I'm going to apologize in advance for this chapter. I was going to make it longer with a few additional scenes after the end, but I decided those scenes would work better in the next chapter. My goal is to have the next chapter up sooner to make up for it. Anyway, thank you all again for reading and reviewing, and on with the chapter!

39. Stabbed by the Flash of a Neon Light

When Sasuke awoke, the van wasn't moving. He thought that they had arrived in Suna overnight, but glancing out the window, he realized this wasn't the case. Instead, they were parked outside a rest area in what appeared to be the exact middle of nowhere. He looked around in momentary confusion before he felt his hair being ruffled.

"Good morning, sleepy-head. Pleasant dreams?"

Batting the hand away from his head, Sasuke glanced over his shoulder to find a smiling Orochimaru staring down at him. "Oh… morning, O."

"A little grouchy, aren't we? Then again, I guess I would be too if I spent the past eight hours sleeping in a van like this. You had your face pressed against the glass all night – it did not look comfortable," O responded with a chuckle.

Sasuke rubbed his cheek. It did feel sore, but it paled in comparison to the sharp pain in his backside. Apparently Naruto really was as big as he looked. "Where the hell are we, anyway? I thought we'd be in Suna by now."

"We would, but Kidomaru was too cheap to stop for gas, so we had to get out and push for a mile or so. They're inside eating breakfast now – did you want some?"

The Uchiha waved his hand. "No thanks. Not really hungry."

Taking a seat beside Sasuke, O sighed. "I thought you might say that – that's why I decided to wait here."

"I appreciate it, but there's no need. Go ahead and have your breakfast. I'll be fine on my own."

"Oh, Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke… I know you keep saying that to yourself, but I know as well as you do that it's not true," the snake-man said, shaking his head disapprovingly. "If it was, you wouldn't have come to us last night in the first place."

He's got me there…

"What do you want from me, then?"

"All I want is for you to tell me what's going on. As far as the others are concerned, you're only here to enjoy some indie music. I know better. What happened last night?" O pressed, staring at the Uchiha with an unusual degree of seriousness. "Did you and Naruto…?"

"Do it? Yes," Sasuke replied curtly, avoiding the man's gaze.

"And since you're here, I'm going to assume you weren't ready."

"Right."

"Then why did you do it?" O asked rhetorically.

"Because I'm an idiot, all right?" Sasuke exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration. He took a breath and composed himself rather quickly, turning his attention out the window once more. "I guess I wanted to make him happy."

"So what changed? If you ran away in the night, I hardly think you had his happiness in mind. Did you have a change of heart?"

"No… I was glad I did it at the time. I don't think I've ever been more in love with him than I was right then," Sasuke admitted with a warm smile. "But that's just it. I know that feeling. It's how I felt about my parents, and Itachi – both of them were taken away from me, though. And when you really care about someone like that, when you feel like your life is complete, like they were the missing pieces in the jigsaw puzzle of your soul, having that taken away from you is enough to crush even the strongest of spirits."

"Jigsaw puzzle of your soul… interesting. Well, tell me, Sasuke – does that mean you resent me?"

"Resent you?" Sasuke asked, tilting his head to the side quizzically.

"Right. I mean, you met me after your parents died. After Itachi became distant. Yet, here you are, confiding in me. Obviously I've become an important part of your life, too. Am I one of those jigsaw pieces, then? Was your soul really complete with what you had? Or did you just feel like it was?"

The raven-haired teen shook his head. "No, I don't resent you. But you can't replace what I had – it's like you're a piece from a different puzzle. It's like it's complete, but it doesn't match. It's not the same. Nothing can bring back what I've lost."

Orochimaru rubbed his chin as he considered the metaphor. "And what about Shikamaru and Kakashi? Are they different pieces as well?"

"Exactly. They fit into my life, but I can still feel that emptiness. And I know how vulnerable that puzzle is. All it takes is one blow to send the pieces flying into the air. The more pieces there are, the more vulnerable to puzzle becomes."

"And what about Naruto?"

"Him too."

O nodded before reaching over for his guitar on the adjoining seat. He plucked a string. "You know – I don't agree with your analogy at all, Sasuke. I think it's horribly flawed, and, really, it's beneath you. I know you're better than something as weak as that, even first thing in the morning."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow doubtfully. "Is that so? Like you could do any better."

"Well, let me give it a shot here. Have you ever played the game Katamari Damacy?"

"The game with the ball?"

"That's the one. See, imagine your soul is like a plain old katamari. There's nothing on it yet – it's just a ball. That's how you're born. If you try to do anything, though, your little katamari soul will attach itself to any relationship it can find. Your parents, for example. Your possessions. Your friends. Your pets. They're all little objects building up on your bare katamari."

"You're seriously making this argument?"

Orochimaru laughed. "Keep an open mind here. Now, of course, just because you have a relationship stuck to your katamari soul doesn't mean that it's going to stay there forever. As more aspects of the relationship pile atop one another, adding layer after layer to your katamari, it becomes stronger, but it can also become a hindrance. It's hard to move emotionally when your katamari can't roll forward because it's so lopsided. And then, when some terrible event comes and strikes your katamari soul, tearing that key relationship from you, it's truly crippling. You have nothing left to cling to – you have to start from scratch."

"So what are you suggesting?"

Plucking another string, Orochimaru continued. "I'm saying that the reason you were hurt so terribly before was because you didn't have many strong relationships in your life. It was just you and your family, and when that was taken away from you, it left you emotionally vulnerable. You had no one to trust except maybe Kakashi – he was a definite, albeit weak influence in your early life."

"But now I'm building up again. Rolling up more relationships in my 'katamari soul,' as you'd say," Sasuke said, with appropriate air quotes.

"Yes – over the years you've rebuilt, but it's been lopsided again. It's only been a few of us – me, Kakashi, Shikamaru. Now you've met Naruto, and you realize that your relationship with him in particular is the most powerful. You don't want that relationship to be destroyed, though, so you're trying to avoid it, to push it away."

Sasuke was silent.

"You admit it, then? You're just stalling, trying to ignore the facts."

"What do you want me to do? I… I can't live without him," the Uchiha said, his voice breaking as tears formed in his eyes.

"Then why are you trying to?" Orochimaru challenged, seizing the teen's shoulders. "That's what you're doing, you realize that, right? You're trying to live without Naruto voluntarily, so you won't be hurt by having him torn from your side."

"So what? It's like in your analogy – if I just keep the relationship at the base level, so it doesn't become lopsided, I won't have to run the risk of it crippling me."

"Ah – but you forget. Your relationship with Naruto is more rounded than it was with your parents. You've made friends with Kiba, Gaara, Lee, Choji – all these other relationships act as support for that key tie to Naruto. Even if he's taken from you, you'll at least have them to help you through your difficult times. They'll be the ones to cherish his memory as well, so he can live on forever."

Sasuke shifted uncomfortably. "You make it sound like an inevitability."

"Only because you're acting like it is. Remember, I was the one who believed Naruto's promise he made a few weeks ago – that he'd never leave you alone again as long as you live," Orochimaru countered as he strummed on the guitar. "I think you need to take a close look at your feelings, Sasuke. Think about how much Naruto really means to you. Are the good times you hope to spend with him really worth giving up just so you can avoid the possible misery of his loss?"

"I don't even know what to think anymore," Sasuke concluded with a depressed sigh. "Did you know Kakashi was dating Naruto's dad?"

"Does it really matter? It's not like any of you are actually family."

"But… it's weird! If they got together, it'd be like Naruto was my brother!"

O gave the teen a stern look. "It sounds to me like you're just looking for excuses now. There's no reason why Kakashi's love life should influence yours. You know how you feel about Naruto – stop trying to avoid it and face it head on!"

Sasuke knew O was right: he was running. Knowing that was not enough for the Uchiha to stop, though. Even if he could deal with the emotional problems surrounding Naruto and Kakashi, there was still one key issue that was haunting him, one that he could not bear to tackle just yet: Itachi.

He… he killed them – in cold blood! Why? Why didn't he kill me, too? Was he going to? Was that his plan the whole time – just lying in wait for the perfect opportunity to strike? How many times did he watch me in my sleep, fantasizing about slitting my throat…?

The teen shuddered. "I can't."

Orochimaru nodded as he set down the guitar. "I saw the papers this morning – about Itachi, that is. That's fucked up, if you ask me."

"You knew?"

"I didn't until an hour ago. I figured that had something to do with why you came to us, but I wanted to hear your reasoning before I jumped to any conclusions. Something tells me you were already looking to run away, but that… that was just the icing on the cake."

Sasuke sighed, his breath fogging up the window. "You could say that. I only wanted some time so I could think over what had happened with Naruto. I wasn't planning on running away. But with everything else… I was just overwhelmed."

"I understand – I just wanted to make you realize that at least one of your problems was being blown out of proportion. Everything that's happened with Naruto has been good for you. I've never seen you so happy. Even if it's tough, thinking about what might happen, you can't deny the joys you've found with him," the snake-man said, placing a hand on the teen's shoulder. "Now, as for Itachi, you know you can't run from him, either."

"I… I can't do it. I can't even think of him without feeling sick."

"No one ever said you'd have to go right this minute. You're free to stay here until you're ready, but we're not going to let you hide from reality. After all, you're the head of the Uchiha branch of Akatsuki now. That's a huge responsibility."

Sasuke's eyes widened – he hadn't considered that. What if they lost everything? The mansion? Their fortune? His breathing quickened. "Why? Why is this all happening to me? WHY?"

"Calm down, Sasuke – remember: you have friends, like me and Kakashi and Naruto. We'll help you through this."

Glancing up into O's smiling face, the Uchiha felt mildly better. Yes, he was still queasy, but at least he felt like there was still hope. He could make it through this, somehow.

"Maybe I should give Naruto a call… tell him I'm okay," Sasuke said, digging around in his pocket for his phone.

"You'd better wait until we get into town. There's no reception out here to speak of," Orochimaru responded as he peered out the window. "Shouldn't be too much longer – it looks like Kabuto and the others are done. Better buckle up."

Following the older man's advice, Sasuke sat up in his seat while Kabuto, Kidomaru, and Tayuya climbed aboard the van. None of them said a word to Sasuke about Itachi, or even asked why he had joined them. There was an unspoken understanding that Sasuke would open up when he felt ready. Sasuke was glad for that – although he trusted O enough to tell him about his troubles, he had never felt such a connection with the rest of Sound Village.

Though the engine struggled to get started, after a few tries at the ignition Kidomaru managed to get it going, and soon they were all on their way. Sasuke gazed lazily out the window as they drove along, watching as they drove over miles upon miles of forest, with a thin stream running through the middle. Soon, things became rocky as they neared the mountains separating Konoha from Suna – it would only be an hour or so until they reached the other side. All Sasuke had to do was lay back and rest his eyes, and soon they'd arrive at the desert city.

At least, that's what Sasuke thought. Nearing the mountains, the travelers found themselves underneath a dark storm cloud, which immediately poured down upon the road.

"Damn rain… couldn't make this easy for us, could it?" Kidomaru cursed as he turned the windshield wipers on full blast. "I can barely even see in this shit…"

"Quit complaining, you fuckin' pussy," Tayuya snapped before returning to tuning her flute. "I offered to drive, but apparently your pride wouldn't allow it."

"No, I said I'd rather survive this trip, thank you very much. Everyone knows women can't drive."

"You want to repeat that, asshole?"

"I said women can't drive. They're too easily distracted by the good-looking guys like myself."

"Oh, please – this is coming from the guy who was hitting on a fuckin' transvestite all night at that club. Remember that, Kidomaru? Or were you too shit-faced?"

"Tayuya, would you shut the hell up?" Kidomaru snapped, glaring over his shoulder at the redhead.

"Kido – watch the road!" Kabuto exclaimed.

All Sasuke could see was the bright flash of headlights before everything went dark, his ears deafened by bursting glass and crunching metal.

Yes, I'm a cruel author. I'm a fan of cliffhangers, what can I say? So... that little journey to Suna was cut short rather abruptly. What will happen now? I don't even dare to say anything more, lest I give it away. I'll leave it up to you to guess. Anyway, thank you for reading, and remember - review!