Here's the next chapter! This one is turning out to be a bit longer than I had anticipated. Enjoy!
Chapter Two
"That's not fair," she retorted. "You can't put this on me. We were both there that day. We both said some things..." She trailed off, the pain of what had happened on his last day in London seizing her heart. She remembered how she felt when she dropped them off at Heathrow. She had tried to put on a brave face when the woman who she had thought of as a sister hugged her and then walked towards security, waiting for Derek to say goodbye. Emily had turned towards him and the pain in his eyes after the argument they had at her apartment just an hour earlier cut through her like a knife. Had she been unfair? Probably. But what did he expect? Her life was in London now and his was in DC. It never would have worked.
"I don't want to fight with you, Em," he pleaded as they walked down the not-so-busy city street. It wasn't late by any means but the weather was keeping people inside for the most part. "Let's just get home. I had Anderson drop your stuff off earlier. "
She cocked an eyebrow in his direction. "Knowing our friends, I assumed they all would have worked it out so I had to take you to the airport," he explained before she had a chance to question the obvious presumption. "They may be a bunch of profilers, but they're incredibly transparent."
Emily laughed as they walked in not-quite-comfortable silence the rest of the way. Their argument replayed itself, as it had done for months, in her mind the whole way to his house. They had finally reached his home and a rush of memories of her last time at this house had flooded her thoughts. She had missed him. She missed talking to him. They were friends first but over the last eighteen months the relationship had been strained. They had spoken but the tension was always apparent and the conversation surface level. Derek didn't want to get into it, the rejection he had felt when he boarded the return flight from London still fresh in his mind. Emily didn't want to rehash it either, the look in his eyes as she let him down maybe not-so-gently right before they left her apartment still seared in her memory.
Derek watched as the door gently closed behind Penelope, leaving just he and Emily in the quiet apartment. He slowly turned around, dreading the goodbye that they would soon say. Emily was sitting in one corner of the couch, her legs tucked underneath of her. She hadn't said much since that morning, and he could already feel her pulling away from him.
"What are you thinking?" He asked her, sitting down on the couch next to her.
Emily shook her head, a fake smile gracing her features. "Nothing. Just how incredibly transparent Garcia can be sometimes."
Derek laughed. "She's a good friend, Em. She could tell we needed a few minutes to ourselves."
They sat in silence for a few minutes and Derek just watched her. She was schooling her expression but it didn't take profiling skills to see how hard she was trying to hold in tears. He reached over and grabbed her hand, pulling her closer to him. "Come on, Em. Talk to me."
A tear slipped down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. "I don't even know why I'm crying. I've known this day was coming since the second you two stepped off the plane."
"So that's why you jumped my bones the next night?" He joked and then quickly ducked out of the way as she swatted at him, hitting his arm.
"That's not quite how I remember it, buddy," Emily smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder. "And that's not what I meant - I'm just going to miss you guys being here. Both of you."
Derek leaned in, pressing his nose into her hair and inhaling deeply. The smell of her shampoo reached his senses and he was assaulted with memories: The hug they shared minutes after the explosion at a compound in Colorado, after she and Reid and spent had been held hostage by Benjamin Cyrus; Being a shoulder for her to cry on when she broke down in the hours after Haley Hotchner was murdered; the shock he felt in the minutes after she had walked in to the conference room - praying that his mind wasn't playing tricks on him after seven months of believing he had lost her forever; the pang of loss he felt already as her cheek pressed against his while they slowly swayed to the music, surrounded by family and friends at JJ and Will's wedding but knowing that she would no longer be by his side every day.
"I don't want you to go," she whispered and he could feel the wetness of her tears hitting his shoulder.
"I don't want to go either," he replied just as quietly, placing a kiss against her temple.
She turned her face up towards his and he captured her lips with his own. Derek leaned towards back, pulling her on top of him as he lay down on the couch. Her kisses moved from his mouth towards his jawline, causing Derek to moan lightly. He felt her tongue on his earlobe and he shivered, wanting nothing more than to make love to her right there on her couch. But more than anything he wanted to know where her head was...where her heart was...and where they were going to go from there.
"Em," he whispered as her hand slipped under the hem of his shirt and she raked her nails lightly over his rock hard abs. He bit back another groan as his hands grabbed her shoulders and he pushed her away, enough so he could look her in the eye. "Baby, as much as I would love nothing more than to finish what you've started, Penelope is probably going to be back any minute and we still need to talk."
She rolled her eyes, sitting back on the couch but still holding his hands in hers. "Garcia knows exactly what's probably going on here. She's not rushing back. And what else do we need to talk about, Derek. We've only got a little bit of time left. I don't want to waste it on talking." She cringed at how blasé she sounded. She was trying to sound casual, like him leaving today wasn't actually killing her inside.
"Come on," he pulled her close again, laying back and pulling her with him so she lay against him, his hand resting against her rib cage and hers laying over his heart. Derek broke the comfortable silence a few minutes later: "When are you coming home, Em?"
"I've barely even been here, Morgan," she laughed. "I think I need to at least give Easter a few weeks of my time before I hop on a plane back to DC."
"I miss you," he said sincerely.
Her eyes softened. "I know, Derek. I miss you too. All of you."
Derek didn't miss how she qualified the statement, lumping him in with the rest of the team. He didn't doubt her love for the team...for her family...but after the past two weeks and everything that had happened between them, he could tell that she was pulling away from him. And he didn't like it. "I know what you're doing."
Emily shifted uncomfortably but he tightened his grip around her, not allowing her to pull away like he could tell she was trying to. Both literally and figuratively. She fought his grip and pushed back enough to look him in the eye. "What am I doing, Derek?"
He tried to remain nonchalant but fear was seizing his heart because he knew her. He was a profiler, yes, but he didn't need to be one in order to pick up on the fact that she was trying to distance herself from him in a way to protect her heart. She'd been doing it for years but now it bothered him more because he was actually invested. He wanted her to know she didn't need to put up walls with him. He would never hurt her. "You're acting like the past few weeks didn't happen. Like it meant nothing."
Emily pushed away from him, angrily. "Don't you dare!" She stood up and walked over to the big picture window in her flat, the London skyline before her, illuminated by the early afternoon sun. The city was still buzzing from the excitement of the Games, even after the Closing Ceremonies the night before. It was Monday but she had given her team the day off, knowing everyone could use some time to recuperate after the craziness of the last several weeks.
She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to spill, as Derek wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. He pulled her back against his chest, placing a kiss on her temple before resting his chin on her shoulder. "That's not fair, Derek," she claimed, softly. "I'm not pretending at all. I'm trying to figure out where to go from here, knowing that in a couple of hours you're going to get on a plane and fly across the Atlantic and I have no idea when I'll see you again. I'm trying to do what's best."
"Best for who, Em?" She could hear the hurt in his voice and it was enough to cause the threatening tears to spill down her cheeks. "Because I don't understand after everything that's happened since I've been here...after everything we've been through over the past two years...that you can honestly stand here and tell me that pushing me away and pretending that nothing happened is the best thing for both of us. I..."
"Please don't," she pleaded softly, interrupting him, knowing what he was going to say before he said it.
"I love you, Emily," What surprised him most about the admission was the ease in which it came out and the relief he felt once he admitted it out loud.
"Derek..." She turned around, the surprise...and, what he wished he hadn't seen, the unmistakeable fear, clearly written on her face.
"I don't expect you to say it back," he admitted, truthfully. "But I want you to know how I feel. I do...I love you. I think I have for a long time."
Emily pushed on his chest, trying to push him away but he wrapped his arms around her trapping her in place. "That's not fair, Derek. You can't drop this on me two hours before you go home because you're afraid of what's going to happen as soon as you leave. You can't make crazy declarations like that just so you can stake your claim."
Derek didn't react fast enough to school his features against the hurt he felt at her words. He knew she felt the same way about him whether she actually admitted it or not. He could tell from the first night that they were together. To listen to her twist his words in such an ugly way made him want to grab her and shake her and demand to know why she does this to herself all the time. Why she would do it to him. "Really Emily?"
She cringed, the pain her words had caused clearly evident in his voice. She wanted to reach for him at that point but the damage had been done. And maybe it was for the best. When they began the conversation, her intention was not to hurt him. There was no easy solution to the situation they had put themselves in. Either they give in, admit how they both felt, and spend God knows how long trying to make a long distance relationship work before it inevitably imploded. Or keep it light and casual, ignoring how they both felt. Pretend that they were just friends while they both tried to move on separately, knowing that they had spent two amazing weeks together but that was all it could ever be. She made a choice, one that would hurt at first, but he would get over it. They both would. He'd get on a plane, go back to his life in DC, meet someone new, and eventually what happened between them would be a distant memory. They could remain friends without the pressure from themselves and their friends to make a long-distance relationship work.
"You know I'm right, Derek," she spat, her tone betraying the pain she felt at how much she was hurting him. "It's not worth it. It'll never work - I don't know when or even IF I'm coming back to the States and it's not like you're going to pick up and move to London at some point. If you would just stop and think about it for a second, you'll realize that this is for the best."
In his entire life, Derek never imagined himself in this position. Standing in front of a woman, fighting tears and all but begging her to give them a chance. But he didn't care. He also never thought he'd feel about any woman the way he feels about Emily. "You can't possibly believe that. I know you feel it too, Em. You can stand there and try to piss me off as much as you want but you can't pretend it's not real. I love you, Em. Don't do this. Please."
"It's for the best," she whispered, but it sounded like a lie, even to herself. She watched his eyes darken with anger and for a second wondered if she had pushed him too far, afraid that he might put a fist through her living room wall. But a second later, the front door to her apartment opened and Penelope froze in the doorway, obviously realizing that she had interrupted something. It was clear this was not what she was expecting to walk in on.
"Am I interrupting something?" Garcia asked, glancing back and forth between the two of them while Emily wiped at her eyes, trying to pretend she wasn't just crying. "Guys..."
Emily interrupted at that point, announcing that they needed to leave for the airport, and ignored the crushed look on Derek's face. Forty five minutes later, they were standing outside of security at Heathrow Airport, getting ready to say yet another goodbye. Derek wrapped his arms around Emily, and both of them felt the tension and awkwardness that hadn't been there until now. "Love you," Derek breathed but quickly turned around, not giving her a chance to say anything before he grabbed his carry-on and walked towards security, not once looking back.
Derek closed the door to his house, making sure everything was locked,while Emily slipped her jacket off and hung it on the hook next to the front door. She glanced around, thinking about all of the times she had spent in this home, with this many and how much things had changed since the last time she had been here.
"Are you sure it's okay that I stay here?" She asked again as they walked into the kitchen, Derek flipping on the lights as they entered.
"Yes, Emily," he replied, a little exasperated after having to reassure her for the fifth time.
"Sorry," she apologized, sheepishly. "I just...I know the last time...how we left things..." She trailed off at the look that darkened his features at the mention of what happened on the day that he and Garcia left London.
Derek snorted, a little annoyed at her use of the word 'we.' "How we left things, Em? If I recall correctly, it was you making decisions for both of us."
She sighed. "I don't want to fight, Derek," she said again, turning around and facing the window. No matter how much she tried she couldn't get that day out of her mind. It had haunted her for the last eighteen months, the accusations she threw at him, the look on his face as she destroyed not only any chance of happiness for the two of them but their friendship as well. She just wanted to forget it all and go back to the way things were. "I don't have much time here. Can we just not do this?"
Sitting in the stool at the island in the center of his kitchen, he stared at her back. Try as he might, he couldn't just forget it. It had taken him a lot to get where he was today and he thought he was past it - no longer angry with her for that day. But when he saw her for the first time again, the pain and hurt she had caused him came rushing back. And he couldn't just ignore that. "I don't want to fight with you, Emily."
She turned around to face him. "So don't."
Any retort died on his lips at the hopeful look on her face. He sighed, realizing she was right. They didn't have much time together before she had to leave. He didn't want to spend it rehashing the past. "Okay." Her face lit up and he knew he had made the right decision.
An hour later they were sitting on the couch, laughing as Derek filled her in on everything she had missed over the past year and a half. While she loved her new job, she missed her family at the BAU immensely. At the time, she knew she couldn't stay - the death and destruction she saw everyday becoming unbearable, especially in the wake of faking her own death and lying to her family. But the stories he was sharing with her now, the little bright spots in a job filled with darkness, these were the things she missed the most.
"Oh I would have to loved to have seen that," she chuckled, in response to one of the stories about his and Reid's ongoing prank war. "Good for Reid. He needs a win against you every once I a while."
"Hey!" He nudged her shoulder in jest. Emily nudged back as her laugh quickly turned into a yawn. She reached to cover her mouth, in an attempt to hide her exhaustion from him. "Tired?" Derek asked, tilting his head to the side.
"A little," she admitted, sheepishly. "But I like hearing it. I miss you guys." She glanced down as she let her hand fall down to her lap. After a beat of silence, she lifted her head to look at him. "I miss this."
Derek stared at her, contemplating his response for a minute. He went with the truth. "Me too." His brain was pleading with him to look away - to not get sucked in again. But his heart urging him to pull her into his arms and never let go. He settled for taking her hand in his, his thumb sweeping back and forth over her knuckles. She squeezed his fingers in response, as they stared at each other in response.
"Derek..."
"Em..."
They both laughed. "You first," he insisted, tugging lightly on her hand.
Emily sat silently for a minute, contemplating exactly what she wanted to say. She didn't want to hurt him again but the more time she spent with him tonight, the more unsure she was about what she thought was right. About what she really wanted.
Well...this one just wants to keep going! Not quite there yet so expect at least one more chapter. Would love to hear your thoughts. As much as I love Emily, I think she's having some trouble figuring out exactly what she wants! Please feel free to drop me a review and let me know what you think!