17. I Need Someone to Comfort Me

The next day – Tuesday – Gaara Subakuno sat at the lunch table along with Naruto's crew. He wasn't arrogant enough to consider himself part of their group yet – it had only been a day, after all – though he by no means felt uncomfortable sitting among their ranks. If anything, it was Sasuke and the others that were still adjusting to his presence, and Gaara wouldn't have it any other way. He didn't particularly care about any of them anyway – it was only Naruto that interested him.

In fact, as he sat there watching Sasuke talking to his boyfriend, Gaara felt an itching feeling of irritation that he was forced to fight back. Who did Uchiha think he was, anyway? He's only known Naruto for a week, and yet he already thinks he's worthy of being in his presence. Did he even realize how lucky he was to have Naruto in his life? It was disgusting.

He'll never understand how special Naruto is… it's a travesty…

As much as Gaara despised being around Sasuke, however, he was determined not to leave Naruto's group under any circumstances. After all, if he left, it would be impossible to make Sasuke squirm, and that would truly be a tragedy. More importantly, though, Gaara still had a great deal of research left to do.

Sitting back at the table, watching Naruto shovel cup ramen into his mouth between snippets of conversation, Gaara found he was truly amazed. It didn't make any sense – Naruto had put his life on the line to protect Uchiha but what did he have to gain by that? Did that stuck-up bastard really mean that much to him? How could he possibly feel that way, when it's clear Uchiha doesn't fully appreciate what he has?

Could it really be as simple as… love?

The thought truly scared Gaara, that, just because he was enamored with Sasuke, Naruto would act so… selflessly. And yet, as much as Gaara thought about it, he couldn't come up with any other explanation. Naruto had nothing to gain from intervening in that fight – Sasuke certainly hadn't asked for any help, or even wanted it – but he stepped in anyway, and took quite a beating in the process. The only reason that Gaara could think of was that, for whatever reason, Naruto thought it was worth the sacrifice to save the man he loved.

But why? Was love really that powerful? Gaara couldn't think of a single time when he'd put someone else's concerns before his own. It wasn't selfish – it was practical. What difference did it make if someone else got beaten to a pulp? Their lives had no impact on his own. In the end, his life was the only one that mattered. If he died, that was it – the end. If he needed to kill someone else to stay alive, then there was no need to question his actions. The only reason he would ever save someone was if, for whatever reason, their presence was beneficial to himself.

Was that why Naruto intervened? Was his emotional connection to Uchiha so strong that life without him would be unbearable? No, that didn't sound like Naruto. It was too… cowardly. If anything, that would be Uchiha's reasoning. No, Naruto's motives were more altruistic. He said so himself, "If I had stood by and watched you beat him to a pulp, whether or not he deserved it… I'd never be able to forgive myself." It wasn't fear… it was the desire to protect what was important to him.

But why? It still doesn't make sense! It's so incredibly stupid, and yet… and yet… I can't stop thinking about it. I want to know more about Naruto… how he ticks, what he likes…

Gaara stopped himself – what was he thinking? He didn't need to learn more about Naruto. That wasn't the mystery. All that mattered was figuring out why he'd helped Uchiha. Nothing more, nothing less.

"You all right, Gaara? You look a bit flushed."

Gaara snapped to attention, shaking his head momentarily before focusing on Naruto, who was waving a hand before the redhead's eyes. "What? Oh, I'm fine…"

"You're sure? Maybe you should go lie down for a bit," Naruto continued with a frown of concern.

"I said I'm fine!" Gaara snapped, rubbing his cheek carefully. Itwaswarm.

"All right, all right. Suit yourself," the blond said, shrugging his shoulders as he turned back towards Sasuke. "So like I was saying, then they get to the Knights Who Say 'Ni…'"

Gaara spent the rest of the period eating his lunch in silence. How had he let himself slip up like that? It wasn't like him to let his emotions show so easily. Then again, no one else said anything – maybe Naruto was just very observant? Either way, he'd have to be careful in the future.

Suddenly, the school bell rang just above Gaara's head, signaling the end of the lunch period. Slinging his backpack over his shoulder, the redhead rose and started for the exit, along with his tablemates. After taking a few steps, however, he was drawn to a halt by a firm hand placed on his shoulder.

"Can I talk with you for a second?"

"You can talk to me all you want, but if you put your hand on me again, I'll castrate you with a rusty fork, Uchiha," Gaara replied without even looking to the speaker, brushing the offending hand from his shoulder in the process.

"Very well," Sasuke said, sticking his hands awkwardly in his pockets. "Now, tell me, what do you want from Naruto?"

"Ah, feeling threatened, are we?" Gaara responded with a slight smirk.

"No, I'm just not as naïve as Naruto is. What's your motive for becoming his friend all of a sudden? Do you really just like him, or are you planning to blackmail him or something?" Sasuke asked, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Of course not, Uchiha. I wouldn't dare hurt Naruto. If you must know why I'm so interested… well, I suppose you could say I find him intriguing."

"And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Temper, temper," the redhead continued with a wag of his finger. "Relax, Uchiha – I don't plan to steal your boyfriend from you. Not yet, anyway."

"So help me if you lay so much as a finger on him…"

"I'm kidding," Gaara said, his smirk widening to a grin. It was so much fun to watch Sasuke squirm. "Really, you need to learn to take a joke. No, the reason I find Naruto so interesting is because he bothered to save a piece of trash like you, Uchiha, and I want to know why."

Sasuke's hands tightened into fists in his pockets. "Is that so?"

"Yes. I certainly wouldn't have put myself at risk like that, which brings me to my other point of interest…"

"And that would be?"

"You, of course," Gaara announced, shooting his finger outward so that it stopped just between Sasuke's eyes. "Clearly, there's something Naruto finds fascinating about you, and I'm wondering what exactly that is. He sees something that I don't… something that I can't understand the way I am right now."

"So that's all it is, huh? You just want to learn how to be human?" Sasuke replied, a smile of satisfaction crossing his features.

"Perhaps. I wouldn't say we're all that different, though. I mean, after all, would you have done the same thing for Naruto? Saving him that is?" the redhead, continued, studying the Uchiha intently. "That's what's so interesting about you. Naruto loves you, but I can't get a good reading on you at all. Do you love Naruto? Or are you just afraid of being alone again?"

Sasuke was silent, and that was enough for Gaara to claim victory. "I'll let you think about that, Uchiha. You can give me an answer when you feel ready."

With that, the redhead started out of the now-vacant lunchroom, leaving his stupefied opponent in his wake.

Yes, you think about that carefully, Uchiha… because if you answer incorrectly, I won't hesitate to step in and give Naruto the appreciation he deserves.

xxxxx

Following school that day, Sasuke's head was still spinning with thoughts from his conversation with Gaara. He'd planned on talking to Gaara all day, hoping that he could get the redhead to admit some nefarious plot, but it had completely backfired. How did Gaara seize control of the conversation so easily? It was almost a work of art, the way he completely manipulated Sasuke like that. Had Gaara always been a wizard with words? Or was he just a pro at reading the Uchiha?

Whatever the case, he'd made Sasuke look like a complete idiot, and had utterly confused him in the process. Sasuke cursed himself under his breath as he stepped out into the early September afternoon. He thought he'd had it all figured out – he'd finally found someone who mattered to him, who he had a strong, emotional connection with, and now the entire world had been pulled out from under him.

Why do I love Naruto? I never even thought about it before. Does it matter why you love someone? Why am I even listening to Gaara, anyway? He's never loved a soul in his life… no one except himself, that is. But… I don't know why… it just bothers me.

Indeed, it was truly a dilemma. On the one hand, Sasuke knew that the fear of losing the good thing he'd found was strong – it haunted his dreams, that thought of finding everyone he cared about slaughtered once again. But, at the same time, Sasuke knew that it was more than that. If he was only concerned with loss, then he'd never be able to love ever again. That was what Kakashi, Shikamaru, and O were so afraid of – that he'd completely shut himself off from the world.

I came close to that. I resisted all of their efforts, even though they were only doing what they thought was best for me. But they won me over in the end – Naruto's a part of my life now. I don't want to let that go, but I'd never care for him to begin with unless there was some deeper connection… right?

As much as Sasuke tried to assure himself of this, however, he found that Gaara's words always brought about a resurgence of doubt. By this point, though, Sasuke had already made up his mind about what to do: he'd have to turn to the wisdom of Shikamaru.

Thus, rather than head towards home, Sasuke rounded the corner and started for the tennis courts. There, resting on a sizeable hill, lay Shikamaru, resting his head on his hands as he stared up at the clouds. Rather than disturb the Nara, Sasuke simply took a seat beside his friend, casting a shadow over his face.

"Thanks, the sun was getting in my eyes," Shikamaru mumbled, his eyes fixed on a cloud that resembled a deer.

"My pleasure," Sasuke said, trying to match his friend's disinterested tone. "How're the clouds today?"

"Peachy – now, are you gonna tell me what's up, or am I gonna have to drag it out of you?" the Nara asked, glancing over at the raven-haired teen with one eye.

"Let me guess – you saw the two of us talking earlier?"

"Bingo. So, what'd he tell you? Should we assign bodyguards to Naruto for a few weeks or something?"

"No, it's not really Gaara himself… it's more what he said," Sasuke confessed, sitting back on the grass. It must've been mown recently, as it still had that crisp, fresh-cut grass smell.

"Hmm… so this isn't about Naruto, then?" Shikamaru inquired, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

"Well, it is and it isn't." The Uchiha brushed the hair out of his eyes before continuing. "It's just… to make a long story short, I'm not sure if I really care for Naruto."

Shikamaru sat up, shooting his friend a temporary glare. "I thought we talked about this, Sasuke – you can't just keep severing your ties with the rest of the world."

"It's not like that! I don't want to lose him – I know that much – but does that really do Naruto any justice? Clinging to him just out of a fear of dying alone?"

The Nara considered this for a moment, now sitting cross-legged on the hillside. "I think I see what the problem is… you what matters most to you: Naruto, or that fear of losing what you have. I can't really give you a straight answer on that, Sasuke."

"But… how do I know which one's right?" Sasuke asked, his voice quavering with uncertainty.

"I don't know, Sasuke. I wish there was more I could do, really," Shikamaru murmured, his own frustration shining through. "All I can tell you is to search inside yourself. What is it about Naruto that first attracted you? And how do you feel about him now? I know that doesn't help a whole lot, but… well, think about that project the two of you are working on for Kakashi's class. What did you learn about Naruto? I think if you bothered to learn anything about him at all, then that's a pretty good sign that you genuinely care for him."

Sasuke mulled this over for a bit. What had he learned about Naruto? His favorite color was orange. He loved ramen. His dad's name was Iruka. His best friend was Kiba. And, of course, there was that whole incident with Kyuubi. That was probably the most significant thing – to know that Naruto had suffered so tremendously, but still managed to have a positive outlook on life.

Wait. How much do I know about everyone else? I've never been to one of O's concerts – has he ever even had a concert? I don't know what's behind Kakashi's mask. And Shikamaru… have I ever even met his parents? They come every year for Parent's Weekend… why was I never there?

"Shikamaru… I've been a terrible friend," the Uchiha concluded, his voice soft with shame and remorse.

"Whoa, where did that come from?" Shikamaru replied with a nervous laugh. "I thought we were talking about Naruto?"

"We are… it's just, I realize I've learned so much about him. Even though I'm afraid of losing him… of losing all of you… I know that he really matters to me. The thing is, I don't think I've ever shown you, O, or Kakashi the same kind of appreciation. And I'm sorry for it."

Shikamaru stared at his friend for a moment, not sure exactly what to say. Sasuke understood the Nara's confusion perfectly – a week ago, Sasuke would've simply brushed off these feelings as unnecessary. It was almost as if…

"You've changed, Sasuke," Shikamaru concluded with a soft smile.

"What do you mean?" the Uchiha stammered, feeling a bit of color rush to his cheeks.

"You know exactly what I mean. This short time you've spent with Naruto – he's grown on you already."

"I wouldn't go that far," Sasuke muttered, turning his head to the side in mock offense. "I mean, I'm still not sure how I feel about the guy."

"And that's fine. Take your time," Shikamaru said, waving a hand dismissively in the air. "We don't expect you to change overnight – in fact, I don't want you to. As much of an ass as you can be sometimes, it wouldn't be the same if you became all bright and bubbly all of a sudden. I'm just saying, I can see that he's important to you. I think you just need to spend a bit more time with him so you can see it for yourself."

Was it true? Had he already changed so noticeably? It was true, he was no longer ignoring his emotions anymore. Sure, he didn't exactly embrace them either, but he actually dwelled on them, contemplated his feelings as they came up throughout the day. It was step up – however small – from the cold prick that used to condemn every living soul to hell.

Again, Sasuke's thoughts were soon interrupted by the distinct chime of Shikamaru's phone, which the Nara began searching for in his cargo pants. When he finally located the ringing object, he flipped it open and answered it with a sigh.

"Hello?"

Sasuke stared up at his friend in a mixture of confusion and horror as the Nara's face contorted into a wicked grin.

"Oh, you want to talk about Sasuke? Well, I'll tell you what – he's right here. Why don't you ask him yourself?" With that, Shikamaru tossed the phone onto Sasuke's chest with his still-prominent smirk. "It's for you."

Sasuke hesitantly picked the phone of his chest and brought it up to his ear, saying, "Hello?"

"Hey, Sasuke! It's Naruto!"

The Uchiha felt his heart sink, but only for a second, for it was soon replaced by a surge of anger. Damn you, Shikamaru… "Hey, what's up?"

"All right, I'm just writing this paper for Kakashi's class – the one that's due tomorrow, remember? – and I've got most of it done. I'm just wondering, though – what do you want me to write about… well, us? Our relationship?"

"I don't care, Naruto. Write whatever you want – I'm pretty sure Kakashi already knows what's up anyway," Sasuke sighed, glaring at a chuckling Shikamaru.

"Sasuke! I'm serious! What do you want me to include? I mean, this is supposed to be your life story, right?" Naruto pouted on the other end, greatly reducing the Uchiha's irritation.

I see what he saying – he wants to know how much he matters to me. Kind of an indirect way of asking, but that's Naruto for you. Geez, I wish he wouldn't put me on the spot like this though… in the grand scheme of things, how important is Naruto Uzumaki?

Well, let's think about this. He's not the first person I've cared about since my parents died – that would be Kakashi – but… somehow it's still a step up from where I was before. I' m not sure if it's really love, per se, but it's definitely a stronger feeling. I guess… he's the first person I've felt this kind of bond with in a very long time…

"Yoo-hoo, Sasuke! You there? Do you want me to include it or not?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Naruto. Look, here's the thing: we've only really known each other a week, right? And this paper's only supposed to be, what, three pages?"

"Yeah, three pages, double-spaced, 12-point font, etc," Naruto replied in a bored drone as he rattled off the requirements.

"Well, considering you have to talk about sixteen years in just a few pages, I think it would be best…"

"I get it, I get it – I'll leave it out, all right?"

"… if you kept our relationship to a paragraph… or two," Sasuke concluded, feeling himself blush under Shikamaru's amused gaze.

There was silence on the other end as the Uchiha's words sank in, followed by a loud exclamation the nearly destroyed Sasuke's eardrum. "SURE! Okay, great. I'll try not to embarrass you too much, okay? All right, well, thanks for the help, Sasuke! I'd better get this thing finished now. So… talk to you later, I guess. And, oh yeah, feel free to write about me too, if you want, that is. Later!"

As soon as the static-filled screeches died down on the other end of the line, Sasuke flipped the cell phone shut and tossed it back to Shikamaru, who snatched in midair before returning it to his pocket. "I take it that helped answer your question, then?" the Nara said, extending a hand to help his friend off the ground.

"Yeah, you could say that," Sasuke replied, clasping the proffered hand.

"So, what're you gonna do about Gaara, then?" Shikamaru grunted as he pulled Sasuke to his feet. "You planning on talking to him again tomorrow?"

"Please, he's not worth the effort. Let him think what he wants – I've got more important things to do."

"Really, like what?" Shikamaru asked as the two of them started down the road towards their respective homes.

"Well, for one, I'm gonna have to add a bit to my paper."

Shikamaru didn't say another word, but instead faced forward with a look of a satisfaction as the two of them walked towards the setting, afternoon sun.