(See the first chapter for disclaimer, notes, spoilers, etc.)

Chapter 8: "Home"

The jet's wheels make contact with the runway, a gentle bump that jolts me awake. A quiet roar fills the silence as the brakes are applied, slowing the plane to a stop. I blink my eyes and lean forward, gazing out the window. After two months of dreary London weather, the sparkling California sunshine is something to behold. Just as I was twenty-five years ago, I'm spellbound. This time though, a new thought whispers in the back of my mind: I'm home.

"Is it all as you remember?" Colin asks as he places a stack of paperwork into his briefcase.

I nod slowly, though I'm still riveted to the scene outside the window as the jet taxis. The sun is glaring on the terminal's floor-to-ceiling windows, not allowing me to see inside, but no matter. I grin, feeling the presence of my children as the jet comes to a stop. I unclip the seat belt and stand quickly, ignoring the awful feeling in my legs as the circulation begins flowing. After hours on a plane, I'm minutes away from seeing my children for the first time in months. My eyes drift back out the window, unable to stop gazing at the terminal.

As the assistant pilot opens the cabin door, Colin leans down and looks out the same window as me. His cheek brushes against mine and I inhale sharply as he says, "I can see why you originally gave up England for all this."

I turn, meeting his eyes. "All that glitters is not always gold," I murmur as the Customs officials board the jet. Moments later, our passports are stamped and returned with a breezy, "Welcome to the United States".

"Shall we?" Colin asks, holding out his hand to let me exit first. I pick up my leather carry-on and all but run down the aisle. The assistant pilot helps me down the stairs and wishes me a pleasant stay, but I barely respond. Instead, I turn my face to the sky and close my eyes, letting the warm rays rain down over me. Instantly, I feel transformed, like I've shed a layer of myself. Months of solitude have prepared me for this moment and I revel in the gloriously alive feeling coursing through me.

Slowly, I open my eyes as I remember it wasn't that long ago that I tried to kill myself. I shiver, remembering the way the vodka warmed my chest. The way the tumbler ground the pills to dust. The distant strains of Stardust. The way I cried when I woke up in the Italian hospital.

Colin touches my elbow and I jump, glancing over at him. "Are you alright?" he asks as we begin walking towards the terminal.

A warm breeze blows over us, stirring my hair and I brush it back. "Yes," I reply. I swallow the reminder of my own weakness as another, more dangerous, thought enters my mind: Gregory. Dozens of memories come flooding back as I near the terminal, the gateway to my children…and their father. There was no way to look forward to seeing Caity and Sean without realizing how near to Gregory that would force me to be. The moment I step through the doorway and into my children's arms, there was no way to go back.

I slow down and eventually stop, my heart beating rapidly. What was I doing? What was I doing here? I'm afraid of him. I'm afraid of Gregory. I'm afraid to look him in the eye and still see hatred, resentment, and blame. The unsettling feeling of nausea goes through me and I raise a shaky hand to my mouth. Up ahead, I see Colin turn when he realizes I'm not at his side. My heart leaps into my throat as I stand there, frozen.

Slowly, he comes back to me, a bemused grin on his face. He leans in, his mouth next to my ear as he says loudly over the whine of the jet's engines, "I've never seen them, but I do believe your children are waving." I look up slowly, my hand falling from my lips. We're closer to the terminal and the glare has diminished, allowing me to indeed see Caitlin and Sean waving from behind the glass.

"Yes," I say, forcing myself to speak over the sick feeling. "That's them."

"Well, since they aren't allowed on the runway, I'd think you'd want to meet them inside?" I follow him, one reluctant foot in front of the other as I turn my eyes back up to my children. They're still waving and I see Sean holding up a large sign that reads Welcome home, Mom!. I smile in spite of myself and wave back, happiness replacing the nausea. We're steps away from the terminal doors when I hear Colin say, "-company on the plane."

"Hmm?" I turn to him, seeing fine gold highlights that the sun managed to reveal in his brown hair.

He clears his throat and smiles as he repeats, "I enjoyed your company on the plane." I open my mouth to reply when he continues, "I know you are very much looking forward to visiting with your children and grandson, but I was wondering if you might like to join me for dinner one night in Los Angeles?"

I tilt my head, looking up at him quietly. "Aren't you sick to death of me?" I ask softly and he chuckles.

"Good heavens, no!" he exclaims and a half-smile comes to my lips. "Actually, I've become quite fond of you these last few weeks," he admits quietly and my eyes widen. With his perpetual gentle smile, his hand brushes against my own, sending a tingling sensation up my arm.

I inhale sharply and realize that he isn't joking. A nervous sensation flutters like a butterfly in the pit of my stomach as he gazes back at me. "Colin," I begin, my voice cracking nervously, "I-"

He frowns and rubs his face. "There. Now, I've gone and cocked it up," he mutters. "Lolly suggested I be bold and declare myself." His chuckle segues into a groan as he looks back at me and shrugs. "This is what I deserve for taking advice from my youngest daughter."

I step closer to him, watching him struggle. "You didn't cock it up," I say quietly as his eyes jump to mine. My heart is pounding as we hold each other's gazes. Colin is a sweet man, one whose company I have enjoyed these last weeks. Other than the children and Bette, he's been the only contact I've had with the outside world. With a small smile, I admit, "But, it's too soon." Disappointment flickers in his eyes, even as he nods. "Far too soon."

He clears his throat and looks away. "I understand."

"But, I do enjoy your friendship," I continue softly. He looks back at me and smiles, one of such genuine delight that I'm momentarily speechless. "And, I would like to have dinner with you."

Colin reaches out and pulls open the door to the terminal. "Go on," he says, gesturing with his chin. "You've been apart from them long enough. I'll see to our bags."

I grin and go in, my feet quick on the stairs. Moments later, I'm stepping onto the main floor of the small terminal and into the eager embrace of my children. I drop my carry-on and wrap my arms around Caitlin and Sean, hugging them close. My daughter says nothing and only sobs into my left shoulder, her arms wrapped tight around me. Sean hugs both of us close, resting his forehead against my own. I could stand here forever, my babies wrapped up tight in my arms. I cup the back of my daughter's head, running my hand over her silken hair. I close my eyes, realizing that it's been too long for them too. I'm not the only one who suffered the last few months.

My lips disappear into a grimace as Sean says, "Stay for awhile."

I nod, cupping his face warmly. "Deal," I gush, my own tears staining my cheek.

He grins and reaches for my hand, squeezing it tight, as Caitlin looks up. "We've missed you," she gasps, tears glittering in her eyes. My chest tightens as I nod and hug her close, her sad eyes burning into my soul. "A lot," she murmurs, burrowing into my embrace.

I kiss her head and whisper into her hair, "I've missed you too, Caity. So incredibly much."

My eyes meet Sean's over her head and he smiles sadly as he squeezes his sister's shoulder. She looks up, clearing her throat as she wipes her eyes. "Sorry," she says, taking a deep breath. I shake my head, knowing that my absence has put my children through an emotional roller coaster. One that they are clearly still riding. A lump wells in my throat as Caitlin takes my hand, turns to her brother, and says, "Home, James."

Sean looks around, his brow furrowed as he asks, "Where's your suitcase, Mom?"

"Oh." I turn to look behind me and see Colin coming up the stairs with one of the sky caps. He looks up from their conversation and his smile bridges the distance between us. As I smile back at him, I notice a not so subtle glance pass between my children. I swallow hard and say brightly as Colin walks over to us, "Our luggage?"

"Will be along shortly. They're sorting it all out."

I turn to my children, suspicion dancing in their eyes. "Caitlin, Sean, I'd like you to meet Lord Laven-"

He chuckles and holds out his hand to Caitlin, who shakes it limply as he says, "Olivia, this country shed its colonial ties more than 200 years ago. I'm happy to simply be introduced as Colin Sutherland."

Sean clears his throat and shakes his hand as he says, "Nice to meet you, Colin."

"I've heard quite a bit about both of you from your mother," he explains, glancing between them. "I know how much she's looked forward to seeing you."

As my children exchange another glance, I interject, "Colin is a colleague of Charles Lakin's. They're attending a conference in Los Angeles."

Colin glances down at his watch, frowning. "Speaking of which, I really should be going. The firm is holding a dinner tonight and there's nothing solicitors enjoy more than doing business over cocktails."

My smile disappears into a tight line as memories of Gregory and I attending those same types of dinners assault me. A quarter century of marriage equaled a lifetime of making small talk with boring wives while my husband made the rounds at parties. Everyone wanted to talk to him. He was erudite, he was victorious, he was the lawyer everyone wanted to have in their corner. He was the one people wanted. I was the decoration that hung on his arm and smiled through his stories, encouraging the brilliance. Did I ever make a difference in his life? I turn to Caitlin and Sean, watching them exchange polite niceties with Colin, saying something about the traffic. Other than them, I've left no mark on Gregory at all, whereas my first thoughts upon touching American soil were of him.

"Mom, are you ready?"

I look up, nodding at Sean's question. I turn to Colin, a sigh dying on my lips as I force myself back to the present. "Thank you for the ride," I say quietly.

He shakes his head. "As I told you, I enjoyed the company." He watches me for a long moment and I freeze, suddenly nervous about what he might do before we part. Instead, he simply smiles as he says, "I'll call you. I'm staying at the Four Seasons."

"Yes," I say quietly, feeling ridiculous for being worried about him. Colin's been nothing but a gentleman all this time. I've become quite fond of you these last few weeks. I've spent the last few months running from the world, yet he's managed to find something in me to be fond of. How can that be? Blindly, I look up at him and whisper, "I won't forget about our dinner."

"Nor shall I," he replies. With a quick goodbye to my children, he's gone, followed by a sky cap and a luggage cart. Leaving me standing in the middle of the terminal, with a disconcerting feeling coursing through me. Caitlin's arm threads through my own and I let her lead the way as we follow Sean and my luggage out of the airport. "I'm so happy you came home, Mom," I hear her say.

"Me too," I admit, turning back to focus on my daughter. Excitement dances on her face, replacing the weepy reception I received. Her skin is glowing and her eyes are bright, reminding me of the sunny baby she once was. With a pang, I think of my grandson and clear my throat as I point out, "You didn't bring Trey."

Slowly, she shakes her head. "I didn't want- I thought it might be too much." Our eyes meet as she continues, "I thought that seeing Sean and I after all this time would be emotional enough."

"You were right," I say, cupping her still flushed cheek. I stop and turn to her as I admit, "I haven't been a very good grandmother to him, have I?"

"Mom-"

"I couldn't even look at him," I whisper, remembering the near-panic that consumed me in the days after the baby died whenever I thought of my new grandson. A veil of shame drops over me and I look down, not able to meet my daughter's eyes. My hands tremble and I exhale, my breath shaky. "I worry I still can't."

Caitlin takes my hand, her palm warm against my own. "I tell him about you," she says softly and tears instantly spring to my eyes. Slowly, I look up as she continues, "All those stories you used to tell me at bedtime, I tell him now." I throw my arms around my daughter, hugging her close as I choke back a sob. "Remember what you used to tell me about Nana?" she asks. "No one loves a little child like their grandmother. I know that's how it will be for you and Trey."

My little girl isn't a little girl anymore. She's a mother now, brimming with more maturity and wisdom than I've ever had. I cup her face in my hands, grateful for a daughter who is a better woman and better mother than I. "Oh, I want that too, darling. I so, so want that."

She nods, covering my hands with her own. "It will be. We'll just take it slow." She chuckles, her blue eyes sparkling as she grins. "Besides, he's a baby. He won't know any different."

But, I will. I'll know. Trey is slowly becoming one more regret in my life, one more person that I wish I didn't fail. Caity is chattering about the baptism and I look ahead, seeing Sean packing all of my luggage into the back of the BMW. As we walk across the small parking lot, a dry breeze blows around us, just as Caitlin says, "-then the party at Grenadine's."

My head flies to her, panic rising in my throat. "Party?"

She nods, biting her lip nervously. "It was a last minute decision," she explains quietly as a sinking feeling twists in the pit of my stomach. "Daddy is hosting it. Daddy...and Annie."

Of course they are. There was nothing Gregory enjoyed more than throwing a party, especially one that he could rub my nose in. "Oh," I say lamely, looking down at the ground.

"It's for the whole family," she says quickly, trying to take the sting off this news. "Mine and Cole's. Elaine and Paula will be there. Bette too."

I ashamed to admit that I'm already thinking of a way to get out of the christening party. I turn to my daughter, cringing at the hopeful way she's looking at me. And, right then, I know that I can't back out. This is what I came back to Sunset Beach to do. To face my memories and my pain. To face Trey. To face Gregory. "It's fine," I lie, forcing myself to smile.

It must not be a very convincing smile because Caitlin sighs and says, "Mom, about Daddy and Annie-"

A sick feeling overwhelms me and I shake my head, not wanting to have that conversation. "Your father is a grown man, Caity," I say as Sean trots over, the key ring jingling in his hand. "What he does is no longer my concern."

"But, it's my fault!" she exclaims and my eyes darken. Sean looks at me, confused, as she continues, "Annie and I were friends. I brought her into our lives!"

I sigh and shake my head as I take her hand. My son puts his hand on my shoulder, the sun beating down on us as I say, "Don't underestimate your father. Everything that's happened has always been what he wanted to happen."