"Something is wrong."
Garrus' words were low, nearly hissed, as the Turian watched the growing planet through the wind shield of the cockpit. Michael's gaze lingered on the man that was his second in command in all but name.
The killing of the doctor worked. Michael's mind rebelled a little at the memory of the mutilated people attacking him, but he suppressed the image quickly, focusing on the important part. Doctor dead, Garrus once more focused on mission, in fact, more devoted then before, complete success. As always there was a sense of relief with the thought...but also a hint of sadness as he watched Garrus single-minded gaze focused on the battle ahead. Shouldn't become like me...
A shake of his head...and the thought was gone. Still jarred from emotional breakdown, need time to recover, fighting preferably. That will disarm dangerous side-effect of caring. Caring required to inspire me to make an extra effort, but must not impede effectivity. He shot Garrus another glance. That was largely why he, and not Kaidan, was the second in command. Kaidan first of all fought too much by the book, but the Geth knew the book...as such Garrus with his sense of timing and ability to improvise on the spot was a safer option.
Secondly, and more importantly, Kaidan was obviously not the one to make the difficult decisions – he cared too much – which Garrus without a doubt was. Though Michael felt his gut wrench together in an instinctive rebellion at the thought...he would make the decisions that would get people killed...and keep going. In that he and Garrus were alike, and therefore Garrus was the better option over Kaidan.
Unhelpful thoughts, distracting, dangerous, refocus.
He looked back to the view outside, embracing the impending battle, the simplicity... Three Geth cruisers in orbit, readings suggesting others having made landing, also suggesting diminishing battle... "Agreed."
"Well I don't know..." Joker said, sounding as innocent as only he could do, the pilot shooting Garrus a smirk: "...maybe they often have Geth visitors down there? For tea? You never know."
The Turian glanced down at the pilot, mandibles clicking together in irritation, but didn't say anything.
Silence.
Then Joker shaking his head with a sigh as he returned to guiding the Normandy on minimal thrusters as they stealthily snuck closer.
"Clearly there's fighting down there." Garrus growled, the Turian's fingers twitching. "Yet we are getting no distress call..."
"Likely a surprise attack." Michael looked down at his reader, the holographic projection upon it changing swiftly as more and more data from Normandy's sensors streamed in. "The Geth are holding the central tower of the colony, communications cut. Three Geth cruisers in orbit, four attached to the central tower, the security forces of the Exogeni researches can't have stood much chance."
"That's a bit much for the Normandy." Garrus muttered.
"Hey!" Joker snorted, sounding hurt, despite the pilot obviously knowing Garrus was right even as he mumbled to his controls: "Don't worry, baby, I know your guns are bigger then theirs..."
"We'll go in silent." Michael replied, ignoring the pilot momentarily as he checked Garrus for the nod of agreement he knew would come. Then he turned back to Joker: "Joker, I want our warning sent to the alliance about Geth activity on Feros upgraded to a distress call, priority two."
"You sure?" Joker glanced back, eyebrow arched. "Sending it might tip off the Geth, and then we'd have to run for it."
Distance two thousand clicks, Geth sensors widely spaced outwards, standard distance for undetected point-message a hundred and eighty clicks, Normandy's not standard vessel however... Chances of detection...roughly thirty five percent. If detected mission will be delayed, potential loss of data needed for continued pursuit, if not we will drive the Geth out when the rest of alliance arrives, saving civilians and potentially foiling them. If captured during drop Alliance vessels could also recover survivors among us...risk...acceptable.
"Do it."
"Okay..." Joker turned back to the controls, hands swift and sure as they darted over the controls. "...aaaand sent..." He checked a screen on the right. "...and nooo Geth activity registered." He shot a grin back: "Am I a good or am I good?"
Michael shot a grin and a nod back, adding the sarcasm Joker loved to his voice: "There's no words for your skill." Distress call sent, Alliance response will take time however, engaging in investigation of Geth targets imperative, deployment required. "Take us in, nice and smooth, radio silence from now on, try to find a landing zone."
"Done and done." Joker chuckled. "They have a colony there called Zhu's hope, a few skirmishes there but the Geth don't seem to pay it much mind, got a landing platform and people that might know stuff though...sounds good?"
Michael, his reader already feeding him all the information plus more then what Joker was sprouting, nodded. "Perfect, excellent work."
"I thought you said there were no words..." Joker sniffed, looking decidedly unhurt.
Michael ignored the joke, nodding to himself as he looked at the information of the layout and specifics about Zhu's hope scrolling before him on the reader. Three hundred inhabitants, struggling but growing, supported by Exogeni, map layout may explain them holding out, three bottlenecks... He frowned. T'soni still injured from Geth bunker, Urdnot's armour and spare set too damaged for him to participate, will have to make do with the others. Williams will have to take point instead of Urdnot...
Williams.
The name made him tense up, conflict digging into him like a blade.
Dangerous, evade, avoid.
The words rang hollow in his skull.
Ever since their hand to hand duel...Michael had simply aimed for a long fight to strengthen the spirits of the crew...he hadn't expected such an opposition. It hadn't been Ashley's skill, not really, he'd read her file after all, he had been prepared. He hadn't counted on the passion though...the way she had thrown herself into the fight...it had taken him off guard...and kept him off guard as he had slowly felt something dormant, something forbidden, awaken.
And her scent when up close...he could control his eyes, his movement, his behaviour to her, how close he would be, but he couldn't control the effect of the smell of her when up close...
Dangerous, evade, avoid.
It was not simple desire though, such a thing he could have sweated out during his workouts...punching a sandbag until all energy was drained.
No, it was the desire mixed with caring.
She had spoken with such passion, such love, about her sisters, about her family. About something Michael had only had a bitter taste of, knowing that it could have been sweet...
Dangerous, evade, avoid.
She was so passionate about her job, willing to do anything to get the job done, like him. Yet she allowed poetry into her life...she allowed herself to have a life.
Dangerous, evade, avoid.
She had the great hurdle of her grandfather's decision weighing down her entire career, yet it had not broken her, only made her more defiant, more dedicated. Like him long ago...yet nobler in purpose, truer in spirit.
Dangerous, evade, avoid.
She had discipline, yet still allowed her passion to shine though, allowed herself to be human both on and off the field.
Dangerous, evade, avoid.
Everything about her Michael had made himself care for, everything were things he could find a liking to, everything were things he desired.
Dangerous, evade, avoid.
As such he was relieved that Kaidan seemed to be slowly wooing Ashley, fraternization or not...with such a bomb defused Michael would be able to ignore that volatile factor on his ship. Not that there weren't moments when he felt...anger...towards Kaidan...a ridiculous territorial instinct within Michael rebelling against the recent events... But he knew things would be better if Ashley was finally drawn away from him and looked elsewhere to put her affection...
But it would be so simple...so easy to get it. He knew of her want...he could have her in a moment...could have it all, her family would take him in with open arms, accept him as part of the family...and he would be loved. The entire family was full of the same passion as her, they could teach him, they could make him whole again...
Whole and weak.
He shook it off. Weakness not permitted, focus on mission, mission imperative, mission vital, mission everything. Caring is to heighten motivation, too much caring endangers mission...unacceptable, mission takes priority. Too much caring leads to distraction, distraction endangers mission, endangers team, endangers lives. Unacceptable, there must be no losses, no failure.
Ashley was temptation made flesh, dangling so close to him, ripe and ready...and a poison.
He could not let it ruin everything, could not allow himself to falter, to fail.
So he avoided her, he held her at bay...even as he nurtured what he knew of her, kept the caring needed to ensure his motivation stayed strong even as he retreated from the power of it...a dangerous dance with himself.
He was used to fighting with his own mind though, Ashley however...was a random force. If she pushed things...Michael nearly shuddered at the thought.
Then he realised Garrus was looking at him expectantly, brow-plate raised in question, and that he had been standing quietly for a good while. He shook himself free of the spell. Jarred from emotional breakdown, recover, refocus. "Garrus, you check for any changes during our descent, I'll prep the ground team."
He turned...
….and nearly stumbled over Tali, not even having been aware of the Quarian being there.
"Tali?" He smiled at her, surprised, but not unpleasantly so. "What are you doing here?"
Tali was the opposite of Ashley in that he didn't find her the least dangerous to him, yet she too was easy to care about, easier even...
Her dedication seemed to come out of nowhere. She cared for her people, body and soul, would die for them without a second thought...and couldn't even imagine another way, just like him... Though her dedication hadn't been born out of fire and blood, it was right, admirable...pure.
She was loyal to the Quarians to a fault, her hatred of the Geth almost in her blood, useful...and surprising given her normally flexible intellect capable of understanding others. That understanding was a danger...but Michael had found himself unable to fear it as it was so much a part of Tali's dedication to her friends as it was part of what made her...easy to talk to.
Her help keeping the ship running was arguably the most useful of anyone on the ship...and she did it out of simple need to make herself useful...taking a load off Michael's already strained schedule without asking for even the tiniest of reward or even appreciation...
But she wasn't a pushover, she didn't accept anyone talking down to her or her people... For such a small creature...in many ways frail and incapable of putting up a fight like Ashley or Wrex...she was surprisingly spunky, refusing to back down, no matter the odds. Michael could identify himself in that...and appreciate it for the power inherited in such an attitude.
Her suit was always a hindrance...he could see it when she ate, when she drank, when she had cried and tried to wipe the tears away... Yet it didn't seem to wear her down, she bore it like one should carry a burden, proudly and without complaint. If it hurt her, or made her feel different and ostracised...she kept such thoughts for herself. To keep ones doubts and fears within...Michael understood it, and respected it even as it drew sympathy and care for her out of him.
She had spoken of her father, and Michael had heard the pain of a distant figure, never quite there...and remembered his mother. She too had always been distant, not with duty but with drugs...and she too had died in a sickness, like Tali's mother. It was easy to relate, they were so much a part of the community they served, yet without a single close bond of blood...
And everything she did had a certain flair about it, her work on the Normandy was a mix of perfect work and improvisations actually improving the ship...which she effortlessly mixed. Her dexterous fingers showing a disciplined – but none the less expressed – joy with her work...she constantly worked...because she enjoyed it, because she demanded it of herself...and because she couldn't imagine anything else.
Just like Michael.
In contrast to Ashley, Tali actually felt fear during battles, Michael had seen it, even had her confess it once on the ship...yet she came with them none the less, never backing down or hesitating from yet another drop that might be her death.
And she didn't have to do any of it.
Selfless, like he strove to be with each breath, but purer, more righteous...They might call him the hero...but Michael knew better, Tali was ten times the hero he might have been if everything wasn't but an illusion...
And she still managed to be cute doing all of it...
Yes, caring for her was easy, and Michael felt his shoulders drop in relaxation at the sight of her. So easy to care for...he embraced it all, kept it to drive himself forward, knowing – in contrast to the desirable Ashley – that with her there wouldn't be any danger.
"Oh I..." Tali warbled awkwardly, holding her hands close to her lap as she stood there, resting her weight on the balls of her feet as she looked left and right, then over to the view before them. "...just wanted to see the approach, see if I could help, don't know much about Geth cruisers though..."
Michael smiled, nodding. "Do you ever take a break?"
The Quarian's head tilted back as she looked up at him, arms moving up to cross over her chest: "Do you?"
A chuckle escaped Michael even as he offered her another nod, admitting her point. This wins us five minutes, exploit. "Tali, could you go into the cargo hold and tell Ashley to prepare the ground team for disembarking? Tell her I want the drop to be fast and smooth. That way I can go and check the tactical layout of the Exogeni facility."
The Quarian nodded quickly, hands dropping as she nearly jumped. "Of course Michael, you can count on me." She smoothly turned and begun to jog for the elevator leading to the cargo hold as Michael smiled after her in appreciation.
She was uncomplicated...and he needed that right now. Should keep her close, will facilitate recovering from emotional breakdown.
He turned his gaze back to his reader, relieved knowing he could trust some of his relationships with the ground team to not be complicated...
8
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8
Thanks to Abydos Jackson for enduring this one.