Chapter Ten - Nothing can change this, covered in stardust
Something woke her up way earlier than she had intended to. It wasn't her alarm clock, because Lily didn't feel as exhausted as she usually did when the loud sound shook her awake. No, this time it was something much more pleasurable.
She always thought she'd have a rather deep sleep. But today, on Christmas Morning, the smell of something delicious woke her up.
Grabbing an oversized sweater and after tying her hair in a messy bun, Lily made her way downstairs. It was very early in the morning, just 5am, and yet the Marauders were already up, sitting around a small Christmas tree in the common room.
"Good Morning, Sunshine!" Sirius greeted her cheerfully, "And merry Christmas! Care for freshly made fruit cake and Christmas biscuits? We got up in the middle of the night to make them!"
Lily giggled lightly and yawned. "Yeah, I'd like to have some biscuits. Was that the smell that woke me?"
"Suppose so" Sirius shrugged and waited at the bottom of the stairs until she came down. As soon as she left the last stair, Sirius hugged her, placing a kiss on her cheek.
"Merry Christmas again, Lily-Pads!"
"Merry Christmas, Sirius!" She hugged him back, but broke apart rather quickly. Lily yawned again, making her way to the sofa. "Hey James" she mumbled, curling up next to him. "How can you guys be so awake at such an hour?"
He laughed and put his arm around her. "Merry Christmas to you, too. Well, it's Christmas morning and for us it has always been a tradition to wake up at 3am and bake biscuits. We didn't want to miss out on it this year. I'm surprised you're awake. You usually sleep in rather late, don't you?"
"Usually" she nodded, yawning again, "May I have a biscuit, please? I'd love to have one. They must be amazing if you get up so early in the morning just to make them."
James laughed lightly and handed her a bell-shaped biscuit, which Lily ate with great pleasure.
"Mhh, they are just so good!"
"My mum's recipe", James told her proudly.
"It's delicious. Did you guys also set up the Christmas tree?"
"We did indeed!" Sirius grinned at her, sitting down on the sofa next to Lily, "And your presents are all under the tree already."
"The only reason you're telling me this is because you want to have your present." Lily laughed and snuggled up a little closer to James.
Sirius grinned and nodded. "Of course! But James and Remus made me wait until you'd wake up."
"I'm awake now! And if you give me five more minutes, I'll get your presents and then we can have a Christmas breakfast with biscuits and hot chocolate and presents. Just like your heart desires, Sirius."
"I never asked for hot chocolate..."
Lily rolled her eyes and sat up properly, yawning. "Who gets the hot chocolate?"
"I'll do it" James offered, placing a soft kiss on Lily's forehead, "You go get the presents and maybe a blanket, because then, after breakfast, you can fall asleep on the sofa for a little while."
"Sounds like a dream." Lily smiled at him and James smiled back. It made her heart leap.
His smile was so soft, so full of love and adoration. Lily could stare at him forever. Especially since his glasses were a bit crooked and his hair all messy. Not his usual messy hair, not the styled messiness but the one which came from sleep. It might just have been the most adorable thing Lily had ever seen in her entire life. And she never thought she'd think those things about James Potter.
"Okay, then I'll get your presents and you get the hot chocolate." She pressed a quick kiss to James' cheek and hurried up the stairs to gather the presents for her new friends.
When she came down a few minutes later, five mugs with hot chocolate and whipped cream were standing on a coffee table. Lily placed the carefully wrapped boxes under the Christmas tree and sat down next to James on the sofa.
"Mhh, this smells delicious. And the biscuits are just so tasty" Lily grinned, snatching a biscuit out of James' hand.
"Hey!" James laughed and kissed her forehead, making Lily's stomach leap in the best way possible.
And she allowed it. She allowed herself to feel this way because it was Christmas and actually letting herself feel whatever she felt towards James Potter was her Christmas gift to herself.
"Can we exchange presents now?" Peter asked, looking up from his mug, whipped cream over his upper lip.
Lily grinned at the sight. Peter was just adorable. Whenever Lily was around him, her mother instincts kicked in and all she wanted was to make him feel loved and safe.
"Yep, presents!" the redhead nodded, "As soon as we have some Christmas music. Does anyone have Christmas music?"
"Sadly, we don't. Electric Muggle equipment just doesn't work here. I tried my cassette player with batteries but that doesn't work, either" Remus sighed, "I even tried hexing it but it didn't work. So, no Christmas music for us, unfortunately."
"Such a shame." Lily snuggled closer to James, yawning again, "Merlin, I'm really tired! Can you go ahead and unpack and I'll join you in a second?"
"Nope, won't do that, Lily-Pads. We just wait for you to wake up properly. Or..." Sirius grinned at her mischievously, before he started tickling her.
"No!" she squealed, "Sirius! Unfair! So unfair!" Lily laughed out loud, trying to free herself from him. James is holding her close to him, so that Sirius can continue his attack for a little while until Lily had trouble breathing from laughing too much.
Finally, the boys let go of her, grinning like mad.
"You two are just the worst!" Lily blew a strand of dark red hair out of her eyes, pouting.
"And you are just the cutest when you look like this" James grinned at her.
Lily felt the heat rise up in her cheeks, a smile tugging on her lips.
"At least you are awake, aren't you?" the young Potter smiled at her, squeezing her hand lightly.
"I am awake" she yawned, "maybe. A little. Enough to unwrap presents."
She followed the Marauders to the little Christmas tree they'd set up. It was really beautiful, all twinkling and shining.
With a heart full of sadness because it was her first Christmas without her family, Lily put on a brave face, smiling as the Marauders unwrapped their presents.
For Remus, Lily had found a very rare first edition of The Wizard Of Oz, his favourite book. Because it had taught him the true meaning of courage and friendship.
For Sirius, Lily had managed to get the new album of his favourite band, including signed photographs. It had cost her a lot of patience – and some magic – to get a hold of all of it.
For Peter, Lily had found a notebook on which she had doodled the animagi forms of all Marauders. She knew how much he loved his friends and she knew that he kept a diary, so she figured it would be a nice, personal present.
And for James... the second Lily knew she would spend Christmas with him, she knew what to get him. She wanted to make it as personal as possible, as kind and caring as she could. So Lily had contacted his childhood friends, asked for photos or little stories about him. In the end, Lily had managed to put together a photo album with photos of James and his parents, James and the Marauders and even a photo of herself. So that he wouldn't forget her. But Lily didn't think he ever would. Not her. He loved her, didn't he? She hoped so.
"Lily... this is beautiful" he gasped, "this is simply... I have no words." James beamed at Lily, hugging her tightly and pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"See, those are my parents!" James pointed at a photo of him as a three year old on his father's arm with his mother smiling next to them.
"I know!" Lily giggled, "I chose those photos, you know? You look so much like your mother. Especially the grin. That is so yours."
The Potter boy laughed a little. "Yeah, that's true. "
Smiling, Lily leaned her head on his shoulder, looking through the book with him together. The other three were silent, eating their biscuits and drinking their hot chocolate.
"I haven't even seen some of the photos. Where did you get them?"
"Oh, old neighbours of your parents, childhood friends and of course your current friends."
"This is amazing, Lily, it's truly amazing..."
"I'm glad you like it."
James smiled at her, "Do you want to have your present now?"
"I won't say no to that" Lily grinned at him, blushing a little.
James grinned back and got up from the sofa to bring Lily her present.
"Tadaa! I hope you like it."
"I'm sure I will." Lily smiled at him and took the present, unwrapping it eagerly.
"This is gorgeous, James. Thank you so much." The redhead wrapped the scarf around her neck, smiling proudly. "It's perfect! I so needed a proper scarf. My mum used to make some for me, every Christmas."
"I know." James kissed her cheek, "You told me once."
"Did you make it yourself?"
"Yes. Peter taught me how to knit and it took us a while but I managed."
"A while?" Peter laughed, "It took us three months! He's a hopeless case, Lily, he really is. I don't think he'll ever pick up knitting needles again in his life."
Lily grinned, leaning her head against James'. "That just makes the scarf extra special."
"Do you want my present now, Lily-Pads?" Sirius asked her excitedly, "Do you?"
The redhead laughed and nodded. "Yeah, go ahead."
Sirius handed her a small box, a proud grin on his face. "I didn't make it myself but I hope you still like it."
"I'm sure I will" Lily smiled at him, unwrapping the present. The box contained several hair bows, all in colours perfectly suitable for her hair colour.
"They are gorgeous, thank you so much, Sirius!"
"Remus helped me with the colours. I have no idea about that kind of stuff!"
"I really like them, Sirius." Lily kissed his cheek, "And I can wear one of them tonight for the Christmas Dinner in the Great Hall."
After unwrapping all the other presents – Lily had gotten a tea box with a hundred different kinds of tea from Remus and a fluffly blanket from Peter because she was always so cold – they finished their hot chocolate and ate some more Christmas biscuits.
Afterwards, Lily wrapped herself in her new blanket and curled up next to James, her head in his lap.
"And I can really sleep for a little while?"
"We all should" James smiled down at her, "I mean, we got up at 3am and I'm just so tired..."
"How about... How about we magically enlarge the sofa to have room for all of us?" Lily suggested.
And they did. Now the sofa resembled a bed, large enough to fit all five of them comfortably.
Throwing her blanket over James and her, Lily snuggled up next to him, her hand resting on his chest. It didn't take her long to fall asleep as she was really tired. From lack of sleep, from excitement about Christmas and from the growing warmth in her body, that fuzzy feeling which spread through her bones when she did as much as think about James, not to mention touched him.
When Lily woke up again a few hours later, she was sprawled out half on top of James, her head resting on his chest and her arm draped around his waist. She didn't open her eyes immediately, giving herself the opportunity to soak in his scent, to dwell in the situation.
She could hear the muffled voices of the Marauders, speaking quietly, probably as to not wake her up.
"No, I mean it, Prongs" Lily heard Remus saying, "Just ask her out again. She's sending you enough signals."
"I told you a thousand times: I'm not going to bother her again. She's not into me, otherwise she would've said something. She knows I'm madly in love with her, she would've said something. Lily is emancipated enough to not wait for me to make a move when it's so obvious that I want her. Could we just not discuss this while she's right with us?"
"She's sleeping" Sirius said, "She doesn't hear us."
"She can wake up any second. Just... please. It's Christmas and I'm so happy Lily's spending the day with us. Don't ruin it, guys. Please." James sighed, running his fingers lightly over Lily's cheek.
She couldn't help but smile a little, leaning into his touch. They thought she'd sleep, so why not give in to the feelings within her without telling him? It was the best way to try out if she was ready.
A few minutes later, Lily stirred, opening her eyes. She looked up at James and smiled.
"Morning, beautiful" he grinned at her, brushing a strand of red hair out of her face, "Did you sleep well?"
"I did. What time is it?"
"It's 11am. We have plenty of time to get ready. The guys and me planned on going out soon, to have a snowball fight and build some things with snow. You wanna come?"
"Can I have a shower first? Would you wait?"
"Obviously. We all need to shower, too."
"Together, of course." Sirius winked at her, making Lily giggle.
"You know, the way you and James behave, nothing would surprise me" said Lily, still giggling.
"We get back to that later" Sirius laughed, stretching, "Let's just shower and meet here in... whenever we're ready?"
About two hours later, everyone was ready, dressed up in snow-appropriate clothes. Lily had her new scarf wrapped around her neck, smiling happily as she chased after Remus who had only seconds before bombarded her with snow balls.
"You're just not quick enough, Lily" Remus laughed, dodging another of her snow balls, "Maybe you should team up with the others to get me."
"Maybe I will!" Lily grabbed James' hand, dragging him towards her, "You'll help me get him, right?"
"Hmm... let me think... Nah!" He laughed and let himself fall down into the snow, pulling Lily with himself.
"Oi!" Lily landed right on top of James, laughing a little. She stopped as she realized how close to him she was. She could feel his breath on her skin, their noses nearly touched.
Lily's gaze dropped towards his lips and she was suddenly very aware of his hands on her hips. Even through all the layers she could still feel them.
Unconsciously, Lily licked her own lips, her eyes wandering betweens his slightly parted lips and his dark brown eyes.
This could be the moment, she thought to herself, this could be it.
Slowly, she lowered herself a little, nudging his nose with hers.
The moment was dreadful, yet thrilling. Lily wanted this so badly. And she didn't want this at all.
James' lips were ghosting over hers. She could feel them and yet it felt like they were miles apart.
"I can't..." Lily breathed, pulling herself up and away from James. His expression broke her heart but this just wasn't the right time and moment.
She held out her hand to help him up.
"No worries." James had collected himself rather quickly, smiling a crooked smile, "So, shall we team up against Remus?"
"Obviously!" She turned around to look at the other Marauders. All three of them were standing in a safe distance, staring at Lily and James in disbelieve.
Lily sighed, biting her lip in guilt.
The Potter boy next to her squeezed her hand lightly, dragging her softly towards his friends.
"So, we team up against Remus, shall we? Who's gonna be on Remus' team?"
"I am!" Sirius exclaimed, "Simply because Lily is such an easy target and I'm sure I'll win against her. Peter, you're on our side?"
"Nah, I'm going to be with James and Lily."
"Alright!" Lily nodded, glad that there was no comment on the scene everyone had just witnessed, "We'll kick your asses."
They spend the entire early afternoon outside in the snow, having snowball fights, building igloos, snowmen, snow-owls and even a snow-dog until all five of them were frozen through to their bones, shivering.
After grabbing some more hot chocolate, the five friends sat down in the Common Room once again.
"I have to leave you four to it in a few minutes. I need a hot bath and then I need to get ready for the Christmas dinner tonight. It starts at 6pm, right?" Lily asked.
"Correct" James nodded, "And it's fancy dressing code. Ugh, we have to wear suits..."
"Come on, you secretly love that!" Sirius laughed, nudging his friend's side, "You love how smug you look in them."
"Yeah... but ever since my parents' funerals I'm not that keen on them anymore."
Sirius slightly squeezed his best friend's hand and once again Lily was amazed by the nature of their friendship.
"But you do look very smug in them, Prongs."
"Yeah, I do." James grinned, running his fingers through his hair, "but then again, I always do, no matter what."
And he was right, Lily thought. He always looked good. Even sweating and after Quidditch practice. He looked especially good then.
After some more chatting, Lily finally took her bath and started to get ready for the Dinner and the party afterwards.
She still thought about the situation in the snow, the nearly-kiss. The way their breath had mingled, how close they were. Why exactly did she not kiss him? Lily didn't even know. It just hadn't felt right in that moment.
She didn't want all of the Marauders to witness her first kiss with James. The thought made her incredibly uncomfortable.
Lily took a deep breath and shook her head. Soon, she smiled to herself. She was sure about that.
All she wanted now was to have a great evening with her friends. And to look as good as possible because of James. Yes, she wanted to get all dolled up simply for him to stare at her. It did wonders for her self-esteem when he did it. Though she would never ever admit to anyone how much she liked it. Not even to Marlene.
Whistling a happy Christmas tune, Lily braided her hair into a bun, clipping one of her new hair bows in place. She knew how much James loved buns and bows and she knew how much Sirius would like it if she appreciated his present.
Lily smiled at herself in the mirror, twirling around in her mint-green short dress. Yes, this would do. This would make James look at her in awe and adoration.
Happily, Lily skipped down the stairs were the boys were already waiting. They had agreed on meeting at ten to six and Lily was just on time.
When James turned around to look at her, his jaw dropped and the sound escaping his mouth was more animal-like than human.
"Are we good to go?" Lily wanted to know. She would never show it, but James' reaction made her burn from the inside, eating her alive. All she wanted to do was grab him by the lapels of his suit and snog him senselessly.
"Good to go", Sirius nodded, nudging James, "Oi, mate! Snap out of it. I'm hungry. You can stare at Lily all you want during dinner but not now. Though I have to admit, Lily-Pads, you look stunning."
"Thank you, Sirius" grinned Lily, "But you guys look so good in suits! I never thought I'd see any of you in a suit ever in my life."
"Of course you will, Lily. At our wedding" James smirked, "I'll wear a suit but I have to wear Converse with it. Can't do it without them, sorry."
Lily laughed. "Well, I'm looking forward to it" she answered, leaving James even more stunned than before. He had clearly expected a different, a more defensive, answer.
When the five friends entered the Great Hall, Lily stopped and looked around in admiration. There was stardust falling from the enchanted sky, lightly drizzling down on the few people who stayed over Christmas. Each of the corners had a beautifully decorated Christmas tree, all twice the height of Hagrid. On top of each tree, a golden star was shimmering, radiating with soft and warm golden light.
"'S beautiful..." Lily breathed.
"Not as beautiful as you are" mumbled James from behind her, his fingertips grazing over the bare skin of her arm.
His whole touch was sending electric shocks through her body, engulfing her in excitement.
"Thank you" she smiled at James, "Shall we go eat something?"
He nodded, taking her hand and leading her to the only table in the Hall where their friends were already waiting for them.
The dinner was truly marvellous. Lily couldn't believe her eyes when she saw all the food. She ate way more than she should've but for her that was just part of Christmas. To eat as much as she could. The dinner was accompanied by cheerful chatting, by Sirius making fun of James and vice versa, by Remus rolling his eyes over his two best friends. Lily couldn't wipe the grin off her face. Yes, not being with her parents hurt. Knowing they were dead hurt. But spending Christmas with the Marauders was the best distraction she could've wished for. In the short time she'd known them properly, Lily had already fallen in love with them. Even with Sirius, whom she used to hate just so much. He had grown to be like a bother to her. And she couldn't have wished for a better Christmas gift than the Marauders.
"Lily-Pads? Do you want to dance with me?" Sirius asked after the dinner, as the band started to play.
"Oh yes, of course! You can dance? Huh. I'm learning something new every day."
"I can dance because I had to go to really awful dinner parties with my parents."
"Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't know that."
"No worries, Lily-Pads. Shall we?"
"Yes!" She beamed at him, following him on the dance floor.
Sirius really was a great dancer, spinning her around all the time and never even stepping on her toes.
"I think James would love to dance with you, too" he whispered in her ear after a few songs, "If looks could kill..."
Lily giggled. "He'll get his turn, I promise."
"Why didn't you kiss him, Lily?"
She sighed, leaning her forehead against his shoulder."It wasn't the right moment. It didn't feel right. Sirius, can we not talk about it, please?"
"Sorry. I just... You know, by now I'm more worried about you than about him. He's been dealing with this for years but you... You'll be fine, Lily. It will all work out. It will be alright. And I'll personally punch him in the face if he hurts you."
Lily chuckled and pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. "Thank you so much. It means the world to me. What do you say, may I dance with your best mate now?"
"Of course, princess." Sirius smiled at her and came to a stop. He lightly squeezed her hand before Lily let go of him, walking over to James.
"Care for a dance, Potter?" She held out her hand, smiling at him.
"Of course I do, Evans." James quickly ran his fingers through his hair, smiling nervously before he grabbed Lily's hand.
"Oh, hey!" Peter suddenly exclaimed, "There's a mistletoe right above you two. Guess you have to kiss now."
Lily cursed inwardly. Mistletoe, of course. How could she not have seen that coming? They were floating all around the Great Hall and she had prayed to Merlin that none would be above her and James.
She looked up at James, seeing his face fall and shaking his head.
"I'm not kissing her. Sorry, but I'm not kissing the woman I love when she doesn't love me back. I'm not kissing the woman I love because of a stupid tradition, because she feels forced to. Lucky you, Evans. No need to kiss me. Guess you escaped twice today."
James let go of her hand, turned around and left the Hall.
"I..." Lily watched him go before turning towards Remus and Peter, who were both sitting at the table, looking guilty.
"We didn't mean to, Lily..." Peter croaked, "We thought he'd be happy and we'd.. you know, help you two."
"It's alright, Peter. It's okay. I just... I'll go after him, okay?"
She threw them an apologetic smile before quickly running after James.
"Potter! Oi, you stop right there, young man!" she called after him.
"How can you even run in heels?" he asked before turning around and facing her, "Lily, I really don't want to talk about it, okay?"
"Oh shut it! You think I'd kiss you because I'd feel forced to? You think I don't... I.. James. I'm not going to kiss you. Not now. But soon. Because I need to, because I want to. Because my body feels on fire every time I think about you. But I don't want to rush things. I want to go on a date with you. A proper date. Without any of your friends there. Without all of Hogwarts staring at us."
"You want to... a date? You and me... are you.."
"I'm sure about this, James. Look..." She took his hand into hers, placing a soft kiss on his palm, "I fancy you. I fancy the way you mess up your hair, the way you look in the mornings, the way you smell after Quidditch practice, the way your laughter rings in my ears. I want to do this the right way. What do you say? Are you going out with me, Potter?"
James smirked. "Well, Evans. Who would've guessed that one day you'd try to convince me to go on a date with you? Meet me in two days at the main entrance, at noon."
Lily nodded, beaming up at him.
It was the right thing to do. Going out with James Potter was what she had forbidden herself for months now and allowing it, allowing to say those things to him, was more than liberating. It made her feel new, regenerated and complete. She had forbidden it, because Lily knew: when she would give in to her feelings, there was no turning back. There was no turning back and Lily knew that she would forever be his, until the end of time. Which was something she was very much afraid of.
But for now, the redhead just dwelled in her excitement about the upcoming date. Nothing can change this, she thought while she was standing in the hallway, covered in stardust from the Great Hall.