A/N: S. Meyer owns Twilight.

Not much to say.. Just that I hope you enjoy the chapter :)

Chapter 11

Two weeks later.

"Emmett, could you pass me the Oreos?"

"You've already eaten all of them, Bells."

"Fuck… Could you hand me the cupcakes then?"

"Gone. You ate those during The Notebook."

"Oh, right. I don't know why Ryan Gossling always gives me cravings… Well, there has to be some Pepsi left at least? Hand me that, would you?"

"Nope. You drank the last when Carrie threw her bouquet on Big, and then you emptied the popcorn bowl."

"Emmett?"

"Yeah, Bells?"

"Am I getting fat?" I sat up straight in the couch, brushing the cookie crumbles off my shirt.

"Plushy is a better word." he chuckled, and then ducked as I threw the remote at his head.

I groaned, looking down at myself with critical eyes. I knew he was just fucking with me, but that didn't help the matter. I looked like shit, and that was the truth. My hair hadn't been washed in way too long, I was wearing the same sweatshirt and pyjama pants as I had been during the last five days, my nail polish was falling off and, well, I couldn't really say that I smelled like roses. Emmett had said that there was a reason he had chosen the spot the furthest away from me, and I was pretty sure it wasn't because he wanted a better view of the chaos that was his best friend.

Not even Nugget wanted to be close to me anymore. She was sleeping on Emmett's stomach, looking really happy about smelling something other than her un-showered pseudo mother.

I, Bella Swan, was officially grose. And why had all of this happened, you might ask? Yeah, well it all started out with a little, innocent note that was sent to me Monday two weeks ago. The day that I now referred to as Black Monday.

I had been sitting in my office, blissfully unaware about anything, when Cammie had knocked on my door and delivered an envelope. I had opened it while thinking about if I should call Edward or not, weighing the pros and cons of that decision. Little did I know that the decision had already been made for me.

I pulled the note out and started reading.

Miss Swan.

I am leaving town for a couple of days. Please see my assistant, Mr. Crowley, if you have any questions about anything concerning the apartment. He will be happy to answer them for you.

Edward Cullen

A couple of days… Fuck, I could handle a couple of days, I had thought. It wasn't like I was going to miss the guy who had brought so much complication into my life. Damn, it would probably feel like a vacation when I didn't have to worry about him showing up all the time. A couple of days was a piece of cake.

After 5 days I stopped shaving my legs.

After 8 days I skipped brushing my hair before I went to work.

After 10 days I began chewing on my nails.

After 13 days my body odor was worse than my aunt Fran's.

See where I'm going? I was falling apart because Edward Cullen didn't have the fucking decency to return from wherever the hell he was. That lying, pathetic, mind fucking piece of crap. 'A couple of days', yeah right. He was probably never coming home, so soon I would be able to leave my apartment because people would be running and screaming to get away from me. I would be known as the old lady who sat alone in her home, not showering, and waiting for her man to come and pull her out of the swamp that had appeared in the bathtub.

"You could just call him, you know." Emmett said, stroking Nugget's back as she purred.

I snorted, "I won't call that fucktard. He should be calling me. After all, he was the one who blabbered about how he wanted me and how he couldn't stop thinking about me and shit. If a guy can't stop thinking about you, shouldn't he remember to pick up the fucking phone and call?"

"I don't know. I haven't had a guy say that kind of stuff to me, to tell the truth."

"Fuck off." I sank back onto the couch, turning my gaze to the TV screen instead. Cameron Diaz had just returned to tell Jude Law that she wanted to stay with him in England.

Emmett sighed, "You're so-"

"Shush!" I said, holding up a hand to silence him. "This is a crucial moment, so be quiet."

He grunted a little but didn't continue.

"You didn't exactly ask me out, but you did say you loved me. So I'm thinking I have a date, if you'll have me." I spoke along with the character, totally in tune. Cameron was so fucking lucky, her guy wanted to be with her and he didn't leave for two weeks for no apparent reason and forgot to call her even once.

And now I was jealous of a fictional character. Just what was missing in my life.

"Could he be any more gorgeous?" I asked, dying a little at the sight of Jude Law. Now there was a man who was clearly trustworthy, loyal and probably called his girlfriend at least twice a day. Okay, okay, he'd been cheating on Sienna Miller with the nanny, but no one was perfect, right?

"Probably. A pair of tits and a little less facial hair would be a good start." Emmett chuckled.

"Yeah, cause then he would look like you." I retorted, rolling my eyes at him.

"Hey! I have a very manly chest, and Rose happens to like a clean shave."

I laughed and reached for the packet of gummy bears I just spotted under the table, noticing with frustration that it was empty. How long had it been under there, anyway?

I threw it back onto the floor, "Whatever floats your boat, chestman."

"You'd better be nice to me, Bells. If it weren't for me brining you food, you'd be starved by now." Emmett carefully lifted Nugget from his stomach and placed her on the couch instead, then got up and stretched his arms up.

"I know, I know. I appreciate it, I really do."

"So when are you going back to the office again?" he asked as he walked around the room, picking up empty cookie boxes and soda cans.

I turned on my stomach and watched as he cleaned, scratching my head. "Not sure. I have plenty of days saved up and since it'll take a while before we can begin working on the apartment I figured I might as well take some time off. Esmee thought it was a good idea."

"Probably because she didn't want someone to call the health service department and have you committed."

I lifted my arm and sniffed my armpit. "Is it really that bad?"

"Let's just say that I met Mrs. Dermot in the hallway and she asked me to tell you to make sure that there wasn't anything dying in here, like a rat or something."

Damn… How could it get this far? How could I let myself get this fucked up because of a guy? I had to get a grip, this had gotten out of control. Two weeks was all I would allow myself for mourning, and now I would move on. Yes, moving on it was! Pity it was a Monday, I could have used a drink to get me on the right track again. Fact is, I hadn't had a drop of alcohol since that sip of tequila two weeks ago. It was certainly a personal best, by far. But I figured I should just continue not drinking at least until the weekend, it was probably good for my body to have a little rehab time.

I groaned loudly, running my hands through my greasy hair, "Okay, fine. I'll take a fucking shower…"

Emmett dropped what he was holding to clasp his hands together, "Hallelujah!" he sang, and I couldn't help but to laugh. He was a pretty fucking good friend, after all. Rose and Alice had refused to watch any more chick flicks with me after we had seen Valentines day and I had went on and on about how I was sure that Edward was as big a scum as Patrick Dempsey, and that he was probably off visiting his wife that very moment.

Emmett, however, had watched 'How to lose a guy in 10 days' with me three times without complaining. Probably because he spent the entire time comparing his abs to Matthew McConaughey's, but still. He was a true friend, that one. If I ever felt like watching a chick flick, he was my go to guy. And I had being going to him pretty much for the last few days…

"Could you help me off the couch?" I groaned, stretching my arms out towards him, "My stomach hurts."

He snickered and grabbed hold of my hands, then pulled until I was standing upright.

"Jump into that shower and scrub away, Bells. Let me know if you need a spatula or something."

I sauntered off towards the bathroom, rubbing my stomach as I went.

30 minutes later, I left the bathroom as a whole new Bella. I figured I didn't have to feel guilty about taking such a long shower since I had been saving in on the water for a while. It felt fucking fantastic to be clean again. I had even washed between my toes and behind my ears, figuring I'd better be thorough after slacking for so long.

After throwing my comfy, and kind of foul smelling, clothes into the washer, I got dressed in a new pair of black yoga pants and a blue top. I towel dried hair hastily and than put it up into a ponytail before going back out into the living room.

Emmett was busy playing with Nugget, rolling bottle caps across the floor for her to chase. I giggled a little at the sight. Emmett looked quite comical where he sat on the mat, his legs outstretched and a huge grin on his face as he teased Nugget by hiding the cap under his foot. I left them to play and headed into the kitchen in search of something that wasn't covered in chocolate or sprinkles. My body probably needed a rehab from all the junk food as well, I decided.

I found an apple in the fridge and began chewing on it as I picked up my phone. If I was going out of mourning, I would need something to in to. A dinner out with my best friends sounded just perfect.

"Hey, Emmett?" I called, clicking away at my phone. I had a send a text to Alice even before Emmett answered.

"Yeah?"

"What do you say to a dinner out tonight? You, me, Alice and Rose?" I asked, finishing the next text and sending it to Rose. I headed in to the living room where Emmett was now lying on his stomach, watching Nugget as she played with a popcorn.

He looked up and grinned at me, "Sure, that sounds fun. Are you buying?"

I glared at him, "Fine. But you're getting the cheapest thing on the menu."

oOoOoOo

Later that night, we were all sitting together at one of my favorite restaurants, finishing our meals and chatting animatedly. Rose and Alice had been really eager to join, and they both took in my newly showered appearance with obvious relief.

"Seriously, Bella" Alice said as she put her fork down, having scraped her plate clean with it, "Don't you think you should call him and ask if he's back yet? I mean, what if he's been here for a week and you didn't even know?"

"Ugh, imagine if we went through watching all those horrible movies and ate all that crap for nothing?" Rose complained while downing the last of her wine.

I shrugged, "Why should I call? He should be the one calling me since-"

"Enough!" Emmett exclaimed all of a sudden, banging his fist on the table. I looked at him, wide eyed and shocked at his outburst.

"Emmett, what's wrong?" I asked, more than a little confused.

He shook his head in aggravation. He was glaring at me, and it made me nervous to see him so upset. It was definitely not normal Emmett behavior.

"When are you going to get it, Bella? The guy laid his fucking heart out there for you, telling you shit that he hadn't told anyone before, and you ran away from him. You keep saying that he hasn't called you, but you forget that you told me he called you 5 timed after you left his place. Is he supposed to chase you until you decide that you want to be caught? I know you have trust issues, and I respect that, but what has he ever done to make you think that you can't trust him? Honestly?"

It was probably the longest speech I had ever heard from Emmett, and what was scary was that he was so fucking right. Well, until that last part anyway.

"He went home with that skank, Tanya, after Esmee and Carlisle party, and then they had lunch together two we-"

"Hold it." Alice interrupted, shaking her head, "Jasper said that he didn't go home with Tanya. He gave her a ride, and only after you left with James. Do you remember?"

I didn't have time to answer before Rose joined in, "And what do you mean he had lunch with her? You were the one who practically forced him to do that, you told us that yourself."

"And for the record, he never even did that." Emmett said.

I frowned, "How the hell do you know?"

"Because he told me so."

"What the fuck, have you been talking to him?" I snapped, not liking this at all. It had intervention written all over it.

"Of course I have. He's my friend, Bells."

"And what am I, a duck?"

That broke the strange, uncomfortable tension that had spread around the table. We all started laughing, and I relaxed a little. Emmett was allowed to have friends, I knew that. And he wasn't obligated to report back to me what they talked about. I just wished he had told me sooner.

As the laughter quieted down, I sighed, fidgeting with the napkin in my lap. "You're right, all of you. I can't believe I haven't realized it sooner, I guess I was too deep in my pool of self-pitying to see shit straight."

They all nodded in agreement.

Annoying bastards.

"So… What are you gonna do?" Alice leaned forward eagerly, her eyes alight with excitement.

I shrugged, "I guess… Well, I guess I'm gonna call him, but I don't know what say or what to do..."

Rosalie rolled her eyes at me, looking for all the world as if she couldn't believe how slow I was. "Bella, tell him how you feel. It's not more complicated than that. And as for the 'do' part… He's a guy, you're a girl, I think you can figure it out."

oOoOoOo

I twisted my hands in my lap, looking down on them while I spoke, "It's like… I want to trust you, Edward. I really do, I promise. But I don't know if I'm gonna be able to, and it's not because of you or anything you've done or said, it's because I'm so fucked up. And when you said those things, I got scared because I think that if I allowed myself to fall for you and things ended badly, it would hurt so much more than if it had been anyone else."

"Mjau."

"Yeah, yeah I know. Too cheesy, right?" I sighed, scratching Nugget's stomach. She purred in contentment and rolled around in my lap, willing me to scratch under her chin instead.

"You're such a lazy troll, aren't you?" I cooed, burying my nose in her white, soft fur.

"Mjau."

"It's so nice to have a rewarding conversation for once, you know? You totally get me, Nugget. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"Purrrr…."

"I agree. A soda would be perfect right now. Bring me a diet Pepsi, will you?" I said, leaning back against the couch.

Nugget didn't move.

I waited.

And waited.

And gave up.

Picking up the furboll, I held her in front of my face and gently rubbed my nose against hers. "You're cute, you don't smell bad, you're soft and you gladly listen to problems, but when it comes to fetching things, I think a dog would have been a better choice."

Or a boyfriend. Brain remarked sourly, tapping her foot against the floor.

Yeah, but a boyfriend would have been too lazy to get up and get a soda for me, so it was a moot point.

I put Nugget down and picked up my phone from the living room table. Maybe it was like pulling off a bandage, you just had to rip that shit off quickly and then it wouldn't hurt as much.

"I'm comparing telling a guy how I feel to ripping off a bandage. Good start…" I mumbled, scrolling down my contacts to find Edward. Nugget sat at my feet and looked up at me as if she was wondering what I was doing.

"It's called getting your shit together and acting like an adult." I grimaced, hovering with my index finger over the call button.

"Mjau." Nugget crooked her neck, still looking confused.

I bent down and stroked her back, smiling. "Don't worry, little Nugget. You don't have to care about that shit. I'm not letting any boys into this apartment until you turn 18."

Okay. This was it. Right now. I was going to do it.

I straightened up and stared at the screen showing Edward's name. If I just pushed that button, everything would change. If I pushed it, I would give him a chance to break me. If I pushed it, I willingly set myself up for disappointment. If I pushed…

Enough with the ifs and the pushing! Sex addict snarled, giving me an angry glare. She didn't care if heart got broken, or if brain would get fucked up. She just wanted to get fucked, period.

Finger decided to act by herself. She pushed the damn button before brain could react, and soon the dialing tone was heard.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…" I chanted, jumping up and down in panic. Nugget ran and hid under the couch, probably scared by her mom's freakish behavior.

I could still hang up. I could, I really could. If finger would just push the button, I could avoid-

"Edward Cullen."

Damn.

I couldn't speak. There were no fucking words available, none at all. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I stopped jumping.

"Hello?"

Double damn.

Why couldn't I speak? I chewed on my bottom lip and realized I was fucking sweating. Was it hot in here? Or was I on the verge of having a panic attack?

"Is there anyone there?"

Triple damn.

I hung up. I fucking hung up the bloody phone, and then stood there staring at it for what could have been hours. It was probably just a few seconds, but anyway. Sex addict and hoohah were giving me sour glances, moral and good judgment had taken their leave a long time ago and even brain and heart were looking at me with annoyance.

I guess it was guts that were messing with me now.

"God damnit, Bella. Get over yourself, will you?" I said to myself, and before I could regret it, I pushed the call button again.

"Hello?" he answered on the first ring, sounding a bit aggravated.

I cleared my throat, "Hi." was all that came out.

What? It was better than nothing…

"Hi…?"

"It's Bella. Bella Swan." I said, my voice a bit more steady now. My pulse was racing and my palms were sweaty as fuck, but I managed to hold on to the phone. Grose, I know. Thank god no one was around to see me, though they probably wouldn't recognize me right now.

"Did you just call me? And hung up?" Edward asked, and I realized he sounded a bit cold, not at all the way he used to speak to me. Damn, had I fucked this up or what?

"No." I blurted out, then continued before he could, "I was just calling to see how you were?"

"I'm fine."

See? He was as cold as a packet of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, and not in a good way.

"Oh. Okay, great. Take care. Bye."

And I hung up again.

Seriously, I was way more messed up than I thought I was. That had to be one of the shortest conversations in the history of conversation.

"Fuck it, Nugget. If I can't give this guy a chance, or let him give me a chance or whatever, then who the fuck am I gonna give it to? It's not like anyone better than Edward Cullen is gonna come around, I'm pretty darn sure of that." I sat down against the wall, banging my head into it a few times. Why couldn't I talk to him? Why couldn't I tell him how I felt? Maybe it was because I didn't know how I felt, and that's why the words didn't come out.

"Get a grip." I said to myself, then jumped slightly as the phone buzzed in my hand. It was him, of course. I took a steadying breath, stealing myself for what would come.

"Hi." I mumbled into the phone, feeling those damn butterflies doing their dance again. I didn't bother beating them down this time, since I knew it wouldn't work anyway.

"Would you mind telling me why you were really calling me, Bella?" Edward asked, sounding a bit less cold now.

Something happened then, something I would never be able to fully explain or understand. I guess that heart finally had enough. She wanted to be seen, heard and cared for. I'm pretty sure she was tired of always hiding in the back while sex addict sat in the front seat and steered the car wherever the fuck she felt like going. Maybe she had forgotten, or chosen to forget, what the big break had felt like.

Whatever the reason, I found myself opening my mouth to answer him, with no idea what words to say until they were already out there.

"I'm falling for you, Edward."

Was silence always this loud? I felt like my ears were hurting from the volume of it, and I desperately, desperately, wanted to take back the words I had spoken. How could I have been so stupid, so fucking insane to have said those words to him? I should hang up the phone, quit my job, sell the apartment and move to Aruba and work in a sewing factory under a new name. Yes, that's what I should do. I shouldn't sit here and listen to this piercing silence any longer, I should just forget that I ever said it.

"Me too."

I frowned, "You too what?"

Edward sighed, "Oh, Bella, for someone so smart, you can be a bit obtuse from time to time."

"What the hell? Are you calling me stupid?" I spat at him. Well, I had called myself stupid just a minute ago, but that didn't mean he could.

"No, I'm not calling you stupid. I'm telling you that I am falling for you too."

"Oh." Total face palm moment right there… "Wow. That's… I mean, good." I stumbled over my own tongue as I tried to form a coherent sentence. Brain couldn't really comprehend what had just happened, she was looking from heart to sex addict in confusion, not sure what she was supposed to do.

Edward chuckled, and it instantly made me relax. I realized that I had missed that sound.

"Yeah, good." he paused, "What are you doing tonight?"

"You?" I said, wiggling my eyebrows even though he couldn't see me.

He sighed, and I could almost see him shaking his head in exasperation. Damn, and I hadn't even begun to get vulgar yet. What was up with him?

"Bella. I want to take you out on a real date."

Without sex? How did one do that?

"You mean with a dinner, candlelight's, flowers and the whole package?" I asked. I could actually see the whole thing now, and it looked fucking nice.

"Yes, the whole package. I might even throw in a movie, but I don't trust neither you nor me to keep our hands to ourselves if we sit together in a dark room." he snickered, and I couldn't help but to smile a goofy, huge smile at the phone.

"I don't need a dark room to put my hands on you, you know."

"So I've noticed…"

"Do I sense a little bitterness in your tone? Do you mean to say that you don't want my hands on you?"

"Oh, Bella… You have no idea, do you?" he groaned, and the sound sent a trickle of excitement through my body. This was more like the way we used to speak, and I kind of preferred it that way. I didn't regret having said what I did, but I didn't want this to turn into some mushy, touchy feely conversation. I was definitely not that kind of girl, not by far. Say it once and then move on. There was nothing worse than people who walked around all day, proclaiming their eternal love for each other. If you loved someone, tell them and then they'll know. Okay, a reminder might be nice once in a while, but if you say it too often it loses its meaning.

"I think I might have some idea…" I walked over to the couch and fell down on it, swinging my legs over the armrest. "So you're saying I can't touch you at all?"

He laughed, "You will never hear those words from me, I promise."

"Good. 'Cause you've been gone for quite some time now, Mr. Cullen, and I have some touching up to do."

"I've been home for over a week."

I knew it!

I frowned at Nugget who was watching me, her little head sticking out from under the couch I was lying on. "I didn't know."

"You didn't call." he said simply, and I was glad that he didn't sound angry or anything.

"You didn't call either."

"I didn't think you'd pick up. You ran out on me, remember?"

I hesitated, sensing that this might turn mushy anyway. "Erm… You kind of surprised me. I didn't know what to say and then my flight reaction set in."

He chuckled at that, lifting the mood. "You are so different from anyone I've ever met, you know that? How many women out there have a flight reaction connected to when a man says he wants her?"

"Probably just one…" I mumbled, "I'm gonna try to not throw the phone out the window if you want to try and say it again…"

Wow, Bella Swan begging for assurance that a guy likes her. Now there's something you don't see every day.

Edward sighed, but I could tell he was smiling. How I could tell? Fuck if I know, it just sounded as if he wasn't pissed.

"I'm more afraid you won't show up to our date." he said, and I rolled my eyes.

"We're a little past that now, aren't we?" I picked up Nugget from the floor and placed her on my stomach, tickling her behind her ear. "I promise I'll show up, just as long as I can pick the restaurant."

"What? No way, I'm the one asking you out, therefore I'm the one who makes all the decisions." he argued.

I snorted, "I don't think so, Mr. Cullen. If you want me to be there, you'd better leave the decision making up to me."

"Never."

"You're one stubborn man, aren't you?"

"Haven't you noticed?"

I sighed, trying not to snap at him. I was used to calling all the shots, getting bossed around wasn't something I cared for.

Wow, Bella. You're calling getting asked out on a date being bossed around? My subconscious remarked, a bit sourly.

Damn, that bitch is right…

"Okay." I said, deciding to try and be diplomatic about the whole thing. "You can pick the place, but I pick the time."

That was really quite a stretch for a control freak like me, and I hoped he would appreciate it.

Edward snickered, probably smug that he had won this one. "Okay, Miss Swan. What time shall I pick you up?"

The door bell rang. I picked Nugget up and walked towards the door as I spoke. "Well, it's already pretty late and I'm really bored. Pick me up in 20 minutes or I'm going without you."

"I'll be there in 19." he said, and I smiled at the phone.

"You'd better be…"

"I'll see you soon then."

I hung up, smiling hugely as I put the phone in my back pocket and reached for the door. As I opened it, I felt a chill go through me. A sudden sense of unease swept over me, and I had no idea why.

Not until the door was opened and I stared up into a pair of dark eyes that I hadn't seen in so long, except for in my nightmares.

Nugget squirmed out of my loose grasp and jumped down, running back into the apartment as if she knew who it was standing in the doorway.

My past had come back to haunt me, and it was standing on my threshold, waiting to be let it.

"Hello, Bella." he said, grinning in his usual way. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

I could hardly believe my eyes.

Jacob Black was here.

Damn.. And things were going so well. As always, please let me know what you think! You're reviews are my fuel for writing.