Disclaimer: Don't own! :)
A/N: Hey people! My mom had a health scare so I was busy freaking out so I didn't type it to my liking and spent like a day and a half on it. I am very happy you like that I update quickly. I don't like when authors update once a month, too or take forever to give us the next chapter. But I wait because I probably love the story. I would like to acknowledge some reviews:
gracieann9192: I'm sorry you don't like my story. I apologize.
Lorna jones: You're so nice! I am so happy you like my story.
nicolleio: They will.
sujari6: I promise to be as frequent as possible.
reyes139: Never fear! I will make him tell her.
Anyways, MarcieLV looks over my story before you guys read it and she points out my screw ups and I thank her for that. And she tells me that Bella is driving her crazy but in a good way. She told me, "It's a good thing. A crappy story wouldn't be able to evoke any emotion at all." So that's good. Does my story evoke emotion from you all? I love good critique. I welcome it so keep it comin'. Except for negative ones. I don't care much for those.
On with it!
Re-edited 1-12-11
Song for this chapter: I'll Be by Edwin McCain (.com/watch?v=3DacrpKkrYs&feature=related) Bella's ringtone for Edward's calls
Previously:
"I love you," she whispered.
"Me too. I'll call you." She closed the door and walked to the front and went in. As soon as she disappeared around the corner, I let my head fall to the wheel and the tears that I had been holding in flooded my eyes and cascaded down my cheeks in torrents.
"Ah, fuck," I sobbed and felt my shoulders shake.
Oh, God. I'm gonna lose her.
BPOV
I walked to the glass doors of my apartment building and stood behind the wall to make him think I had gone up. I looked out from behind the wall the see his body slump forward and his head fell to the wheel and he cried. His shoulders shook and he punched the dash as he sobbed. He tipped his head back and screamed something in to the cab which made my tears fall faster. I bit my lip and wiped my face as I watched my love drive away.
There's nothing to be sorry for, Bell...There's nothing to be sorry for, Bell. Those words ran through my head over and over again and I couldn't help but wonder what he meant. I don't know what happened tonight. Everything was perfect. He stayed with me for the past two days, held me as we slept and kissed me whenever he got the chance and I loved it.
But at the restaraunt, when the waiter was talking to me and complimenting me, Edward got so mad and I knew he was jealous but he didn't have to be rude. Then I threw his mistake in his face and told him he didn't have the right to be angry and I then realized what I had said and was immediately sorry for it but he didn't seem upset by it. I mean he kind of cringed but then nothing else. A few moments had passed and then his eyes got shiny with unshed tears and I knew he was trying to hold them back.
I could feel his mood change as he got up to pay for the meal and left me behind. I ran outside and got in the car and told him I was sorry but he told me I didn't do anything and that he deserved it. I didn't think he'd seriously take me home until I saw that he pulled up to the building. He had said he was tired and that he'd call me tomorrow but I didn't believe him. Something was wrong and I definitely knew it when he didn't tell me he loved me back. All he said was 'me too' and 'I'll call you'. I know most people would tell me to let him wallow and ignore him and that I should hate him for what he did but I'm not like that.
Yes, he hurt me and broke my trust in him. Yes, he snuck around behind my back and refused to end his affair. And yes, my leaving is what it took for him to do it and yes he's to blame just as much as Tanya, if not more. I'm not juvenile and I'm not naive and I know people would look at this like it's a high school situation. Now, I know how some would think that Edward likes to be fought over, that he likes to see two girls compete for him but I don't think that's it. And you would think that I should just give up on him and move on or plot for some kind of revenge to teach him a lesson but once again, I'm not like that.
Yes, I'm weak when it comes to him and I would forgive him for just about everything but I haven't yet. I have not forgiven him for this betrayal and it's going to be a lengthy period before I do. Hey, I may not ever get over it. It may stick with me for the rest of our lives and I'll constantly hang it over his head but I'm willing to work on this because I love him. When you love someone as much as I love Edward, you stick with them and work it out. You don't run away. But he needs to tell me what made him so upset because it's obviously something more than what I said to him. He can't keep it from me.
I sniffled and walked to the elevator and pressed the up arrow. The doors dinged and I stepped in and pressed PH as the doors closed and took me up to my apartment. I walked to the door, took my key out and unlocked the door. I stepped inside and heard little footsteps walk towards me. I wiped my face and tried to look like nothing happened but was too late because Ali was already standing in front of me.
"Bella! How did it go? Details!," her smile faded when she looked closer at my expression and puffy eyes. "Honey, what happened?"
I shook my head and felt my the tears well and shrugged. "I don't know. He won't tell me. He went home. Ali, what am I gonna do?"
"Oh, Bella, come here." She held her little arms open as I walked into them and sobbed. "What do you mean he won't tell you?" We went to sit down and she gave me a tissue.
"He's mad at me. He said he wasn't but I know he is. I'm scared, Alice."
"Sweetie, tell me what happened."
"We...um...he took me to dinner at a small Italian place and we ordered the special," I sniffled, "and the waiter was a little too friendly for Edward's liking so his attitude went from polite and happy to rude and jealous. So I told him that he didn't have any business being jealous and I threw the whole cheating on me thing at him and he flinched, you know. But it...God, he started to look really sad and I thought maybe it was from what I said but he tried telling me it wasn't and that he deserved it for being a dick. But, Ali, as soon as he dropped me off and I went in, I looked back and he was crying and..I-I'm s-sc-scared of what will happen. He s-said he'd c-call but I d-don't think he w-will. What am I supposed to do?"
I was visibly shaking and my nose was running and my face was saturated in tears and Alice just sat there, listening to my explanation, rubbing my back and shushing me as I cried on her shoulder. "Shh, Bella. Stop crying so hard. You're going to make yourself sick. Calm down, sweetie. Deep breaths, come on." I took a deep, shaky breath and blew it out slowly, trying my hardest to stop the tears but they seemed to have a mind of their own because they kept falling. I swiped at them and lifted my head from her shoulder and examined the state of her top. The entire right top right shoulder part of it was soaked with salt water. I pressed on it to test how much had soaked through.
"I'm sorry, Ali, I ruined your expensive shirt."
"Oh, Bella, the shirt can be replaced. My best friend's heart is irreplaceable," she sighed.
"I'll pay you back for it."
"Bella, no. Think nothing of it. It's just a shirt, honey." She rubbed my back and smoothed my hair away from my face and continued to hush me, wiping my tears.
"You two aren't gonna kiss, are ya?" I turned my head to see Jazz standing there, grinning. I let out a watery giggle and shook my head as Alice glared at him and grinned
"No, Whitlock, this isn't the day one of your fantasies to come true. Our Bells is upset and needs comfort so mosey your southern ass on over here and cuddle her." He smiled and sauntered over, sat down behind me turned my torso and gathered me into his arms. I buried my head into his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his back. I loved hugs from Jasper; they were warm and comforting but the only hug I wanted right now was from Edward but he wasn't here. I wanted his arms around me, his familiar musk filling my senses but I guess I could settle for the next best thing. I felt tears well again so I reached up to wipe them off. Jazz let go of me and smiled, cupping my cheek.
"It'll be alright, darlin'."
"I hope so." I got up and took my boots off. "I'm gonna go try to call him. I'm emotionally exhausted and I'll probably go to bed early. Goodnight, guys."
"Night, Bells," Ali and Jazz called. I grabbed my purse and cell phone and drug myself to my bedroom. Some of his clothes were still on my floor so I picked them up and placed them on my chair in a little pile. I shuffled into the bathroom and changed out of my clothes, replacing the previous ones with some green plaid pants and a gray t-shirt. I put my socks and my bra in the basket, took the pins out of my hair and gathered it to the top of my head in a messy bun. I swept my bangs to the side and behind my ears and climbed in bed. I flipped on the lamp, grabbed my phone and dialed Edward's number, putting it to my ear.
Please enjoy the music while your party is reached...
Clair de Lune played in my ear until it went to voice mail. Hi, this Edward. I can't come to the phone right now but if you leave me a message after the beep, I'll try to get back as soon as I can. Thanks, bye. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP.
"Hey, it's me. Call me back when you can. I really need to see you, Edward. I love you. Bye." I pressed END, shut the lamp off, snuggled under the covers and closed my eyes, willing sleep to take me over but it didn't. I tossed and turned restlessly for about two hours until I was sick of it so I got up and went to the medicine cabinet to get some sleep aid. I popped two tablets washing them down with water and climbed back into bed. I sprawled out for about ten minutes, huffed and got back up to get some warm milk. I tiptoed to the kitchen, not wanting to wake Ali and Jazz and poured some milk in a mug, stuck in the microwave and pressed 2. I took it out before the timer could beep and rifled through the cupboards for some cocoa packets. I ripped one open and tapped it in the cup, grabbed a spoon and creaked to my room and closed the door softly.
I sat down in the blue chair and drank the cocoa hoping it would help me, but to no avail. I was getting pissed because for some reason I had insomnia tonight. I looked at my phone to discover it was 2 in the morning. I had been awake for the past 5 hours trying not to be awake. A thought then came to me: maybe I had gotten so used to sleeping with Edward at my side to the point that if he wasn't, I couldn't fall asleep. That had to be it. I got up for the tenth time and picked up the most recently worn shirt of his and layed down.
"I can't sleep without you," I whispered as a tear leaked out and dripped into my hair. I used his shirt as a pillow and finally fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.
7:30 a.m. the following morning-
And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
And I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life...
"Shit, shit, shit," I yelped and reached out for my phone, knowing Edward was calling me because that was his ringtone. Only his. I located it and pressed SEND. "Hello?" (E in bold)
Hey
"Hey."
Did I wake you up?
"No...well yeah but I wanted to be awake when you called."
Oh, ok. Do you think I could come over in a bit?
"Of course. What time?"
Um...'bout a half hour. That good?
"Yes. I'll be here. Listen, Edward, I-"
Can we just talk more when I get there?
"Um, ok I guess."
Alright, bye.
"Bye." I hung up and got out of bed and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. He sounded so far away, it was weird. I got the coffee going and turned to make some toast. I'd probaby eat more later but right now I just wanted him to get here, I didn't care about food. When the coffee was finished I poured some and padded to the couch and sat down, waiting for him.
My phone beeped five minutes later. I'm here. -E.
K, come on up -B.
I was anxious to see him. Yeah, I saw him last night but it turned out bad. I missed him the whole time. A knock sounded on the door and I flew across the room to open it and launched myself at him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and buried my face in his neck. "I missed you so much." I felt the tears start to burn my eyes but blinked them back. I didn't need to be a blubbering mess.
"I missed you, too." he whispered and carried me to the couch and sat down. "Bella, we need to talk."
"Oh, no those four words are evil. No one wants to hear them." I lean back and looked at him. He looked so worn down and ragged. His face was stubbly, there were purple rings under his blood shot eyes and his hair was especially wild. "Have you slept at all?"
"No. It seems like I can't unless my arms are around you."
"Me too. I slept with one of your shirts last night. But I didn't get as much as I'd like to." I ran my fingers through his hair and smoothed my hand over his stubbly jaw. He leaned his head against my collar bone and took a shaky breath.
"Bella, I...I did a lot of thinking last night and I think it would be best if we...if we weren't...if we don't see as much of each other right now. If we spent some time apart."
"Wh-what?" My hands fell away and my heart dropped to my stomach and my blood turned to ice in my veins. "Are-are you br-breaking up with me?" My heart sped up and my breathing became labored and I felt as if my lungs were going to explode. Tears blinded my vision and fell rapidly, one after another, down my cheeks. I removed my body from his lap and began pacing. My hands went to my hair and pulled at the roots as I tried to figure out how this could go so wrong. "Why, Edward?" I looked at him.
"You deserve better than me. I'm sorry." He got up and went to the door to leave but I jumped and pulled on his jacket with both hands, stopping him. He tried to get my fingers loose but I only held on tighter.
"No, baby, no!" I pleaded, sobbing, "Don't leave!" He took his jacket off, leaving it at my feet and opened the door, walking out. I chased after him but dropped to the floor in the hall and cried. "Is this what you want? You don't want me anymore?"
"Yes, this is what I want," he choked, his back still facing me. Fear raced through me and my heart broke further at his words, but they didn't sound sincere.
"That's a bald-faced fucking lie and you damn well know that, Edward! Stop fucking lying to me and tell me the honest to God truth! Is. This. What. You. Want?"
He stopped and turned around, facing me, tears running down his face, hands gripping his hair. "Do you actually think I fuckin' want this? Do you think I want to leave you? No, I don't want this! Of course I don't want this. I want you. I love you. But you deserve a better life than the one I'm giving you and you know that."
"I want this life, Edward. This one!" I pounded on the carpet. "You don't get to decide for me, god dammit! I get to choose what I deserve, not you or anyone else! I deserve to have someone and I want you! Breaking up with me won't make it better. Walking away from us will not solve anything and it will only hurt me more. There's something wrong and I need you to tell me. Keeping secrets are what ripped us apart before and you're doing it again. Damn it, Edward, tell me!"
"You're never going to forgive me, Bella! It's always gonna to be the one thing, the biggest fucking thing that's wrong with our relationship. It's gonna be on my conscience all the time, hanging over my head for what I have done to the one person I love more than my own life. I cheated on you. I cheated on you and kept doing it even when you knew and I told you I would stop but I didn't! I broke your heart to the point that if it were possible to pull it out of someone's chest and crush it into dust with one's fingers, I could! I broke the only heart that I have ever cherished and I'm disgusting! I don't deserve you! I don't deserve anything except loneliness!"
He trudged closer and walked back in to the apartment, with me hot on his heels before anyone came out to investigate the ruckus. I closed the front door and grabbed his arm, halting his steps. "Edward-" I hicupped.
He spun around and jerked his arm away, "Bella, don't you tell me that I'm capable of forgiveness. What I've done is the lowest thing any person could do to anyone, ever. Half the guys I know would think nothing of it because they aren't fully committed and they're not in love with the girl but I'm excluded from that portion because I am. I'm so deeply in love, it's crazy. I love you. I love you so much, baby and you mean the world to me but you deserve better and I only wanted to make it easier for you to get away from me, away from the heartbreak I've put you through and the future heartbreak that I know I'll be the cause of. And I'm so scared that one day you'll decide to leave because you can't stomach being with someone who cheated on you and living your life being the girlfriend of an adulterer." He wiped the tears that were streaming down his face and slumped on the couch.
"Will you let me speak now?"
"I'm so terrified of not being with you, Bella. I get sick to my stomach even thinking about it and last night made me finally, really come to terms with the fact that I may lose you and it makes me dread waking up every morning."
"Edward," I walked to where he was sitting and straddled him. I then clasped his face between my hands and made him look at me. "I'm not going anywhere. Yes, I know what you did. And you are capable of forgiveness but it is gonna take a lot of time and a ton of work for me to completely let go of it. It may take days, months, maybe even years but I'm willing to work through this with you. I won't run away again and you need to tell me how you feel when you feel it. I am still so angry with you and I know not all of the blame can be placed on Tanya and the fight I got into with her was my breaking point. I took all the rage that I felt towards you both and released it on her. While it only made me feel a little better, I would never hit you. Besides, her being her alone made me hate her even before the incident so who wouldn't want to punch her?"
"I just wish I she had never contacted me or deliberately sought me out. I would take it all back, Bella, I would go back and change it, I swear if I could, I would. I would tell her to leave me alone, I wouldn't have ever drank and then I wouldn't have ever hurt you. It was selfish and stupid to ever think that you would sit back and watch it happen and I'm so sorry, baby. I would do it all over again if it meant that I could spare you the pain and agony of those months. Then you would have never broken our engagement and left for a month. We would be looking at places to get married and places to build a family in and my family and friends wouldn't hate me or think I'm a prick and Tanya would never be in the picture. I wouldn't have ever had to go through those miserable days missing you so much I resorted to sleeping with your clothes."
"Were they as painful for you as they were for me?" I wrapped my arms around him, settling my head on his shoulder.
"I don't know. All I know is that I had never cried so much as I had when you weren't in my life."
"That sounds about right." I kissed his neck and squeezed him tighter. "I love you, Edward. I'm not going anywhere and I refuse to let you break up with me. I felt like the world fell apart and I was the only victim when you said that to me. It was similar to a kick in the ribs times twelve."
"I didn't wanna do it but I thought you needed someone better. I thought I was doing the right thing." His arms encircled me, pressed my body close and hid his face in my neck."How am I to smooth out this...imaginary bump in the road of our relationship? Because I do wanna fix this, Bella. Whatever you want, you get. Make me work for it. Make me so insane to touch you, I'll go to knees begging for it. Name it, baby, whatever you want."
"Hmmmm," I thought, scratching the back of his scalp with my nails, "I...will come up with something. But right now, I'm exhausted and from the looks of your eyes, so are you. So for right now let's go lay down and sleep."
I untangled myself and stood up. I laced my fingers with Edward's and pulled him up, turned on my heels and walked us to my room. I gave him some shorts he had left behind so he could change out of his jeans. I layed down as he took his shirt off then joined me in the bed, scooping me up and pulled my back to his chest and placed his arm tight against my midriff and layed his head in the crook of my neck and sighed. I stroked his fingers until I heard his deep, even breaths, indicating he was a asleep. I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it then placed it back down.
"I love you," I whispered and closed my eyes, immediately falling comfortably to sleep, molding myself in his embrace.
11:15 a.m. that morning...
My eyes fluttered open to light streaming under my drapes. I wiped the weariness from them and twisted my body to the opposite side and faced the still sleeping man that was holding me. I slipped my left hand up and down his bare back as my left caressed his lips as little puffs of air blew out with his every breath. He groaned and rolled on to his back, his right arm stretching above his head and rested next to the head board as his other hand went to his stomach. I giggled quietly and studied his body movements and decided to lay there, touching him until he woke up.
I put my head on my right arm and used the other for my explorations. I came to realize that I loved touching him, especially when he was asleep. He had soft skin covered that covered strong, hard muscles, and a perfect set of abs. The man had the most perfect body if I do say so myself. It wasn't bulky like a pro wrestler but toned and lean with just enough muscle definition in his arms, chest, pecs and back to satisfy me. He had lightly tanned skin and a smooth chest with a silky line of hair under his belly button that disappeared under his shorts with that incredible pelvic 'V' thing and visible hip bones that drove me bonkers. I wanted to kiss him all over everytime I saw them. I leaned down and kissed right above his heart, hearing it thump steadily.
I kissed a trail up to his shoulder to his neck, behind his ear whispering "wake up" and rubbing his stomach. I kissed his jaw, the corner of his mouth, finally on his soft lips, brushing my mouth across his unmoving one, once, twice, then kissed him lightly but he didn't budge. I sighed and lifted my body from his and made a move to get up only to have a hand caught the back of my shirt and was hauled back into Edward's arms. I squeaked and giggled as he pulled me on top of him, one arm shackled at my waist, the other around my neck as he rolled me under him. I struggled playfully, trying to free my arms so I could get to his hair.
"It's not nice to tease men when they're asleep and then go on thinking there won't be consequences, sweet girl," he murmured against my lips.
"Cry about it."
"Oh, there won't be crying involved," he growled and pressed his lips to mine in a blistering kiss that wracked my insides with electricity. My fingers flew into his hair and tugged as I pressed my mouth harder against his, licking the seam with the tip of my tongue, teasing the opening until he let me in. I turned my head sideways and my tongue delved deeper, massaging it along his and sucked it between my lips, nibbling the tip, making him moan and press my body harder into the mattress with his. I broke the kiss and licked and nipped at pulse point on his neck, raking my teeth across and along the visble tendon as well, causing shudders to spread throughtout his frame.
"Mmmmmm, hi."
Hey," he leaned, pressing his forhead to mine, looking in my eyes, breathing raggedly.
"Wanna get up now?"
"Too late for that," he grinned and pressed his lower half against me, letting me feel his hard on next to my thigh. I slapped his shoulder and bucked my hips up, getting him off me and fixed my shirt. I grabbed his hand and took him out the door with me.
"I want coffee. You?"
"Mhm," he replied as he pulled me into his side, adjusting his shorts, probably covering up his prominent situation. I put both arms around his waist as we walked down the hall to the kitchen where I could see Ali and Jazz, their noses touching as he had her backed into the counter and they were smiling at each other.
I cleared my throat and raised my eyebrow, indicating we were present. They only turned their heads and looked at me, their eyes then drifting to the shirtless man next to me. "Am I interrupting something?"
"Shut it, Bells," Alice giggled, "I am allowed to fondle my husband wherever and whenever I see fit."
"Hey, I'm not stopping ya. Fondle away, girlie. I fondle this one whenever I can get the opportunity." I reached behind me and patted Edward's abs.
"You gonna be puttin' a shirt on there anytime soon, man?" Jasper asked him.
"Only if Bella wants me to."
"Well, I don't want him to, Jazz so suck it up and enjoy the master piece that is his body or avert your gaze," I turned and melted into Edward, blocking him from their view, running my hands over the expanse of his back and pinched his ass for good measure.
He jumped, "Bella, don't pinch my ass, baby. You'll pay for it later, I assure you."
"Yuck, Bella, that's my brother," Ali whined, her face scrunched in disgust.
"Oh, hush, woman. It's my ass and I'll pinch it when I want to," I retorted. "Besides, you're not the one who's doing it so cool your jets."
"Thank God," she mumbled and hid her face in Jazz's chest. He chuckled and rubbed her back and kissed her hair. I took Edward's hand and followed him to the coffee pot, poured two cups: one for me, one for him and put cream and sugar in mine. He left his black.
"Good?" I glanced at him.
"Yup." He leaned over and kissed me softly. "Yours?"
"It's good. Nice and strong."
"You two finished yelling?" Jazz questioned. I looked down, blushing. Embarrased that they heard us.
"Yeah, we're done. It was needed but we're past it. We talked it out and it's settled. Sorry for making so much noise," Edward replied.
"That's good. I agree that it was needed." Ali added.
I trudged to the sofa and sat down, sipping from my cup. Edward joined me a few seconds later, threw his arm around my shoulder and held his mug with the other. I shivered in delight when his fingers caressed my shoulders and my nipples pebbled which was bad 'cause I was bra-less so anyone could see. Edward glanced down then snapped his head back up and groaned, making me laugh because it was so easy to excite him.
" 'S not funny, baby. Those things are lethal." He nodded to my chest.
"Don't look then."
"That's not possible for me to do. It's like I notice everything single little thing your body does. A sensor goes off in my head and it draws me like a Bella-reaction-magnet," he pouted.
"You're adorable."
I rubbed his thigh and squeezed his knee, turning my attention to the TV to see what was on. It lost my interest after a time so I studied Edward in my peripheral, looking away and back to the screen every few seconds to make it look as if I wasn't peering at him. He soon caught on to me and tickled my sides, causing me to squeak and laugh quietly.
"Mmmmmm. I love you," I sighed.
"I love you, too."
I leaned further into him as he kissed the top of my head and tried to think of what I could make him do to gain my trust and my forgiveness back.
This should be fun. Hmmmmm...what should I do?
A/N: What should she do? Give me some ideas that you would like to see Bella force Edward to do and I shall pick some of them and he shall do it.
Until next time...
BYE!
Lionlamb91 :)