The planet was ugly.
It was a dark brown thing with a swirly green haze surrounding it...reminding Joker of the last time he'd broken his leg in an Alliance port, or rather, the rather impressive chunks he'd hurled on the floor as the pain had dug into him.
Just had to have the tacos on the second floor eh? Oh sure, the stairs are easy to climb up, but damn more difficult to...hmmm...actually they're easier to climb down from...that with gravity doing most of the work...
Still, visually unpleasant notwithstanding that was where they were going – the ugly orb growing ever larger – despite Joker's dislike for going for places without a bar... Why can't we ever go to fun places like Omega? Damn workaholic of a boss...
The thought made him turn where he sat, by now he could do so without affecting the course the slightest, despite the sensitive controls...and in comparison to captain Anderson Shepard didn't seem to mind such violations of discipline, though he usually checked that Joker didn't veer off course.
The scouting team was already assembled in the cockpit, something becoming a tradition during the final approach of their target. Joker's eyes automatically darted to the Turian leaning against a console with his arms crossed in front of him, grey eyes steady and hard, focused on the distant planet.
Garrus was the second Turian that had ever been on a mission on the Normandy, and the first to survive his first drop... Of course when Joker had pointed this out Garrus had talked about how sad it was that Nihlus had died and that he should be avenged...rather then to actually play along or at least appreciate the damn joke...
Boring stick in the mud...just like Nihlus...are all Turian's like that?
The other one next to Shepard was far nicer to look at. Joker could appreciate a good woman when he saw her...and even with her armour on Ashley was all woman...maybe even more so then without it. Must be something with her posture...bah, who cares, the important part is that she's niiice!
He found his eyes flicking upwards, just to make sure. To his relief he found Ashley's eyes firmly glued to the view-port, or rather, at the approaching planet...eyes intent, as if trying to will the planet closer. Joker wasn't surprised, marines were protective as hell over their own – which meant the planet Edolus with it's missing marines was a tension-builder for the woman – and Ashley was more marine then any Joker had met...even more than she was a woman, which was an impressive feat all things considered.
Yeah...things... Joker's eyes flickered back down, then away as he realised he was pushing his luck. Ashley sure was hot, which meant built, which meant she could kick his ass, even more so then most able-bodied people. More likely snap one of my legs off and shove it where the sun doesn't shine...though she will probably never notice the odd glance, that with her either staring at space like a loon or glancing at the Commander like some star-struck teen girl.
He almost chuckled at that, almost, but given Ashley's love for violence and his own love for his blood he held his mouth shut. Though it was a bit silly, bad-ass marine number one staring at space as if it was something wondrous to behold – Joker had long ago lost that fascination, space was just his medium – or at the Commander when she thought no one was looking...it stood in stark contrast to her blunt and somewhat crude behaviour. Wonder if she keeps stuffed animals and writes in her diary too? He barely held the snicker back.
Not that he could blame her about the Commander thing, Shepard was imposing, even without being something of a legend in Alliance and even human eyes. Add that though and you had a monster of a man clad in heavy black armour, sporting scars earned in noble battle, a body built for nothing but power and armed to the teeth. Of course the Commander gets the ladies all in a frizt...the jerk.
Though I guess it's captain now...or rather...should be. Technically Shepard hadn't been promoted and as such wasn't captain of the ship...but it felt weird not having a captain on the ship. Plus if he's not seen as captain I would probably be next in line, which would mean I would be the one going down with the ship...and that just won't do. He gave the dashboard a small pat. No offence darling...
The man was the only one not paying attention to the approaching globe, carrying his weapons like a second skin – well, third considering his armour – the man was scowling ever so slightly down on an electronic reader in his hands. It was one of his things apparently...in fact ever since they had set out for the Terminus systems Joker had never seen the man without that reader in his hands, either standing reading it, walking and reading...heck, Joker had caught the man working out while reading it!
What's he reading this time? Better not be that damn Saren file again... Joker could by now recognise the font and way the reports were structured, even when just glancing at the reader from a distance and from behind so that everything came out backwards. Nope, not his or any personnel-file...is...is it the file for the planet! Oh for crying out... "You know keeping the pad that close to your face makes your eyes go square."
Michael looked up, another of his things, sure he read as only a nut would do...but whenever you actually spoke to him or he to you he instantly dropped whatever he was reading and focused on you. Not only that, but he also has a sense of humour! No insult to Anderson intended... Smirking the Commander glanced down at Joker: "And using inter-stellar com-links rots your brain, I guess I'm screwed."
"Not a bad state." Joker chuckled with a cock of his head as he turned back to the view-port, watching Ashley roll her eyes in its reflection with a smirk.
"Might be for you...brittle-bones." Ashley grunted, clearly annoyed.
"Ouch!" Joker laughed. "Attention all hands, the lady bites!"
A small chuckle from the Commander: "Which isn't bad either."
In the reflection Ashley rolled her eyes even as she shifted away from Shepard, clearly bothered. Heh, cute. Ah hell, let's be nice to her...for the moment. "Say Commander, what were you reading? Not planetary data was it? I mean a glance is usually enough..."
"Can never be too careful, always prepared as the boy scouts says." Shepard replied, a bit too stoic in his voice, smirking.
Not that Ashley seemed to notice it, nodding in agreement, eyes sparkling in that annoying inability to get a joke that Joker for the moment had only assigned Garrus. "And the marines as well, sir."
Now it was Joker's turn to roll his eyes. "Yeah, because history of a dead lump of rock will surely help in a purely scouting and rescue mission..."
"Of course it does, as does rotational speed...very important." Shepard chuckled, then shrugged. "You never know Joker, better safe then sorry, though memorizing the crap is annoying as hell..."
Joker blinked, hands pausing on the controls as he glanced back, eyebrow arching. "You...actually memorize the stuff?"
A small shrug, the Commander suddenly looking a little awkward as he looked away. "For a while...good to keep the mind sharp you know?"
"Sure...but jeez...lighten up, there's more to life then reading and working out." Joker glanced at Ashley's reflection. Doing that for instance...damn these brittle hips...oh and regulations I suppose...but mostly the hips...
"I bet you can only think of one thing." Shepard chuckled, looking down at Joker with a grin.
"Sure, but it's an important thing dammit, oh and we're close to insertion." Joker smirked.
"Hey, now." Michael shook his head with a smile. "Ease her in gently, no need to push."
"I push whenever I like it dammit..." Joker grumbled, struggling not to smile too widely.
Ahead the planet was growing large, almost making Joker sigh. What are we doing here anyway? Sure, rescuing marines is good and all that...but weren't we supposed to hunt Saren or something? I'm sure I read it somewhere, could be wrong..
Of course that was difficult to do when Shepard didn't know where the guy was, or even where to start...so Joker couldn't blame him for just ordering them out into the Terminus systems in some random hunt for the man. Of course since they didn't immediately stumble upon some lead like the hero in some stupid detective story they were instead drawn into all manner of odd things and fights that really had no part in their mission what so ever.
Pirates, slavers, mercenaries, there was plenty of prey out in the Terminus System, and Joker had a sneaky suspicion Michael was testing, evaluating and moulding the ground-team during the missions, using them as a training ground until they'd pick up a lead on Saren's whereabouts. Certainly the way he's been rotating the team-members while always being the team leader hints at that...how the hell does he endure doing that anyway? Damn well nearing thirty drops in two weeks and he's always team-leader! Guy doesn't seem to sleep...talk about making the rest of us look bad...
Of course helping marines was a little more something that they should be doing, instead of rushing across the entire galaxy playing vigilantes while upsetting the natives. Oh yes! We're heroes coming to right the wrongs in the galaxy one dirt-ball at a time! Joker's smile turned into a sarcastic grin at the thought, back in his younger days he'd spent many days in the hospital...and the only thing keeping him sane had been the comic-books his mother had brought him. He still had a few of the classics with him, though never read them for fear of being caught, the ribbing he'd get if he was caught... Would never live it down...still, this is sort of like them.
He paused, eyes roving over the dashboard of his baby, the ship almost a part of him by now...and found himself grinning. Hey...wouldn't that make this...the batmobile!
I can see it now; Na-na-na-na-na-naaa...Joker! His sarcastic grin somehow managed to get even wider, his internal voice faking an ominous voice; Joker, driving the experimental governmental ship...the Normandy...on a crucial mission...the galaxy on stake...All that stands against the dominion of Saren and the galaxy is he and his able-bodied sidekicks as they explore the vast galaxy in an effort to stem the tide!
A small snort exploded from him. Man, glad we're not really on such a mission, I would crack like an egg under such pressure...
"I know it's ugly..." Shepard interrupted Joker's reverie with a chuckle. "...but try not to laugh at the planet, you'll hurt its feelings."
Joker snorted. "Oh yeah, of course I have to tend to the fat chick's feelings...why is it always me?"
Sheppard feigned a sniffle: "Are you calling it fat?"
"Wh-what? No I..." Joker shook his head, hard. "...for fu- it's not a girl!"
"Well of course you say that now when you have no chance of getting some..."
"I..." Joker's stumbled, then laughed. "I hate you Commander...I hope the planet's one big alien that eats you..."
A chuckle. "That's the best you can do?"
"Keep it up and I'm turning the car around..."
"If that's how it's going to be I'm going to sit behind you and kick your backrest the entire way home..."
"You know, beating up a superior officer isn't illegal when done to punks..."
"Are you starting something?"
"Me and my big-ass frigate with big-ass guns are, yeah."
"Well if-"
"For God's sake!" Ashley cried out, her reflection in the view-port raising her hands up as she looked up at the ceiling with eyes wide in wonder and frustration: "It's like you're children!"
"We're sorry, you wanted in?" Shepard grinned at the woman, who only looked away with a loud 'hmpf'.
"I bet she did!" Joker laughed, watching Ashley turn her head even further away, face twisting into a grimace of annoyance.
Then Garrus spoke, the Turian's voice breaking through the mood like ice. "They're just joking around gunnery chief, easing the tension before the mission." He shrugged. "A human thing I suppose."
Ashley looked at Garrus with a stunned look, then rolled her eyes and shook her head. Michael for one just looked at the Turian, smirking, apparently finding the stupid explanation amusing for some reason.
Joker on the other hand just shook his head and turned back to his job, voice thick with sarcasm: "Great, because it gets fun if you explain it..."
"Another human thing?"
Joker sighed, rubbing his temples. "Yes Garrus, a human thing..."
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Thanks to Abydos Jackson for standing me.