Chapter 5: Death

Gone. What did she mean by that. Al couldn't be gone. No, that was impossible. They had started this journey together when they were just kids and they had made a promise that no matter what they would get their bodies back together. This was not a possible outcome, this wasn't even on the list of outcomes. His whole world was imploding in on itself. He had dedicated his life to getting his mother back when he was a child and he had failed and dragged his brother down with him. Now it was happening again. His sole purpose for being a military dog was to get Al his body back and he had failed him as well. It was getting harder to breathe. He couldn't concentrate. The world was going fuzzy.

"Ed? Hello? Ed can you even hear me?" came a girl's voice that he knew all too well and the gentle touch of her hand on his arm.

Ed was torn out of a memory as jerked his arm away from the touch. That lifelike vivid world that seemed so real to him, but at the same time felt like a nightmare. He could feel her clamping onto his shoulder, but something was pulling him back inside his mind. It was a longing to remember. A need to put all the pieces together. Someone squeezed him tighter, but he didn't want to come back, not just yet. He was so close to remembering everything. He was almost at the brink of realization, but he couldn't hold onto it.

"Shit Winry, how long have you been there?" Ed asked as he tried to brush off feeling of regret and failure.

"Really Ed, you called multiple times, but I didn't have a number to reach you back at," she said as she reached her hand out to pull him up.

He grabbed her hand with his automail one and allowed her to help pull him to his feet. He cringed as he felt the metal groan and pull at his sensitive and he hoped Winry didn't notice, but unfortunately she had and she pulled at the collar of his shirt to see the tender pink flesh around the bolts and metal. Her mouth gaped slightly at the look of his shoulder and she wondered briefly if his leg was the same way. If he wasn't already in pain she would have clobbered him with her wrench which was currently in her back pocket, just in case.

"Damn Ed, what the did you do this time?" she asked as she released his collar.

Ed quickly tried to fix the stretched out material so no one else would be able to see it. He shrugged and lost her gaze as his eyes found and interesting spot on the floor to stare at, "it's nothing really. I'm fine."

"If you were fine then you wouldn't have called me so many times. If it wasn't the automail that was acting up why did you call?"

Ed refused to meet her condescending glare as he kept his eyes glued on the floor. He honestly didn't know why he had called her. Part of it was so everyone would think his automail had malfunctioned and caused his setback in the hospital, but Winry was smarter than that. She could see his arm was fine and in fact it was his body that was the issue. She was the prying type and she would do whatever she could to make him talk. Saving him from having to find an answer, she continued to speak.

"You know, I'd hit you with my wrench, but it looks like someone already beat you enough," she said with a sigh as she closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around him, "I'm just glad you're alive."

Ed was taken aback by her sudden change in attitude and just stood there as she engulfed him in a hug. He wasn't sure if he should hug her back or not. If he just stood there he could play it off like he was okay. But if he gave in and hugged her back he would feel weak. Hugs evoke comfort and sympathy. He didn't want to feel vulnerable. Ed needed some amount of control in his life right now. Everything was currently out of his grasp. He had no idea where his brother was. He was forced under the careful watch of Mustang and he seemed to be lost inside his mind. His thoughts were trying to tell him something and he was interrupted every time right before he could find out more. After a few moments Winry reluctantly let go and pulled away. A sad smile graced her features and Ed tried not to look at her.

"Ed?" she asked quietly.

His eyes reluctantly met hers, "Yeah?"

"Where's Al?"

Ed couldn't help it. Involuntarily he felt tears prick at his eyes. "I can't remember," he said honestly.

Winry lowered her head, "I thought I lost you," she whispered and then lifted her head and stared at Edward. "I thought this was it. This time for sure I thought you had gone off and gotten yourself killed. The one call I've been afraid to get is the one where they tell me you're dead. I thought it was going to be that call this time. Every time you're involved in something death is right beside you waiting to take you," she said as she wiped away a tear forming in her eye.

Dead... Death... Another world. The gate. Dying. Blood. Death. The other Edward. He had died for him. He had died because Ed was sent back

"Did I die too?" Ed asked to himself out loud.

"What did you say?" Winry asked, not quite sure that Ed was even paying attention to her anymore.

Ed turned away from her. That was it. The nagging in the back of his head. The reason why his memories were fuzzy and didn't make sense. Either Ed had died or he was near death. Something like that had to have happened. It would explain why his memory of having flesh appendages was so vivid. That part wasn't a dream. He was almost certain that part was true. He had to go back to that place and find out. Maybe there would still be something there. Something that could point him in the direction of Al. But where was that place. He had all these bits and pieces of his memory except the one that lead him to that place.

"Ed. Edward wait," Winry yelled as she trailed after him and grabbed his arm, "Ed what did you just say?"

"I think I died Winry. I need to go back to that place. I need to find out the truth. I can't remember some things and nothing makes sense right now, Winry. I need to go," he said as he yanked his arm out of her grasp and started to run.

"Ed you didn't die. Ed come back," she called out as she heard his footsteps echo down the hall.

In his office Roy was having doubts about his actions in burning the documents concerning Briggs. He was on the phone with a secretary trying to get another copy, but having a difficult time explaining why he burned his copy in the first place. He didn't want to outwardly blame Ed and get him in trouble, especially since Roy should have been able to keep his documents away from Ed in the first place. Those documents were important. He needed them and shouldn't have acted so rash and childish.

"Yes. Yes I understand protocol," Roy snarled into the receiver on the phone, "No. No, I don't feel like explaining why... Yes I understand that, but-" Roy was getting agitated and truthfully he was done arguing, "I want copies of the documents on my desk within the next fifteen minutes," he shouted abruptly before slamming the phone down.

Roy fell back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose as he questioned why he was still waiting for his promotion. Leave it to the government he spent his life serving to put him through multiple levels of torture before giving him his promotion which he rightfully deserved. Damn it all. Why was everything falling apart right now. He felt like an ass. He was really starting to regret how he had treated Ed earlier and Hawkeye's words were sinking in. She was right after all, he couldn't even begin to imagine what Ed had been through and to top it off he was treating Ed like a child rather than his partner. If he wanted Ed to open up he needed to change his approach, but how was he supposed to speak to Ed when the brat lived to piss him off. His concentration was broken when he heard a soft rasping sound come from the door of his office.

"What is it?" he yelled out as someone opened the door cautiously.

"C-Colonel Mustang?"

Roy's head shot up, "Winry? When did you get here?" he asked puzzled as he stood up and strode across the room and noticed how distraught she looked, "What happened?"

"It's Ed," she choked out. "I think something's wrong with him."

Like that was news, something was always wrong with Ed, but the way she said it concerned Mustang more than it should have. He felt panic splash across his face, "what are you talking about?"

"He said he died. There was something in his eyes. It was in the way he looked at me. I've never seen him like that before. He was so sure that he... died," she said before looking up at the Colonel.

He felt slightly relieved at that. Even though the mental wellbeing of his subordinate was jeopardized at least he wasn't actually physically hurt again, "that's nonsense. Ed didn't die. It's impossible," Roy said brushing off her words as he walked back over to his desk.

"Even if it is impossible he believes it and he wants to go back."

That caught the Colonel's attention, "Go back where?"

"I don't know," she answered.

Truthfully Ed didn't think before he ran. The blond alchemist didn't remember where anything took place. He wasn't sure where he should be heading or how to remember the way back, but he knew wherever that place was he would find it. And he knew one person who knew where it was. He just had to find her, but where would he begin to look? In his dreams he remembered Rose. Rose was there and she had seen everything. Granted in his vision she said Al was gone, but Ed was torn up pretty badly from whatever encounter he had had so there was a possibility that Al had gone through hell too and survived. Besides in his heart Ed knew Al wasn't dead. He just knew.

His pace lessened to a brisk walk as he rounded a wall. How was he going to go about finding Rose. Was she still in Amestris or had she gone somewhere else. Maybe she would go back to the hospital to see if Ed was okay. It was possible. He briefly debated on telling Mustang about looking for Rose. Would he actually help him, or would he think it was a stupid approach. If Al were here he would go along with anything Ed had decided, but that wasn't the case this time. As he turned another corner he ran into Lieutenant Hawkeye.

"Oh, hey Lieutenant," Ed greeted.

"Edward," she said in greeting and nodded her head.

"So, you leave for Briggs in the morning," he said as a statement rather than a question.

"Unfortunately. Until we figure out what Drachma is planning five of the snipers from Central are being sent to replace the ones who were killed and injured.

"I thought I wasn't allowed to know that kind of disclosed information," Ed said sarcastically.

"You're not, but you already read the file. I'm just filling in the blanks."

Ed smiled and stretched out his hand which Riza graciously shook. He respected Riza and she was a strong woman he looked up too. After he lost his mom he never had anyone except for granny until he met Riza. She wasn't exactly the mothering type, but she always had his best interests at heart.

"Be careful out there," Ed said as he continued on.

"Always am. Oh and Ed," she called out and waited for Ed to turn around, "Listen to Mustang. No more suicide missions okay?"

"Yes ma'am!" he responded as he saluted her mockingly.

Roy had dismissed Winry from his office and asked her to come back the next day. He'd arranged a place for her to stay right outside of Central Command which she graciously declined. She had probably already made plan to stay with Gracia and Elysia. He couldn't think straight and the fact that Ed wanted to run off to the place he thought he died at was too much. Not even back at work for a day and he managed to not only crawl, but burrow deep underneath Roy's skin and fester like the vicious little illness he was. As he reclined back in his chair his office doors burst open, startling him in the process.

"Sleeping on the job. I'll never understand how you got promoted to Fuhrer," Ed quipped.

Roy ignored Ed's remark, but was thankful he had come here and not gone off alone. Maybe this whole partnership could work afterall.

"At least you saved me the trouble of finding you," Mustang said as he sat up straight.

"Well you did say I wasn't allowed to run off on my own. Besides I found us a starting point."

Roy clasped his hands together as he leaned forward against his desk, "Go on."

"Rose was with me. She was there. She can lead us back to where Al and I were." She's the one that brought me to the hospital.

"And how do you propose we go about finding her, Fullmetal?"

"Thought we were partners. I got you a person. Find her asshole."

-LunaMaye