the bathroom, where he could hear the Naruto's muffled sobs through the door. He leaned against the wall, trying to find just the right words to console the pitiful blond.
"Naruto… we don't care, you know."
"W-what?"
"That you're gay… we don't care."
There was silence for a few moments, and Shikamaru felt a few drops of sweat form on his brow. Was that the wrong thing to say? Maybe Naruto wanted them to care, so that they could understand how big of a deal this was to him. Before he could doubt himself any further, though, the Nara heard the distressed teen's faint voice reply.
"Y-you don't?"
"Of course we don't," Shikamaru continued, relieved that Naruto was still at least somewhat stable. "We're your friends. We like you for who you are."
Wow, that was cheesy… even if it's the truth…
"Yeah," Kiba interjected, taking a seat beside the lazy genius. "If I suddenly hated you, do you think I'd be running all the way over to Lee's just to find you?"
It seemed for a minute that Naruto had not heard either of them, yet neither Kiba nor Shikamaru dared utter another word. Finally, the blond spoke, though his voice sounded quite skeptical.
"You thought I went to Lee's?"
"Well, Shikamaru said you weren't here, and he said that you might've gone there instead…"
"Shikamaru lied to you?"
"I knew that something was going on between the two of you, so I sent Kiba on a wild goose chase," the lazy genius explained. "I didn't think he'd actually run all the way over there in his bare feet though."
More silence followed this quick exchange, and it felt like the tension in the hallway could be cut with a knife. After what seemed like an eternity, however, the bathroom door clicked and creaked open, with Naruto standing with a smirk crossing his face.
"Only you would run across town barefoot to try and find me."
"Hey, that's what friends are for," Kiba replied, returning the smile.
Shikamaru slid to the side, making room for the blond to join their powwow in the hallway. "Have a seat, Naruto. We still have a lot to talk about."
"What do you mean?" the blond asked as he occupied the space between his friends.
"Look, I'm not stupid. I know something's been going on between you and Sasuke, and if what Kiba told me is true, it's something big. I just want to hear your side of the story."
Naruto sighed, burying his face in his hands. "I don't know… I mean, I thought we connected the other night, but maybe I was just imagining things…"
"Let me put it this way," Shikamaru interrupted, seeing that they weren't getting anywhere. "Are you in love with Sasuke?"
The blond considered this briefly before squeaking out a distinct, "Yes."
"Okay, that's a start," the Nara continued in relief. "Now, do you know why you feel that way?"
"What kind of question is that?" Kiba interrupted, "You can't just analyze something like that."
"No, it's fine, Kiba," Naruto replied calmly. "I don't really understand it… I mean, we've both had rough pasts, but I know that's not the reason."
"So it's not because of your connection with him?" Shikamaru asked, hoping to dig deeper into his friend's thoughts.
"No, I don't think so. I mean, I started feeling this way long before I knew about his parents and stuff…"
"Then it's a physical attraction?" the lazy genius continued, causing Naruto to blush noticeably.
"Well… yeah, I guess… but it's more than that…"
Shikamaru shook his head in frustration, watching as the blond struggled to collect his thoughts. Maybe this was impossible to figure out, when Naruto knew so little about his feelings himself. Just when he was about to give up, though, Kiba broke into the conversation with a question of his own.
"Wait, let's go back to what started this whole mess to begin with. You know, the time you ran into Sasuke. What made you go and apologize to him?"
"That's a good point," Shikamaru concurred. "That was the first time you really interacted with Sasuke. Maybe that'll answer some questions. So why did you do it?"
"Hmm… well, I guess I felt guilty, that's all," Naruto offered, closing his eyes in thought.
"But why did you feel guilty?" the Nara asked, trying to pry deeper into his friend's subconscious.
"Geez… I don't know. I did hurt him, maybe it was just that?"
"Come on, Naruto; I've heard you guys talk about Sasuke before, and it's never been pretty. There has to be some reason that you felt like he was worthy of an apology."
"Well… I guess if I had to describe it, I recognized something in him that reminded him of me. Does that make any sense?"
"Go on. Tell us what you mean," Shikamaru encouraged, his eyes brightening with sudden anticipation.
"Okay, it's like this," Naruto explained, gesticulating at the air as he spoke. "Even though Sasuke's the most popular guy in school and all the girls want to get in his pants, he's still alone. He tries to cut himself off from the rest of the world… and I guess I know how it feels to be that lonely…"
Shikamaru stared blankly at the blond for a moment, utterly shocked his sudden insight. Naruto had only spoken with Sasuke a few times, and already he understood that much about the Uchiha? All of that, and he didn't even know about Sasuke's parents. It was truly impressive, and it more than satisfied the Nara's curiosity.
"Well, Naruto, you'll be glad to know that I endorse your love of Sasuke," Shikamaru said, rising to his feet. "Now we can start planning how to get him to return those feelings."
"Wait, you mean all of this was just a test for Naruto?" Kiba asked indignantly. "What the hell's the matter with you?"
"Calm down, I wasn't testing Naruto at all," the lazy genius explained with a sigh. "We had to get Naruto to open up about his feelings for Sasuke, and we did that. I just happened to fulfill a second goal along the way."
"What, and you couldn't bother to tell me about it?"
"You didn't need to know," Shikamaru explained simply, but he decided to elaborate upon seeing the Inuzuka's mounting rage. "Look, Kiba, it's nothing personal. I just needed to know why Naruto was in love with Sasuke. Now that I know, we can move on."
"But what did you learn? Am I missing something?" Naruto asked, standing up to join his friends.
"Naruto, it's quite simple, really. I needed to make sure that you weren't in love with Sasuke just because the two of you had similar pasts. That wouldn't have been the right thing for Sasuke, since he doesn't need to dwell on the past any more than he already does. No, you're in love with him because you see how lonely he truly is, and you want to do something about it. You have real, selfless devotion."
"Why's that so important, though? If I love him, shouldn't that be enough?" the blond continued, his growing unease showing.
"No, that's not enough," Shikamaru replied, turning to his friend with sudden intensity. "If you're going to love Sasuke, then you must be prepared to make some sacrifices, because he's going to try his hardest not to love you back. Ever since his parents died, he's been afraid of going through that kind of loss again. Even though me and Kakashi are always there for him, he almost resents us for that very reason. He knows how important we are to him, and now he must live with the fear of having those connections taken away from him. We're a burden to him, no matter how much we try to help him…"
Shikamaru froze at this point, realizing that tears were beginning to form in spite of himself. He quickly wiped them away, although he was certain the others had already noticed. "That's why it's so important that you love Sasuke for the right reasons, Naruto. I know for a fact that he feels the same way about you… I've never seen him so worked up over someone in all the years that I've known him. But he's going to resist you every step of the way, because he doesn't want to experience that kind of pain ever again."
Naruto hesistated, struggling to find the right words. "But… how will this ever work if he only wants to get rid of me?"
"I never said it would be easy, but like I said, he does love you, Naruto. It's just a matter of getting him to realize it," Shikamaru replied, but seeing that the blond remained unsure, he placed a hand on his shoulder and continued. "Look, if anyone can do it, it's you, Naruto."
This was sufficient for Naruto, who gave a quick determined nod. "Just leave it to me."
With that, Naruto and Kiba started out of the apartment to return to their own home, leaving Shikamaru alone to his thoughts. Just as the duo disappeared around the corner, however, a familiar, plump boy appeared in the doorway, glancing confusedly at the Nara within.
"What are Naruto and Kiba doing here?"
Shikamaru sighed and collapsed on the couch, "I'll tell you all about it later, Choji…"
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Well, there you have it. I'll have the next chapter up as soon as possible, and remember to review!