This chapter is dedicated to my friend MiiYuKira, a lover of Sten.

Bioware copyrighted as always.

A Question Of Gender

"Argh!" I cried as I lost grip of my sword for the sixth time that evening. I frowned at it on the ground while Leliana smiled wickedly at me. She had been kind enough to accept my offer of sparring. It soon became a much needed lesson as I had no idea how to go about attacking someone with two weapons. She was incredibly lethal with her twin blades if she needed to be, and that moment was no exception. We -or more like I– were attempting to create a move where Leliana wouldn't be able to wrench my sword from my hands. So far I was having no success, and my fingers felt like they were about to fall off.

"You almost held on that time," Alistair looked up from the cooking pot, obviously amused at my feeble attempts. "In fact, I think you may have held on for more than a second!"

"Thank you for your continued support!" I threw back, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

Leliana twirled one of her daggers in her fingers, still grinning. "He's just upset because he has to cook tonight."

"It's about time," I picked up my sword with a most unlady-like grunt. "He's weaseled his way out of it so far."

She laughed, the light sound carrying over the camp. "Again," she commanded.

I crouched into my fighting position once again and waited for her to make the first move. Lodan had taught me to wait for the enemy when I knew they had more experience than me. I had to defend myself before worrying about the offense, looking for flaws they may have. I was one hundred percent sure Leliana was years beyond my skills, and so far, I was failing at finding any flaws. If she had any that is. I was certainly glad she wasn't against me.

She ran at me, giving me just enough time to lift my hand-and-a-half sword for her first blow. She gave a few calculated hits that I barely escaped before scissoring her daggers onto my stupidly outstretched weapon. The bard pulled up, just as I did instead of just watching. There was a sharp, ungodly sound as the three metal objects fought for control. My ears rang and my fingers almost popped, but I held on and my sword was freed.

I looked down at it for a moment childishly, and then began jumping up and down. "I did it! Alistair, did you see that? I did it!"

"Very good my dear!" Bodahn encouraged from the fire. I did happen to notice him rubbing his ear with a small frown, however.

Leliana was doing the exact same thing. "Not exactly what I had in mind, but it did work, no? Good job Abby."

"Let's do it again!" I gushed.

"How about," Alistair said quickly, "you come and eat. Everything is ready anyway."

I skipped over to the area, placing my weapon down in front of my tent, and then sat on the log Sten and Alistair had dragged close to the fire pit. The spring in my step did not go unnoticed.

"It is happy for its minuscule accomplishment," Shale noted. It was not a question. "It is a wonder then that every time you find yourself alive each day that you perform a jig."

I winked at the golem. "Maybe I usually do, but I haven't choreographed a new one lately to celebrate the addition of you."

It grunted. "I doubt that."

I laughed. The past few days had been interesting to say the least. Shale was very blunt, as Alistair liked to put it. I thought of it as honest. Very honest. To no one's surprise, Sten got along very well with the stone giant, though both barely spoke more than a few short sentences to each other. Morrigan was fascinated with the golem, but she pestered it too much and I had to separate them. Shale claimed to remember nothing past its time before Honnleath. Other than that I now knew it hated birds more than I had originally thought.

It wasn't sure what to make of me. When I told the golem about my own past it had trouble wrapping its stone head around the idea. Even after I showed it my phone, it just seemed more confused.

"To me, all you soft squishy things are the same. Let's keep it that way, shall we?"

"Well, just don't try to sneak up on me, because I will be able to sense you coming," I reminded.

"Yes, I do suppose that will make you different," it relented.

I grabbed the bowl eagerly from Alistair's offering hand and shoved a large spoonful into my mouth. I immediately regretted doing so.

I looked down at the bowl, into the grey liquid that stared back unappetizingly. I swallowed slowly, trying not to gag, and exchanged a look with Leliana, as she had just eaten some as well. Her face probably looked like a mirror image of mine; like my mouth had been violated.

"This meal is unsatisfactory," Sten announced before I could get his attention.

Morrigan coughed violently, almost dropping her bowl in the process.

"Well, it isn't Abby's cooking," the ex-templar defended.

"That's an understatement," Morrigan said dryly, frowning at Sandal who was gulping down the goop.

"If it makes you feel any better," I offered," I've had worse."

"Uh, thanks Abby, I think," he said, looking unconvinced.

"No, really," I said at everyone's doubtful-and in Alistair's case, hurt-gazes. "My aunt made this zucchini meatloaf combination. The worst vegetable in the world in the most disgusting attempt at a dish in the world. And she made me eat the whole thing! Literally the grossest thing ever invented." My stomach rolled at the mere mention of it. Or it could have just been the stew.

"Meatloaf? What kind of food is that? Meat in bread?" Leliana asked. She had the good graces to sip a bit of stew.

"Not far from it."

"That does not sound appetizing," Sten agreed. Morrigan, however, through her bowl into the bush quickly and stomped off to her own camp.

I ended up eating all of my stew, even going as far to getting another bowl full. I was just so hungry. I earned a smile from Alistair for my actions, and later that night, a full hour in the bush from indigestion issues of the second kind.

It was agreed by everyone the next day that Alistair was off the hook from cooking duty then on out.

Another night. Another watch. I was paired up with Sten again to my contentment. I enjoyed my conversations with Leliana and Alistair, but my nights with Morrigan and Sten were spent in blissful silence. Morrigan had commented on my lack of speaking, and I had told her that though people spoke a lot, it didn't mean they were saying anything. I think she liked that.

To my surprise, this night was different.

"I don't understand," Sten said as dubiously as his deep voice would allow. "You look like a woman."

I blinked a few times to get adjusted to the darkness, as I had been staring at the fire. I tried to figure out how to respond to that before answering. "Could you elaborate? Do you not understand why I am a woman, or that I am one?"

His violet eyes looked over me. "You are a warrior. Woman cannot be warriors. Women are farmers, merchants, and priests, nothing more."

"Leliana is a warrior in her own way, as is Morrigan," I countered.

"More things I do not understand."

"Well," I sighed softly, "I guess if fate had not intervened, I would not be what I am today. I became a warrior so I could survive, and in turn, so I can defeat the Blight," my voice faltered at the end.

"What would you have been if not a warrior, then?" he sounded genuinely curious, I thought.

"I wanted to…" I stopped, unsure how to explain something as general as biology. "I wanted to study animals and how they interacted with each other and the environment."

"Animals are simple," he gestured to the warhound sleeping at my feet. "They live and die by the laws of the world around them. Is that not enough?"

"Not for humans. By now you must know that our search for knowledge can be our greatest trait, and our most fatal flaw. Just look at Shale, that mage died because of his experimentation on the golem." I knew Shale was listening, it claimed to not be able to sleep. However, it had made it very clear that it would have a turn on night watch just like everyone else. If it had heard what I had said, it gave no indication of it.

"True," was all the kossith said. He was quiet for a time before he spoke again. "You said you wanted to be this studier of animals. You were not given this role?"

"No. Didn't you want to be a warrior when you were…younger?" I figured the term "little" never applied to the massive humanoid.

"The Qun decided my fate before I was born, as it should be," he said matter-of-factly.

"Oh? What if you hadn't been able to become a warrior?" Do they have small kossith? I thought to myself.

"Then I would have been trained into another part of Qun. There is a place for everything."

"How…efficient," I finally said. I wondered what it would be like to live in a world like that, in a place where everything about your life was planned out. Sten seemed happy, if one could call it that.

Surprised on how off topic we became, I tried to lead us back. "Are you still confused about my being a woman?"

"You are a warrior, yet you distaste every life we take," he observed.

I uncrossed my legs to keep them from falling asleep. "I do."

"That is a weakness you cannot afford to keep if we are to succeed," he said harshly. "It is one thing to enjoy killing, that is unacceptable. To struggle to keep yourself alive is also undesirable. You must learn to reach a balance."

"I know, you are absolutely right. I just don't know how to yet."

"It is a place you must find one your own. No one can help you with that," he said. He looked at the fire, signaling the end of the conversation for good this time. I knew because that was how he usually cut Alistair off. I didn't mind, he had given me a lot to think about.

A cold wind caused me to shiver, and bit my lip. Winter was coming soon, and I was not looking forward to traveling in it. Just another thing that will get in our way. What else could happen?