"So despite their intelligence they are quite predictable, good."
Tali shot Garrus a quick nod of agreement before looking back to Shepard, finding the entire situation a bit...peculiar.
Instead of having sent them up to the communication room for a proper holographic projection and analysis of their clashes with the Geth, Michael had instead bodily grabbed Tali by the wrist – it still felt warm from the touch – and practically hoisted her away from engineering to the cargo hold while telling Garrus to 'get his lazy Turian ass over here' as he oh so diplomatically had put it... Then they had then found themselves building a small circle of crates in the middle of the cargo hold upon which they sat as they used cans of stored food and glasses on the floor to illustrate various scenarios.
And they were not the only ones sitting there. While Garrus sat on Tali's left, opposite her a Shepard who looked even larger then usual since he was sitting on the largest crate of the circle, making him look down on them all like the judge of their improvised little arena of fighting cans and glass bottles. To Michael's right was Wrex, the Krogan behind the ring as he leant against one of the crates of it, eyes fixed on the map of opened cans and the broken glass marking rocky terrain...as if he could see it all take shape. Liara was also there, the Asari sitting to Michael's left and looking attentive, if not particularly interested, Tali shot the woman a suspicious look, most likely the Asari was just there to watch over Michael on Chakwas' behalf, the two doctors got along well after all, but Tali still felt a bit...defensive about the mind-melding slu...woman.
She nearly shook her head, guilt digging into her at the near-thought. Melding was not sex...and Liara had shown no interest in pushing a romance with Michael...yet Tali still found herself...agitated with the woman deserving nothing but admiration for helping them so freely. Perhaps it's the connection she has with him? A connection I'll never have with anyone... It was a plausible reason, soothing despite it's bitter after-taste.
The guilt rose in her gullet though as she remembered Ashley, the woman tense and nearly vibrating with frustration as she had admitted – through gritted teeth – that Shepard was avoiding her on the Normandy, and that it would be easier for Tali to observe and make sure the man was actually okay. It shamed her how readily she had accepted her 'mission', how secretly pleased she had felt with Ashley's being unable to do what they both wanted to do...how jealous she had been for the reason for Michael avoiding Ashley and not her...
Even their little arena was a sign of Michael avoiding the marine, because Ashley was most likely in the comm room with Kaidan once again, and even though they both would probably like to be with them even now when the little analysis was over Michael didn't call for them...
What are you thinking? She watched Michael from under the hood of her helmet as she bent her head down towards the map, watching him smile widely at Garrus while talking about something: Always around Ashley the man seemed to walk away, put something between them, everything to avoid even the risk of closeness...yet he also kept leaning towards her...as if drawn...and however painful it was to watch Tali couldn't help but wonder at what was driving his behaviour. He is attracted to her...I think...so why the...dodging...he's obviously not a child...
Her mind rebelled against the thought, unwilling to think of the two humans...together. Instead she focused on the thing that was an actual problem...where she herself – she bitterly acknowledged – could matter.
The fight on the freighter...it had been the first time Tali had seen Michael vulnerable...ever...not just vulnerable either, but in a state near panic. It rhymed badly with who he was...or rather...revealed something else of who he was...something sad and...frightening. And though both she and Ashley had been surprised by his fast recovery...Tali could still see that the man was marked, his mask jarred...
It was the too wide smile, the all too eager movements, the slightly happier tone... It was a feigned cheerfulness concealing...what Tali didn't know...and it worried and made her curious in equal measure.
Garrus laughed at whatever Michael said, making the man grin at the Turian...who answered with a grin of his own as he retorted, making Tali look at them both. If the fight on the freighter hadn't changed Michael, only revealed something within him...it sure had changed Garrus. Before the Turian had...well Tali wouldn't want to use Joker's term of 'having a pole up his ass'...but had definitively been...a bit tightly wound.
Yet now the Turian was more outspoken...seemed more...relaxed...yet at the same time quicker to anger...not too long ago she had seen him kick the Mako when a bolt wouldn't budge. There was more passion in his movements, as if he had shrugged aside the ashen remains of a noble young spirit...only to reveal glowing embers beneath. She wasn't sure if she liked the change or not...but it sure seemed to have earned Michael Garrus' unquestioning loyalty, the way the Turian faced Michael and stayed fixed upon the man showing it at every moment.
Like I'm much better... She looked away, mouth a bitter line even as she felt her cheeks flush, the memory of Michael standing above her like some protective God back on the Citadel practically burnt on her retina. I wish I'd stop remembering that...it's...stupid...
"I say, the galaxy to Tali." Blinking she looked up, finding Michael smirking at her as he leaned forward, the man shooting Garrus a meaning look and a grin. "See? Engineers, always thinking..." Tali grimaced, happy for her visor. Everything in Michael's stance, the way he moved his hands...everything was forced, too eager...a feigned cheerfulness...painful to see. He looked back to her, the smile so honest and kind...if it hadn't been for the way he sat, just slightly off... it wouldn't have saddened her to see it: "Though that does mean you can say whatever you like about them and they won't object..."
Even the teasing tone held a bit of...Tali blinked. Wait...what did he say? "Excuse me...?"
"Well I was just explaining to Garrus here about the time you explained to me the beginning of the Geth war..." Keelah no... She felt her breath catch even as she balled her hands into fists at the memory. He had been so...irritating, and wrong, and...irritating! "...and how your people tried to commit genocide." Damn you!
"It was not a genocide! It was an attempt to stop them from rebelling! And returning them to not being sentient!" Tali cried the words out, annoyed with the high pitch of her voice and the way Garrus and Michael exchanged glances and stances of amusement. "They drove us from our home-world and slaughtered billions of Quarians! Isn't that penance enough!"
"Ah." Michael once again leant forward, index finger raised, eager. "Penance you say? But to do penance you have to have committed a crime first...don't you?"
"I...that's c-completely..." Tali stuttered, mind drawing a blank, then exploded. "It's just a choice of word!"
Garrus snorted, the Turian glancing at Michael before looking to her. "Yes, but your choice of word, a little guilty conscience perhaps?"
"No." Tali replied, tone low and dark, glaring at Garrus even though she knew it did her no good. Off the field she was always nothing but a harmless little girl it seemed like... "The Geth were wrong to turn on us like that..."
"Yet you turned on them first, no?" Liara pointed out, voice calm and detached, as if she was arguing nothing of importance, even her face and stance...all was so calm...nothing but facts and truth... "Were they not entitled to defend themselves?"
And Tali found herself bristling against the words. "They should never have been created in the first place! They have no...no..." She moved her hand up, trying to find the word to express herself. "...place." Her voice went darker, bitter: "They are unnatural abominations...erring programming, a failure..." Our failure...
"Sounds to me like they made their place." Wrex rumbled, the Krogan shrugging at the others as they looked up at him in surprise, his ruddy eyes were focused on Tali though, ignoring the others: "There's no shame in defeat, your people survived, take pride in that."
Silence.
"I know what you mean." Tali finally managed, snorting as she crossed her arms in front of her and leant back: "But your people at least have a homeworld to return to, and they might have made your species near-sterile, but at least they respect you."
"What I don't understand..." Michael spoke up, just before Tali's words would end in another awkward silence – she shot him a thankful look – the man looking curious as he looked at her. "Is why you're defending your ancestors? I mean you're not that religious..." Keelah, why did I tell him of Quarian religion...oh right...because he asked... "...and given how you're helping us fight Saren because of him trying to kill you I'd think you'd have some perspective on the Geth rebellion."
"Saren is trying to awaken the Reapers and slaughter the galaxy!" Tali replied with an annoyed squeal that only made the others grin, Shepard worst of all. Damn that human... "It's different! I do it to save an entire galaxy of people!"
"And they fought to save their entire race." Michael countered, looking smug, then shifted, now curious, that need showing through once more... "But that still doesn't explain why you'd try to justify the Quarian's actions, otherwise you don't seem so...stubborn."
"I'm not..." Tali sighed, stopping herself as she saw Michael's amusement at her near-protest. "...I...look...they're...evil. You're all fighting them, they're cold and ruthless and hate us...why would you defend them!"
"I don't need to hate something to kill it." Wrex rumbled with a shrug, looking back to Shepard.
Who in turn shrugged, the need burning brighter in him as he cocked his head to the side, watching her: "I'm not hearing an explanation as to why you hate them, and why you defend a decision you'd normally despise..."
"I..." Tali bit her lower lip, feeling her chest tighten under that need bearing down on her...the others at the periphery of her vision as she found her hands moving, trying to explain even as no words came. Everything I despise about my people's situation, myself...everything...it's because of them... "...they're our mistake...they killed billions of Quarians...they still fight us...they are the reason we're stuck in our Flotilla, in our suits..." Mother...you shouldn't have died... Tali looked down, her chest tightening further, making her growl far too meek to her liking: "I can never forgive them, never understand them...I will not even try...I hate them with every fibre..." A glance up at the others, their faces strangely blurry to her vision: "...and you should too." She looked back at the floor, feeling out of breath all of a sudden.
Silence.
"A Quarian thing I believe, Michael." Garrus somewhat dryly pointed out. "And trying to explain hatred is a bit difficult, don't look so frustrated."
"I suppose..." Michael muttered...only for his voice to lighten as he loudly shifted where he sat: "Hey, by the way, is it 'the Geth' or 'the Geth'?"
Tali blinked, the wetness on her cheeks forgotten as she forced herself to look up, eyebrows arched at Michael. "What?"
The man looked...guilty, the need was there, as was the feigned cheerfulness, but now it was mixed with the guilt...and Tali felt a pang in her chest as she realised that she was the one who had put it there. I...should have been less upset about it...I know I could but...it's so...hard...not to be. Michael's voice was thoughtful though as he explained: "Well you once told me that they share information to become intelligent...so what is one Geth?"
"Ah." Liara chimed in, the Asari leaning forward, more interested as she looked at Shepard while drumming her fingers against her chin. "I believe the Commander is considering whether the Geth network means that each program isn't really a member of a species as much as it's a part of an individual."
"What? Like a brain?" Garrus asked, the Turian looking a little lost.
"Yeah." Wrex answered, nodding. "If they're all thinking as one...you could think of them as one."
Garrus chuckled, eyeing Michael as he slapped his thigh in amusement: "So what does that make you Shepard? Too much Batarian ale? Or too many punches to the head?"
Michael only grinned back.
Tali shook her head, feeling a stab of irritation. "No, I told you, Michael, a single Geth program can still think, it's just less intelligent, a single cell of a brain is useless."
To her further annoyance the man only smiled at her, as he had started to do ever since Tali had accidentally called him by his first name and not his second. It had been an accident...just in the heat of some argument about Geth programming...but now she found herself always using it. We're shipmates, we can use first names with one another, despite him being my captain, my human captain, it's okay, nothing intimate about it... She looked away from the smile.
It was Liara who answered though. "You're right Tali, the simile doesn't fit Shepard, even in smaller networks the Geth can function semi-intelligent, and one individual is hardly helpless. Perhaps bacteria would fit better? They can be less specialised and still survive as individuals, but in a large group they can form a compact mass where they are still individuals, but also a part of a greater whole that work together and signal one another."
"Great." Garrus shook his head, the Turian's hand coming up to scratch one of his head-fringes. "So we're not fighting machines, or some great monster of an AI...but a bunch of computer programs that could be likened to a bad case of the sniffles..." A snort. "So much for the epic struggle..."
"A sniffle controlling tanks and machines with rocket launchers." Wrex pointed out, the Krogan's teeth showing in a smirk as he placed a clawed hand on Garrus' shoulder. "It's all about how you present it, don't worry, you'll get your little heroic moment." The Krogan rolled his eyes at the last words even as Garrus straightened under the reassurance.
Michael shrugged, head cocked as he pondered their words. "Wonder if that means killing a single program is actually killing it...or rather like hurting one big organism..."
Tali found herself growling. "No." The others looked over to her in surprise. "You can't liken them to organics, because they're not, they're artificial, soulless, they have no emotions, nothing in common with us or any organic lifeforms. They're a mockery of life...and every real life they take..." She found herself wringing her hands, looking away as the ancestral guilt dug into her. "...is on my people's hands...our responsibility..." And then replaced by that old determination: "...and one we will make right, that I will make right, with my death if need be."
Silence.
An uncomfortable shuffling.
And then Michael: "I believe you."
She looked up...and found him leaning forward as he met her gaze. There was more focus in his stance now, the feigned cheerfulness gone, replaced by...understanding... Him unknowingly showing that he could relate, even admire...her taking on such a task...that he admired her...
Tali felt her heart skip a beat.
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Thanks to Abydos Jackson for not rushing to Tali's defence. ;-)