The Exorcism Part I: Death Visits Hogwarts

Professor Summersong was hunched over a role of parchment, reading an untidy scrawl across its paper face.

I wish I were a vampire. If I were a vampire I could eat Professor Snape. Then he'd be my slave and I could make him give me 100% in potions. Also, I like the colour black. It goes well with my hair…which is also black. In closing, I hate Snape.

She shook her head and rubbed her temples.

"Oh, Mr. Potter, but then you'd have to bite him." She sighed as she scrawled a huge F minus minus on his paper with a large felt marker. "It seems that your fame is aptly named. You truly are the boy who lived."

Quite unexpectedly, the doors to her office flew open and slammed into the wall. Bridgit and Cora burst into the room like explosive explosives.

"Professor Summersong! Professor Summersong!" Two voices shouted in unison.

"It's about time you girls got here. I thought you'd forgotten about our plan."

Professor Summersong pushed Harry's awful paper into the fire along with Ron and Replacement Crabbe's, which had gotten an E for effort. [Ron: I think being a vampire is good. Sometimes I stay up at night and watch Harry and pretend I'm him. If I were a vampire, this would be normal because they can stay up all night. Then I wouldn't have to go to school and could sleep through potions. In closing, if I hurt my head, too, will people think I'm cool? Replacement Crabbe: MY NAME IS GOYLE-RILLA FLAVA-FLAVE JR. VAMPIRE IS YES. I HAVE POINTY TEEF.]

"We did forget." Bridgit admitted.

"But then we remembered." Cora muttered, silently cursing Peeves.

"Right, then. For Onion Cop." Professor Summersong grinned.

"Right!" Bridgit cheered.

"What do we need to do?" Cora tilted her head to the side.

"Glad you asked. I've decided to make this an extra-curricular assignment for you two. If you succeed, it will replace your worst mark which, like everyone else, is your vampire paper." Professor Summersong gestured to a pile of papers and ashes.

"But mine was awesome!" Cora protested.

[Cora: Vampires suck! I'm way better than they are. I can go out in the sun and eat spaghetti with garlic in it without feeling any discomfort at all. Also, I dress nicer. I wear white and that means I'm good. If they want to change their image so badly, they should stop wearing black. And those stupid frilly collars…those are dumb. When we have an interview with the vampire, I'm gonna throw seeds on the ground to see what'll happen. Sammy said I shouldn't because his head would explode, but I think it'll be funny. In closing, why haven't you given me an A yet?

Bridgit: Vampire. Flying through the night, impermeable mist of darkness gliding past the sunset. Skimming over shallow water to feed on the milk of honey angels. Protecting the weak from the weaker by eating small mammals. The magestic cry of the ocelot breaking the dawn. Sunrise. Sunrise. Burning bright. Now I am on fire. The end.]

"Not really, dear. The assignment was to write a synopsis of a biography of a famous vampire and why he or she contributed significantly to muggle history." Professor Summersong calmly explained.

"But there were no cool ones worthy of my paper." Cora objected.

"Well, then you'd better get cracking on this extra-curricular assignment. Once you think you've found a way to get rid of Peeves, come back and show it to me and we'll go from there." She instructed them.

"Done and done!" Cora folded her arms across her chest.

"Oh?" Professor Summersong raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Watch!" Cora took out a phial of water and started throwing it all over the place.

"The power of Christ compels you!"

"No, dear, that won't work. You're not a member of the clergy."

"So…then we just have to find a priest?" Bridgit smiled.

"I'll leave it up to you two. See what you can come up with." Prof. Summersong smiled knowingly and ushered them out so she could finish marking the papers. She picked up the next paper and sighed.

"'Why I think Snape is a Vampire'…oh, Mr. Longbottom."

"This'll be easy!" Cora grinned. "We'll just phone a church!"

"Ummm…there aren't any phones here. And they wouldn't work anyway." Bridgit pointed out.

"Yeah? Well how about 'shut up!'?" Cora retorted.

"Well, now what are we going to do?" Bridgit wondered aloud.

"I guess we should go check stuff out at the library." Cora gave in.

"Library. AWAYYYYY!" Bridgit shouted, charging down the hallway.

Arriving at the library shortly thereafter, they discovered a secret cove of books. It was a whole room called the library.

"I've never been in here before." Cora stated conversationally.

"Look! Harry, Hermione, Ron, Sammy and Reagan are sitting at a table over there. Let's ignore them." Bridgit suggested.

"HEY GUYS!" Ron bellowed, waving his arms madly. "OVER HERE!"

"SHUT UP!" The librarian screamed. "Why won't you kids leave me alone? You already killed Stiney the Spineback," she held up a broken book, "he is the only one who ever loved me. Just let me rot in peace!" Madame Prince then broke down and started sobbing.

Stepping over her shaking form, Bridgit and Cora quietly approached the table.

"What are you guys doing here?" Bridgit made conversation.

"Oh, we're just researching Canada." Hermione said brightly.

"Why such a broad topic?" Cora raised an eyebrow.

"We're trying to discover if Canada has anything of strategic value to Britain. There has to be some reason you were targeted by Voldemort's armies." Harry explained. "So far we haven't found anything. Not even a single book about your country."

"But you're pretty much the same as America, right? So I've been reading this book about America and, by the bye, I haven't found anything in these books about rock-throwing on the New Year, or that the New Year is even on a different day." Ron confronted the two.

"CANADA'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT!" Cora foamed at the mouth, then felt like apologizing.

"Oh. Okay then." Ron scooted away from her.

"Oh, Ron, you truly are the Patrick." Bridgit patted him on the back.

"Is Patrick a name for good chum?" Ron sought to verify his query.

"Yes. Yes it is." Cora continued her tradition of falsehoods.

"I'm starting to get the hang of this Canadian thing." Ron patted himself on the back.

"What are you two doing here? Isn't there someone you're forgetting?" Sammy prompted the two.

"No, I don't think so." Bridgit drew a blank.

"Oh…didn't we have extra potions detentions?" Cora suddenly said.

"No. I don't think we did." Bridgit shook her head.

"Ahem! You know. Detentions." Reagan looked meaningfully at her.

"Uhh…Now I'm not sure. We'd better go check. C'mon Cora." Bridgit sighed.

"Good luck. Hope it's not too bad." Ron offered as they headed out.

"Do we really have detention?" Bridgit asked as they walked down the hallway.

"No, you idiot. We have to guard Snape, remember?" Cora smacked her up-side the head.

"Oh yeah…him. You know, I think Harry and Neville wrote their vampire essays about him." She mentioned in a conversational way.

"What? Snape's not a famous vampire worthy of mention in a paper. He just became a teacher. Even if he had immortal life, look at how he's wasted it."

"Sydney, we're hooooome!" Bridgit waltzed into Snape's office, where he had been preparing a potion with deliberate delicacy.

The loudness caused him to drop his everything into the cauldron. The potion exploded into his face and turned his eyes into beets. Canned laughter erupted throughout the room.

"Ahhhh! My eyes are beets!" He screamed, running around in circles. "FIVE HUNDRED POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

He ran into a wall with a resounding smack. The potion, short-lived even if made improperly, wore off and his eyes returned to normal.

"Hi, Professor Snape! We're here!" Cora waved at him.

"Why? Why can't you give me the Christmas present of solitude?" He complained bitterly.

"Because Christmas is the time of family gatherings…and your family's trying to kill you." Bridgit explained.

"Hey…Sammy wanted solitude for Christmas too! It must be popular this year." Cora beamed.

"Stole my line, did she? Twenty points from Ravenclaw." Snape grumped.

"Hey, Professor Snape, how would you exorcise a poltergeist?" Bridgit decided to be blunt.

"What?" He narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"It's an extra-cirricular assignment. We were going to look it up in the library, but Sammy and Reagan made us leave and come here." Cora explained.

"Her again, hmmm? Twenty more points from Ravenclaw." Snape frowned.

"Well, we figure you like defense against the dark arts, right? So you could probably tell us how to exorcise a poltergeist." Bridgit put on her most winning smile.

All she won was contempt.

"Why should I help you?" Snape sneered at them. "I see no compelling reason, as you two have been a constant thorn in my side such that I would take no greater pleasure than to make your life as difficult as possible through petty meanness and passive aggressive tactics."

"It's nice to see you're so concerned about our well-being." Cora sighed.

"We want to get rid of Peeves." Bridgit laid all their cards on the table.

"You think we haven't already tried that? If it could have been, it would have been done by now." Snape sourly turned back to his work.

"Really? Because Dumbledore seems kind of lazy when it comes to these things. I mean, he put children in charge of guarding you, and children in charge of guarding Harry, and Harry in charge of solving all the mysteries in the castle for the past four years. Maybe he just never tried and you guys assumed he had."

"Miss Willowstaff, I highly doubt that the previous administrators wouldn't have tried to get rid of Peeves either." Snape shut a cupboard door that she had been rifling through, just missing her fingers.

"You're just not telling us because you don't know." Cora crossed her arms defiantly.

"Yeah, Professor Summersong said you wouldn't know." Bridgit added in an offhanded sort of way.

"What? And after I lent her my robes? That wench!" Snape hissed.

"Well, if you tell us, that would show her." Cora tried to bait him.

"Your faith my intelligence is appalling. I would fall for that no sooner than I would accept Harry Potter as my own adopted son."

"Really? Because if he was your kid, then you could make his life extra miserable." Cora looked pensive.

"Yeah! You could not let him hang out with his friends during the summer and make him be a doctor instead of a quidditch player." Bridgit added.

Snape looked pensive, but only for a moment.

"Your loyalties are certainly very fleeting." He commented. "However, my answer still stands - on both issues – as no."

There was such a finality about this statement that they knew there was no point in arguing with him.

"But why not?" Cora whined.

"Because I said so."

"I most vehemently protest!" Cora wailed, switching strategies to using adult words.

"I hear a detention with someone's name on it. Keep pressing your luck and you'll find out who it is." Snape clenched his teeth, securing them on their path to becoming nubbins.

"Is it Bridgit?" Cora piped up.

"No…it's-"

Suddenly, a cascade of water fell onto Snape. He spluttered, his eyes wide and his face livid, as Peeves cackled from the ceiling.

"PEEVES!" He roared.

"Ha ha ha ha! Stupid!" Peeves waggled his bottom at Snape.

"Argh…it itches…what is this, Peeves?" Snape demanded.

"It said 'acid' on the bottle, so I thought it would turn you into an ass. Mission accomplished. Ha ha ha!" Peeves then left the room.

"I need to go take a chemical shower. When I get back, I will tell you everything I know. But I must go now…for it burns." Snape ran out the door.

"Wow. Acid burns. That's serious." Cora commented in disinterest.

"Well, at least he's going to tell us the answer so we don't have to figure it out for ourselves." Bridgit sighed in relief. "I was pretty sure we'd never get him to spill the beans."

"So, what we figured out is that Peeves must be a poltergeist because of a past wrong. All we have to do is figure out what happened to him, fix it and then he'll pass on to the afterlife and we'll never be bothered by him again." Bridgit summed it up.

"That's not what I said at all." Snape muttered under his breath.

"Oh yeah, you said something about how it's likely too bad to ever be fixed, but there's no such thing as never." Cora pshawed him.

"Therein lies the problem, girls." Professor Summersong changed the topic. "Obviously Peeves will not submit to an interview, so we must use other means to discover who he could possibly be and why he's haunting the castle."

"Do you really think I'm a horrible defense against the dark arts teacher?" Snape suddenly blurted out.

"Well, Severus, I don't know what would give you that idea, no one else in the school is as frightening as you are. No, I think you're perfectly suited for the job." She quietly tucked an application for potion's master into her desk drawer.

"Twenty points from Gryffindor." Snape muttered under his breath.

"Back to the topic at hand! There is a way to find out." Summersong looked pensive, "But it's fairly dangerous and I don't have access to the materials we'd need to do this."

"Do you mean the power of a name?" Snape asked incredulously. "That's easy!"

"No, but we first need to know Peeves' real name before we can use that." Summersong inclined her head darkly.

"You mean…we have to summon-"

"Turkeys?" Bridgit interjected, getting caught up in the drama and not finding the patience to stay quiet.

"No, girls. We have to summon Death." Summersong gravely explained. "He's the only one who can tell us what Peeves' real name is. The spell we need to do relies on the power that comes from knowing a ghost's real name. If we cast the spell, we can compel Peeves to reveal everything about his past."

"Cool!" Bridgit and Cora chorused, rather enthused.

"Not cool!" Snape acid-rained on their parade. "It's highly dangerous and only the stupid wizards of yore have attempted it."

"We're stupid!" Cora beamed.

"I can't argue with that." Snape admitted. "Tigerlily, I know what we need to do and I am willing to do this in order to get rid of that asshole, Peeves."

"Are you sure, Severus? You likely know better than any of us the risks involved." Summersong gave Snape a level stare. "Everyone needs to be very sure that they want to do this – this could potentially be fatal if we make any mistakes.

"Cut the drama! He already said 'yes'. Let's go." Cora huffed impatiently.

"Alright then. What do you need us to do?" Summersong asked Snape.

"We need a fifth agent. It's a necessary role that only requires a warm body to be there." Snape explained.

"So in other words, we need to find someone who will participate without asking any questions and then forget about it later?" Professor Summersong summed it up.

There was a brief pause, interrupted simultaneously by everyone present.

"Trelawney!" Bridgit and Cora exclaimed as Snape and Summersong chorused, "Sybill!"

"Right. So two of us will round up Sybill while two of us gather the necessary components. I suppose you'll have to gather the materials, Severus, and I shall have to be in the group that gets Sybill. Which of the two would you prefer to accompany you?"

"Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!" Bridgit and Cora jumped up and down.

"Well, of the two of you I find you overall to be less repulsive and lippy." Snape grabbed Bridgit by the arm and briskly ushered her from the room.

"I'm going on an adventure!" They heard her voice trailing down the hallway.

"So…it sounded like you already knew what to do to get rid of Peeves." Cora gave Professor Summersong a sideways glance.

"Yes I did, but I figured that it would be a good learning experience for you two to have to rely on yourselves."

"But…we didn't do anything! And you must have known we wouldn't. I mean, c'mon. It's us!"

Professor Summersong laughed airily.

"You're right. I shouldn't have lied. I knew we'd need Severus in order to obtain crucial potion ingredients and it seemed to me that, if anyone could convince him, it was not me. So I was going to try to steal the ingredients while you distracted him, but this just worked out so much better."

Cora stared at her a moment.

"You…you…used us?" Cora looked at her teacher in disbelief.

"Guilty!" She tittered.

"You're my hero!" Cora bowed before her recognized superior.

"Alright, Cora. Let's go get Professor Trelawney." Professor Summersong sighed.

"How are we gonna get her to come?" Cora puzzled.

"Don't worry, I have a plan." Professor Summersong smiled weakly.

They entered the misty classroom.

"Ahhh, Tigerlily." A voice floated up to them.

"Hello, Sybill." Summersong forced a smile on her face.

"What brings you to this neck of the school?" Trelawney queried deliriously.

"Uh…I was going to have a Schnapps party with Professor Snape and some students. Would you care to join us? I'm not sure whether you like alcohol or not, but I know for myself it's always nice to partake every now and again, hmmm?" She held the bottle to one side enticingly.

"Well, I don't usually drink, but my horoscope said I should go for more social events. Just let me grab my outing shawl." She shuffled over to a closet and opened the door.

A cascade of liquor bottles poured out, creating a noisy din.

"We'll just…wait outside." Professor Summersong stood in front of Cora to block her view.

"What? What's happening?" Cora tried to peek.

"Oh this? These are just empty bottles I've been collecting from Hogsmeade's pub for a class project I'm going to do with my seventh years." Trelawney explained.

"Yes, I'm sure they are." Professor Summersong pulled Cora outside.

They were joined shortly by Trelawney.

"Right, let's go." Trelawney fell down the rope ladder.

"She'll work perfectly." Professor Summersong shook her head in amazement.

"Okay! So what do I need to do?" Bridgit offered her help.

"Hold this." Snape shoved one of the jars of slimy things at her.

"Ehhhh…okay." She tried to hide her disgust.

"That creature contains the bones we'll need to make the chalk. This," he handed her some rough lumps of chalk, "will contain the bones and blood."

"The blood? What blood?" Bridgit asked, eyes wide.

"I'll explain that later. Go catch a moth and put it in this jar." Snape thurst another jar, this time empty, at her.

Bridgit placed the jar of an icky thing on a nearby workbench and briefly pondered where she could find a moth in the middle of the day. Snape rifled through a nearby cupboard, obviously looking for something he was having difficulty finding.

"Where is it…" he muttered. "Ugh. Stupid potions. Uhhh…I mean. You didn't hear that."

"You don't like potions?" Bridgit gasped.

"Why the hell did you think I was trying to get the defence against the dark arts teaching position?" He snapped irately.

"Oh. Okay. Say, Professor Snape, where am I going to find a moth in the middle of the day?" Bridgit wondered aloud.

"I don't care. Just go find one and hurry back!" He turned back to the cupboard. "Ah, here's where the lacewings are."

Not wanting to evoke his wrath, Bridgit began searching around the room for a moth. She noticed a large armoire and opened the door. It was full of dark, flowing robes and some moths that were eating the dark, flowing robes. Taking a quick look to make sure Snape hadn't seen the state of his wardrobe, Bridgit captured one of the moths in the glass jar and quietly closed the armoire door.

"I found one!" She trotted back to the workbench and added the jar to the assembled collection of knick-knacks.

"This is the last thing we need." Snape pulled a wicked-looking dagger out of a drawer.

"What's that?" Bridgit admired the shiny, ebony blade.

"It's the cursed dagger of the dark wizard Koris Nighthelm, the first wizard to successfully summon death."

"Where did you get something like that?"

"Normally I wouldn't dignify you with a response, but I'm so proud of this one. I got it from Hagrid. I traded it for a stupid dog I found one day." Snape smiled in satisfaction.

"How did Hagrid get it?" Bridgit couldn't believe that the groundskeeper could have something so sinister.

"I don't care. I have it now." He slammed it onto the table. "We're going to make the chalk right now because I hate all of you and the less time I spend with the fewest of you, the better. I need you to get the bones out of that," Snape pointed at the icky thing, "while I grind up the chalk and lacewings."

"How come you get the easy job?" Bridgit moaned.

"It must be ground in a particular way that you would certainly be incapable of duplicating. Now stop whining and get to work." Snape began grinding up the chalk with a mortar and pestle. Obviously venting his pent up aggression, he was pounding the hell out of it while silently crying.

He's right…I couldn't have duplicated that. Bridgit noted in silent admiration of his potion skillz.

Bridgit grimaced and unscrewed the lid from the jar, dumping the icky thing out onto the table. Luckily, the icky thing only seemed to have two bones. Reaching into the gelatinous mass, she retrieved them. She shuddered and wiped the slime off on her pants.

"Much better." She let out a sigh.

"Give it here now!" Snape held out his hand impatiently.

"Glad to get rid of 'em!"

They went into the mortar.

"Now…" Snape picked up the dagger, "I'm going to need that blood."

"Where are you going to get that?" Bridgit asked. "This thing doesn't have any blood. It's just goo."

The only response she got was the glint of the dagger as it was raised above her head.

"What are you doing? STOP!"

"That sounded like Bridgit!" Cora turned to face the corridor. "I'm coming, buddy!" She raced down the hallway.

"Oh, I knew something would go wrong. Although, I must admit I'm surprised it didn't involve you." Professor Summersong sighed, noting that Professor Trelawney was halfway through the Schnapps already.

"What? Oh sorry, dear, I started the party without you." She sleepily apologized.

"Don't worry about it. I'm going to run up ahead. Meet us in the potions dungeon. That's where the real party is." Summersong deftly lied as she raced to catch up with Cora.

"Meet you there!" Trelawney continued stumbling towards the dungeon.

"Just what is going on in here?" Professor Summersong demanded as she burst into the dungeon.

"He's finally Snaped! I mean…snapped!" Cora shouted, wrestling to get a dagger away from Snape.

"He cut me!" Bridgit held up her palm, which bled from a small scratch, as proof.

"Severus, is this true?" Professor Summersong looked at her colleague in mild interest.

"If you would give me a chance to explain and get her to get off of me!" Snape growled, too scrawny to put up much of a fight.

"Cora, let him get up." Summersong sighed in annoyance.

"But-"

"Just do it."

"Fine." Cora pouted, letting the disheveled professor regain his feet.

"I need the blood of an innocent to complete the chalk mixture." Snape explained.

"Why couldn't you have said that before trying to cut me?" Bridgit protested.

"That's not how I operate." Snape obstinately replied.

"Well, if you needed blood, why didn't you just use your o- oh god! Oh. Ew." Professor Summersong suddenly looked like she had just swallowed the icky thing. "Oh, Merlin, no."

"Shut up, Tigerlily! Not that kind of innocence!" Snape bellowed.

"We don't get it!" Bridgit and Cora chorused.

"We're not explaining." Summersong hid her face in her hands.

"I will. I need to add the blood of someone with an innocent mind. You hear that, Tigerlily, mind! Clearly you wouldn't have qualified."

"Oh…well then I guess Bridgit is the only eligible one." Professor Summersong agreed.

"I don't have a problem with giving blood, just ask next time!" Bridgit sulked, Clutching her Canada Blood Services donor card in her hands as proof. "I fully expect to be compensated with cookies and orange juice."

"There's no time!" Snape avoided the joy of giving.

"I'm dizzy." Bridgit grumbled.

"Just hold out your hand." Snape grabbed her wrist and held her palm over the mortar.

He cut her palm and let enough blood fall to colour the chalk a deep red. After this had happened, he cast a simple healing spell.

"There. Now stop complaining." He muttered, grinding up the mixture some more.

He resumed his violent mixing of the ingredients and appeared to be silently and skillfully casting a spell that involved more crying. Bridgit strained her ears and thought she caught strings of "…curse you…" and "…James Potter…". In response to this magic, the chalk obediently formed itself into a cylinder.

"Sorry I'm late! I got a little lost." Professor Trelawney staggered into the room.

"I see she wasted no time in starting the party." Professor Snape smirked.

"Just sit over there, Sybill. No... farther than that." Professor Summersong pointed to a distant stool.

Snape began to draw something on the ground.

"Tigerlily, I need you to arrange the candles in a standard omega formation and light them." Snape bossed her around.

She said nothing in response and set about her task with her mouth pressed into a firm line. They had to be very careful about how they did this, or they were liable to get in a lot of trouble. Bridgit and Cora, sensing the serious nature of the situation, kept silent. Professor Trelawney, oblivious to all, continued…partying.

"What is about to transpire here must never leave this room." Professor Snape turned to Bridgit and Cora, mincing his words. "You must swear never to speak of this again."

"Not even at parties?" Professor Trelawney piped up from the back.

"Especially not at parties!" He barked. "Not like you'll remember tomorrow morning anyway…"

"I swear." Bridgit said solemnly.

Cora spat into the palm of her hand.

"I double-secret swear!" She held out her hand for a handshake.

"…" Snape eyed her hand in disgust.

"Don't leave me hanging, man!" Cora pleaded.

"That's Professor man. And shut up." Snape turned to Summersong. "This ritual involves casting two of the unforgivable curses."

"Is this what the moth is for, then? The sacrifice of a life taken against its will?" Summersong put two and two together.

"Something like that. Luckily there is a loophole that doesn't specify what kind of life it must be. Death isn't choosy."

"Well, if I'm going to break the law, I might as well do it with gusto!" Summersong shrugged her shoulders. "I'll be in charge of the killing curse."

Snape raised his eyebrows in surprise, but then regained his regular surly expression.

"Very well, then." He turned to face Trelawney.

"You, Sybill Trelawney, are to be the seer. Your job is to stand here," he ushered her to stand at the point of a star formation, "and watch over the proceedings as they take place. I believe you are still sober enough to do so."

"You, Cora Willowstaff, are to be the holder. You job is to stand here," he pushed Cora to a spot to the left of Trelawney, "and, after Death has materialized in the circle, retain him by stabbing this cursed dagger through any part of his being into the ground. I will tell you when to do this, but you must listen and do exactly as I say." He gave her a stern look.

"Yeah, okay." Cora nodded. "I know this is serious stuff. I'm not gonna screw up."

"We shall see. I shall stand here on the other side of you as the will taker to control the life, which we shall take. You, Tigerlily Summersong, shall stand to my left and fill your role as the life taker. As the life to be taken sits in the centre of the magic circle, you shall cast the unforgivable killing curse."

"It's been a while." Summersong nodded gravely.

"You, Bridgit Firecatcher-"

"That's me!" Bridgit smiled brightly.

"Yes… you shall stand to the left of Professor Summersong and fill the role of speaker. I assume this is natural for you." He sighed.

"What do I do?" Bridgit was uncertain.

"You are the only one who can speak to Death, as it is your blood spilled on the ground. None of us has the right to speak to him but you."

"So…he can be my best friend?" Bridgit's eyes got big and sparkly.

"…Yes, actually. God yes. " Snape pleaded for her wish to come true. "But for the sake of the ritual-"

"I ask him what Peeves' real name is, right?" Bridgit wanted to make absolutely sure she had this right.

"Yes. It's not that hard. Even you can do it." Snape massaged the bridge of his nose. "Is everyone clear?"

Everyone nodded, except for Trelawney who just stood still, trying to maintain her balance.

"Now I shall require the moth." Snape muttered, more to himself as he grabbed the jar from the table.

"Flammaae porro!" Professor Summersong lit the candles.

Snape unscrewed the lid of the jar and the moth fluttered delicately in the air, unaware of its coming fate. The moth was too busy praying for the health of his moth wife, Bernadette, and his six moth children, Wool, Polyester, Velvet, Silk, Cotton and Flannel. Too bad he wouldn't live to see little Lanolin's emergence from her pupa.

"Imperio!" Snape cast his curse, Lord of the Dance style.

The moth, against its will, fluttered to the centre of the magic circle. Professor Summersong waited for the exactly right moment.

"Avada kadavaraaaaagh!"

A jet of green light flashed from the end of her wand, striking the moth as it floated in the air.

I am a leaf in the wind…watch me soar. the moth fluttered to the ground, dead.

The instant it touched the ground, a slight rippling appeared in the floor encompassed by the magic circle. The room went dark, save for a few candles and the marks on the floor, which glowed deep crimson. Then, rising from the centre like some grim, ghost ship, Death ascended into the room. Death looked like your standard-issue grim reaper, minus the reaping stick (aka scythe.) Death took a step towards Bridgit.

"Now!" Snape yelled, his favorite past time.

Cora leapt forth like a released squirtle ™, shouting her own name as a battle cry. She stabbed through the hem of Death's cloak with the pointy dagger, surprised to find the consistency of the floor to be like that of fairly compact earth. She didn't feel like she had stabbed through anything before plunging the dagger into the ground, but the apparition stood frozen in its place.

"Garfunkle's Good-Timey Fun Ceremony, hn?" Death mused.

"But…isn't it named after Koris Nighthelm?" Bridgit looked distressed. Funny names weren't part of the plan!

"Oh. So you didn't want me to do a dance. Cripes! All you people summoning me…it's a wonder I get anything done!" Death complained. "No matter. You've used up one of your questions."

"How many questions do we have?" Bridgit pondered aloud as Snape smacked himself in the forehead.

"Three. But now…one."

"Oh. Right. Okay…what was Peeves' real name that he had when he was alive?" Bridgit tried to be explicit in her wording.

"What? That's your question?" Death seemed stunned. "Then again, you did only offer the life of a moth and I would have felt supremely underpaid had you asked anything bigger. Very well. Peeves' true name is Staniel GQ Slytherin. He also had a magazine named after him. That is all you need to know in answer to your question. Now, I shall take my leave. Consider yourself warned to never summon me again."

"Not even at parties?" Trelawney drunkenly asked of death.

"You have broken the rules." Death hissed. "By our contract, the barrier is now null."

The dagger piercing his cloak turned red hot and then crumbled to dust. Free from his earthly confines, Death swelled to a menacing height. An aura of darkness descended around him, so dark that it swallowed up the existing darkness as if it were broad daylight. And there, in the midst of it all, it raked its bony fingers at Cora with the intent to take her life.

"Accio nightingale!" Snape reacted with remarkable speed.

Cora, eyes wide in surprise and disbelief, launched her body with all the strength she possessed off to the side. No match for the speed of an immortal, Death's fingers raked through her, barely missing her heart. She stumbled backwards and fell to the ground rolling, an uncomfortable feeling in her chest. It felt heavy and cold, as a weakness crept through her limbs.

"Cora!" Bridgit shrieked as Death turned and lunged at her for a final time.

A nightingale penetrated the darkness and shattered the gloom like a stuntman through sugar glass. Cora slammed against the wall and the apparition of Death vanished as though it had just been a wisp of Trelawney's "incense". Cora stared off in the distance blankly, shivering violently.

"What just happened?" Bridgit turned angrily to face the three teacher-types, all of whom avoided her gaze.

"The contract was broken. You were the only one allowed to speak to Death." Snape explained coldly as Professor Summersong rushed to Cora's side. "In hindsight, even though she was the only choice, perhaps Sybill was not the best choice."

"How did we escape and what happened to Cora?" Bridgit was by her friend's side now, waving her hand in front of Cora's face.

"Don't do that, dear, she can't see you." Professor Summersong gently pushed Bridgit's hands aside, worry evident on her face.

"What happened?" Bridgit repeated herself.

"I'm not sure." Professor Summersong admitted.

"Nor am I. It seems Death's attempt to take her life was only partially successful." Gauging the composition of his audience, Snape opted not to include "pity", as many a beating would then follow.

"Severus, I heard there was a party and-" Professor Flitwick bustled into the room and stopped, staring about in horror.

He looked at the obvious pentagram, the burning candles and the prone, likely dead, student on the floor.

"Back awayyy…." He muttered urgently to himself and retreated quickly out the door, sprinting away as fast as his tiny legs could carry him.

"What should we do, Severus?" Professor Summersong looked desperately at him.

"Oh no, I got us out of the last one by brilliantly summoning a nightingale, which can pass into other dimensions, thus breaking the barrier and saving us. You guys can figure this one out." He sat on a stool and crossed his arms, delightfully destroying his usefulness.

"I've got it! Maybe if we stimulate her mind, she'll come back. Music! We should use music!" Bridgit had an epiphany.

"I don't know if that will work…"

"Sure it will!" Bridgit started singing the hamster dance.

When that failed to rouse her friend, she tried "My Heart Will Go On" and "The Song that Doesn't End". On her fourth chorus when Snape was beginning to consider the killing curse as well, Cora suddenly came to and punched Bridgit in the face.

"SHUT UP! I'm trying to sleep, dammit!" She was still bleary and barely conscious.

"Yay! You're back!" Bridgit hugged her friend. "You're so cold." She backed away, looking at Cora in confusion. "Like a corpse."

"I saw Onion Cop." Cora ignored her friend. "He was so beautiful."

"Dear God, she's delirious now." Snape muttered.

"Dear, you almost died. In fact, it's quite likely that several years have been shaved off your lifespan." Professor Summersong looked sympathetically at her student.

"That's right." Cora suddenly saw everything fall into place. "It's YOUR fault!" She roared at Trelawney, who seemed painfully unaware of everything.

Cora leapt to her feet and immediately collapsed from the fatigue of almost dying. Staggering and knocking various things over, Cora manically clawed her way over to the divination professor.

"No, Cora, you need to stay still and conserve your strength." Professor Summersong restrained her student, finding the chill in her body most distressing.

"Well, this party really blows." Trelawney sighed. "I'm going back to my place."

She got up from her stool and walked out the window.

"Aren't we in the dungeon?" Bridgit asked aloud.

"That "window" leads to the boiler room." Snape commented in an off-handed kind of way.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHH!" They heard shrieks and sizzles coming from the window.

"We should probably assist Miss Willowstaff to the infirmary." Snape briskly stood up and walked towards the door as the screaming gave way to unnerving silence.

He almost walked right into Dumbledore, who was just entering the room.

"Ah, good evening Severus." He took stock of the pentagram, candles, and violently shivering student. "What's going on in here? And why does it smell like hot dogs?"

"Uhhh…nothing. Nothing is going on in here." Snape quickly threw chalk dust over the circle as Bridgit kicked a few candles over. Professor Summersong quickly pushed Cora under a desk. "Except for our annual toad wart barbecue."

"Oh, I see. Well, carry on then. I won't be joining you. Toad wart gives me the wind something fierce." Dumbledore chuckled, almost as if he knew exactly what was happening but just didn't care. He turned, walked into the wall, turned some more, and then walked out the door.

"That was close…only not." Bridgit sighed.

"Infirmary please!" Cora whined.