"Sealing outer airlock."
Joker's voice was a mutter in the crowded cockpit. The others paying him no heed as they stared on the six screens that had dropped down from the ceiling above the cockpit's controls. The entire rest of the ground team was there, armed and armoured, ready to rush in if need be.
Keelah I hope we don't have to.
With them having docked to the MSV Fedele the floor-plans of the ship had shown that a team any larger than three would just get bogged down and in the way of one another, as such Michael had cut the numbers to keep things efficient, keeping the others at the ready, though judging by the somewhat...vague...briefing Tali doubted there was any need. But better safe then sorry... Her hand moved to brush the pistol at her hip.
That the briefing had been vague had made her a bit nervous to be honest, it wasn't like Michael to withhold information on a briefing, everything was gone through with them, every uncertainty analysed until even Wrex got weary. The only irritating thing about him... A sliver of a smile stole its way to Tali's face even as she nervously rested on the balls of her feet, intent on trying to stare on the six screens at the same time.
She wasn't the only one worried. Kaidan had his arms crossed as he sat in the co-pilot seat, looking like a coiled spring, ready to launch. Ashley on the other hand couldn't sit still...the woman constantly pacing just behind Tali, a hand now and again coming up to ensure her assault rifle was still strapped onto her back, then pushing at her hair, a nervous twitch in her mouth. Even Joker looked queasy, the pilot again and again checking the instruments, seeing if the seemingly dead freighter Fedele was going to power up.
It was not surprising they were all tense. Not only had the briefing been so vague it could be summed up with: 'I'll lead team into a freighter which contains nothing of importance to do something that's of no importance' – to a Garrus having spent the last week walking up and down every hall of the Normandy, driving everyone into a nervous state with his tense silence.
And then there was the fact that they were boarding a ghost ship.
No signal was coming from the freighter that from the outside looked in perfect working order, no shields, not even the burst of thrusters, meaning that it was slowly moving in a closing orbit around the nearest star... It seemed abandoned...yet Michael – with a pacing Garrus in tow – had insisted upon boarding.
Combined it probably means the mission concerns Garrus. Tali frowned. It wasn't like Michael to deviate from his mission that far. Then again Garrus was the de-facto second in command when it came to ground-operations, something Kaidan pridefully never brought up, and Michael probably wanted such a person clear in the head with...whatever was bothering the Turian. Not to mention that they were still collating data after the destroyed Geth bases, trying to pin-point their headquarters, so technically they had the time...
Still...Tali hadn't expected Michael to be ready to pursue a military operation distracting them from their mission for a friend...it wasn't his way. Maybe I don't know him as well as I thought? Maybe there's more to him then what I've seen so far? Her heart swelled a little at the thought even as it thudded against her ribs in worry.
The only one not looking nervous was Liara, the Asari looking like she was watching a fascinating painting as she next to Tali looked up at the screens, standing tall and with her arms close to her chest and lap, looking like an innocent little doll. Didn't you meld with him? You should be worried you damn... Tali found a sigh escaping her as she realised she was just feeling jealous and...tense. Her hand once more brushed her pistol, knowing the gesture was useless. She could only watch...
Her head moved back to the monitor as there was a crackle of static, followed by Michael's voice: "Entering freighter airlock, Garrus on point."
Above the cockpit the three topmost screens showed the three boarding soldier's viewpoints. Michael's in the middle, his black gauntlets holding a shotgun at the ready. Garrus' was on the right, the Turian clutching a pistol hard. And Wrex's red armour shone against the black shotgun he carried on the right screen, the Krogan muttering something as his screen panned to watch Garrus step into the freighter's decontamination chamber.
The lower three screens showed the vitals of the boarding party. Tali wasn't an expert, but with the white jagged line on each screen being the standard it was quite easy to compare to the moving green one of the men entering the ship. Wrex's two hearts were beating steady, so slightly heightened in pace it was barely visible. In contrast Garrus' beat was almost spasmodic, mostly an intense thumping that even for a Turian was terrifyingly fast, but moments later it could turn low, the thumps instead getting forebodingly powerful...
And Michael's...it didn't even raise above the standard value for a walking human. I would be nervous beyond words... Tali swallowed, watching Michael's screen as it observed Garrus moving his omni-tool towards the inner door of the breached freighter's decontamination chamber. The white light of the lamps mounted on the warrior's shoulders illuminating the dark interior, drawing jagged shadows across the wall and making her feel as if they were breaching the inner sanctum of some kind of tomb...intruders.
"Lock breached." Garrus growled, a hint of steel in his voice as he moved towards the door, armoured claws digging into the inner door of the chamber...and pulling it open. "No contacts." Tone still of steel, but now with a hint of anger.
"Calm down." Michael ordered, tone cold as he moved up behind Garrus, Wrex following close behind as the three panned their guns and lights around. They were in a chamber largely devoid of anything remarkable, a few crates of what looked like emptied food rations, a small trolley where a few empty glass bottles stood on...and a few plastic wrappers that moved when the men brushed past...
Tali felt a worm of worry dig into her even as the three moved towards the next door in the opposite end. Ashley's murmur echoed her worry: "God dammit be careful, that place stinks of death, and I'm not even on it."
"Only one more death needed." Garrus snapped back, the Turian's omni-tool glowing as it hovered over the next lock, the lock flashing green a moment later as it opened with a loud thump.
"Calm down." Michael repeated the other, a hint of danger in his voice.
"He's here Shepard, I can feel it..." Garrus growled the word, even as he glanced down on his omni-tool, voice frustrated: "No movement...damn where is he?"
Who's 'he'? Tali shifted where she stood, licking her lips even as Michael answered her question: "If he's here Dr Saleon cannot escape, so calm down."
In his seat Joker cocked his head to the side, hand moving up to scratch his head: "Erm...according to the manifest this ship is owned by a Doctor Heart..."
"Yeah..." There was a dry chuckle from Garrus, a chuckle filled with bitterness. "...that's rich, the morbid son of a bitch..." With a small kick the Turian got the unlocked door opened, revealing a tight corridor with an arched ceiling. The lamps above were flickering on and off, making the panels torn from the walls – many still stuck at the bottom so that they stuck out like triangular blades – make jagged shadows flash with the flickering of the lamps.
The three warriors moved into it, screens panning left and right as they looked into the holes left by the torn panels. Beneath there was the usual wiring a starship required...torn and ripped asunder, many coloured wires hanging out like dead branches as a few sparks of blue electricity shot up from the various connectors and plugs on the way. The engineer in Tali cringed at the sight. It's just...ripped apart. "You smell that?" Wrex growled the word, his sniff loud as his camera moved to watch a ripped bundle of cords. "Scorched flesh...someone pulled this apart manually."
"I think that's enough to cripple the vessel." Tali spoke up, grimacing as she tried to ignore Wrex's observation. "But why hasn't anyone fixed it?"
"Either they can't or they choose not to." Wrex replied, the warrior's armoured toe sticking out to prod a piece of torn metal still stuck to the wiring, revealing a crimson stain upon it, some still bubbling where it touched the wiring. "I'm going to go with the first option."
"Keep the chatter down." Michael ordered, his heart rate steady, in stark contrast to Turian's as Michael asked. "Garrus?"
"Got movement ahead..." The Turian hissed, Michael's screen showing the Turian scratching one of the fringes on his skull: "...lots of it...?" The Turian's screen moved to regard the door up ahead, the thing dented from the inside and clearly unlocked. "No energy signatures though..." There was a sudden worry in his tone. "I hope it's not...no...if it is I'll..." Then heat, anger: "...I'll kill him..."
Michael moved up to the Turian, an armoured hand dropping onto Garrus shoulder, stopping the man from advancing any further, which – judging by the heated glare shot back – Garrus clearly wanted to: "The next room is storage, larger area, unknown amount of cover." Michael snapped, not surprising Tali the least by showing he knew the plans of the ship by heart. "No energy means no weapons or armour, but assume hostiles."
"Commander..." Garrus muttered the word...then looked away, nodding softly. "...yes Commander." A look up...and Tali saw the steely determination in the Turian's stance, his voice a low murmur: "This will be the last of them you sick son of a bitch..."
A squeeze of Michael's hand...and the Commander's voice called out: "Diamond formation, Urdnot on point. Fire only on my command."
"Finally." The Krogan grumbled, brushing his way past the others, shotgun levelled at the door ahead. "Ready...charging."
A growl...and the Krogan's screen shook as the monstrous alien levelled his stance and charged forth, the others in hot pursuit as Wrex rushed head first into the dented door. There was a jar on Wrex's camera...and the door ahead fell forward with a loud thump.
Instantly Wrex was standing atop the door, shotgun at the ready, Michael close to his right, Garrus to his left, a hard point with their weapons pointing out in three directions of the new room.
And coming to a stop.
The gasps came through speakers and resounded through the cockpit alike.
The room was large and nearly empty of furniture, a few broken metal skeletons that might have been beds lay strewn across the floor, the springs between their bones sticking out like barbed wire. The mattresses of the beds were nowhere to be seen, save a few charred pieces of them laying in crumpled piles, some still burning with a orange glow.
What it did have was people. Tali counted at least three dozen, probably more, all seated or crouching next to the charred piles of the burnt mattresses, hands held out towards them, as if trying to sip warmth from the ashes themselves. All of them had stained white blankets wrapped around themselves, the reason obvious with the plumes of white breath escaping their bluing lips.
The clinical white lights in the ceiling illuminated everything perfectly, crisply showing everything. The freezing people, obviously naked underneath the blankets wrapped around themselves. The piles of excrement piled up in the corners. The bloodied marks on the walls, marks staining the blankets around the people's hands too, as if they had tried to bash their way through solid steel. The horrible...malformation of the people.
There were Turians, humans, Salarians, even a few Krogan, men, women...all with their frames mutilated and ruined. Many had ribs poking out of taut skin, starvation clear on them, haggard eyes turning towards the three arrivals. And all had growing bulges sticking out of their bodies...abdomens, heads, chests, legs...everywhere there were sickly growths upon the people, as if something was just beneath the skin, trying to push out...and many growths were covered dark red with the blood of internal bleeding.
"Dear God...what is this?" Ashley breathed, Liara looking pale as she shook her head in answer.
Tali herself felt her stomach turn, but couldn't bring herself to say anything, gaze fixed on the screen. Get out...get out of there... There was too much hunger in the mutilated people's stances, too much anger, hatred, pain... Keelah...get out...
"The doctor has been busy I see..." Garrus replied, his voice a low growl. "...more of his subjects, near death I'd guess, I'm going to put him out of his misery for this..."
"You will obey my command." Michael snapped back, though he didn't glance at Garrus as he kept his weapon trained on the abnormalities before him. "Inform doctor Chakwas, we need a medical team coming in here this-"
A hiss stopped him mid-sentence, his screen moving to watch a man with a bruised lump as large as his own head pushing out of his chest, stumble at them with his teeth barred.
"Halt." Michael's shotgun aimed up, a boom resounding through the room as he fired off a round into the ceiling, stopping the advance of the mutilated man and making the others flinch, all eyes staring at the three in the boarding party. "Nobody moves, you will be helped, but come near us and you will be shot."
The mutilated man looked back at the others, the abominations rising to their feet, hesitation...then hope in their stances...aggressive stances.
Then the man looked back to Michael, his bruised eyes widening even as he with a wide grin lunged at the Commander.
Right into the shotgun's barrel.
A boom...and the man's chest was torn asunder, his broken body flying back and landing with a wet thump before it slid over the floor, a gutted cadaver finally coming to a stop at the feet of a group of Turian abominations.
"Y-you will stop, or suffer the same fate." Michael growled at the group, smoking shotgun motioning at them even as Tali blinked in surprise. Did Shepard just...stutter?
The mutilated people looked down at the dead man...then up to the group...and then cried out as they as one launched themselves at the group.
"Son of a...!" Ashley's exclamation exploded even as Tali flinched, watching in horror as Shepard's shotgun jerked, sending two Turian's to the floor, their legs torn off in explosions of blue blood. "Dear God...what are they doing!"
Tali could only shake her head, swaying where she stood as she watched the three's guns again and again flare with a discharge, turning the sickly abominations into wet gobs of torn flesh and ripped bones.
For one fearful moment it looked like the charging people would rush over the group, overpowering them by sheer numbers.
But they didn't press hard enough, their movement's sluggish and jerky, one of them even jumping in front of Michael's gun as it fired upon another, tearing both men apart with a wet crunch.
And then it was over, the three men silent as they stood surrounded by torn pieces of flesh, blood and guts, a nauseating sight of a massacre the massacred had forced.
Liara shook her head, voice low: "Why...?"
"I don't...think we want to know." Kaidan replied, the man looking pale, even a little green, at the sight.
They...wanted to die? Tali felt a shudder run down her spine at the thought.
Silence.
Then Garrus' voice, hard: "Still movement ahead." A growl, deep from the Turian's gut: "A single one...now I have you you bastard, you're going to pay..."
"Y..." Michael's screen swayed, his gun lowering. "...you go...do what must be done...Wrex...with him..."
Wrex? Did mission-Michael just call him Wrex and not Urdnot? Tali felt her brow knit even as she nervously shifted where she stood.
"Are you..."
"Yes." Michael snapped, interrupting Wrex's question. "Go, now!" The order was gasped...as if the man had trouble breathing...
A shrug of Wrex's large shoulders...an odd glance at Michael...and the Krogan moved forth, following an already marching Garrus in their pursuit of the doctor they were apparently after.
Barely had they left the room before Michael's screen once more swayed, this time dangerously so as there was a clatter of a dropped weapon.
"Michael!" Ashley's cry came out, the woman taking a step towards the screen as she stared at it, face pale.
"I don't...think he's hearing us..." Liara muttered, the Asari looking uncomfortable all of a sudden.
Tali, throat dry, couldn't help but agree, watching with growing horror as the screen once more wobbled, swung around, then back to stare at the corpses...
A fall...and Tali saw Michael's hands as they caught him from falling face first into a spreading pool of dark human blood, the liquid splashing as his hands smashed into it. What is he...?
The camera panned up...seeing one of the human dead staring back with unseeing eyes, the man's guts coiling out of a wide hole in his stomach, a strange smile on his lips, now frozen into a grin in death. And then the screen panned back down as a there was a grunt, followed sloshing sound...and a watery brown liquid poured out onto the floor, mixing with the crimson blood.
"Did he just..." Ashley sounded baffled...as was Tali. "...throw up?"
"That's it." Tali whirled about, energy she hadn't even been aware of that had been building up exploding out of her. "Let's get him."
Ashley's voice was but a growl: "Agreed!"
8
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The shaking wouldn't stop.
The blanket around his uniformed frame was warm and hugging him tight. Just like those of the... Michael shuddered, head jerking sideways as he squeezed his eyes shut. No, control, regain control, now.
"You seem to have suffered a shock, emotionally triggered no doubt." Chakwas was before him, arms crossed as the Doctor glared up the Commander seated on one of her beds. "Am I to assume that you yet again won't tell me what triggered it?"
It was long ago since last time he had slipped...it felt like another lifetime. Michael managed a stiff shake of his head, drawing a deep breath to steady his body. "I'm fine doctor, really...no need for probing." He managed a wink, but judging by the doctor's look it wasn't a convincing one.
"Fine my ass." Ashley growled, the woman close on his left, just behind the bed he sat on, the woman glaring daggers into his neck. "Michael Shepard does not throw up like that without something seriously being wrong, check him again doctor."
"I agree." Tali muttered, the Quarian just behind Michael, a three-digit hand landing a feathery touch on his shoulder. "What happened?"
"I told you.." Michael shook the touch aside even as Tali's question made him shudder. The thankful dead, the gratefulness, wrong...it's wrong... they should hate...despise...not thank...God...not thank. "...I'm fine, the stench just got the better of me..."
"Stench? Not buying it boss." Now it was Ashley's turn to drop a hand on Michael's shoulder, hard, pressing down, demanding. "Check him again, Chakwas."
"No!" Michael slapped aside the needle the doctor came at him with, then Ashley's hand, shooting a glare back at Ashley, a glare she paid back in kind: "I don't need any damn needles or damn tests." He shook his head, watching the broken syringe with a jab of fear as the doctor bent to pick it up. Must not show...
Silence, then Tali's voice, small: "Michael...what's wrong?"
Dead. Michael blinked, hands squeezing the board of his bed. All dead... "They...wanted to die..." The words felt too big for his throat, as if he had to press them out. "...I could see it in their eyes..." Eyes...dead eyes staring at me...happy, proud...my doing...my fault...
"It wasn't your fault..." Tali muttered, Michael feeling her hand about to drop on his shoulder again...only to pull back as he jerked it away. "...you couldn't help them when they did what they did..."
"Can always do something!" Michael hissed out as he shuddered, mind rebelling against Tali's words. "Not their choice, choice made for them, by the doctor, by me..." Acting foolishly...should have considered their state, they wanted release! I shouldn't have offered it...God...grant me forgiveness...
"How can you have chosen for them?" Tali asked, puzzled.
Michael only shook his head, unable to answer.
Dying men, screaming, explosions, and pride, always pride...my pride...inflaming theirs...shouldn't have...screaming, bleeding...they died for me...thanking me...their wives, their children...all...thanking...
"They were probably better of..." Ashley muttered. "...they really looked eager to die...I don't want to think about something that would make you feel that..."
Michael nodded, throat closing up, unable to speak.
Praised, always praised, my failure, always a failure...praised...all eager to die for me...and I let them...God...
The memories were flooding him, slamming against his walls like a tidal wave, making him grit his teeth. "I'd like to be alone now...please..."
Ashley snorted. "What? The hell we'll leave you like this..."
A gutted man, hand still clutching his pistol, smiling, dying, so proud...and Michael waving in another.
Chakwas sighed. "I'm afraid when it comes to these moments there's not much we can do, he's stubborn as ever at these times."
Explosions, stitching over an already broken ground, tearing un-armoured men apart, cannon-fodder...his cannon-fodder...his decision...his fault...his failing. Pride...I name you a sin...my sin...
Tali muttering low, voice trembling: "But we can't just...I mean he's..."
Happy to die, happy to be torn apart, blood on his hands, soaking him, staining him...screams of pain...their screams...his screams...it's the same thing...a world on fire, bombardment...dark shapes crossing the sky...
Michael let his head drop, fingers bending the steel of his bed's board as he struggled, the memory vivid, real...dark and twisted...twisted with something else... He grimaced, gritting his teeth.
"Come now...I assure you that the Commander will be fine with a few minutes for himself." Chakwas muttered, her voice a low murmur to Michael's ears. "However much I dislike doing this...it works...and we need him..."
Need...
Michael screwed his eyes shut. There was a need within him...a need consuming him...struggling against something alien, something invading him. Screams, dying, blood...so much death, his fault, his failure...
Failure...always failure...
He didn't even hear the click of the door to the infirmary closing as he swayed where he sat. To focused on the fight within him.
Control, you need control...
Farmers dying, fire spreading, garrison slaughtered...wrong...all wrong...his wrong...galaxy burning...billions gone...his wrong...his fault...would be his fault...for he must fail, will fail...no victory possible...his fault...
Unacceptable...
It was the same, memory, vision, didn't matter, it was in his mind, pictures, feelings...failure bitter on his tongue. People dying...his fault...planets aflame...his fault...impossible to stop, all impossible to stop...
He shook with the feeling, the utter defeat, the helplessness...and felt revolted.
Control yourself!
It was bashing against him, again and again it rolled over him, visions, memories, blood and guilt...smashing and breaking against his walls...walls he felt crumple around him, brick by brick falling out...the entire structure he'd built within him cracking, ready to shatter.
Control! This is unacceptable soldier! You must not fail! Never again! That is your burden! Your punishment! You will control yourself now!
Pain, guild, shame... a low howl escaped Michael's gritted teeth as he swayed where he sat, gripping the metal edge of his bed with all his might.
I failed, on Earth, at Elysium, and now too...I will fail...I cannot win, not against... His mind retreated, unable to accept the darkness rolling over it. ...not against this power...hopeless...cannot...I'm a failure praised...wrong...all is wrong...I cannot...
Unacceptable!
The howl got louder...and then stopped.
A crunch and the metal edge of the bed came off, Michael holding it up in bleeding hands, staring at it in wonder as the world returned to focus. He blinked, feeling control slip back, the visions and memories retreating before the pain in his hands and his own mind's inability to handle them for a moment longer.
A long sigh...and he felt his head drop as his chest heaved with an exertion he wasn't aware of.
And then felt weariness settle over him like a cloak, nearly driving him over the edge and down on the floor. Tired...sleepy...hungry...he shook his head, feeling his body's demands like a great ache within him...they were hooks in his chest, dragging him down...
A thump.
And he found himself on the floor, arms barely having caught him in time. Dizzy...his head swimming, the ship spinning around him. Ever since the Blitz he'd felt it, the sleepiness, the tiredness, dragging at him, wishing to whisk him away from his duties and responsibilities...
And ever since Eden Prime...it was not a drag but a pull, the weight of a galaxy around his neck, wanting nothing more then to fell him, to drop him into oblivion and sleep.
No rest, no sleep...no time...must...study charts...information...tactical analyses...need...everything perfect...no deaths...nothing wrong...must...save them...repent...repent...
His hands moved like in a daze...his vision hazy as his eyes wanted to close, to sleep, to rest, for weeks...
Unacceptable...work to do...must...do things right...
He found the tiny vial in his pocket, pulled it up...a trembling finger uncorking it, letting the little pill drop onto the floor.
And he fell.
A thump...and his face was resting against the cold floor, his breaths slow as his body began to overpower him.
Unacceptable, weak flesh...
He ignored the sleepiness so deep that it was painful...the memory of how long it had been since he'd stolen more then moments of rest...and let his lips catch the pill...and swallowed.
First there was nothing, only a darkness growing around him...
Then he felt his body jerk.
His mind soared, his body once more feeling distant, a powerful tool in his mind's hand once more.
He got to his feet, dusted off his uniform...and nodded.
Crisis averted. Mission objective; calm crew down, assure of well-being. Then further study of Geth material, ensuring Garrus is working properly with his vengeance sated. Then four hours of exercise followed by two hours of targeting practice. Food will be had given time. Tactical data of last Geth attack will be studied in depth with Tali and Garrus, Council reports must be filed and...
And Michael got to work.
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Thanks to Abydos Jackson and her help.