Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight, still
A/N: Wow, what a response! Over 5,000 hits now! Thank you you guys! Alot think Edward should still be miserable without Bella. He will and he will fight to win her back. Bella's e-mail doesn't mean she is forgiving him and jumping back into his arms. My Bella isn't built like that. She is going to make him work for it. She thinks she hurt him but he needs a good dose of hurt to know how she feels. I will put songs in the story and alot may be country. I grew up on it, my dad is aspiring to be a country singer. I'm sorry if you don't like it. Anyways the songs in this chapter reflect on how Edward is feeling and how he figures out how Bella feels.
Songs for this chapter:
Nobody Knows by Kevin Sharp (.com/watch?v=wExJDsdExnA)
Tonight I Wanna Cry by Keith Urban (.com/watch?v=liggUDgEGlE&ob=av3e)
You Lost Me by Christina Aguilera (.com/watch?v=WOKI_tIBWVI&feature=related)
On with it!
Re-edited 1-11-11
Previously:
I opened it. It was a matching bracelet to my necklace. I held it to my chest and the tears came harder.
"Bella, did he hurt you?" Jake urged. I shook my head. "Then what's wrong?"
"That was Edward, dude," Emmett answered him.
"I'm pretty sure I hurt him," I whispered. Realization washed over Jake's face. "Oh, fuck."
God, what am I going to do?
EPOV
I ran as fast as I could to my car, got in, slammed the door shut, started it, and sped away.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed into the cab of my car, punching the steering wheel, tears pouring down my face like rain. I wish I never came to the house. I wish I had heeded Ali's warning and waited for what she had to say. By the way she was acting, I knew someone was there but I didn't expect it to be my baby. I was surprised, happy, excited... until I looked at the guy sitting next to her, holding her hand, My heart had dropped into my stomach and my blood ran cold. Oh, God, she moved on. She found someone else even though in her e-mail she said she wouldn't be able to. Fuck, I feel like I'm going to be sick. I pulled over to the side of the road and leaned out of the car and emptied the contents of my stomach, heaving.
I knew, I just knew this would come back to bite me in the ass. She didn't want anything to do with me anymore, I had hurt her too much, she found someone else. I've lost her, my family hates me, my friends won't speak to me, and I'm alone. How am I going to do this without her. I need to calm down, deep breaths. I don't want to roll my car and die. I should, though, I should just lose control of the car and wrap it around a tree so I didn't have to deal with the reality that my baby girl had found someone else.
My phone would not stop ringing, chirping from the texts and calls I wouldn't answer. I picked it up and looked at it.
10 missed calls.
Alice, Alice, Mom, Dad, Emmett, Jasper, Rose, Alice, Alice, Mom, Dad.
7 New Messages.
E, It wasn't what it looked like. Please call me. -A
Edward, honey, it wasn't what you thought it was -Mom
Ed man, you gotta call her. She's freaking out. -Em
Edward Anthony, you need to answer us. You need to let us explain. -Dad
E, please. -A
Eddie, come on, call her. She needs to explain -Em
I'm sorry. -B
What the hell? She was sorry? Why should she be sorry for finding someone who would actually treat her better than me? I decided to send a group message.
I understand. It's alright. I'll be fine. -Edward
I shut my phone off and threw it in back and turned on the radio. Just my luck, a fucking sad song to make me feel more like a piece of shit than I already did.
How blue can I get? You could ask my heart
Just like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words just couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be loving you still
The nights are so lonely the days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
The nights are so lonely
The days are so sad
I just keep thinking
About the love that we had
Nobody knows it but me
I shook my head and shut off the radio. I don't need this. I just wanna go home and sleep. The day has exhausted me and all I wanted was to stop feeling like this. Like I had been hit by a bus. My stomach hurt, my eyes burned, my head throbbed from all the hair pulling, and my throat was raw from crying and screaming. I drove home, got out of the car, slammed the door shut, walked to the elevator, went up to my floor and opened my door. The place was a mess and I needed to clean it but right now...right now I didn't have the strength to do much. I trudged to the fridge, pulled a bottle of wine from the shelf and walked into my room, grabbed the remote to the radio and sat on the couch at the end of my bed. I pressed the power button and another fucking sad song started playing.
Great. Fucking peachy. I wiped my face and listened.
Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
Theres pictures of you and I on the walls around me the way that it was and should have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away
Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.
Would it help if i turned a sad song on
"All by Myself" would sure hit me hard, now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way
Cause I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.
Oooooh oh ooooo mmmmmm
Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with this pride
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.
mmhmm mm
The tears came again, but much faster. This guy was dead on about how I felt. All I wanted to do was cry and drink my pain away. Just then the radio announcer started talking.
"And that was Keith Urban. If you are going through a bad time or break up right now, that would be the perfect song to drown your sorrows in. Up next more country music. This 100.7 The Wolf. OWWWWWWWWW!" (A/N That was supposed to a wolf howl. Lol)
"Fuck. That." I scowled and shut the fucker off and sat in the silence, taking another gulp of the wine. I wasn't feeling anything, no buzz at all and the bottle was half gone. This shit sucked, I needed something stronger but I didn't want to get up and get it. I took another gulp and swished it around in mouth. It tasted like fucking juice, I turned the bottle around and looked at the label. Sparkling cider? What the hell? I laughed. Oh, it must have been Bella's before she left. My girl didn't drink, and I mean at all. It made her feel sick and when she got sick, she threw up alot. One time she slept in the bathroom for three days from the flu and I took care of her. Lots of fluids, dry toast, and I held her and wiped her forehead until her fever broke. I missed taking care of her.
God, I miss her so fucking much. I turned the radio back on because the silence was getting to me. For some reason, I didn't like the quiet anymore, not since Bella came into my life. I loved all the noise she would make as she cooked or sang as she cleaned. Noise was better now, especially if it had came from her. I turned the station on the radio because those songs were driving me nuts. The songs changed. Sad, I could tell. Greeeeeaaaaatt, just freakin' b-e-a-u-tiful.
A piano played in the background and then it started.
I am done, smoking gun
We've lost it all, the love is gone
She has won, now it's no fun
We've lost it all, the love is gone
And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself
I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me
And we tried, oh how we cried
We lost ourselves, the love has died
And though we tried you can't deny
We're left as shells, we lost the fight
And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself
I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me
Now I know you're sorry and we were sweet
But you chose lust when you deceived me
And you'll regret it, but it's too late
How can I ever trust you again?
I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me
More tears fell.
It hit me like a wrecking ball. Is this how Bella felt? It had to be. She felt neglected, unloved, she thought Tanya had won. Tanya did not win, she never would. Bells couldn't trust me anymore, she didn't know how to and I had to, had to win her trust back. Our lives did change, and she heard me say sorry so much but it wasn't enough. She thought my love for her was gone and she was done trying. That was unacceptable.
No! No, she couldn't give up on me and I would get her back from that guy, whoever he was. Bella was mine, mine and no one else's. I was determined to win her back if even if it fucking killed me.
A pounding on the door made me jump. "Edward! Edward, open up, we need to talk to you!" It was Emmett, probably with everyone else as well. I went over and opened it, Emmett in mid pound.
"What?" I spit, wiping the tears from my eyes and sniffed. Yep, everyone was here; Emmett, Ali, Rose, Jasper, Mom, Dad, that guy, another small dark haired girl, and Bella. Emmett looked over my shoulder at my living room, seeing the mess it was. "Oh, great, the gang's all here. Come here to punch me again, Emmett? What about you, Ali? Wanna give me another bruise? Slap me, call me a prick? Have this guy kick my ass for hurting the only girl I've ever loved?" My eyes filled with angry tears and fell as I pulled at my hair. I'm gonna go bald at this rate!. "What? What did I do now?"
A tear fell down Ali's cheek. I immediately regretted yelling at her. I sighed, "I'm sorry, Ali. I'm just really tired. What happened?"
"Could you let us in, son?" Dad asked. I moved out of the way, letting them all in. I noticed Bella wouldn't look at me, another tear fell. Of course she wouldn't look at me, I fucked up. As soon as everyone was in, I closed the door and faced them, folding my arms over my chest and looked at them, questioning. My mom spoke up. "Sweetie, this place is a mess. Why haven't you cleaned it up?"
I shrugged. "Why would I? It's just me here."
"Why? Is Tanya out tonight?" Alice spit at me. I flinched, taken aback and my eyes filled again. Why would she say that? I got rid of Tanya.
"Um, I guess I deserved that." I whispered, "Excuse me." I brushed past them,trying to get to the bathroom before I broke down. They really do hate me.
As I closed the door I heard my mom yell at her. "Mary Alice Cullen! That was out of line! You know he got rid of her! "
"You don't know that. He could be lying." I came out of the bathroom and walked over to the door and opened it.
"If you're here to yell at me about Tanya, then you can get the hell out because I already feel like a piece of shit as it is and I don't need you or anyone else reminding me, Alice."
Her scowl fell.
"How much proof do you need for you to believe me when I say that I got rid of Tanya after Bella left. Please don't say that I didn't get rid of her until later because I wanted one last fuck because that is not the truth. After Bella left, I didn't go to work and didn't want to talk to anyone for about a week. I got rid of her before I talked to you so don't you fucking tell me that I didn't end it. You don't know what happened!" I yelled.
"I'm sorry, Edward. You're right." Alice whispered, looking down. I nodded.
"Now," I continued, "if you are here to scold me, you can leave because I don't need it." I gestured to the door, waiting.
"Edward," Bella whispered, "I'm not here to yell at you. You need to let me explain." I shook my head.
"You don't need to explain. I get it. You've moved on and it's okay now. I understand." She shook her head.
"No, you don't get it. I'm not with him. He just my friend. This is Jacob," she pointed at the guy. "And this is his girlfriend, Leah Clearwater." Bella pointed at the small dark haired girl.
They weren't together? She didn't move on?
"I'm confused. Why was he holding your hand then?"
"Your dad asked him how long we knew each other. You walked in at the wrong time and jumped to conclusions." I smiled at her.
"God, I'm so fucking stupid!" The Jacob guy walked up to me and stuck his hand out. "Hey man, I'm Jake, one of Bella's childhood friends." I took his hand and shook it. "I'm Edward."
"I know. I've heard about you. She talks about you all the time."
"Well that's good, I hope." Bella interrupted.
"Well now that that's is settled, can I talk to you privately?"
"Yes, of course." I followed her to the bedroom. I sat on the couch and she sat on the bed. I wanted to give her space. Then again, I just wanted to hold her. I stayed put.
She looked at me and smiled weakly. I smiled back and waited for her to say something.
"Did you get my e-mail?" she asked.
"Yeah, I did. Bella, I know you don't trust me anymore but I'm one hundred percent willing to win it back. I promise you."
She nodded. "Okay. It's not going to be easy either, Edward. You're gonna have to work hard at this. I'm not going to run back to you at the drop of a hat. I hate what you did to me and I was stupid to stick around and watch it happen. I'm not naive. As I told you in the e-mail if you break my heart again, it won't have a good outcome. Don't lie to me anymore. You should know of all people that I hate it when people lie to me. As much as you mean to me, if you lie to me again or try to cover anything up, we're done. This is the last chance that you get. I don't do the 'three strikes, you're out' thing. You get this one chance, Edward. You understand me?"
"Yes, Bell, I understand." I changed the subject, wanting to lighten the mood a bit. "Did you get the bracelet from Alice? I had it made for you because I figure you would want both. I hope you like it."
"I got. It's beautiful, Edward. Stop trying to change the subject, though. You have to take this seriously."
"I am taking it seriously. I've been taking it seriously ever since you left. I've been trying to survive in this fucking place without you for almost a month. I want to work this out but you won't talk to me. The only time you did was through an e-mail. You have been avoiding me and you know that, Bella. Don't try denying it."
"I'm not denying it. Yes, I've been avoiding you. I'm scared of what will happen if we get back together!" She cried.
"Look, Bella, I don't want to fight with you right now. I'm tired of fighting with everyone. I'm sick of crying, missing you so much. It's late and I'm...I'm just so tired." I looked at my watch. 10:45 p.m.
"Ok, I'll go. Are you coming to dinner tomorrow? We can talk more there, yeah?" She looked hopeful.
I nodded and went to the door to walk into the living room, Bella close behind. Someone had picked up some and took all the beer bottles to the trash. "Mom, you didn't have to do that."
"I know, honey but it was getting on my nerves. I'm a neat freak, you know."
"Yeah, I know. Well, I'm tired and don't think I can keep my eyes open any longer. Bella and I talked and I now know she is still single," I looked at Jacob and his girlfriend. "It was nice meeting you guys, and hope to see you again. Bella needs your company and she deserves to have a great deal of friends."
"Thanks, Edward," Jacob replied. Everyone got up and walked to the door. I hugged my dad, Alice, and Emmett. My mom hugged me and kissed my cheek. "Are you coming tomorrow?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'll be there." She walked out the door.
I walked over to Bella. "Is it alright if I hug you? I won't kiss you, I promise." Even when I'd kill to feel your kiss again.
She nodded and stood on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around my neck. I buried my face in her hair and breathed her scent in. Strawberries and freesias. I started tearing up again. She let go and looked at me worried because she didn't know why I was crying.
"I love you, Bella. You know that, right?" I asked hoarsely. She nodded but didn't say it back but I understood why though. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"
She nodded again and walked out the door. I closed the door, wiped my eyes and walked to my room, changed into some shorts and crawled into bed. I felt something under my pillow. So I reached under it and pulled out the item. I smiled. It was her scarf, I sniffed it and it smelled just like her. She must have wanted me to ahve something to remind me of her so I clutched it to my chest, turned off the lamp and fell asleep.
A/N: Still trying to update as regularly as I can. I love reviews guys so keep them coming, please. Workin' on chapter 7!
Bye!
Lionlamb91 :)
P.S. Did anyone catch the line from Bruce Almighty? LOL
Rec time:
Him by MarcieLV. .net/s/6398909/1/Him
Only one chapter in but it's sounds interesting so far!