Chapter Six - Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken
Finally. Finally she could concentrate on her homework, on having fun with Marlene. Finally she was allowed some peace and quiet.
Until now.
"Hey Lily", Remus smiled at her, "hey Marlene. Can I join you?"
"Sure... I just thought you'd be patrolling with Potter?"
It was Lily's night off, as he had promised the night he had to leave her to be with Remus. Foolishly, Lily had assumed that Remus would accompany his friend.
"Nah, Padfoot is. To be honest, I'm glad to have an evening without the troublesome duo", Remus laughed and sat down in the armchair next to the fire.
The Common Room was full of students, chatting and laughing, working on their homework or playing Exploding Snap, Wizard Chess and other games. Lily and Marlene, too, had been chatting about the previous events. About how Sirius Black had asked Marlene out. The blond was beaming as she told her best friend. It was so damn cute. In a way, Lily envied her. Marlene's crush had asked her out. Lily didn't even have a crush. And if she considered Potter to be hers... well. He hadn't asked her out. Not lately. Would she decline? Would she finally give in and go on a date with him? She didn't even know the answer.
"Black and Potter? Alone in the dark? The seventh floor all to themselves? Merlin, help me!" Lily jumped out of the sofa.
"I've got to follow them! I can't trust them!"
"Lily, calm down... You're still wound up because of the latest events." Marlene sighed and softly dragged her friend down next to her.
"Marlene's right, Lily. James told me what happened and to be fair: you both behaved like kindergarteners. I also hope you acknowledge him showing you our secret."
"I do." Lily sighed. "I really do. It's an amazing room and I'd love to go back there someday. But they are on this floor right now, Remus. Don't you think they'll just vanish and leave the castle to itself?"
"Did James ever act irresponsible about his Head Boy duties?"
"He didn't... still. I need to follow them. Sorry." She shot her friends an apologetic look before leaving the Common Room.
Seventh floor, that's where she was heading right now. She was so sure they were up to something. Maybe not. Actually, she did trust James with his duties. He was responsible concerning Quidditch and homework. She didn't trust Black, though. And she was still angry, just like Marlene had said. She wanted to get them busted as revenge.
Quite proud of her little plan, Lily slowed down as soon as she heard the pair of them. She hid behind a corner, watching the boys as they were sitting on the floor right opposite of the Room of Requirement.
"Oh, stop that shit, Prongs! I'm so sick of your depressive guitar music. Especially that song. Can't you at least play a different one? It's really getting on my nerves. You've played that one three times already since we're patrolling! Are you even allowed to bring your guitar? We're supposed to patrol and be grown-ups, Prongs."
Lily rolled her eyes. The sarcasm in Black's voice was hard to miss. Was Potter allowed to play the guitar? She didn't know. Possibly not, as it was disturbing the silence.
"It's a very beautiful and deep song", she heard Potter defending himself. His guitar skills were quite nice, Lily had to admit. She liked boys with guitars.
But she didn't like James Potter, no, she told herself.
"James! It's freaking sad! Love of my life you've hurt me, you've broken my heart and now you leave me. It's not beautiful, it's depressing and it gets you down. Stop singing about Evans and go get her! Get your shit together, Prongs. It's nearly Halloween. Ask her out, be nice to her, I don't care! Just sort it out, okay?"
Sirius sighed, patting James on the back.
"Mate, you don't have much time to win her over anymore. She's a nice girl and you've been in love with her for oh so many years. I'm tired of listening to you whining about it. Make her decide. Either she goes out with you or you'll stop asking her out forever. Trust me, she'll go out with you. My magical third eye is telling me this."
"As if." James rolled his eyes. "I bet Marlene told you something. Lily and I, we just had a pretty huge fight a few days ago and I wanna let it cool off first. And maybe I ask her out. Maybe I ask her to dance with me at the Halloween party."
Lily had heard enough. They clearly weren't patrolling but they weren't messing around either. So she made a courageous decision: to join them.
Clearing her throat, she walked round the corner.
"Good evening. Potter, Black." She nodded at both of them, smiling slightly, "I'm sorry. I didn't trust you, so I followed you. And what do I see? You're sitting around on the floor, doing nothing at all."
Lily thought that being honest with the pair of them was her best shot at not being asked to leave.
"That's not entirely true, Evans", Sirius grinned, "James was playing the guitar. Wanna join us?" He patted on the spot next to him and, after some hesitation, Lily sat down.
"He's playing the guitar? I didn't hear that. Could you play something? Please?" Lily smiled softly. Somehow, she wanted to apologize for her behaviour the previous evening. But without actually apologizing to him.
"Sure it's allowed, Evans? You're Head Girl, you should know the rules."
The Gryffindor girl found it hard to not roll her eyes at James' snarky comment.
"Yeah, I'm not sure 'bout that. But I suppose as long as it doesn't wake anyone up, it's fine."
James shrugged his shoulders. "Why don't you just go back, hm? Oh, yeah, sorry. Forgot you don't trust us. I wonder if it has anything to do with us being Marauders. Nah, can't be this, as Miss Evans surely doesn't have any prejudices against anyone or anything."
"Oh come on." The red-head sighed in frustration. Why was he so damn stubborn? But then again: so was she. Right now, Lily was actually happy to sit next to Sirius. He was a wall, he was there, so there wouldn't be any fighting between her and James again. At least she hoped so.
"I'd love to hear you play. I've been told you're rather good but I've never heard you. Pretty please? For me?" Inwardly, Lily rolled her eyes. He most certainly had her where he wanted her all along: begging.
"Why should I do anything for you?" James practically spat out, "Why should I do my bed if it's gonna be messy again anyway? Why should I bother cleaning my glasses if I'll make them dirty again only seconds later? Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken? Who wants to keep fighting if we're gonna die anyway?"
"I've had enough with the pair of you", Sirius growled at them, "James, go to bed, I really don't wanna patrol with you this evening. You're ruining the mood and I was so excited about being in the castle at night. Legally, that is. But with your sadness and deep philosophical questions... I'm just fed up. It's the same shit whenever Evans rejects you or you've gotten into a fight with her. Man up."
Sirius shook his head, standing up.
"You're coming, Lily-Pad?" His ask was directed towards Lily, his hand stretched out for her to grab.
She hesitated a few seconds, but took it, smiling at Sirius.
"Of course I'm coming. Someone has to patrol, am I right? I guess it's just you and me then", Lily added as James left without a word.
"He's pissed. Because you had a fight, because I get to go with you."
"He's not jealous, is he?"
"Nah. James knows that we'd never ever try to flirt with you. You might have noticed that neither Remus nor I tried to do that."
"I suppose that's because you're not interested." Lily shrugged her shoulders. It never occurred to her that the Marauders never made any attempts. Apart from James, that is.
"Remus had quite a crush on you in fourth year, I had one on you in second year. As if we'd ever try anything. James would've killed us in a split second without even thinking about it."
Sirius chuckled and shot Lily a glance.
"Don't look so shocked! Most guys have a crush on you at some point in time. Just like most girls have a crush on James and me at some point in time."
"You're clearly full of yourself and trying to make fun of me."
"I'm so not! Though, come to think 'bout it, if Moony or me really had fallen in love with you, James would've done everything to help us get you. Because he loves us a great deal."
"Yeah, I know he does. He wouldn't do what he does for Remus if he wouldn't love all you troubled guys."
"We're not troubled!" Sirius pouted, "Well... maybe. Maybe we are troubled. Me, the pariah with the pureblood family who hates them as much as humanly possible, Moony the stigmatized clever shy boy and Wormtail the rather unattractive and rather plain little boy. But we like to be trouble rather than being troubled."
Sirius grinned at her and the grin reminded her so much of James. They were really close, she knew but she'd never noticed the true similarities between the two young men. The grin was nearly the same, though James' had more flirt in it while Sirius' contained a great deal of mischief. Why did she even notice? Why did she even care?
"You surly are trouble, I can give you that", Lily giggled, "but actually, and I'll kill you if you ever tell anyone, actually you Marauders are fun to be around. You're funny and witty and sarcastic and sometimes even clever. And I like Remus a lot."
"Well, you two were Prefects. That's why James knows so much about you. He had Moony as a spy. Sorta. Not in the creepy way, though."
Lily grinned and shook her head. "Anyway, we really have to patrol, my dearest Mr. Black."
"Oh, I'm so very sorry, Miss Evans", he laughed and softly cuddled her, "Let's get going then! Floor Seven and Six to patrol. Doesn't it get boring? Just walking through the castle, keeping your eyes open?"
"It does a bit, yes... But James... Potter and I, we either fight or talk, so it's not that bad."
She saw Sirius grinning at her slip of tongue but he didn't comment on it, so she didn't mention it either.
"You talk? Prongs told me otherwise. He says you either fight or don't say a word. Lily, he's freaking afraid of talking to you. He keeps thinking that whatever he says, it'll upset you."
"But..." It startled Lily. How could he think so low of her? "But... I'd never be upset if he talked to me. Or angry at him or something like that. Never."
"Never, Lily-Pad, never?" Sirius chuckled and put his arm around her shoulder. Lily didn't even mind. She quite liked it. As if they were friends for ages and she enjoyed the intimacy between them. Not as lovers but as friends. She was a bit shocked about how quickly she had grown to like Sirius Black but it had happened and she was glad.
"You've left him devastated oh so many times. I don't know if you remember but that one was really hard for him to get over. In sixth year, after a Potions class, he's asked you what you've smelled in the Armortentia. Because he truly wanted to know what you like. Remember your answer?"
Lily nodded, quite ashamed of her younger self. "I told him to shove off and that I do clearly not smell him, that whatever smell surrounds him would be in a potion of things that make me puke... I didn't know he was honest. I thought he'd just wanted to do what he always does: flirt with me and tell me that all he smelled was my scent."
"What did you smell?" Sirius squeezed her in a friendly manner, before letting go of her and beaming at Lily. "I'd love to know. No way better to get to know someone than by knowing what they love most. Would you tell me if I promise not to tell Prongs?"
"You can tell him for all I care but you have to tell me what you smelled first", she grinned at him mischievously.
Sirius laughed out loud. "You've learned a lot, Lily-Pad. Come a long way! Okay, so it might not surprise you but I've smelled James and Remus. The Amortentia also smelled like the cookies of James' mum, like Christmas with him and Moony, like the first snow at Hogwarts. It smelled like a wet dog, because I do love myself and my dog-self. So yeah, that's me." Sirius smiled softly.
"They're my family and I love them so very much. Of course they're what I've smelled. So now, what about you, hm?"
Lily sighed but nodded. "Okay, I guess it's just fair. But to be honest, I'm not so sure about what it smelled like."
"How can you not know?"
"There was this scent... I know I know it. I know I've caught a whiff of it somewhere. But I can't remember where and when and what exactly it even is. But apart from that, I smelled rain and grass and new books."
"What did the mystic scent smell like?"
"I can't describe a scent", Lily protested but upon seeing Sirius' pleading face, she resigned and sighed. "It smelled... wet. But nice wet, sorta damp. It smelled like freedom and air and adventure. I know I know it but... I have no idea."
She sighed. Lily had spent ages trying to figure it out. Marlene had tried to help her but whatever they came up with and tried, it just wasn't the scent. She wanted to find it so desperately.
"Mhh... something damp and free. Sounds like Quidditch", Sirius chuckled, "Quidditch is sweaty and full of freedom. But that can't be it. When should you've ever smelled that?"
"Exactly! I have no idea and it really bugs me. I'm not used to not-knowing."
"Have you tried it with Quidditch then?"
"Nah, never did. Never occurred to us."
"Then we'll try it. Tonight. Now."
"We can't."
"Why not? I've got a plan. We'll meet in let's say fifteen minutes on the pitch. And we'll find out."
"I... Sirius. Seriously?"
"Yeah", he grinned, "Seriously. Come on then, Lily-Pad. Do it! Be adventurous!"
She sighed, considering the pros and cons of it.
Pro: she'd be able to eliminate another option.
Cons: she'd be breaking a school's rule.
"Oh, screw it! Let's be adventurous! Let's meet at the Quidditch pitch in fifteen minutes. But I'll ask Marlene if she's coming with us."
"Nah, no need to. I'm going back to the Common Room anyway so I can bring her around. Deal?"
"Deal", Lily nodded, surprised of her own decision.
Their ways parted only to be joined again a few minutes later. Lily was standing on the pitch, anxiously waiting for Sirius and Marlene to come back. In the distance, she saw a few hooded figures making their way towards her. Four, to be exact.
"I hope you don't mind. Peter couldn't come, he's already asleep. But I thought that we'd need a proper Quidditch player to test it, so I dragged James along."
"I don't mind at all", Lily smiled at them, hugged Marlene and Remus.
"So get ready then! We've got a few more brooms so Moony and I can fly as well, to challenge Prongs a bit."
"As if you'd be a challenge", James smirked and head off into the night's sky.
Lily and Marlene sat down on the damp grass, watching the boys play. It was rather hard, during the night, but the stars shone bright enough to make out their figures.
"So, Lils... did Sirius talk about me?"
Lily grinned. Oh, Marlene was so damn cute.
"He didn't but he was in a splendid mood and very nice and charming. If you ask me, I think he really likes you."
"Well, I hope so! I really really freaking like him, you know?
" I know. He's a nice chap, actually."
"Ah, I sense someone has changed their opinion on Marauders, huh?" Marlene teased her and cuddled her best friend.
"I did, yeah. James can still be a prick but he's genuinely nice and so is Sirius. I liked Remus since first grade!"
"I know, just mocking you a bit."
They continued talking for a while, watching the three tossing the Quaffle around. Lily had to admit: James was a freakingly talented Chaser.
After a while, the Marauders landed, laughing and chatting while making their way towards the girls, sitting down next to them.
"So, Lily-Pad, smell me." Sirius grinned at her, gaining himself a soft slap from Marlene.
"Oi, Sirius! That's not a thing to say to your best friend's crush."
"That's how Sirius flirts", James smirked, making Marlene roll her eyes.
"Well, as long as he kisses better than he flirts..." Lily shrugged her shoulders, throwing Marlene a knowing look.
"Guys, are you freaking serious?" James rolled his eyes, running his fingers through his black hair.
"Nah, I'm fucking Sirius." Marlene stuck out her tongue.
"You... what?" Lily looked at her best friend, clearly confused. "Really? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Well... I don't wanna discuss this here or right now! Sirius's right. Go smell him!"
"I can't believe it..." The red-head was still shocked that apparently her best friend hadn't told her about her new relationship. Though, to be fair, Lily hadn't have much time lately. Always complaining about Potter, school, patrols.
Lily shook her head. Snap out of it, she told herself, there're more important things to figure out.
She took a deep breath, taking a few seconds to consider everything she smelled.
"Nothing, no. Sorry."
"Nah, we're sorry", Sirius smiled at her, "I'd hoped we could've helped but we're kinda useless, aren't we?"
"Not at all", Lily smiled, "you're all wonderful."
But there was one thing Lily didn't tell them. She had to understand it herself before telling anyone. The scent, the damp adventure of freedom. It was there.