Chapter Eight - If you ever forget how much you really mean to me, everyday I will remind you

It was long after midnight when the Marauders came back into the Gryffindor common room. Lily had fallen asleep in her armchair by the fire and only woke up when someone kissed her forehead.

"Hey Lily-Pads."

"Hey Sirius", murmured Lily and sat up with a big yawn, "How's Remus doing?"

"I'm fine... It's just... I'm so sorry, honestly, I swear, I'm so so so bloody sorry, I.."

"Shut it, Moony. It's not your fault", Sirius smiled at him.

Lily was a bit shocked to see Remus like this. She had seen him after the last full moon, the one in October. This time he seemed to be unharmed but completely out of his mind. This was even more alarming to her than any physical wound.

"Where are Peter and James? Where are they? Are they okay? Did something happen to Peter?"

"Not Peter, no..." Remus shook his head. He was even more pale than usual, his eyes full of terror and disgust. Lily could only imagine how much he hated himself for harming any of his friends.

"He got injured very badly", Sirius took over, "It wasn't Remus' fault. No, don't even try to argue! Wormtail is still with him. He'll have to spend the next couple of nights in the Hospital Wing and will probably not be able to play Quidditch for at least a week."

"And I'm so sorry!" Remus sat down in the chair next to Lily, burying his face in his hands.

"Moony, don't. It's not your fault." Sirius knelt down in front of his friend and took Remus' hands in his, "You are not yourself these nights. And Prongs is a grown up man, he can handle it. You know he won't hate you."

"Of course he won't", Lily tried to support Sirius, "he could never hate you. He told me so many times how much he loves you, don't worry." She knelt down next to Sirius, smiling encouragingly at Remus.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Remus nodded and tried to calm down while Sirius and Lily sat down on the sofa.

"Okay, so we were in the shack, as always. But something went wrong. Somehow I escaped. I don't know how, nobody knows. They tried to get me back into the Shack. Prongs as a kind of prey which I would follow, Padfoot as my guard, to make sure that I don't run around the grounds. I took the prey-thing more serious than usually. I don't know if Prongs was somehow distracted or if something was wrong with me but I bit him. Heavily. It's usually just scratches and claw wounds but never bites. Never. They make sure I don't bite because we don't know what happens. We don't know if he is a werewolf now..." Remus' voice broke and Lily quickly squeezed his hand.

"He won't be, I'm sure about it. Honestly, I've read a lot of things about Animagi and werewolves. It never said that an Animagus got attacked but there were reports of animals being attacked by werewolves and none of them turned into a werewolf."

"I know but Prongs is not an animal. He's a human being..."

"But he was transformed. That's something else. Don't worry about it, Remus. It'll be fine. We can go and visit him together, okay? Tomorrow after Potions? What do you say?"

"Sounds like a plan", smiled Remus softly.

"And you can go patrolling with me in the evening. I don't want to go alone and I know for a fact that Sirius will be busy tomorrow night. Marlene told me about their date."

The pale boy nodded. "Okay, I'll go with you tomorrow. I owe it to you, after I attacked your usual partner."

"You don't owe anyone anything. How badly is James injured?"

Right in this moment, Peter entered the common room and quickly made his way over to the group of friends.

"I've got news from James." Peter sat down on the floor and flashed them a crooked smile. "He won't turn into a werewolf. Probably. Most likely not. They're not sure about it because it's a first time case. But so far there are no indications whatsoever. He lost a lot of blood and a part of his leg but they could repair it, so no worries there. He needs to heal now, to rest a lot. We are allowed to visit him but only one person a time."

"Oh Merlin... I bit off a part of his leg?"

"Yeah, but it's fine", Peter tried to cheer up Remus, "He's gonna be alright. Maybe we should all go to sleep now and just visit him tomorrow."

Remus nodded quietly and stood up. After a good night hug for Lily, he followed Peter into the dorm.

"Sirius? Can you make sure that he's alright?" Lily asked the last Marauder quietly.

"Of course. He'll be fine, Lily-Pads." Sirius kissed her forehead and followed his friends upstairs.

Only when she herself was in bed, Lily started to think about what had just happened. James was hurt. Badly. And Remus was the reason for it. Some part of her just wanted to shout at the innocent young man, to blame him for his friend's wounds. Some part wanted to shout at herself for even thinking these things. Those thoughts were exactly the reason Remus was scared to share his secret. People like her. But she wasn't like it. It was a brief moment, a moment of anger and fear. Because, as much as she hated to admit it, she cared a great deal about James and didn't wish him any harm whatsoever. She just wanted to be with him.

Which was why Lily made a decision. She quickly slipped a jumper on and made her way to the boys' dormitory.

Carefully, as not to startle anyone, she opened and closed the door. It was a good thing that Marlene had talked about her relationship so much, because now Lily knew exactly where Sirius was sleeping. She just hoped for her own good that he didn't sleep naked.

Very slowly, she made her way to Sirius' bed to sit down next to it.

"Psst, Sirius", she whispered and tried to poke him through his curtains. It was nearly pitch black in the room, only a tiny ray of the rising sun was shimmering through the not fully closed courtains.

"Sirius, wake up."

"What?" came a very sleepy and grumpy voice from behind the bed-curtains.

"I want to visit James but I don't dare going alone... can you come with me?"

"'Course I can... Just have to get dressed. I like to sleep naked."

Lily rolled her eyes but chuckled a little. "Okay, I'll be waiting in the common room."

Five minutes later, a still sleepy Sirius Black joined Lily. "Off we go, Lily-Pads."

"Are you sure? I mean, what happens when we get caught?"

"We won't." Sirius sat down next to her on the sofa and gave her a piece of paper.

"What's that? How's that supposed to help us in any kind of way?"

"It's a map. Prongs, Wormtail, Moony and I made it. We designed it; put a lot of effort into it. I talked to Moony. He'll be down in a sec and he says it's okay to share this secret with you. I mean, you already know so many of our secrets, another one can do no harm."

"But..." Lily unfolded the paper and stared at it. There was no map. There was no written word, no clue, not a hint of ink.

Sirius grinned. "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good."

Out of the blue, words, walls, footprints started to appear. And all Lily could do was look at it in awe.

"You made this? This is amazing, Sirius. Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs,
Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers, are proud to present THE MARAUDER'S MAP. It's genius!"

"James and Remus did all of the magical work while Peter and me discovered the castle. Well, the others did, too. But we actually drew parts of the map. Anyway. See here? This is Filch, he is currently down in the basement, so there's no danger for us to go out."

"I... wow."

Sirius chuckled and hugged her.

"This is just amazing... Sirius! This is pure wonder!"

"Thanks. Moony, how long did it take us to finish?" Sirius asked Remus, who was just coming down the stairs, looking completely and utterly tired.

"About... two years. We finished it shortly before we started our sixth year."

"By Merlin, this is such strong magic! You used the Homonculous Charm, didn't you?" Lily wondered.

Remus laughed and nodded. "We did, yes. How did you know?"

"I studied the Charm because, when I was about 12, I really wanted to know if it was possible to track people like I've seen it in the movies... But I never... such powerful magic for such a young age!"

"Prongs and Moony are very powerful magicians", Sirius smiled proudly, "Ever since I've met them they've been so powerful."

"Oh, shut it, Padfoot", Remus mumbled, clearly embarrassed by his friend's prayers, "let's better head off to see James."

"Off we go, Lily-Pads?" Sirius asked the redhead.

"Off we go." She nodded and followed the Marauders. Lily surprised herself. She was adventurous and brave, yes. She knew that of herself. But she usually wasn't a rule-breaker. Not much. It was fun, though. She'd done it before, of course. But never too much. And Lily felt that visiting an injured friend was a very good reason to be out of bed after curfew.

The way to the Hospital Wing didn't take them long and soon Lily was sitting next to James, her hand lingering next to his. Sirius was standing behind her, his hands on her shoulders.

"God, he looks so bad. Compared to me he always does, obviously. But now... he just looks vulnerable", sighed Sirius.

"And James Potter usually never looks vulnerable", smiled Lily, "Never ever."

"He is, though. I like to think of myself that I'm a tough guy with a softy inside but I'm nothing compared to James. He's so emotional."

"You both are." Remus rolled his eyes and sat down next to James on his bed, "but he does look awful. I am so sorry..."

"Don't..." croaked James, who had woken up just now, "lovely to have you here though, Moony. What gives me the honour?" He tried to sit up but sucked in a sharp breath at the try of it. He yelped in pain and sank back into his pillow.

"Lily actually came up to our room and asked Sirius if we could come and visit you with her, because she was a bit uncertain of how to get here herself."

"Lily? She wanted to come?"

"'Course I wanted to come", she smiled and lightly stroke through his hair to mess it up. It was way too flat for his, and for her, content. "We won't stay long, though. Just wanted to make sure you're alright."

"As long as I can look into your beautiful eyes I'll always be alright, Evans."

Lily laughed and slapped his arm playfully. "If you can say things like those, then you're most certainly perfectly fine, Potter."

James flashed her one of his infamous smirks before yawing wholeheartedly. "Sorry..."

"No worries, mate", Sirius smiled and softly squeezed his hand. "We'll be back tomorrow. Good night."

"Sleep tight", James added grinning.

"And don't let the bed-bugs bite", Remus finished laughing.

Lily just giggled quietly and gave him a very quick peck on the top of his head before following the two young men out of the room.

The next day, Lily visited James as she had promised.

"Hey there", the redhead smiled at him and sat down on a chair next to his bed, "Remus said he's already been here?"

"Yep, before breakfast. He felt so guilty about it..." James sighed and sat up. Or at least he tried to sit up. He pressed his lips together very hard to not moan in pain while he sank back into his bed. "Sorry. Not quite fit yet. Though I'm always fit, of course", he grinned at her.

Rolling her eyes, Lily took off her coat and placed it on her lap. "I wanted to bring you sweets but I didn't quite know what you like the most and what you're allowed to have."

"The best thing you could give me would be a sweet kiss", James smirked.

His damn half-smirk. Lily cursed inwardly as she realised that it actually made her cheeks flush.

"Dream about it, Potter. That's all you'll ever get."

"Maybe I'm still a bit delirious but I think I remember you kissing me last night."

"On the top of your hair!" protested Lily a tad too vehement.

The black haired man laughed and then coughed. "Fuck, laughing still hurts. It did with Moony this morning but I had hoped it would've gone away by now..."

"I'm sorry to hear you're not well yet... Was Remus very upset this morning?"

"As I said, he still felt guilty. There's no need to, though! He didn't do anything wrong."

"I have to admit", Lily said quietly, "I was very angry last night. I was so angry that Remus had hurt you this much. You could've died because of him! And then I got angry at myself for even thinking these things. Remus was not the one hurting you. It wasn't him, it was..."

"His furry little problem", completed James her sentence and smiled gently at her, "Don't worry. I know how quickly these thoughts can come. I never used to have them, though. Maybe because when I learned about his condition, he was only a danger to himself. All alone in the Shrieking Shack... I was too worried about him and when we joined him, I'd already known about it for three years so the worry over him was greater than any anger. You're not a bad person just because you blame him for a split second. For you it was the first time to see someone get hurt by his hands. Yes, you've seen my wounds before, but nothing like this. And, to be fair, this is the worst any of us have ever been. Don't worry, Lily."

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it softly, a genuine smile playing around his lips.

"Thank you", responded Lily with a small smile, "That was a very sweet thing to say."

"It was a very true thing. Remus already promised to bring me my homework for the next week since I have to stay here for that long. You know, I am a fucking sorcerer but does that help me heal? No, of course not! I won't be able to play Quidditch for another week after I left the hospital. So, you know, I was wondering if you could make your visit a regular one? Also, I'm so so sorry I can't patrol with you. I already talked to Professor McGonagall about it and she's gonna talk to you later. I promise I make it up to you."

"I'll come every day and I'll sneak to the training to report back to you how well they do without their Chaser", Lily grinned, "would that be okay?"

"That would be perfect. "

"Don't worry about the patrols. Remus is coming with me tonight and Marlene offered to help me tomorrow. You don't have to repay me anything. Just get healthy and maybe try to not get your leg bitten off again and we're good."

James chuckled but nodded. "Promised, cross my heart." He drew an X over his chest and grinned at her.

Giggling, Lily stood up. "I have to leave you now since my Astronomy class is starting in a bit and I wanted to grab a bite of food before I head up to the tower. I'll check in on you before I go on the patrol, alright?"

"It would be my pleasure", the Marauder smiled at her.

Lily hesitated for a moment, and then kissed him on the hair again before waving her good-byes.

She and Remus came back in the evening but only stayed for a little while, dropped off some candy and then headed for their patrol.

"I want to apologise", said Lily after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence.

"What for? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I was angry at you for hurting James", she confessed with a small voice, "And I am so sorry."

"You were scared", smiled Remus comfortingly, "for the health of your friend, the health of someone you fancy, if I may say that."

Lily's cheeks heated up and she let out an unhappy puff of air but nodded ever so slightly.

"I'm glad you told me about your thoughts. For me it shows that you trust me and that you are not scared of me. Which is all I ever wanted."

"Your friends were never scared of you, James told me. Scared for you, but not of you."

"I know." Remus smiled softly. "You know that Prongs once told me? He said: If you ever forget how much you really mean to me, everyday I will remind you. I will remind you of how funny you are, of how kind-hearted and brave. I will remind you of how much I love you."

"He really said that?"

"Yep, when we where about 13. It was just before I brought them home for the first time." Remus laughed lightly, "Oh, I begged my mum for ages to have them over during the summer holidays. It's too dangerous, she said, too much of a hassle. But in the end she granted me my wish. I think it was Prongs' and Padfoot's first contact with Mugglethings like televisions and telephones and ironing stations. Peter loved my mum's lawnmower! You see, as a half-blood my family tried to keep a good amount of Mugglethings in my life to make sure that I grow up as a tolerant young man."

"And they did a great job with that", she beamed at him, "What happened then? And why the lawnmower? That just seems so... odd."

Lily looked at him, all curious about how Remus lived and how the Marauders were when they weren't in the setting she was used to them. She realised that she knew nothing about the four of them, nothing at all. She knew that Sirius had had a troubled childhood and that Remus' mum was a Muggle. She knew nothing about Peter or James. Not quite right. She knew that James' parents were rather old when they had their son. But that was about it.

"The lawnmower, yeah... He was fascinated by the way it worked. He once spent a whole day taking it apart, making little drawings of all the bits and pieces. Then he spent the next day hexing a few things and building everything back together. In the meantime, I introduced Prongs and Padfoot to some Mugglethings. Doctor Who, for example. Oh, how much they loved it!"

"Did they?" She grinned at him, completely ignoring her surroundings. She probably wouldn't even have noticed if there had been riots in the castle, she was way too invested in Remus' stories.

"Oh yes, so much! Sirius and James even dressed up as the Fourth Doctor and Sarah Jane. Do you know the show?"

"Of course I do! I love it! It started when I was a kid and I've loved it ever since. The Fourth Doctor is amazing. I love his warmth and compassion and Sarah Jane was my hero when I was about that age. That's when his series started, wasn't it? In 1974?"

"Yes, in June. So I could watch it with them and it was lovely to discover something with the guys which was familiar and yet new to me."

"May I ask who dressed up as Sarah Jane and who as the Doctor?"

"Oh, they constantly switched. One day Sirius was Sarah Jane and James a Dalek, the other day James was Sarah Jane and Sirius decided to be the TARDIS. We ran around my house, all dressed up, going on adventures. Thinking back, it was quite amazing that two boys who grew up surrounded with as much magic as they did even liked the show. They were fascinated by how the TARDIS was bigger on the inside since there was no magic involved. It was the cutest thing ever."

"I bet it was", laughed Lily, "I wish I could see photos of that. All of you dressed up as kids. That would make my day."

"I could show you some. I have a whole photo album. My mum made it for my last birthday."

"I would love to see it!" Lily beamed at him.

"With or without the others? I mean, we could take the album and go visit James, if you want to."

Lily thought about it for a while and then shook her head, her ponytail swinging with every move she made. "I want to see it without him. Maybe with Sirius and Peter, that would be fine for me. But without James."

"No problem." Remus lightly squeezed her hand and went on: "I loved having them around. And I loved being at their homes. Well, we never went to Sirius' home for obvious reasons. But his home was at James' anyway. He and his parents more or less adopted Padfoot."

"I think the relationship you four have is amazing. To be honest, I'm a bit jealous. I'm very close to Marlene but I know I'll never be as close to her as you are to the other Marauders. May I ask you something?"

"Sure thing", smiled Remus, "What is it?"

"I always wondered what you guys see in Peter... I haven't really talked to him, so I don't know him very well. Not that I would know you or Sirius or James that well, but much better than I know him. So what is it that makes him part of your group? I feel like he's very loyal and would make a better Hufflepuff than Gryffindor, just because from the way he presents himself."

"I can see where you're coming from. James actually had a pretty long talk about that with him last year. That Peter is very loyal but also very clingy. That he admires us too much. We want to be seen as brothers. Especially Prongs. He wants us to be his brothers and not his admirers. It has gotten better since then. Wormy is a very lovely guy and so much fun. He might not say much but he is clever and particularly talented in Charms. His self-esteem is just... it might even be worse than mine and that has to say something. I guess that's why Prongs and Padfoot are so cocky all the time: so Wormy and I don't have to worry about being the confident ones in out group. To make life a little easier for us. It gives us the chance to adapt to new situations in our own pace."

"You know, whenever you or Sirius talk about James, he seems to be so perfect."

"Trust me, Lily, he really isn't", grinned Remus.

"I, of all people, know how imperfect the King of Toe-Rags is", giggled Lily.

As soon as they were back from their round, Remus got the photo album and sat down on the sofa in front of the fire place to show Lily his memories.

"Some are taken with a Muggle camera, some with a magic camera. Just so you're not confused why some move and some don't."

"I could've figured that." Lily stuck out her tongue and looked at the first photo. "That's from the first year, isn't it? I remember Sirius' haircut..."

Remus burst out laughing. "Oh Merlin, yes! We still make fun of his first-year-hair. No idea what the hell was going on in his mind. Or rather his mum's. But then he befriended James and everything changed. At least his hair did."

They flicked through a couple of pages until they've finally reached the much desired pages of James and Sirius as Doctor Who characters.

"I cannot believe they actually did this... The scarf looks amazing, I'm very impressed! And James was so cute back then. With his messy hair and the cute little K-9 and all dressed up as Sarah Jane", Lily grinned. She was completely in love with kid-James. Maybe just because she really like adult-James. A lot.

While she looked at the photos of James as a TARDIS, James as Queen-guitarist Brian May or James with a face full of sharpie, she realized: He was a nice guy after all.

He was worth her trust. And maybe even her love.