Chapter 10.
The show that night was great. She managed to refuel with snacks, intermittently and subtly. It probably wasn't her best performance ever but she gave a good one and the crowd loved it. Having Avery on the side, watching her was a huge help and she felt so lucky that she still had him as a close friend. After all she had put him through, and what they were about to face, he was still there, literally waiting in the wings.
After the show she decided against the after show party. Gunnar and Zoey were a little surprised, but they knew she had been ill so accepted it. They also looked surprised to learn Avery was staying with Juliette that night.
"Just as friends," Avery had told them. They didn't say anymore.
Once back in the room, Juliette went to get ready for bed. She emerged in a shorts and vest set. Quite modest, and Avery was relieved. He had been worried that she was going try something on with him. However much he wanted to, he knew it wasn't fair on either of them.
Avery went to get ready and Juliette checked her messages. She saw the doctor had managed to get a scan for 1pm the next day. The familiar feeling of dread resurfaced and she tentatively walked over to the bathroom and called through the door.
"The scan's booked for 1pm tomorrow," she called softly.
Avery opened the door, standing in his boxer shorts.
"How you feeling about it all?"
"I'm trying not to think about it until tomorrow," she sighed.
Avery nodded, he understood. He was feeling the same.
"By the way, I didn't bring anything to sleep in, so it's going to have to be these," he grinned awkwardly.
"Don't worry. It's not like you're irresistible or anything," she shot him her mischief look again and this time it was his turn to act hurt.
"Thanks very much!"
"Hey, you started it with the fatty comments!"
He laughed. "But you are a bit fat now, with your gumbo baby," he gave a mock sympathetic look.
"And you're not irresistible,"
On impulse he reached out and grabbed her round the waist to tickle her. She shrieked with surprise, laughing, but also gasping at the sudden contact.
He released her. "I'm sorry, forgot myself for a minute."
"It's fine, we were just having a bit of fun. It cheered me up anyway."
They got into bed and looked at each other awkwardly.
""It's going to be ok," he said softly and reached over and put his arm around her.
She snuggled into him, and they lay like that for a while.
The touch of their bare skin on each other was comforting but also sensual. They craved each other so much, and being in bed, that close, further intensified, more than either of them had contemplated.
They were both silently fighting with themselves.
"Goodnight," he said, kissing her on the top of the head.
"Goodnight," she murmured. She had never felt so overwhelmed. The tension hung around the room as they both turned over, away from each other. Trying to put distance between themselves in hope that they could distance themselves from these intense feelings, that seemed to be growing further at a rapid rate.
Avery lay there with his eyes wide open. His mind was racing. He could be a father, the woman lying next to him, that he loved with all his heart, may be carrying his baby. She still loved him, he knew that. Their love was immense, it ran so deep. He felt he may never find his way out of it. What would that mean for him, for his future? What if the baby wasn't his? Could he love it like it was? It would be hers, afterall, and there was nothing he loved more than her.
Juliette lay there, praying it was Avery's, not Jeff's. Hoping he would want the baby and even if they couldn't be together, be a father to their baby. If it was Jeff's she wouldn't let him be a part of the baby's life. She couldn't do that to the man she loved so deeply. Even if that meant accepting that they would never be together.
"Avery? Are you awake?"
"Yeah."
He turned over and came face to face with those eyes full of sorrow and pain.
"I don't think I'm going to make a very good mama," she said, as tears formed in her eyes again.
He brought up his hand a brushed away the first tear as it fell, and stroked the side of her face and then her head, feeling the softness of her hair.
"You are going to be the best mama, I just know it,"
"If it's yours, then you will be the most amazing father. I would be so proud to have you as the father of my child."
He let the emotion overwhelm him as the tears rolled down his own face. He couldn't stand it. He moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her on the forehead and then on the nose and then finally he pressed his mouth against hers. At first she moved back, in surprise, but then he felt her mouth open and their tongues found each other as they shared the most amazing and passionate kiss. She gasped as the kisses quickened their pace and became more frantic, as their tongues explored the familiar territory, full of excitement and love.
His hands moved down her body. He wanted to touch her all over. He had missed just touching her caressing her, breathing in her scent, feeling her quivering against his touch.
He pulled her as close as he could and stroked her back underneath her vest top. They continued kissing and she finally moved her hands from his face and chest and began to rub his back.
She pulled back suddenly. He continued to hold her as they stared into each other's eyes.
"I'm not sure we should do this," she said, hesitating.
"Really?" he said, surprised.
"Well, if you don't want to be with me, as my boyfriend, then I'm just not sure it's a good idea. I mean, I'm so not emotionally strong enough to cope with the consequences. I just don't think it's fair. I'm trying to get over you, but I still love you. Having sex with you, well I can't not connect with you on an even deeper level, so it would set me back a lot. There is so much going on right now," she looked at him regretfully, as she pushed away from him.
"I'm sorry, Juliette. I guess I just got caught up in the moment."
"So did I…it's fine. But we should get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow," that familiar feeling of dread returned to her stomach.
"Ok, goodnight," he said quietly, squeezing her hand.